Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments
This week's five highest rated comments as voted on by you, the lowest rated comment as voted on by you, and the editor's choice.
Hey you guys, so here's a thing: do you know how computers work? I don't. What do I look like? Some nerd with my head in the toilet? No way. But I guess there are these things called IP Addresses (my great-grandson just told me about them, he says they are "chill") and they identify your computer. Who cares. This is all doctor talk on Bored Mountain, but it does mean one thing: when you set up multiple commenter accounts, WE KNOW ABOUT IT! And it is the worst. It's one thing to do your insufferable performance art (as if there is any other kind of performance art) under one consistent make-believe username, but when you create multiple make-believe usernames and have weird Fight Club arguments with yourself in the comments, we consider that a breach of the terms and conditions. And we will delete all your comments. And then where will you be? Well, you will still be in your parents' basement. But where else? That's right, in Sad Town, where you just got elected mayor. I am looking at you Josh "Weezy" Collins (or should I say Lauri?). I am ALMOST looking at you Da Cake Eatur (who admittedly did not register a new account but simply changed his username which is BARELY within the rules). Just don't do this, you guys. You can say whatever you want about how much you hate me and how much you wish this was a Seth MacFarlane fansite dedicated to people (like you) who have horrible taste, but be yourself. Or the singular make-believe instance that most closely resembles yourself.
In other news, I am getting a head-start on the long holiday weekend. So, here we are again already. After the jump, the week's five highest rated comments, the lowest rated comment, and the editor's choice. C U next Tuesday.
This Week's Highest Rated Comments
Posted by: Mabuk in response to Best New Party Game 7
Score = 61
Posted by: eric in response to
America's Nightmare Narrowly Avoided
Score = 64
Posted by: Detroit Dutchgirl in response to
Videogum's Teen Korner: Face-Melting New Stills From Twilight: New Moon
Score = 70
Posted by: jar krenshaw in response to Best New Party Game 7
Score = 87
Posted by: Captain Boring of the S.S. Shut Up in response to Best New Party Game 7
Score = 91
[Ed. note: three out of five of this week's top five comments were Best New Party Game entries, which is nice. Just pure, classically constructed jokes this time around. Who doesn't love to laugh? Jerks, that is who.]
This Week's Lowest Rated Comment
Fuckoff
Sick of hearing about this horrible remake shit that fucktards jacked up on coke and caffeine deem important enough for tv. Woo. Thanks for the Tip of my Penis Amanda.
Posted by: DS3M in response to What's Your Damage, Hollywood?
Score = -37
[Ed. note: Oof. It's weird, because I think most of us probably agree with his point, which is that we don't like the idea of a Heathers remake, and just in general we wish that there were fewer remakes and more original content being produced. But what is with the language? Relax, Christopher Moltisanti. You're not on the Cleaver panel at Comic-Con. And do you really need to bring Amanda into this? She was doing a nice thing, and you had to be a gross asshole about it.]
This Week's Editor's Choice
Posted by: tala in response to
Videogum's Teen Korner: Face-Melting New Stills From Twilight: New Moon
[Ed. note: hahahahah! You guys really DRUMLINE with your comments each week, and that is what makes Videogum one of the smartest, funniest, and most interesting commenting communities on the Internet. You guys know that, relax. But this comment provides a powerful reminder that no matter how crazy and funny you try to be, nothing will be crazier and funnier than a half-literate 12-year-old who only has 30 seconds to finish typing out their incomplete "thought" before their mom comes into the room and takes computer privileges away. PAH!]
Posted by Gabe at 5:45 PM in Monsters' Ball
Tags: Internet Commenters | Monsters
That's right, guys. I've been to Sad Town and you do NOT want to go there. Glenn Beck and Gwenyth and the guy who put the arrow through that cat's head all live there, not because they're sad, but because it'll make YOU sad. Not a nice place AT ALL.
Score = 10
As pointlessly not nice as "Thanks for the Tip of my Penis Amanda" is, I have to say it made me laugh on a "What the fuck? That's awful!" level that I assume is the same level on which the rest of you enjoy Da Cake Eatur. Poor Amanda!
Score = 14
"Thanks for the Tip of my Penis Amanda" and Gabe's response were funnier than any of the Top 5 this week. Not to say, the Top 5 weren't hilarious cause they were, esp. PAH-light. But wow, such uncalled-for meanness. And then such a thunderous response from Gabe.
"The more you Videogum."
Score = 11
I've never seen Gabe scold people.. good thing he can't reach his arm through his computer and Chris Brown us.
Score = 1
Da Cake Eatur just ain't gona be the same without his mystique.
Old Dude (or whatever). Who gives a shit??
Score = 24
I was really tiring of the troll action to be honest. Encouraging/egging on some of these purposely illiterate accounts just begets more purposely illiterate accounts until everything is purposely illiterate and we're stuck in a vortex of irony that either destroys us all or warps us to the middle of Williamsburg (possibly the same kind as the camping store in thirtysomething).
We need less of that and more REAL TALK.
Score = 44
Best comment ever for Editor's Choice. Good job, Grant!
Score = 6
Wow, people on Videogum actually make multiple accounts just so they can fight with themselves? I envy all the time these people have in their lives! Sometimes, I barely have time to comment at all! :(
Score = 20
man, I know! I wonder about this all the time! so many of the trolls comment IMMEDIATELY after posts are created, too... all I know is that my final year of classes started this week and my commenting must now become (largely) a thing of the past :( fuck college! I get an A in inane, bizarro pop culture references!
Score = 10
:( College is the worst.
Score = 8
What amazes me the most (scares me the most) is that they even came up with the idea to create multiple accounts so that they could fight with themselves. Now, I am fully aware that I care a little bit too much about Videogum, and spend a little bit too much time here, but there's no way that thought would even occur to me.
By the way, final year of college is kicking my ass too. But soon we'll be Grad Students, aka The Worst.
Score = 14
Which trolls were fighting with themselves? Kenny and Da Cake Eatur? OMG so what you're saying is that Kenny and Cake Eatur are the same person?
Score = 1
I know right! My school starts on Tuesday so my comments are gonna be prectically gone. :-( And now with the four day weekend I have like no more chance to Videogum it up, let alone make monsters ball!
Score = 2
*practically
sorry for the typo! :-(
Score = 2
Well I spent the last year unemployed, and am now working again. And all I can think is "I could have commented so much more!" Not really, but I feel ya. Since I'm a teacher, I'll see you college kids at breaks and next summer.
Score = 6
Videogum commenters are gonna be decimated now that school's starting. I'm barely gonna have time to comment much either. :(
Score = 6
Thank God I'm a high school-age truant. Times is on my side, peeps.
Score = 9
no kidding. school started here a couple weeks ago, and i hardly have time to read gabe's posts, much less the comments, while contributing meaningfully/regularly.
it's not easy being an entitled middleclass white american male in college! there are serious challenges like not being able to say things a lot on your favorite blog!
Score = 17
It's true! We really shouldn't be complaining about not having enough time to go on our fancy-dancy computers because we are getting a expensive post-secondary education. We are such over-privileged jerks! However, let's be honest, I think it's human nature to complain about life. I mean, I bet you somewhere in the world, there's some rich dude complaining that his diamond driveway doesn't sparkle enough, or his caviar doesn't match the dark void that is his soul! :(
Score = 13
You college kids are making me feel as old as Gabe.
Score = 16
I dunno. Some of my college professors were pretty hot. Let's call them Professors of Hot. Would that be a BA or a BS?
Score = 1
Hahaha! I always thought you were a girl. Must have been the sloth avatars. I guess only girls are allowed to like sloths.
Score = 3
Smell ya later, COLLEGE BOYs and girls. I'ma run this place now. Going to spend ALL DAY commenting on everything, multiple times. Maybe even using my alternate accounts, arthur so-so and arthur yeah whatever, who, respectively, extol the virtues of Boondock Saints IN ESPERANTO and hate Gabe (in English).
My parents won't be the only people upset that I needed some 'time off' to 'find myself.'
Score = 16
Thankfully, my schedule will allow me to keep commenting pretty regularly every day except for thursday and maybe most of friday.
In case you're wondering, yes, I did select my classes based on my desire to comment on Videogum.
Score = 9
guys, I'm happy to have sparked a senior-year-woes thread. you're all making me feel a lot better about how shitty my academic life is right now. although I will never be a grad student, just most likely unemployed and eating garbage, but there are always internet cafes so I'll spend a WHOLE LOTTA TIME ON VIDEOGUM!! SUCK IT, ECONOMY.
Score = 6
While my last days in college might be kicking my ass, they're doing it in GMT+1, meaning it won't cut that much into my regular Videogumming. You know, unless I get a life. But we all know that's not happening any time soon.
Score = 4
aw. Grad students aren't so bad. (?)
Score = 0
It's not even my senior year! I still have another year to go. Why couldn't I have invented Winkers?? I would've been set for life!
Score = 1
fuck you.
Score = 0
So all this actually means is that i have to get a new computer if i want to troll this place?
Or i suppose i could just become a stylistically-distinct asshole with this account; not like you have to be new to be a jerk. But there is important matter of reputation. Talk about an e-scandal for the i-papers!
Oooh, and can you write a nerdy, gossipy tell-all post about the incidence of redundant IP addresses among videogum's favorite commenters? A who's-who-while-at-the same-time-being-who-else sort of thing? That would be fun and meaningful use of our time! (that would not be a fun and meaningful use of our time.)
Score = 8
What's paper?
Score = 4
Or you could just use a proxy.
Score = 0
*tumbleweeds*
Score = 8
Woozefa, I've asked you this before, but really, I absolutely must know what that is in your avatar. It's keeping me up at night. Is it.....two thirds of a cat???
Score = 13
He answered that one in the "Beavis and Butthead do a trailer for Extract" thread as follows:
"ok, fine. i haven't responded cause seriously, i have no clue. a friend sent me the link to the pic and it cracks me up every time i look at it. but i have no idea what it is or where it lives."
Score = 4
Woof. Damn reply button. You're so crafty...
Score = 4
I totally just Godsauce'd myself on that one (sure am glad someone else did it first so it's not "RichGuy'ed").
Score = 5
thanks for having my beck.
Score = 8
hm. i think i might have placed last week, but you didn't to this last week. and then i thought that perhaps i'd place this week but then you tallied both weeks and that put me out of the running.
WHY DID I PUT THIS ON MY BUCKET LIST?
*whine* i'm over it. but seriously guys...this weird multiple identities things is getting old. i'm sure weirdo trolls and half-wits will wander in from time to time...no need for us to create them.
Score = 6
Special Megangum's Law on convicted repeat IP offenders? Do they get a special shame section? It can replace DoubleDog on the header since it appears that's no longer in the cards for us monsters.
Score = 5
The lowest rated comment actually started off pretty coherent, before gradually trailing off into Internet RAGE Land (it's somewhere between Estonia & Latvia) starting from the "blah blah blah blah"
Score = 8
oh great just what i need, affirmation to spend more time in the comment section (this is exactly what i need)
Score = 5
Saweet. What a start to my holiday weekend! I'm going to print this page out and show it to my friends and family at our big bbq!
Score = 22
Wait, so there are people who know how computers work. I always just figured computers were designed by less complicated computers designed by even less complicated computers designed by really simple computers designed by forklifts. Who knew.
Score = 29
hlebtastic, do i need to change my avatar? i've been coming here for awhile but just made an account and....well we have similar avatar tastes
Score = 1
The commas in your user name won't let me reply, i now know that, thank you Weezy. And as far as the avatars are concerned, I'm cool with it if you are. I mean look at your name, I would never ask you to change avatars. Plus, you can never have enough Charlie.
Score = 2
By commas I meant apostrophes. I know basic punctuation guys
Score = 4
And by apostrophes I mean quotation marks, I really need to get drunk right now.
Score = 9
wait, seriously? should I get rid of them? (and by them, I mean quotation marks) PAH!
Score = 2
Yeah, that you probably should change.
Score = 0
Man, everyone on here is so awesome (for the most part!) - tons of funny! Does anyone else here post as iinfrequently as me, just because you think to yourself, "Man, I am not so much with all the funny, and if you can't bring an A-game, get off the bus to Cougartown!" Seriously, no wonder I only post like once a week. Lack of witty banter = downvotes = :(
But those of you who are hilarious, please continue to be so! It brings many smiles to my day. Yay Videogum.
Score = 41
it makes me =( that you don't comment because you think not-funny equals downvotes. in the utopiagum of the future your homents (hologram comments, because future tech!) will only be downvoted if they're bad - not just boring or earnest. then we'll all have more space friends because we'll be nicer than the speed of light (get it?!!!).
be ballsy alexm247! the hell with us!
hell, sometimes i knowingly post banal comments. and look at me! i have a reputation! and my own troll! and a starring role in an online novella!
that's some Horatio Alger rags-to-riches shit!!!!
go ahead. you can be inspired.
Score = 23
this is my favorite videogum comment ever and it perfectly illustrates why you are the beloved icon that you've become. you deserve it, buddy.
Score = 8
CONSTANTINOPLE you are A classic, SIR.
Score = 8
Tangentially, I wasn't ever sure until this comment thread wether or not dear Constantinople was a Sir or a Madam. No offense to our sloth friend of course.
The More You Know.
Score = 3
Parenthetically, does it matter at this point?
Score = 0
Of course not.
Score = 0
But so are you, my patriotic friend, so are you.
Score = 2
You totally inspired me to sign up and create an account. I'm now a Monster too!
Hurray!
Score = 3
I'm specifically not funny. I try and bring something else to the videotable. You should do the same. Do it! Lots of Gum!
Score = 14
but you gave us "Fistory Science Theater 3000" - you HAVE to comment more often so i'm not missing anything.
Score = 6
I know what you mean, sometimes it feels like trying to fit in at the junior lunch cool table, only to have soggy wavy fries thrown in your face. So you spend lunch time pacing between the bathroom and the candy machines. Counting down the minutes until you weren't so obviously and painfully alone. I mean, if only they could get to you know you, then they would know you were funny, yeah, then they'd all know. And then that Julie girl in your US history class would have to love you, and she might even hold hands in public. Someday, they'll all know.
Score = 31
I thought I noticed you checking me out.
Score = 19
This is what I would call an appropriate use of multli-account videogumming (an assumption, admittedly)...Julie has no prior comments. But someone made a joke that couldn't have been with their regular account. Anyone thinks this ain't funny should check themselves, before they wreck themselves.
- Professor Internet Comments
Score = 4
Nah, my name's really Julie. I used to comment on Gabe's old corporatecasual blog sometimes so I registered here but just never had anything to say. Until now!
Score = 7
Well, I guess we know what happens when I assume on the internet. I look like a douchebag. Again.
Score = 6
Awww.
Don't worry, I'm not very funny either. But you know what? I post, goddammit. We can't all be Da Cake Eaturs or Jawbones or Godsauces, etc. but we're all Monsters, amiright? So, allow me to toast to all Videogummers, funny and not-as-funny alike. To us!
Score = 8
YAY! To us Mom-joke-loving assholes! LOL LOL You have no idea.... SIGH
Score = 0
in some ways it's awesome that there are so many really, really smart and funny people here because it's nice to know that they are out there, somewhere, and that anyone on the street might secretly be constantinople or becca.
but on the other hand, it CAN be intimidating, and if you let yourself get caught up in your scores it really takes a lot of the fun out of it. or, if you get embarrassed about really liking jeremy piven and thinking the twilight series is the best, you can feel like the kid at the party who laughs too hard and a second too late at all the jokes.
so don't pay attention to that. if you have something to share, that isn't potty talk or hate speech, go for it! be yourself! this gum is big enough for all of us, and a lot of us didn't come here to make friends but are making them anyway. you can, too. we're all monsters here, even you, shy guy.
Score = 14
I think this is a good time to point out that this thread turned into the exact opposite of last weeks. Polaritygum.
Score = 11
i can relate dude. this is the only site i ever comment on and rarely. but even if you do get a comment that gets a ton of downvotes, you'll be :( for two seconds and then get distracted by another link cause it's the internet and who cares?
i've suffered -30's more than once so if i can continue to comment anonymously to a bunch of strangers then so can you.
p.s. i like the 'anti-comic sans' sentiment in your avatar. it is the michael bay of typefaces.
Score = 4
I will upvote you every time if your avatar continues to be hilarious frames from Achewood.( I'm a simple girl.)
Score = 2
I like to imagine every commenter except for me is Gabe, and he sent out this warning to throw me off the scent.
Like when someone cheats on their spouse and then accuses them of cheating.
Score = 29
Well, now we know that you're the one who's Gabe. Power of deduction, my friend. Power of deduction.
Score = 23
that logic is flawless. are you a detective? because WHOA.
Score = 13
I feel for the people with multiple accounts. Twice the not being able to sign in.
Score = 23
Aw I thought I was in it this week. I donno how long I can be bother with this. I mean I love Gabe and tonnes of the commenters but sheez. It's getting too much.I LOVE YOU GABE. I may be drunk, it is 1.09 in the morning here!!!!!
Score = 5
And in the morning, I regret my post from the night before. I do love Gabe though, and he deserves a long weekend. But I donno, maybe monsters ball should be over purely because I'm never in it, jus' sayin'.
Score = 5
You're a winner in my Monster's Ball, baby. And drunk posting is never regrettable! It's just incredibly fun! I do it everyday!
Score = 2
I miss the yelling little boy that used to be the Monster's Ball mascot. Not that I don't like the computer/piano cat, just not as much.
That was probably not worth sharing, but there it is.
Have a good weekend everybody.
Score = 12
I think you should do a Monsters' Ball of Monsters' Ball comments.
It would be the Monsters' Ball's Balls. Sheesh, I can't even picture that fractal.
Score = 9
Gabe, I hate to get all your mom on you [she totally does this] but this is your job and there are many Monsters that rely on your posts for funniness. Can you keep the long weekends to a minimum? Thanks.
LOTS OF LOVE
Your mom (Napoleon Complex)
Score = 10
I actually have to disagree and say that he deserves a long weekend - I am constantly amazed at the sheer number of posts Gabe manages to get up here every day. It takes me two hours to write an email to my mom (I multitask, dammit!). I thought for sure content would go down with the passing of Lindsay (RIP), but he's managed to keep it up, and for that, BRAVO.
Score = 10
oooh, Lauri just got tore up from the floor up.
Score = 17
i am feeling :( because i am so much older than everyone here except for gabe, who is very old. last year of college? still in high school?
i'm going to die sooner than you guys, so i should probably say goodbye ahead of time, in case i forget.
Score = 16
i was just sitting here being like, "okay, where's the best place to type 'OMG I AM OLD'?" it's here. with you. solidarity.
Score = 16
another possibility was "OMG AM I OLD?"
Score = 10
we should all probably take our afghans onto the sunny porch and get a head start on putting pieces of kleenex in all of our pockets.
but tomorrow. it's almost 7 pm here so i obviously need to go to bed.
(seriously, i'm 31. is that old? i keep telling myself that demi moore is in her late 40s and looks amazing so i'm doing okay but maybe i've been lying to myself....)
Score = 8
i'm done with school so that makes me one of the older people too, yay?
what with colder weather coming, i certainly can't go outside as much (my frail bones) and the internets are all i have, so i will continue to comment. this site is the bee's knees.
i think we'll need more posts about fibre and hip replacement surgery, no?
Score = 11
oh yeah, my videogum arthritis acts up sometimes. like if my knee hurts, i know there's going to be a new troll. or if my wrist gets stiff i know someone just down-voted me.
Score = 12
Think of all the shit we're done with since high school/college. Would you really want to go back if you had the choice? Hell, I'm waiting to be Grandma (I'm not waiting to be Grandma).
Score = 6
As one of the 'gum's OG oldsters, I will also stand in solidarity with you feebles. I guess I never realized how many kollege kids are on here. Then again, I haven't come out from under this afgan in years. I'm like an Afgan Whig!*
*See, I really am old.
Score = 10
I for one am glad that the kids are going back to school. We can all start comparing our crippling pain and lawn bowling scores without being mocked. Four days until Videosugarlessgum! I can't wait.
Score = 10
I'm so with you on this.
Score = 7
HOW DO you think I FEEL? I'm a fuckin OLD ASS man with KIDS to LOOK after. Y'all are ALL SO young.
Score = 10
I have a 15 year old son. :( with a side of :).
Score = 8
Score = 0
Ok. Lawnmower man is obviously an ageist. Fuck him. What I DID say was I am also older than the median age here. Vgum helps me keep up with the hipness. It's part of my multifaceted approach to fend off "old as hell."
Score = 2
i assumed the median age of readers/commenters was about my age- pop culture nerds born in the late 70's, early 80's. sure it's a little disheartening to realize i am LOLZing every day with people much younger than me, but I kind of think about it as being a fan of the State when i was a kid. They were unhappy that their audience was mostly high school kids and not their peers, but it had such a profound affect on me and my generation. I don't even think that makes sense in this situation, but whatever. i'm not too bothered by people with good taste is the point.
Score = 13
All this talk of being self-conscious about being old has made me self-conscious about being young. :-/
Score = 2
But I'm in European College! So it makes me older. Because Europeans all take a year off after high school. And then maybe another year off because their grades suck. And then they slack off in college, change their major a few times, so they kinda get delayed. But then their real final year comes, and they buckle down, and decide to make the best of it! So yeah, I'm 25, which kinda makes me the Old One in class. Not Narc School, School of Narcs old, but almost. Almost...
Score = 7
I'm in Europe college and I'm one of the younger ones in my year. But then again, I'm in year 5 now, while it usually takes people 4 years to graduate...
(and no, I am not the only one left in my year! haha, that would've been really :( )
Score = 0
I'm glad the old folks are reprezentin'! Reading about everyone's summer coming to an end made me feel like I might be to old to hang out here :(
Score = 7
Its ok. Sometimes I think, am I really the only one who is sitting at a computer all day in an office and has PLENTY of time to comment/read Videogum? Also, one time someone made a comment about Videogum being the "under 25 crowd" and it SHOCKED me. I am not in that crowd, let's put it that way.
Score = 4
Wow, all this age talk! I actually feel old on here now. For a second I was thinking, this is the internet and age doesn't matter on here. Hakuna Matata! But then I remembered To Catch a Predator. Age definitely matters on here. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm just going to take my condoms and 6 pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade and go.
Score = 15
The tide always turns when you "remember To Catch a Predator."
Score = 7
Standing up with the oldz crowd. I am also in an office all day and old enough to not remember what a "summer off" means.
Score = 4
HOLY SHIT. Has anyone here actually read the Terms & Conditions of Stereo/Videogum?
I'm rather certain #1-9 (maybe not #6) of the User Content rules have all been fairly flagrantly broken at some point - some of them frequently.
We've been vulgar and harassing and discriminatory, we've posted content we don't have intellectual rights to, impersonated each other (and gwyneth), violated proprietary rights, solicited each other, stalked each other (istanbul...), and harmed minors (TalbainJ Harder jokes anyone?).
Oops, we suck. Monsters indeed.
Score = 24
WHERE THE hell has Gwyneth BEEN? I guess SHE ONLY comes AROUND when GABE writes about HER. And I have NOT READ that damned SHIT. I didn't KNOW I had to READ on this site. Did I SIGN AN official document BECAUSE DAMN you guys ARE SOME TRICKY CONS and swindlers IF SO. Where MIGHT I find it?
Score = 5
I cracked the heck up at the TalbainJ reference, and then I kinda :('ed. I feel partially responsible for his departure, since I was poking him in the ribs since his first post.
TalbainJ2: TalbainJHarder
I know you've just started college (that's right, motherfuckers), but I apologize for making you feel unwelcome 'round these parts. I await your triumphant return when you will TalbainJ With a Vengeance.
Score = 5
DON'T FEEL bad. That dude was USING A photoboothlookofftotheside PICTURE FOR his AVATAR and complaining ABOUT NOT making Monster's Ball. GUY WAS asking FOR it.
Score = 3
sometimes the people who ask for it most are the ones who can handle it the least.
=(
=(
2 4 u TalbainJ.
If we meet again, may it be in a better sequel:
All TalbainJ's Day
Score = 11
side note: when my grandmother got really senile she would refer to whichever one of her kids was pissing her off that week as "That One"
Score = 8
Wouldn't it be hilarious if he was Da Cake Eatur? Foiled us all with his evil, genius troll. Cake harder, Talbain.
Score = 5
Wow, no shit. I suppose all we can do now is violate the rest of them.
(J/K Gabe, please don't delete me!)
Score = 11
so i took a little break from this blog, and shit went down all over the place apparently? also the same ip thing can be misleading, for example my school assigns lots of the same ips cause they are terrible and definitely dont know computers, and i know a few people that comment here, so were not one person fighting with each other, we are friends fighting with each other, the good american way.
Score = 6
YOUR SCHOOL sounds like IT needs TO FIGURE the fuck OUT what it's doing. WAIT THAT sentence DOESN'T make ANY goddamned sense. I'm sorry. DID YOU SEE the Monster's Ball from last week THOUGH. Videogum, EXPLODED. Like a million times and BASICALLY (at least I'M GUESSING), it killed ISTANBUL in the BLAST.
Score = 6
no i didnt slash probably wont because i dont want to be depressed with all the good times i was missing out on with you guys....
Score = 3
SHIT man it was ALL ULYSSES up in here. I was so FUCKIN confused!
Score = 6
LOLZ!! I'm going to start using that from now on, may I? I will credit you.
Score = 5
I'm sure this has been said before, but I love reading your comments out loud and with the proper emphasis.
Look at me commenting again. All the warm fuzziness for alexm247 wore off.
Score = 3
*Rubbed off. Damn. Back to my hole.
Score = 2
That's what she said. [Sorry!]
Score = 6
Yeah my apartment building is the same. We all share an IP address. It kills bandwidth and makes everything really slow. So annoying.
Score = 2
Well done, everyone! You know, I think we may have turned the corner on obsessive upvote checking. Or at least I have. Because it was a bad scene at my house Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I was like WHO WOULD DOWNVOTE ME. Downvote NAZIS of course. But everyone's being so chill and nice in this thread that it gives me hope enough to strive for excellence rather than just for popularity. That's sweet. I will now log out of my account at Maudlingum.com. Seeya on Monday!
Score = 9
When you post, all I see is the t-rex in your avatar saying your comment with a cheerfully naive voice just like the t-rex in Dinosaur Comics. (or at least that is how I imagine that t-rex to sound)
Score = 2
Hahaha...you have no idea how pleased I am to hear you say that (read you write it, whatevs). Because! You guys! I don't want to steal anyone's writing style or anything but I totally admire whoever writes that comic! It never fails to make me laugh - especially when God or the Devil get involved - and I personally believe that T-Rex (from the comic) and I would be, like, BFF! (That was me trying to write in the comic's style).
Score = 1
Yeah, trolls can be real sociopaths. Back in high school I would occasionally do that kind of thing to mess with people I didn't like for petty high school reasons, but on their personal internet accounts, like livejournals and xangas (remember xangas?). It's pretty easy. You find yourself getting carried away and escalating the fake-meta-echo-chamber-whatever to seriously fucked up and insane levels really quickly. And that way of treating people like animals to be prodded and harassed for my own amusement carried into my real life at times. Looking back on it I'm pretty disturbed at how awful a person I was. I'm extremely embarrassed by my troll past. It's a stupid, mean, and lame thing to do.
Score = 5
Saying that you know when people set up multiple accounts because IP addresses is like saying be careful what you email at work because your boss can read it...If you haven't figured that one out by now, maybe you should go back to trolling 4chan from your mom's basement.
I feel like I have a lot to say on this subject (for some reason). So, I'm gonna say it. Lucky ya'll.
It's not like I'm a (total) troll (as defined by Urbandictionary.com, the official definer of all things internet). I came to this site via a couple of FB links (ya know, while I was playing Mafia Wars with the other losers). Two things jumped out at me: Gabe's HI-freaking-larious writing and Da Cake Eatur's meta-troll comments. I almost left never to return until I saw some cracks by ol' "Cakey Poo" (as they say) followed by everyone debating whether or not he was funny or annoying. I stuck around to see what all the fuss was about. Six months later, I'm an inordinately unproductive employee/husband/father (I'm pretty old. Duh).
Anyway, meta-trolls on VG became pretty funny to me. I'd have to lump AnAmPat in that crew and, to an extent, Kenny Powers. I'm sure there are a few more. It's real cool the nice little community that's kickin' here. An intelligent group of readers to be sure (aren't we just calling ourselves intelligent when we say this, by the way?) . Inside jokes galore (and lots and lots of parenthetical asides). But it's beyond me why we're getting our panties in a wad that the meta-trolls were coming out in droves. It's like, "Oh, no! People aren't what they seem to be on the internet!" (Sorry). And that's just stupid. The way I read what they're trying to do is to hold mirrors up (some doing it better than others) to we "non-troll" commenters and laughing at us. When we're looking into those mirrors, we aren't liking what we're seeing, because, we're monsters, I guess. Look, you guys, if you can't laugh at yourself, you definitely shouldn't be laughing at Gwyneth Paltrow or anyone else. I guess what I'm trying to say in this gawdawful-long and semi-serious post, is, don't take posting comments on the internet so seriously! Seriously!
Confession time...I broke the rules and had two other user names. I'll even tell you the reason I made them up was less to troll and more to make a point in the "mirror" type of way. They weren't internet famous by any measure, so it doesn't really matter what they were. I'll just apologize to Gabe and Scott. It'll never happen again. I promise to only be who I appear to be on the internet (damned IP addresses). I'm not even sure I said what I wanted to say or if it was e-relevant (get it, irrelevant?), but sorry if you went all "tl;dr" on this one. I feel better. Thanks for listening.
Anyway, what's a "terms of use?"
Score = 17
You're late, everyone else already confessed to their secret identities last week.
Score = 10
I am ACTUALLY SAM Webb. OH SHIT.
Score = 2
This comment thread is so disconcertingly normal...that and Gabe's refusal to address the totally insane clusterfuck of meta-trolls and Keyser Sozes and uber-self-awareness makes me feel as though it was all some strange dream. Did we do it? Did we really burn it to the ground?
Score = 11
EVEN weirder was WE BECAME BEST pals. I woke up FROM THE dream, and all THE PICTURES of our good times WERE gone, the house UNCOMFORTABLY empty. I sat still FOR AWHILE, and it was like cupping water with MY HANDS, THE more I tried to remember, THE MORE ESCAPED my mind. Did it HAPPEN? Or am I to SIT HERE alone, growing steadily NUMB AS the world ages AROUND ME--questioning where DREAMS end and REALITY begins?
Um, yeah, I think WE DREAMED it. I hope we're still PALS, THOUGH.
Score = 15
i-pals 4 e-lyfe, buddy.
Score = 4
Probably that is the least literate thing I have written ever.
Score = 4
NO woRr13z 1 UND3R57oOD 7h@ 5H17, 3-p4l.
Score = 8
That was great. I CRIED.
Score = 2
I'm just sad that I'm so late to this lovely party. I'm pretty sure that my roommate, who shares an ip with me, comments on here occasionally, so don't go accusing me of trolldom. (Now I can make a new account with impunity. *rubs hands together*
Score = 3
I'm always late. Call me Captain Lame. Or just a single mom cooking her child dinner. One of the two.
Score = 2
Would you say that you were Tardy for the Party?
Score = 12
I'm just sad that I'm so late to this lovely party. I'm pretty sure that my roommate, who shares an ip with me, comments on here occasionally, so don't go accusing me of trolldom. (Now I can make a new account with impunity. *rubs hands together*)
Score = 0
:(
Score = 9
I couldn't be more proud that Marky Mark garnered me my first comment in the Top 5.
Thanks to all the VG honeys that upvoted. PAH! (Forever.)
Score = 11
Such an interesting contrast between last week's monster's ball and this one. I think we should all pour one out for Josh Weezy Collins, who basically brought this website down last week and finally ended the troll spell that had been hanging over us. His intentions might not have been in the best place, but what he did was necessary. I was a little bothersome to me that the trolls were coming from videogum users (Et tu, trolls?), but hopefully this multiple account stuff will stop. Now, there will still be trolls that will be brought in periodically, such as when Confide ends up covering Stillness is the Move. But until then, let's paint, excerise, and enjoy life to the fullest.
Score = 9
But DID IT stop? What about PEOPLE WHO don't HAVE accounts? Will THERE POSTS be under THE RECENT SHIT? I dunno. HOLD ON I'll check.
Score = 2
HEY THIS is just A TEST will it SHOW up? WHO knows? NOT ME FOR one.
Score = 1
This whole multiple-users mindfuck has made me suspicious of non-registered users. Is it really you AnAmPat??
Score = 0
I have a candid question for you AmPat. Are you also A British Patriot? The exchange you two had made me chuckle quite heartily.
Score = 2
Seriously, that was great. But all of Mr. Patriots comments were downvoted into oblivion! I know we didn't like him much back then, but how could this not be funny: "How about I show a real Empire that never sets? The Empire of ME KICKING YOUR GODDAMNED ASS ALL DAY" Classic.
Score = 2
NOPE I SWEAR to God that THAT WAS not me. The unregistered USER UP THERE was HOWEVER me. It didn't POP UP either. ALSO does this FINALLY SETTLE the rumors THAT I am DA CAKE Eatur?
Or do Y'ALL ALL want TO BELIEVE?
Score = 1
Yeah, I just want to apologize for accusing you of being every troll in internet history last week. I don't even care that much if you were Da Cake Eatur/Josh Weezy/everyone else I accused you of being, which I don't think you are anymore. I was just in a weird mood last week. I was angry about something in real life and took it out on the internet, I guess.
I apologize for contributing to the crazyness of last week with my wild eyed accusations.
Score = 0
No problem SOLDIER. I AM JUST glad to have THOSE ACCUSATIONS behind ME. I am WHO I am. Nothing WILL CHANGE that! Not that Da CAKE Eatur isn't FUNNY OR whatever. I'm just GLAD THAT people will NOW TAKE ME seriously and NOT THINK I'm some KIND OF big joke. Hell YEAH Y'ALL. It's time FOR A NEW page and/OR LEAF!
Score = 1
I'm :( for these people who make up new ID's just to argue with themselves. It's like that girl that sends herself flowers to make an ex-boyfriend jealous. Or were they creating evil ID's so their good ID's could bravely fight the good fight and impress their i-brethren? Or maybe it's more like Sybil. I don't know.
Score = 2
I placed third last week, and I'll admit, I was kind of happy with myself. (Because internet validation is important to me--waters of life and all that.) But then I checked out the Monster's Ball thread from last week and was all "Ew, you guys." It was like watching naked meth-addicts play Jai-alai . After that, I only came back to read Gabe's posts, and didn't even bother with the comments.
But this thread has redeemed all of you, (I know you guys were worried) everybody can get a little insane. Beautiful monsters, one and all.
Score = 7
Also, I just want to say that "Schindler's Bucket List" was way better than "Schindler's Spreadsheet."
Score = 10
I'm assuming this is now the "suckers who are actually working all day Friday" open thread.
Score = 10
Man, it was so nice to wake up this morning and see all the awesome warm feelings! This may be the first all-cool-people-nice-things comments thread in internet history! Way to go, team! You are making the internet a better place! Or at least this small corner of it! Maybe we should hide it to keep it safe?
Score = 6
I know right! I've been a long time reader and have had an account for a while but hardly ever commented for the same reasons as you, but this thread is just so great it's taken me to :)-town!
Score = 4
For some reason this monster's ball made me think of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdKqMJ0O88I
Score = 4
gross. ;)
Score = 1
Is it wrong that I teared up watching that, while thinking about Videogum, even though I actually graduated High School this summer and should be crying about that instead?
Score = 7
I guess this would be as an appropriate time as any to say that I wish Stereogum users were more like Videogum. I would love to talk music with this crowd, the stereogum peeps seem to attract a much less, uh, mature? crowd. (i'm not sure mature is the right word for us either, but you know what i mean.)
Score = 11
I use the word 'angry', but like a confused angry. Honestly, it doesn't seem like many people set up accounts over there. We could probably just take it over, have a day where we storm Stereogum (with AmPat on the bow of our e-ship).
Score = 9
What THE FUCK IS Stereogum? And when CAN WE storm it? You know what kind of laber DAY IT is? It's the STORM SOME SHIT AND bring on THE goddamned ACTION DAY. That's the MOOD I'M in.
Score = 2
level-headed and community-oriented?
that's a nice way of saying VG is a Gabriel Delahaye cult-of-personality.
Score = 12
I'm swooning.
Score = 1
I think it's simply because Gabe (and Lindsay, in The First Great Age of the Videogum) had personal, distinctive writing styles, and instead of simply reposting funny videos and links they actually added their own commentary and humor to things. If you look at Videogum's earliest posts, there were not only fewer comments but they were more typical, generic blog comments, often from unregistered users. Gabe and Lindsay's insights and writing styles brought them a growing audience. I imagine I'm not the only person who thinks this isn't just a place to find kewl new internet videos but an amazing daily source of entertainment and comedy.
Stereogum presents itself more as a straight, news-minded blog. It offers an entirely different resource, one that doesn't really draw a more intimate community.
[/Videogum101]
Score = 4
Well there ya go, I wish stereogum was more like that.
And in regards to your avatar; so many good moments to choose from that music video, you picked a good one. "ill make you come to-night! (over to my house)"
Score = 3
In my defense, Lauri is my younger sister. I was at home, bored out of my mind waiting to go back to school to have to deal with my roommate Nick's annoying friends when I decided to do my little bit. If you check the IP addresses now, you'll see I have a different one. Gabe, you have to rectify this issue. I was unfairly called out. I mean, I did have multiple accounts and whatnot, but Lauri is not me.
Whatever, I mean I'll just make a different account when I logon to my school's secure network and no one will ever know. Not even you Gabe "I-understand-the-internets" Delahaye.
Score = -3
who knew that had secure networks at pre-school now. grab a tissue josh, you're getting tears on the keyboard.
Score = 3
who knew that they had secure networks at pre-school now. grab a tissue josh, you're getting tears on the keyboard.
Score = 0
You'd be surprised. The kids these days need to be able check their facebooks and update their twitters without having to worry about trojans or unauthorized access to their computers. Of course, we aren't really smart enough to know that if you access an unsecure network at home, then connect to a secure network, any viruses or comprimised files on your computer then infect the new system. We can barely read though, so its definitely a hard knock life.
Score = -1
I'd also go ahead and proofread that post there, buddy. Ya know, before you start calling me a preschooler.
Score = -4
Hey Weezy! You of all people can't talk! Besides....
Score = 2
Damn dissociative identity disorder, I can't stop arguing with myself!!
Score = -2
Guys! 3 day weekend! Enough with the jibber jabber, let's paint, exercise and drink!
Score = 8
ah, i was just joshin. this is chris, his roommate nicks buddy. i just got a little upset when i found out josh thought i was annoying. he's actually quite friendly to me in person. must be that dissociative identity disorder. whatevs, gonna go get my drink on.
Score = -4
You still got that Patron?
Score = -2
You have too much free time. Maybe you should take up Jerkin'.
Score = 6
aw, now i feel bad for josh. thanks kid for posting your story at least, and not sulking away...
Score = 0
Y'all just got Howie Long'd!!!
FIRESTROMED!!!
Score = -1
Y'all just got Howie Long'd!!!
FIRESTORMED!!!
Score = 0
Score = 15
This picture sent me on a dogs driving google image search. All I can say is, thanks kenny.
Score = 9
Ahahha, Gabe did you mean to call us all cunts? Or was "C U next Tuesday" just a happy coincidence?
Score = 7
VIDEOGUM Monsters' Ball (September 3, 2009), shorter: "We like us; we really, really like us!"
Score = 7
I talked to my friend buenosueno and he doesn't care if you delete all of his comments.
Score = 1
i never said that
Score = 0
That sounds like exactly what bueno would want. If his, and others comments are deleted there will be major gaps in the videogum message board history and this place will look like CRAZY TOWN and buenosueno will be living in HAPPY TOWN because anarchy.
Score = 4
I did too say that.
Score = 0
Whoever buenosueno/brightboy/J.R. is = Not Funny
Score = 0
I wish I was the internet, then everyone would have to be my friend.
Score = 1
The first part of this comments thread was fine, but I think, as a whole, this thread has ruined Videogum for me. All the people admitting to multiple usernames etc. It's kind of sad. I thought Videogum was full of cool like-minded individuals who liked to post funnies. This is the only place I post on the interwebosphere because it seemed that everyone here is different to most internet folks. Excuse me while I go have an existential weep, naked in a skip, drinking Baileys from a shoe. Stop having multiple identities, this isn't a Chuck Palahnuik book. There is fun to be had and lives to be lead, I mean life is too short to post replies to yourself on the internet. And, I'm sorry to get all dark on you, but that comes from someone who doesn't have much time left. Yeah, that's right, I just got all Funny People on your asses. So wise the fuck up and let's not ruin a good thing or force Gabe to half to quit. Because, I for one would like to see Videogum keep making me laugh for just a little bit longer. Have fun at dinner.
Score = 3
WHAT? I though MINUS THE Weezy Section THIS WAS pretty normal AND ONLY DA Cake Eatur has A DOUBLE identity.
Score = 4
Not to be a bother, but I believe you meant have, not half, because halfing to quit sounds either physically or psychologically painful, depending on which part of himself he halves.
Score = 5
Your post made me :-( in a major way. R U OK, JB?
Score = 6
I agree with tears in my eyes. (Seriously, huh? I hope you are okay!)
Score = 3
Oh, please. Gabe's just angry that we rained all over his monster's ball parade last week.
"Why *sniff* won't these trolls *sniff* take me seriously?? I'm a writer, I went to college! I blog about important things!!"
Score = -7
Oh, please. Gabe's just angry that we rained all over his monster's ball parade last week.
"Why *sniff* won't these trolls *sniff* take me seriously?? I'm a writer, I went to college! I blog about important things!!"
Score = -8
Score = 3
I'm sorely disappointed that I had to miss all of that batshit crazy that happened last week. I guess I am an hour closer to death now.
Score = 0
I have one account.
And yes, I am a gross Asshole. so expect more of the same,
And I swear a lot.
And this is the pinnacle of my career on the internets
Score = 1