Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments
This week's five highest rated comments as voted on by you, the lowest rated comment as voted on by you, and the editor's choice.
Let's just get to it.
This Week's Highest Rated Comments
Posted by: Bobby Seger in response to Videogum's Teen Korner: New Moon In Your Pants!
Score = 149
Posted by: kiss the pan in response to The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: The Lake House
Score = 171
Posted by: K-Mo in response to Videogum's Teen Korner: New Moon In Your Pants!
Score = 184
Posted by: dictums in response to Spoiler Alert: New Moon Has A Twist Ending
Score = 364
[Ed. note: I'm pretty sure dictums, whoever that is, didn't even make this image. But I still laughed. And better than that, it started an impromptu Twilight Green Screen Challenge. There is nothing like starting a Best New Party Game inside of a comments thread. You guys should do that more. Well played, "dictums."]
This Week's Lowest Rated Comment
I know.. I read all the books!
Posted by: Carms in response to Videogum's Teen Korner: New Moon In Your Pants!
Score = -50
[Ed. note: Haha. Relax, Professor Twilight Howser. (Howser because you are 12.)]
This Week's Editor's Choice
Posted by: Nate Scott! in response to This Red Band Clip From Saw VI Is Everything That Is Wrong With The Saw Franchise
[Ed. note: absurd!]
Posted by Gabe at 6:00 PM in Monsters' Ball
Tags: Internet Commenters | Monsters
FFFFFFFFFFFF-
WHEN ONE OF MY COMMENTS GETS TO +112, THE REST OF THE COMMENTS DECIDE TO GET TO RIDICULOUS LEVELS TO SPITE ME.
Score = -92
Although we're now ranking comments, Talbain, I don't think we're yet at the point where we've endowed them with sentience.
Of course, when we do, they'll take over the world, and then we'll have to go back in time to stop them.
Score = 51
They wouldn't take over the world. They'd be too busy trying to find ways to clever themselves up so that the terminators will want to upvote them.
Score = 30
You can't go back in time to kill comments.
Score = 7
Maybe you can't, but me, my hot tub, and Katherine Heigl...
Score = 7
Hey WEINER, why don't you stop FUCKING CRYING about IT. OKAY? There now GROW UP LIKE AN MAN and LIVE YOUR LIFE without CARING what HAPPENS ON DAMNED BLOG.
OH WAIT, you're a TEENAGER, HUH?!
Score = -76
Score = 85
hahahahaha weiner? hahaha
Score = 31
keep trying.
Mr. Han: "Man who catch fly with chopstick accomplish anything."
Dre: "Ever catch one?"
Mr. Han: "Not yet."
Score = 8
Cool your jets captain. No one here is trying to spite you, we're a family here (right?). I understand your frustration (my only time at the Ball was Lindsay's Editors choice), but that doesn't mean I don't keep doing my best. You can do it, I and everyone here believes in you.
Score = 6
I'm a shameless self-upvoter. You know you do it.
Score = 11
fam-i-ly fam-i-ly fam-i-ly fam-i-ly fam-i-ly ( gabe should go to the gathering)
Score = 1
I'll be honest here. I usually downvote you. It's nothing against you, truth is I don't know what it is. You know that random guy that for some reason just bugs you, even though he seems pretty nice and is probably a cool guy if you got to know him? You're my e-that guy.
Once again, nothing against you. Upon further reflection, it might have to do with the fact that first thing I read from you was a major spoiler of Inglourious Basterds.
I'm trying, though. Trying2: Tryi Harder.
Score = 17
I do the same, and to be honest, it was always because of your pic. I'm shallow, and it was a smug, myspace/facebook ready profile shot that looked like you did it with photobooth. And my shallow self just couldn't get around it. Especially cause I figured it was your real picture.
But you've been getting some upvotes as of late.
Score = 19
Didn't win this week, and because of this, probably never will. Call Mr. Book in reference to this account and start up a new one.
Score = 3
quit being a pussy.
Score = 0
This is horseshit. I can't crack the top 5, yet -- and maybe this is just me talking here -- I only come here to read what I have to say.
Videogum should have been cancelled after the 10th season.
Score = 64
i laughed. one up.
Score = 2
Must thank you. Was on my way to Downvoteville until you pointed out that I was probably joking.
I love you.
Hey, whatever... I can lovingly post drunk if I want to, Hitlergum.
Score = 5
Only Coach McGuirk understands me.
Score = 5
heh. no problem. reactionary downvoting is annoying...and it looked like you were getting sucked into that. plus i did laugh. :)
Score = 1
I wish I knew how to photos-shop. Now how do you turn off the computerbox? My grandson left to buy some "herb", whatever that means.
Score = 20
But f'real, I missed Funtastik's comment and almost peed me britches over here. He/she/Weezer thought up and photoshopped that beauty, when all I did was post a quote early on in the most viewed post in the beginning of the week. But I take what I can get.
Score = 12
It seems that the only guaranteed method to get in the Ball is to prep a snarky comment for the WMoAT and be ready at exactly 6pm EST.
Score = -19
I find that actually being funny helps.
I mean, it doesn't help me, but... you know.
Score = 36
Aw, Kiss the Pan earned his/her spot. I'm pretty sure there's no surefire way to make the monsters ball. Polio Crutches? There's no way we could have predicted that gold. Don't be so eager to make it to the top. You could lose it all in the blink of an eye, just by mentioning you haven't read/seen any Harry Potters. Where is Becca, anyway?
Score = 9
She has gone the way of the Patriot.
Which, is to say, she's started a blog (?) and now has a twitter (?) but thinks she's too cool for school to come around anymore and we all feel :(
Score = 8
:( Avenue over here.
Score = 6
I'm pretty sure Becca was Da Cake Eatur and An American Patriot, and juggling three internet personalities got too much for her.
Score = 26
2 days of limited internet access, and i return to HarryPotterGum met with conspiracy theories!
Score = 33
If there's one thing I learned in college (I studied learning at a collegiate level) it's that trying is for douchebags.
Lucky me, now I get to post comments at Videogum all day.
Score = 20
Usually it's just an excellently timed inside joke.
Score = 10
OK TalbainJ2, prove yourself right. You've got all weekend to think of the Greatest "Road to Wellville" Joke of All Time. I look forward to reading it at 6 pm sharp on Monday.
Score = 5
ROAD TO WELLVILLE? MORE LIKE I WANTED TO WALK DOWN A ROAD AND THROW MYSELF DOWN A WELL!
Score = 3
People, I wasn't insulting kiss the pan (kiss the pan, I am sorry if that sounded like an insult).
It's just, out of the Balls the Monsters hold, the only consistent Balling comment is usually one of the early comments on the WMoAT, the most viewed article on VGum week in and week out, where the most people will see it.
I'm basically saying the Early Comment On The Week's WMoAT Post is the Monsters' Ball's Constant.
Score = 1
S'cool. But Gabe-n-Lindsay didn't start this feature to have everyone bitch about not getting their damn comments in the top 5. The only thing more boring than a commenter posting "Aw, almost" is about 20 commenters posting it, and especially one NOT STOPPING POSTING ABOUT IT. Who cares. Validation? You don't need no stinkin' validation. Keep on truckin'. Tomorrow, tomorrow, maybe upvotes will love ya tomorrow. Next week is a new week. As Gabe as my witness, I'll never i-go e-hungry again. etc. Keep your weeping avatar's chin up. Let'z V-gum. And so on.
Anyway, good to know about your gender, Funtastik. I personally am a lady. It's always good to be accurate with the sexes. (Not sarcasm. It is.)
Score = 18
This is why I downvote him. Cause he bitches and moans about not getting voted up. Really? Chill dude, it's all okay.
Score = 7
Whoa, buddy. Let It Go2: Let It Go Harder.
Score = 11
Also, maybe you should consider having a screen name that doesn't look so much like "Taliban."
Score = 17
I'm going to leave the internet, guys. I need to stop getting mad at internet commenting.
Score = 4
Holy crap, this whole time I thought it was Taliban.
Score = 12
Oh crap. Me too. Whoops!
Score = 3
You beat me fair and square! I'm just happy that my comment made the cut. I whipped that picture up at 6:15pm last Friday and was very concerned that I wouldn't be eligible this week. Woohoo!
Score = 3
Also, I am a dude, by the way. The more you know.
Score = 7
competition is vital to a healthy market. a videogum market. we're gonna need those LOLk's nice and big when videogum retires.
Score = 23
videogum can't retire. it's not a person.
silly.
Score = -8
Videogum has the best commenters. Keep it up everyone.
Score = 38
I know how you complainers feel, I got an really well-rated comment the week Lindsay left. :(
Talk about bad timing.
Score = 2
I actually think I remember that. Because everytime your .gif pops up I smile. Thanks, hermano!
Score = 12
Funtastik made milk come out of my nostrils.
Score = 3
My life is complete.
Score = 4
I think Gabe is secretly in love with Gwyneth Paltrow.
Posted by: Godsauce at 07/23/09 5:10 PM | Reply
Score = 157
157> 149 >142
Somebody is avoiding the mirror today!
Score = 63
Whoa, that was spooky as hell.
Score = 9
Relax, Mathletes.
So the way that this list is compiled is through an automated script (Professional Blogging Technology) that pulls the highest and lowest rated comments for the week, updating on a 12-hour period (or something like that). I load these scripts and I create the post, and even as I am editing it I have often noticed that the scores on particular comments have already changed. Oh well. It is now Official Videogum Policy to simply rely on the data from the automated script, because they are basically accurate within a 12-hour (or something like that) period and I am not going to go through all of these things with my abacus and actually do the last-second math to check who is what where. I'm sorry if this upsets some/any of you. You are going to have to put on your big boy pants and deal with it, because there are not enough hours in the day.
Sorry, Harriets the Spies.
Score = 18
That's an awfully convenient answer, Mr. Paltrow.
Score = 71
The truth will set you free, Gabe. Didn't you see Blank Check?
Score = 7
Of course, this would be the first time I would ever double-post.
Score = 4
You realize Gabe's wife will be crushing you into a poultry-friendly paste for that.
Score = 7
Nice! We can definitely use that paste to finish marinating that delicious chicken Gwyneth Paltrow made!
Score = 7
Hi Gabe, we're both up late. And on Videogum! Anyways, I'd like to tell everyone else here that I not only was a mathlete in high school, but senior year became actually became captain of the mathletes (which wasn't a real thing until my guidance councelor forced it to get me into college- true/terrible story!). Anyways, thanks for doing the extensive research- you da best!
Score = 15
Listen, I went through the same situation with Josh Groban for months... but sometimes you just have to come clean and say "I'm reading josh groban's blog,,, it's not ironic." sometimes you just have to read josh groban's (ms. paltrow's) blog to read josh groban's (ms. paltrow's) blog.
Score = 45
I really luv this honesty. I can't upvote you enough!
Score = 6
Elyse Sewell from the first season of ANTM? Best blogger of all time. Not kidding.
Score = 9
My dearest little Lord Gabriel,
Why do you continue to hide your affection for me behind such a veil of cold snark? I long for the day when you put aside this farce, and we can embrace each other in the true, wild passion that courses through our veins. Then I can make you a roasted chicken. I perform both of these tasks very admirably.
You longing, waiting love,
Gwyneth
Score = 60
We should upvote this or similar posts UNTIL Gabe has to come to terms with his love.
Score = 11
I was actually expecting a "Gwyneth Paltrow" to eventually appear on Videogum, I just didn't expect her to come at such an appropriate time!
Score = 17
You've upset the monsters, Gabe. This is why the feature must die.
Score = 2
I think Gabe cheated to avoid dealing with his love of Gwyneth Paltrow.
http://videogum.com/archives/instructional_videos/gwyneth-paltrows-recipe-for-roasted-chicken_081091.html#comment-4358702
That's 157 and counting, baby, thanks to Ben.
Score = 29
Ha! We on top o this, GABE!
Score = 16
I was wondering where that was.
Score = 12
Gabe, if videogum were high school (Videogum is basically high school) they'd be calling your name on the loudspeaker right now.
Score = 57
Great. Now I'm going to keep checking back here this weekend hoping Gabe makes a special weekend post about this issue. It is a big deal!
Score = 11
Your comment is now at 170 points. Holy crap. Do you think if we keep voting, we could make your comment the most voted up comment for next week? THE TRUTH MUST COME OUT! Gabe has definitely got some explaining to do.
Score = 15
this has nothing to do with monster's ball but i enjoy your new picture! it makes me violently happy. who is it posing as björk? possibly maybe devendra banhart. i apologize in advance.
Score = 5
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoy my new picture! It is most definitely a Devendra/Bjork creation! Also, I'm actually thrilled that you were able to use so many Bjork puns! Keep up the excellent work! A+
Love always,
Devendra Guðmundsdóttir
Score = 4
Watch out guys; if you try to click through to the Gwyneth Paltrow post using the link on the "most commented" sidebar, it takes you to a 404 error page because of a typo in the url. I am calling Shenanigans, Gabe!
Score = 4
It's been fixed. Shenanigans retracted.
Score = 9
posting is fun in and of itself, but the monsters ball is the holy grail of all commenters, im just not witty enough...
Score = 8
No I didn't make it. I just thought it fit. I have no idea where it came from.
Score = 10
I've just been wanting to say. It's TOTINOS.
Score = 18
You've forgotten about the short-lived Tostitos and Totinos cross-over. Issue 3, if memory serves me.
Score = 12
ah yes, but TOTINOS should always been in CAPS.
Score = 0
Oh man, thanks for that! Now I can yell at my mom properly.
Score = 17
I'm pretty sure the only week I would've been on Monster's Ball was the week Lindsay left, where I had over 100 upvotes. But there was no Monster's Ball that week, because of Lindsay's goodbye post. I MEAN, it was a crazy week... It probably shouldn't count. But still, every time I see Monster's Ball it's always like, for sale: baby's shoes, never worn.
Score = 33
I like that after everything, you're still reaching for the Monsters Ball grail. Way to keep it real.
Score = 10
You say that as if the hunger for internet validation is, in any way, satiable.
Score = 16
Yes, not getting on Monsters' Ball because Lindsay left is exactly like the inexpressible tragedy of a stillborn child.
Score = -11
for sale: shut up, diaper face.
Score = 27
Nate Scott's comment is exactly why I still infrequently post on videogum. What non videogummer would think that is funny? Its like my friend who has a 8'x6' mural of a cat in his house. We all think it is hilarious but what about a normal person. When a normal person walks into a house and sees a gigantic cat mural with paper masks on (oh yeah, sometimes he makes masks for the cat) he won't get the joke and possibly freak out. There's no way to explain it. If you get it, you get it. If you don't, you don't. I'm just glad there is a website I can go to where 83 other people get it.
Score = 32
Don't lie. You've just been scared of TESTING SOMEONE with any of your comments, hlebtastic.
Score = 13
Guilty
Score = 6
Also just reading this post makes me wish I could upvote Funtastik's comment again.
Score = 4
So, I just googled "Twilight Jurassic Park" to see where that picture is from, and it turns out THERE IS ACTUALLY A JURASSIC PARK AND TWILIGHT CROSSOVER FANFICTION! Here's the description: "An abused child decides she has enough. She, fately injured, runs into the woods. what happens when she ends up in with Cullens?"
After this, I will never be surprised by anything, ever.
Score = 30
That is depressing.
Score = 0
That's good, but for me, nothing will ever beat the "house MD, but they're all in high school and vampires" fanfic I found one time.
Score = 17
I think the secret to good fanfiction is obviously vampires. I mean, we all know that James Herriot slash is awesomely strange, but imagine how much better it would be if he was a vampire, and he took care of werewolves. See? Instantly even more awesome.
Score = 6
Right you are. I'm currently writing a Red Eye Fanfic, only the plane is a high school and Jack is a vampire.
It's called a NO-BRAINER.
Score = 10
YOUR ASS IS SUED, MY FRIEND.
Score = 10
The best description for a Twilight fic I ever read was saying that all the characters were OC and that it was originally a Backstreet Boys fic. That was... great.
Score = 1
The lowest rated comment is pretty funny if "read" is pronounced the present tense way instead of the past tense way ... look, just say it out loud in a dummy's voice. Lots of LOLz
Score = 13
I think we should all stop caring so much about getting the highest rated comment. As long as you manage a 1 (or a 2, if you upvote yourself), you've made a net positive contribution to the Internet and should feel enormously proud of yourself.
Score = 31
Hi!iusb! http://rckxwrtj.com ebydd pmyra
Score = -4
Hahahaha! I had the worst scored comment? I wonder if I should feel emberassed...
(Also, I wasn't all that serious either.. theres a winky smiley in there! :p)
Oh well, I guess I'm not made for writing.
and @ gin gin, no I am not still reading the books.
I am actually kind of scared to post something now.. but oh well...
Score = 4
Don't fret, we just hate like an eleven year old boy.
Score = 7
You seem like a nice, well-adjusted person. Other people freaked out because they didn't get enough up votes, but you're taking this very well. Don't let the monsters get you down.
Score = 5
I liked Videogum way better before all this commenting-and-competing-on-comments BS.
Score = 0
y'all a bunch of niggas now. welcome to harlem.
Score = -14
It is an honor commenting with some of the finest Internet commenters on the Internet. I will continue to work very hard at attempting to deliver great results in internet commenting. Because of this award, I've recently added a number of persons to my research team. In my lab I now have two senior mentors, three graduate students and two undergraduates. This award honors our collective accomplishments and we look forward to working more with Videogum. I will now be in the dining hall, where I will be expecting everybody to give me their e-Pens.
Score = 11
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