Tim Allen: Comedian, Actor, Director, Graphic Designer
Not only does Tim Allen star in a new movie called Crazy on the Outside, he also directed it! He's a director now! People in Hollywood are like, "this is a safe place to invest our millions of dollars." People in Hollywood are like, "we're gonna need a greener light!" But based on the poster for Tim Allen's new movie, Crazy on the Outside, which looks GREAT by the way, it would appear that Tim Allen is also in charge of the movie's Photoshopping. How else to explain how incredibly awful this is other than that it was done by the incredibly awful person in it? (This paragraph is basically the Wikipedia entry for "Occam's Razor.")
Hollywood realizes that Photoshop has been around for thousands of years now, right? It's no longer a room-sized machine that takes a crew of PhD scientists to operate. Children can use Photoshop now to make photorealistic images of themselves in modern, baggage-free domestic partnerships with Selena Gomez. And children could do a much better job than whoever (Tim Allen) did this.
And it's one thing for all of the characters behind the door to be obviously Photoshopped, fine, but was it really necessary to even Photoshop Tim Allen's face onto that 1993-body? He couldn't make himself available for a half-hour photoshoot to promote that he stars in AND directed? No time! "Sorry, I've got to clean the cocaine residue out of my crepe-maker. Get a stand-in, and I'll just MSPaint a self-portrait from my Friendster profile onto it in the middle of the night in five minutes between jerk-offs." Tim Allen, you guys. American legend. American ARTIST.
Posted by Gabe at 1:30 PM in Movie Posters
Tags: Crazy On The Outside | Tim Allen
when you leave jail, they give you that "cool divorced dad outfit" to walk outside in. nothing says "starting over" like dress shoes, terrible jeans, and a blazer.
Score = 15
What's with Sigourney Weaver lately? Between this and Avatar, it's like smell ya later, credibility.
Score = 10
Lasso Tool Time.
Score = 31
I approve this message with all my lolz.
Score = 2
somewhere, a struggling freelance graphic designer is crying her eyes out...
Score = 10
Right here, buddy. His head is SO TINY in that endless wallpapered empty room. It looks like they stopped him as he was about to get into his car to take the photo of his head. Also, no more Tim Allen movie posters with his crotch as the focal point. Also, no more Tim Allen movie posters.
Score = 17
Of course YOU would say that Bob Vila.
Score = 19
With Tim Allen, Kelsey Grammer, and Ray Liotta on set this will probably just end up being a remake of Caligula. People will demand Tim Allen Sumopaint them OUT of the poster.
Score = 9
I always used to hate Tim Allen's trademark WACKY POSTER FACE.
But seeing him look so bored and relaxed in what is clearly a wacky fucking situation, I dunno...
I just kinda miss it.
Score = 4
He looks smug as fuck in that poster.
SMUG. AS. FUCK.
Score = 13
How come Sigourney Weaver isn't in the poster??? Oh wait, There he is!!!!
Score = 2
I still can't find her.
Score = 0
She's the one with the penis.
Score = 0
Tim Allen AND Kelsey Grammer? Do I smell nineties sitcom reunions?? Shouldn't Brooke Shields and Lea Thompson be in this???
Score = 6
And Paul Reiser!
Score = 3
I think he photoshopped his head smaller so his wang would look bigger.
Ew.
Score = 6
I was getting ready to complain about the Captain EO font of the "Coming Soon" shamelessly capitalizing on MJ's death until I realized that was superimposed by the site from which Gabe took the poster.
So now I really have nothing to complain about, cause obviously this movie looks CRA-MAZING.
Score = 1
Dear Mr. Liotta, YOU ARE ON A (ROCK AND) ROLL! I First Wild Hogs then this! Keep the money train rollin' u dezerv it!
Score = 6
Don't forget Observe and Report. I can't wait to find out how many Oscars Ray will be nominated for.
Score = 3
not enough 4 shore!
Score = 2
Couldn't they have photoshopped his face so that the expression kind of looks like "I'm anxious to keep those crazy people outside, which is why I'm holding this door shut with the full force of my iStock body" instead of "I'm a creepy old tool"?
Score = 8
I don't know what you guys are talking about. It's clear that nothing except the type was altered in this still photograph, surely taken by one of our more prominent portrait photographers in America today. First of all, almost everyone has that room in their house. You know the one, with the long narrow hallway leading to the four-hinged double doors to the yard, themselves narrow enough to be served by the use of a single door? It's an American architectural staple. That also goes for the black laquer floor and dizzifying wallpaper, so common in American suburban life. Second, the subjuect. Look at Tim Allen. He is clearly sick, and possibly close to death. The light he's going toward is so brght that it casts his whole face in a palid glow. As well as the neighborly folks outside, who all have completely different expressions! Tim Allen's ass has been known to do that to people. Seriously tho, what is coming out of Mr. Allen's bellybutton? This is what you get when you hire the fine folks at Jib Jab to do your movie poster at a cut rate.
Score = 21
I keep getting those jibjab Movieposter yourself e-mails!
Score = 1
Poor JK Simmons. You can barely even see his horribly photoshopped self in there. He deserves much more than this.
Score = 3
Shit. You get out of prison and Vern Shillinger shows up. A scene involving J.K. Simmons carving a swastika into Tim Allen's ass cheek would be a subtle and appropriate homage to a great series I think.
Score = 3
Your T Rex is in the lap of luxury.
Score = 0
i'm gonna totally see this movie just to confirm that is a black crushed velvet blazer.
Score = 12
How come Kelsey Grammer's not in the movie poster? Is that something he demanded in his contract or was his head simply unavailable to be brutalized by a 13 year old in photoshop?
Score = 4
He's still artistically working through some shit from his prison stint 30 years ago?
To wit:
On October 2, 1978, Tim Allen [Dick -- his full real name is Timothy Allen Dick] was arrested in the Kalamazoo-Battle Creek International Airport for possession of over 650 g (1.4 lb) of cocaine. He subsequently pleaded guilty, and provided the names of dealers in exchange for a reduction in his sentence from a possible life imprisonment to a possible three to seven years. He was parolled on June 12, 1981 after serving 28 months in the Sandstone, Minnesota Federal Correctional Institution.
[Source: wikipedia, obvs]
Score = 2
It's Tim Allen's Interiors!
Score = 3
LISTEN ONE OF US MADE A LIVING ON GRUNT WORK AND THE OTHER MADE A LIVING ON GRUNTING. LOOK, I CAN BE IN A MOVIE TOO:
BIG FUCKING DEAL.
Score = 23
Can we please have him arrested again, please?
Score = 11
What a glorious moustache!
Score = 8
Also, what is this? Photoshopgum? HAW HAW HAW
Score = 0
No, it's his actual mugshot when he got arrested for possession of cocaine (a lot of it) in an airport.
Score = 3
Oh my comment was misplaced. I knew he did time for cocaine crime. I just also felt like pointing out that people like to talk about their photoshop spotting skills. Also, I was mocking the people who add comments like, "Is this racsimgum?" when Gabe turns the site into Racismgum.
Score = 0
Crazy On The Outside, Clean On The Inside, Ice Cream Paint Job!
Score = 1
You know that "with Kelsey Grammer" part of the poster? Yeah, he went into body modeling after "Hank" was canceled.
Score = 22
I thought he looked better in the original, but his barret is out of character.
Score = -1
I still blame Tim Allen for everyone I know spelling "Santa Claus" with an "e" at the end (thereby missing the lame pun of the movie title entirely).
Score = 4
Remember when Jungle 2 Jungle ended with a freeze frame of Tim Allen coming out of the water on the beach in his business attire and shrugging his shoulders? I remember.
Score = 3
Hollywood tries to make good:
I'm kind of a whiz with photoshop. Hollywood? You listening?
Score = 8