Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments
This week's five highest rated comments as voted on by you, the lowest rated comment as voted on by you, and the editor's choice.
These truly are the dog days of summer. It's so hot and muggy outside (at least in New York, I do not know what things are like where you are, perhaps it is temperate and you have no complaints). Should I talk about the weather some more? That's pretty interesting, right? But as if the sticky gross weather wasn't bad enough, it's also just slow. Nothing is going on. Is everyone tubing down a lazy river somewhere? Where is everybody? Should I talk about how slow it is more? These are all such great topics of conversation. Traffic? You want to talk about traffic? How about lettuce? What kind of lettuce is your guys's favorite? Personally I like a spring mix, but Boston lettuce is also good. Like on a sandwich? Crisp and clean. #lettucetalk. I'm especially fun at parties!
Nevertheless, you guys still commented up a storm this week. Hundreds and hundreds of comments. Good work, everyone. Here are some of them:
This Week's Highest Rated Comments
Posted by: jimjbollocks in response to This Is Your Movie Trailer: When In Rome
Score = 36
Posted by: That One in response to There's Always Affordable Health Insurance In The Banana Stand
Score = 39
Posted by: sen_tankerbell in response to Let's Be Friends With Barney Frank, You Guys)
Score = 39
Posted by: The Handshake in response to Real Housewife Of Atlanta Kim Zolciak's First Single Is The Bomb (Destroying Your Ears)
Score = 40
Posted by: Godsauce in response to Seth MacFarlane Clearly Hopes To Win An Emmy For Being The Worst
Score = 55
[Ed. note: you may have noticed that the #3 and #4 comments of the week are tied. This race is getting tight! You're all winners! And this comment from Detroit Dutchgirl has been rising steadily and probably should have tied for #2 but didn't get the recognition it deserved this week due to the finicky nature of Videogum's Patented Professional Blogging Software for Tabulating Official Votes. Sorry, Detroit Dutchgirl. This small shout-out is inadequate consolation, I'm sure, at the Monsters' Ball: the world's most important and meaningful thing.]
This Week's Lowest Rated Comment
And your statement that "as soon as some of the people in your protest club (Protest Club!) are paid to be there, the whole thing basically falls apart, no?" Does that mean that every single anti-Bush rally, every anti-war rally, all the protests where ANSWER and their cohorts bussed in paid professional protestors, all of these were meaningless? And every time that a union or ACORN pays people to show up at a rally, all of these are equally worthless, yes?
Posted by: jake in response to Let's Be Friends With Barney Frank, You Guys
Score = -31
[Ed. note: jake, you should register an Official Videogum Commenter Profile! Why not? Your comment was the lowest rated comment this week, yes, but just like the winners, the race to the bottom this week was equally close so don't feel too bad. And obviously, your willingness to speak your mind in an environment that you suspected (rightly, it turns out) to be inhospitable is something to be admired and applauded, not downvoted. Nevertheless, here we are. Personally, I am pro-labor and I also think that the ACORN thing is a worn-out chestnut pulled out by the right to confuse and antagonize people. But I take your point, I really do. It is something I need to think about some more. In my mind, people who work for little pay to help an outreach organization attempting to provide affordable housing and low-cost health benefits to poor people are different than people who are paid a lot of money by a pharmaceutical company to protect its profits. But morally you are right that paying someone to support your cause is paying someone to support your cause. And I also think that, again, on a very basic, fundamental level, there is a huge difference between protesting the war in Iraq and American foreign policy for what are clear and well-documented problems and concerns, and the spread of ludicrous disinformation that has taken place in the GOP over the health care debate including death panels and Obama equaling Hitler. They're not the same thing. They just aren't. But again, thank you for your input!]
This Week's Editor's Choice
Posted by: Lemonne in response to Welcome To Boogie Town, Population: Huh?
[Ed. note: I was surprised more people didn't comment on the Boogie Town trailer. That trailer is amazing! You guys slept on that thing. Unfortunately, I can't put you in jail because the jails are full with people who have been caught battle-dancing. And as far as this comment is concerned: that is just sage advice.]
Posted by Gabe at 5:45 PM in Monsters' Ball
Tags: Internet Commenters | Monsters
Romaine, or just spinach
Score = 4
Spinach is great, but it isn't technically a lettuce. I like a baby spring mix, but sometimes simple iceberg can be pretty refreshing, despite its lack of substance.
Score = 13
Professor Lettuce over here.
Score = 12
I agree that iceberg does not deserve the dismissive contempt it's often met with, but I have to go boston bib all the way....it's buttery.
Score = 3
You know what's stupid? Chard.
Score = 9
I like it you guys.
Score = 2
Oh man, oh man, I said IT when I just meant to say "you guys" but without the it, oh man, oh man, I'm gonna be Monster's Balled on Downvote Island :(
Score = 7
Especially that stupid, socialist Swiss Chard, you know?
Score = 0
Godsauce, WTF? You changed your avatar! Now how will I know it's you when I read a snarky comment written by a Smurf???
Score = 1
Also, is that picture from a Smurf... porno? 0_o
Get your mind out of the gutter, Napoleon.
Score = 0
Just mixing it up and testing out a new look. I'm not sure if I'm feeling this one, honestly. I'll probably give it a week or so to win me over.
Score = 1
All I can say is that Papa Smurf looks like a badass.
Score = -1
Mache, you idiots!
Score = 3
i didn't comment on the boogie town trailer because i kind of want to see it. and not ironically.
Score = 2
I'll upvote anyone with a registered account who is willing to take a well thought out unpopular political stance in a non-douchey way. This could be healthydebategum occasionally. All I ask is that you register. The grey is icky.
Score = 16
Is it really arrogant to think you might be talking about a group that might include me? I don't want to immediately assume that people (strangers) might find my comments to be "well thought out." I'll take the non-douchey tho. (I'm a thoughtless douchebag. I might register.)
Score = 1
I wasn't referring to anyone in particular. I was just saying I can respect people expressing unpopular political opinions -especially when it's thoughtful and respectful. And that it looks prettier if they register.
Score = 4
i enjoy your comments, though my politics differ greatly from yours.
fyi.
register.
it's painless.
Score = 0
nevermind... i guess you're talking about Jake. I really am a douche bag....
Score = 1
hitler and all the main nazi's are killed by brad pitt and co. at the end of inglorious basterds
Score = -29
oh, SPOILER ALERT!!!
Score = -14
Um being that its a movie about Hitler's regime...it would be a crazy and stupid twist if he had lived. I'm just saying. (I'm pretty sure other people would say that too.)
Score = 9
you obviously know a lot about history because hitler totally died in real life when brad pit and eli roth burned him and all the nazis down in a movie theater and shot them with machine guns... NOT
Score = -3
oh, SPOILER ALERT!!!
Score = -6
Looks like buenosueno's been taking classes at Troll Night School.
Score = 5
Okay, that was kinda funny. But still. Go away.
Score = 2
Seriously stop down voting this douche, his bait is way to obvious, in fact start up voting him.
Score = 0
respect
Score = -1
It's actually raining pretty hard right now on my end of New York.
And I'm gonna have to go with Carrie and say Romaine.
Score = 5
I had a comment that got +36 yesterday, but I guess like The Highlander, THERE CAN ONLY BE FIVE.
Oh well, I'm movin' on up to the big time, and there's always next week.
Score = 0
I would like to dedicate my #1 to tibmalian, who managed to break 100 last week. He got no recognition because of Gabe's vacation, but he is a hero in many of our eyes.
Tibmalian, I downvoted your comment, but I'd like to upvote your heart!
Score = 25
(I didn't really downvote your comment, tibmalian)
Score = 11
I had one in the 70s last week, but I will have to wait another time to seek Monsters' Ball validation. (Sorry. I tried TalbainJ Hard not to mention it, but I guess I will have to try TalbainJ Harder next time.) (Sorry Talbain J.)
Score = 21
P.S. Romaine, fool. Romaine!
Score = 4
Aw thanks Godsauce! I was indeed sad about that but I figured complaining would ensure an uproarious amount of downvote-age (also I'd feel silly!). I'm honored to be your hero (the lady kind though...I'm a she!)
Score = 5
Sorry, ma'am. I was basing my pronouns on your avatar. Tibmalian does not connote a specific gender, at least not in my experience, and Bender is not a fembot, although he is capable of passing as one if his popularity fades in the URFL.
Score = 1
Gabe, it pains me to say it, but you should go on vacation more often. Not to get too sycophantic, but you simply killed it this week. Top Chef, Tool Academy, You Can Make it Up. Fucking great. Just kidding. Not about how great this week was, but about taking vacations. Don't do that.
Score = 6
oh, and spinich. and pretty nice and clear.
Score = 8
Green leaf lettuce tastes a lot like romaine, but tends to last longer in my fridge
Score = 6
does anyone remember the post where da cake eatur replied to someone who had a squirrel or their picture: Is u rilly a skwerl? it was funny. i think it was before monster's ball existed. Arugula!
Score = 21
I still crack up just thinking about it. My favorite comment of all time.
Score = 5
I think that was the moment the tide turned.
Score = 6
This is mentioned once a month, just about. It was a great day for all.
Score = 3
I haven't been around Videogum long enough to remember that comment but lord afire that is funny. I'm starting to warm up to that guy...
Score = 1
It was even funnier because it wasn't a squirrel, I think I remember it being a prairie dog or a meercat or something.
Score = 2
It was CarolineA's picture of a meerkat, which makes it all kinds of funnier. So much laffs!
Score = 1
I love lettuce, but if we can talk about green vegetables in general for a second, I would love to get some celery right now. Make it happen internet!
Score = 5
I live in Phoenix, so I have several complaints about the weather. I could probably fill a book with my complaints about the weather! But that would be an incredibly boring book! Who would want to READ THAT kind of book!
Score = 7
Seriously, who is downvoting everything? A second ago, almost everything on this post had a -1 score already, and I've noticed that same random downvoting pretty much all this week. Come on now. This is not 'Nam! This is Videogum! There are rules! Stop being a votehater and be a votegratulator. (Now, that deserves a downvote.)
Score = 11
Score = -11
Is he the downvoter, or is he me? Either way, he looks exactly like an Indian version of my dad.
Score = 11
He's actually supposed to be me. I figure if a guy like Godsauce is going to get the #1 spot then I am going to ruin this party any way I can.
Score = -27
RelaxJ2: Relax Harder
Score = 15
What is that supposed to mean?
Score = 3
KP - if you're going to pull some shit like this, I expect each downvote to come with a "you're fucking out" comment.
Score = 5
Why are you posting so many weird, and irrelevant pictures? Are you trying to sabotage your e-self or something? I swear, people take monster's ball wayyyyy too seriously!
Score = 0
These downvotes are e-killing me. Someone has (someone with a lot of IP addresses? or several people have been?) going to my profile and downvoting everything I say, and I know that because they also downvote my Stereogum comments from months ago, which were, at some point, in the positives.
WHY WON'T YOU LET ME BE GREAT?!?!??!!??!
Score = 18
Score = -12
I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.
Score = 15
Well done, Care-Bear (can I call you Care-Bear? Probably not, unless I want to get carebearstared)
Score = 9
Score = 2
You ARE great! Hush!
Score = 4
Gabe, I don't know if you see this--and this may already have been brought to your attention--but anyone can still vote on comments, regardless of being logged in. If you go to their "Recent Comments" page, the down/up vote arrows are there. That's how I would wager all the downvoting is happening.
Score = 0
Becca that happens to me too! Because I obviously have no other outlet for establishing my self-worth, I am paranoid that people who are unfamiliar with me will click on my name and think I am a sub-par commenter because a bunch of my Stereogum comments are in the negatives because some d-bag went on a downvoting rampage against me for who knows what reason. Although, this has not happened to me since the new registered-voting only policy, and that makes me feel better because it means that probably none of the regulars hate me, which, you know, THANK GOD. I know none of the true Monsters would ever stop me from being great.
Score = 1
Score = -16
Maybe I should have added a *No Kanye West* after that greatness bit...
Score = 2
I've noticed many of my comments getting -1 almost immediately after I post them. It almost upset me when I posted about not being able to see a movie with my mom on her birthday. Why would anyone downvote that? I finally decided that the phenomenon meant that I had arrived as a member of the community. Also, I have a vote, so I can offset the knee-jerk hate without feeling like a shameless self-promoter.
Score = 6
Psssssh, who has a Mom? Moms are lame, get with the TIMES.
Score = 12
I just got downvote attacked, too! Which surprises me, because I didn't think I mattered enough for that game.
Score = 0
That sucks to hear that people are down-voting your old comments Becca. Why do some people take Monster's Ball so seriously?! I swear, Halle Berry is rolling in her grave because you guys are making a mockery of her movie of the same name!
Oh wait, Halle Berry not dead... Ummm, well she is still rolling around in her fabulous Hollywood mansion! Some of that rolling might be the result of having sex with her model boyfriend (in a bed made of money), but believe me, she is still unimpressed!
Score = 2
I thought I might make it with a +21 comment. I see now how misguided I have been. Better enroll in Comment Academy.
Score = 8
I have major complaints about the weather, MAJOR. It's been all kicking my ass all week, being all hot, rainy and weathery. But nothing a little Romaine can't fix.
Score = 4
Videogum is the sole diversion in what has been a pale and unamusing season. Also: Seth MacFarlane is a douche.
Score = 2
I'll go with the most pretentious answer possible: watercress. That's right, motherfucker. Watercress! I also subscribe to Harper's and thought the last Lars von Trier film was a little obtuse for my tastes.
Score = 16
Also, I don't think Gabe likes me since he gave me the lower spot in the tie. Why don't you like me, Gabe?
Score = 12
You can't fight science (science=the Videogum Official Professional Blogging Software). Better luck next time! Beat the system!
Score = 2
This man has a magnetic aura
Score = 0
Another week, another snub. I guess "next week" I'll "comment" since APPARENTLY that's the only way to get votes.
Score = 11
Mesclun. And it's been 100 degrees for seriously like the last 80 consecutive days in Austin. I'm going to start carrying around a poster-sized picture of hot weather with a Hitler mustache drawn on it.
Score = 9
Did you hear about how barton springs is going to dry up because of this drought? It's DYING, you guys!
Score = 0
The heat IS pretty oppressive.
Score = 2
Your html threw up all over my monitor on this one. Sorry you're not feeling good, Monster's Ball!
Score = 3
Yikes. I tried to fix it, looks better now! Gabe's head wasn't even in a yogurt cup -- this column is just particularly difficult to code, especially because none of us know html.
OK, carry on w/ the lettuce party.
Score = 10
Our heads are also and whatnot as well as in addition to stuck in yogurt cups and shit.
Score = 11
Ummmm... Do you date me?
Score = 8
Jimbo, I almost pointed out the exact same info. It's hot in TX, ya'll! And conservative! Except in Austin...
Gabe, don't take it too hard, big guy (Can I call you big guy? Nevermind. I'll stop). For me, the Lawnmower Man on IE was a contributing factor for my fewer visits. I think that explains a lot of the lower vote totals and visits overall. It's just too hard to switch over at work. Ya know? But, it seems to be working in Chrome AND Safari now. So, there's that. I'm sure your day is officially made.
Score = 3
Do not call me Big Guy. But do tell me what your problems are in IE, please. What is happening in IE?
Score = 0
I can't log in to VG at work anymore (my work computer is Internet Explorer). That's why most of my comments are gray (because I know you guys have been wondering about that all week).
So let's all stop hating on the unregistered for a while!
Score = 6
Yeah, I haven't been able to vote on anything at work where I have to use IE but at home, on Chrome, things are dandy.
Score = 3
Same problem, but to be clear, we have primitive IE6 at work on PC, and the sign-in link doesn't even appear on the page.
Score = 0
I know I'm tardy to the party, but basically, there is no place to sign in at the top of IE. I am still signed in, but I can't tell by looking, only by commenting. Also, clicking on the voting tabs just takes me back to the top of the page. It looks like the voting tabs are linked to whatever article they are in (if that makes sense). Thus, they don't register my vote. Umm...Yeah, that's about all I can recall right now. I guess I really enjoy chiming into the conversation with my votes or something.
Score = 2
The missing sign in bar at the top of the page, and the login problems in general, are things we're aware of but thought were fixed. Everyone who is having problems with the Lawnmower Man: please delete your cookies/cache (or at least your Videogum cookies). Then if something still doesn't work e-mail the tips line and Gabe and I will troubleshoot with you and then we'll have a video pizza party.
Score = 4
A slow newsweek, indeed, if little old me made the Monster's Ball. Congrats, all--good thing (for me) the Next Party Game comments were out of the running this week, as they would have e-blew me out of the i-water.
Score = 3
Editor's choice was amazing.
Score = 1
Oh man. "One doesn't just battle-dance their way into Mordor... " I can't believe I slept on that one, because that is my new favorite thing. And I seem to find one every week on here. Yay. Lettuce dance.
Score = 3
arugula/rocket lettuce is nice.
Score = 0
This may be an unpopular opinion, but I'm not a fan of lettuce, especially iceberg. It has little flavor and no real nutritional value. Spinach, FTW!
Score = 6
I can't sign in to post this, so pardon me. It's one of the seven days of the week, so naturally the Videogum comment feature isn't working. eZING! I just want to say re: everyone's concerns over the log-in bugs and up-, down-voting, specifically issues over rampant down-voting of our entire backlogs... WHO FUCKING CARES? Honestly, what are we talking about, here? Votes for pithy remarks you leave on a pop culture commentary blog? Look, everybody, you're not on Best Week Ever. You'll probably never be, and that's okay. Stop worrying about your VIDEOGUM VOTE TOTALS because, Christ , some of you have families! Hug your kid. Take your tree to a ball game. Just get out of the house. That said, I'm putting in my vote for pulling the giant "off" switch on Monster's Ball. It's not terribly entertaining, and it's only led to meaningless competition among a sizeable portion of Videogum's readership. Our priorities are out of whack, people. Piss-pants jokes and cute kittens come first, not Godsauce.
Score = 8
I don't think that it's exactly a narcissistic, orgiastic, delusion of grandeur to, when asked by one of the site's administrator's what kind of technical problems one is having, respond with a legitimate answer that took about 6 seconds to type.
It's almost 3:00 on a Saturday, I'm still not wearing pants, and I live in Columbus, Ohio; trust me, I know my place in this world.
Score = 12
My issue isn't with the technical problems. I was just LOLing about not being able to sign in. I understand it's probably very difficult to keep the Jeff Faheys out of the system. My real problem is with the hyper-attention given to comments these days. It appears to me (maybe this isn't the case in pantsless Ohio) that a lot of people are really concerned about their comment scores, and that's too bad, in my opinion, because that's not what this place should be about. This isn't to say feedback isn't part of the fun. It is, and VG is one of the best sites I visit in regard to honest and funny commenting. Very few xenophobes over here, which is great. But here's the thing, it was like that BEFORE Monster's Ball. It wasn't broke, so why are we fixing it? Admittedly, I don't know how exactly The Ball has affected site traffic, but from where I'm sitting, it really hasn't. What it has done, though, is given the site an air of competition and one-upsmanship. I guess what I'm saying is, philosopher and ploughman each must know his part, to sow a new mentality, closer to the heart.
Score = 10
Hmmm, I don't know. For me, all this commenting about commenting really adds to the community feeling. I like it.
Score = 0
Hmmm, I don't know. For me, all this commenting about commenting really adds to the community feeling. I like it. Oh, and arugula for the win, no-herbo.
Score = -2
Oh no - I swear I didn't double-post! The shame, the shame...
Score = 1
Oh no - I coulda sworn I didn't double-post! The shame, the shame...
Score = 5
I hope people realize I'm joking when I say things like "entire source of self-validation" and stuff...the intention was to be consciously self-deprecating in order to deflect any suspicions that I do put too much stock into comment scores or whatever. Like, do I lose sleep over the fact that a totally asinine and irrelevant remark I made months ago about Wavves is now in the negatives when it had peaked at probably 3 or 4? Absolutely, I do. Haha, just kidding! See what I did there?
No but seriously, I'm not too bothered about the minutiae of comment-voting technicalities. It really is about the strange sense of community to an extent, which is why I rejoined to Becca when she pointed out the annoying downvoting of all her recent comments, because I noticed that too, and it's not that I even care about the votes, it just that let's be friends! Why shoot something down when it has the potential to bring together a famous painter married to a thumbhead and a two-year-old black girl? It takes all kinds, Wubdub!
xoxo Chuck Close & Thumbhead
P.S. You are one of the funniest commenters and I wish you would come around more, logged in or not, I DON'T EVEN CARE.
Score = 5
Those double space, ugh, I always forget!
Score = 1
Relax, technowubdub! (Hey, where've you been?) It's almost 2010. Commenting on blogs is something nearly every normal person does. In the 30s, people listened to dramatic radio programs (oh, we still do that? I'm looking at you THIS AMERICAN LIFE), in 2009, we comment on blogs. It's the future!
It's not like some creepy, shameful thing. You don't have to go to speakeasies and sip blog-flavored moonshine or anything. You can even do it in public, at a coffee shop, in a library, in your house, with a mouse.
So let's just accept that this is now something people do and move forward.
VIDEOGUM 2012!
Score = 2
Nah, I'm still secretly ashamed of it. And I'm adding my vote Wubdub. Why do we have to talk about comment scores. I liked it better when I could just secretly check and see that I'm in the net positive. Can't we be talking about something more important like how much Inglorious Basterds sucked.
Score = 2
What you don't realize is that I always piss my pants, so shut up, that's why!
Score = 2
one time i accidentally made a salad out of basil because I thought it was spinach. anyways, it wasn't a very good salad, but I still ate it. basil is not an acceptable substitute for any sort of lettuce. that one is free, internet.
Score = 17
Reminds me of the time I switched all the sugar in the sugar bowl with salt as an April Fool's joke on my brother and my dad made a vommy protein shake using it by accident.
...Professor Run-on Sentences over here.
Score = 2
kale. rub in some sea salt, throw on some roasted walnuts.... baby, you've got a stew goin
Score = 16
For everyone worried about being downvoted, just put your mouse over my icon and make circles in counterclockwise direction while whispering theglowing in a semi-erotic tone, and I will up vote your comments for the rest of the week. Also favorite lettuce = bacon.
Score = 8
Seriously stop down voting this douche, his bait is way to obvious, in fact start up voting him.
Score = 2
It was the best day of my life. Everything changed. And I do believe it was "is u *relly* a squirrel?" P.S. I'm back, bitches!
Score = 3
Goddammit, was supposed to be in response this: http://videogum.com/archives/monsters-ball/monsters-ball-the-weeks-best-comments_085731.html#comment-4734321
I've been away from the videogum for too long. I don't even know what's going on around here. Any "relax, technojeremy's"? Let's hope not, lol that shit was broke
Score = 2
Only when technojeremy actually returned to the fold.
Score = 2
You kid. He is still with us? (technojerr.) And has he finally relaxed?
Score = 1
Someone with the registered name "technojeremy" has dropped by a few times. The original technojeremy was unregistered, so it's impossible to know for sure. I choose to believe it is the same fellow and that he is as tense as ever.
Score = 5
Welcome back! Here it is!
Score = 0
Welcome back, Angelaaa... I was worried about you. I missed your snappy comments. And dammit, I can't log in all pretty like! Where's my Taki avatar???
Score = 1
Awww, you GUYS, thanks and you make me feel all warm DOWN THERE. Enough of my off-topicness, back to farts and such, this is not Angelaaaagum and I get that lol.
Score = 1
Yay! You're back!
Score = 2
And it was, "is you relly a sqwerl?"
Score = 2
have spent the last week cramming all of the videogum stuff for the last month or so and i'm finally all caught up.
i just wanted to tell someone. it feels like quite an accomplishment - that was 200 something posts!
anyway, welcome back, angela. fucking jelly shoes, right?
Score = 2
Yes, I have quite the videogum catchup assignment, else heaven forbid I reference something that has already been covered and superanalyzed in depth. People feel very strongly about this I've noticed, lol.
And yes, I'm the girl with like 50 pairs of neon jelly shoes, but they're biodegradable so that is my halfass excuse. You know, The Environment! ;)
Score = 2
yeah, monsters' ball has gotten every all abortionhorny (am i using it right?) over comments and voting and scores and stuff.
also when i came back everyone loved An American Patriot and kinda likes that Cake Eater guy. also now i know about juggalos.
Score = 1
Abortionhorny is back! We did it!
Score = 2
So a comment that includes a picture is not eligible for Monster's Ball, correct? Did I miss that "rule"?
Score = 2
Whoops, I completely missed the shout-out above!!! Thanks, Gabe. Nevermind what I just asked, it's Monday. Please don't down vote me too hard... :)
Score = 2
i would like to have a feautured comment or a double down chicken sandwitch
Score = 1