It's been six years since "My Neck, My Back," and more than 20 arrests, but Khia's finally got a new video, you guys:
I can't believe someone gave her a whole 12 dollars to make this. And that the Bluths let her film it in their model home. Man, this song is full of terrifying propositions. Here are a list of things that Khia has offered that I am going to have to decline:
Be my lady.
Be my old lady.
Have my baby.
Meet my mother.
Cook my dinner.
Be my lover.
Although it would be fine if she wants to:
Fold my clothes.
Help me get that money.
Be my friend.
Actually, let's not force anything. We'll just work on the laundry and the getting that money and hope that friendship comes out of it.
Natalie Portman stars in her boyfriend Devendra Banhart's new Bollywood-style video for his song "Carmensita." Portman plays a pouty princess saved by Banhart, with campy mistranslated subtitles like "Crystal bubbles will cremate our troubles!" and "I love your dress -- who makes it?" But there's a twist ending:
That must have been fun to shoot. If you're curious, as I was, Portman's next real movie, Brothers, comes out in December and stars Tobey Maguire and Jake Gyllenhaal.
The BBC has a story today about a 62-year-old Capuchin monk, Brother Cesare, who is the lead singer in a heavy metal band, because the BBC is tired of Tay Zonday getting all the viral hits. Brother Cesare got the inspiration after going to a "Metallica hard rock concert." The video is cute (nullus, although I'm not sure you need to say nullus when it's about monks), but at the same time, I still would like to see this guy go into the octagon with Matisyahu to see which novelty religio-music act God likes better. And no offense to my fellow tribesmen, but I hope Brother Cesare catches Matisyahu in a triangle choke and sends him to the heaven we don't believe in.
I'm glad that I don't have any musical talent, because it means that I don't have to suffer the excrutiating indignity of watching everyone who's ever stood in front of a video camera thinking that they have what it takes. I mean, I do have to suffer that, but I don't have to Nick Drake myself because of it.
Anyway, I guess Hayden Panettiere didn't want Heroes to be the only shitty thing she did.
Here's your wake up call, Hayden: you are bad at singing. Also, who wrote your lyrics, your grandpa? "You think just because you bag me you don't have to work at all"? Bag me? What's your next single called? "23 Skidoo"? Also please don't have a next single.
Feist will be guest-starring on the 39th season premiere of Sesame Street on August 11, and her performance of a tweaked-for-kids "1 2 3 4" is already online. Kids will no doubt recognize the hit song from ipod commercials:
Also stopping by the Street will be Will Arnett, Jessica Alba, David Beckham, Heidi Klum, Neil Patrick Harris, and Jack Black, and the show will have new parodies of 30 Rock, High School Musical, and Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? No idea how they're going to make 30 Rock work for pre-schoolers, but I can't wait.
When you are going to do a spoof of the NBA Finals ads for the new G Unit album, Terminate on Sight, you should end it on a note that makes people want to buy the album. Either something dramatic, like the "There can be only one" line from the original ads, or maybe something that goes with your at-this-point-getting-silly public persona of a steroidal thug who raps as a hobby when he's not busy selling drugs and fighting off mob bosses with sword canes and just happens to live in the most ghetto 43-bathroom mansion in Connecticut because he's so street. What you probably shouldn't do is end it with a laugh-inducing sound clip from the album of you just going "whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa."
Last week, Vulture Blog posted its "'Umbrella' Watch," a list of the top 5 contenders for this year's Summer Jam. Whoops, Vulture Blog, you missed one. Nas (feat. Keri Hilson), "Hero."
I think Nas was right to make the video dull and unimaginative, with your regulation sports cars and non-partisan ski masks (we're not going to take something anymore). If people are using their eyes too hard they won't be focusing on their ears. Clever girl.
I don't know what is sadder, Marilyn Manson's aging goth clown schtick, or this one angry fan's relentless attempts to show the world that Manson wears a wig. Like, OK, you got him, dude. You really opened our eyes. I can't believe we were all such sheeple led to the slaughter as far as Marilyn Manson's hair was concerned?
We definitely all lose on this one, guys. Mark it up in the Book of FAIL. Interestingly enough, Marilyn Manson doesn't lose when his wig is knocked off. It's actually when he's being frantically rushed to safety by his security team that he loses. So much for being birthed in a sack of hate. And that French kid loses every day when he looks in the mirror.
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