Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments
This week's five highest rated comments as voted on by you, the lowest rated comment as voted on by you, and the editor's choice.
Can you guys believe that there is only one week left until TWILIGHT NEW MOON IZ HERE? It's like all that anticipation, all those sleepless nights and sweaty palms, it all comes down to this moment. Well, not this moment, but next week's moment. Obviously, I am joking. Twilight is for baby garbage clowns. But I've written about it so much these past few months that it does seem appropriate that I finally figure out what in the hell I am even talking about. So this weekend, in preparation for next week's communal panic attack (you can have a panic attack about being TOO HAPPY, right?) I am going to watch Twilight. Oh God, what if I love it? What if I don't come back Monday. What if I leave Videogum to start a Kristen Stewart angelfire fansite called Stew_Heads_69? Well, in the event that this is goodbye, just know that you guys were my favorite, until a terrible movie about teenage vampires as poorly-imagined metaphor for sexual confusion became my favorite.
After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, and the Editor's Choice.
This Week's Highest Rated Comments
This guy.
Posted by: KajusX in response to You Win, Lady Gaga
Score = 50
To which Carrie Prejean said "no."
Posted by: KajusX in response to You Can Make It Up: People Tell Carrie Prejean What An Asshole She Is
Score = 63
Posted by: dUb-iLL in response to Duh Aficionado Magazine: Carrie Prejean Is An Asshole
Score = 63
Posted by: Jabberwocky in response to Best New Party Game 12
Score = 63
Posted by: whoa! in response to Wait, Is The Monopoly Movie Actually Going To Be Amazing?
Score = 71
[Ed. note: a three-way split for second this week, and relative newcomer KajusX breaks into the top 5 for the first time with TWO comments! I'm trying to make this exciting. Is it working? Are you excited?]
This Week's Lowest Rated Comment
Posted by: woozefa in response to Hey, What's Up With Topher Grace?
Score = -47
[Ed. note: to be fair to woozefa, this comment was followed by a thread in which he explained that he was just joking, and wished that his fellow monsters would lighten up. But I do think it's kind of a weird joke. I mean, what's the joke? That you don't know how to capitalize proper nouns? My point is, I don't think anyone's holding any grudges over this (God, can you imagine someone holding grudges over an Internet comment? I just barf'd) and woozefa totally cleared things up, but you also kind of do deserve this recognition, woozefa. Because just very simply and clearly stating that you don't care about something is not a joke. Ask anyone. Ask Robin Williams.]
This Week's Editor's Choice
Maybe if would help if you saw her in an old MADtv era racist caricature??
Posted by: Electron.Rotoscope in response to Seth MacFarlane Tired Of Jeff Dunham Getting All The Negative Attention
[Ed. note: this is one of those "the more you know, bom-bom-bom-boommmmmm" editor's choices. This comment was in response to someone who asked who Alex Borstein was. Of course, a simpler, more direct answer would have been "she is the worst." Although to her credit, it's hard to be the least funny part of MadTV. And the blatant, completely unnecessary racism was a nice touch.]
Posted by Gabe at 5:45 PM in Monsters' Ball
Tags: Internet Commenters | Monsters
I AM never NOT amazed (DOUBLE negatives BITCH) at how MUCH YOU monsters MANAGE TO MAKE me laugh WHEN YOU are MASHIN'.
Score = 11
PLEASE SOMEONE who is READING THIS tell me THEY KNOW what an MRF is!
PEOPLE IN chat DON'T KNOW! I do, but I CAN'T ACCEPT THAT I'm alone.
Score = 3
Mister F!
Score = 17
I know now, in case that makes you feel better...
Score = 0
yeah, i was just saying in chat i wish i'd just let it stand. i wasn't really joking, because i DON'T give a flying fuck. i'm going off on him in every single topher thread, and all bets are off. fuck topher grace.
Score = 11
ya got pluck, kid!
Score = 18
On behalf of videogum.com/chat (because I am apparently it's spokesprof) I would like to congratulate woozefa!
Score = 4
I'm sorry for banning you in chat!! :( I suck, at the internets..
I hope you stop by again!! Maybe use a different name?
:/
SORRY!
Score = 1
Another Monster’s Ball, another Twitter List announcement from werttrew! Yes, I know you’re asking,
No this is not going to be forever! This will be the last time I make this reminder for a long while (I pinky swear!), BUT for those that still don’t know, there is a Twitter-Videogum Monsters List: http://twitter.com/home#/list/werttrew/Videogum
Please check the following link for more information, such as how to be added to the list or how to make corrections to the list: http://www.tumblr.com/tumblelog/werttrew
Also: For you Videogum Monsters who don't know: There's a chat! http://videogum.com/chat/ I'm there right now! Talking to people! ON THE INTERNET.
Score = 2
Oy Vey! I am always within 5 upvotes of being #5, but my comments weren't nearly as funny as the golden gooseeggs of this week so i wont hold a grudge, on an unrelated note its HarshBrowns birthday on sunday so make sure to wish him a HAPPY HAPPY!
Score = 7
your such a kind caring soul, thank you very much. LOL im just joking you whack son! post dat shit on facebook Gabe don't want to hear such nonsense
Score = 5
Happy birthday!!!!!!!!
Score = 3
OMG I love your Cadet Kelly avatar! And I'm slightly disappointed that Disney didn't have the balls to use K instead of C in Cadet (yes, I checked).
Score = 5
I tried to email my good friend Kristen Stewart about your sweaty palms, but she was all "Restraining order" and "Stop sending me burnt hair".
Klassic Kristen.
Score = 36
one day, i will come to the ball. maybe when i find the perfect gown. but only then.
Score = 19
LET ME know when YOU'RE GOING cause I need TO GET ON that train TOO.
Score = 4
"I am going to watch Twilight" is the single most exciting sentence I have ever read on the internet.
Score = 12
I know man. I had a 53 this week. I mean, it wasn't brilliant or anything, but sheesh. It would have been an honor.
Score = 2
I'm so confused. Is the Editor's choice supposed to be the photo of Alex Borstein doing a rascist caricature? And if so what's the real #4?
Score = 3
IT WASN'T like that A SECOND AGO. That SHIT SAID IT was the "i DON'T give a fuck about TOPHER Grace" META-INSIDE mind fuck THAT happened. I'm SURE GABE WILL GET it fixed.
Score = 3
Some classic switcheroos all over this post.
Everything is fixed and correct and in its proper place now. Just so you know, the Monsters' Ball is really a drag to put together code-wise, what with it being held together with rubber bands and snot. I am not complaining, I am just saying that I hope you appreciate your party!
Score = 18
i know it's a minor quibble, but can i get a "to"?
From lowest rated: "That you don't know how capitalize proper nouns?"
Score = 8
and please don't tell me to go fish.
Score = 8
Gentle reminder, grammar issues are best brought up via email, not in comments.
Score = 3
yeah, but since i don't give a fuck about topher grace, what makes you think i give a fuck about anything else?
Score = 25
ANDREW, DON'T interrupt!
Score = 10
Woah, rascist? Sorry about that monsters. Looks like my brain stopped working a bit early today.
Score = 0
I ROTFLed so hard at the #1 comment. A GREAT WEEK.
Score = 4
baby garbage clowns = my new favorite insult
Score = 6
"It's like all that anticipation, all those sleepless nights and sweaty palms..."
Don't you mean hairy palms?
Score = 3
At first glance, I thought he'd written "sweaty pants", which makes no sense but got me laughing.. Enjoy your Twilight-watching party, Gabe. Hope somebody remembers to bring the Miracle Whip.
Score = 4
these monster balls are good, but when are we going to see another 200+ comment? remember the clever girl comment? wasnt that up of 300? epic. can it happen by years end again? discuss!!
Score = 4
So I finally like registered. Gabe says you can still post if you don't register but you can't! It never gets posted! Gabe is all like "I only like monsters who register, they make me feel comfortable." I even got a hip giff for my profile. I had to go on 4chan for that shit man!
Score = 10
I've got a bad feeling about this...
Score = 13
I'm hypnotised by your avatar, I'm listening to Modeselektor and it works PERFECT!
Score = 0
I thought you wrote "hippogriff" the first 3 times I read it.
Score = 2
Yay! I'm so excited Gabe's going to watch Twilight (because my life is sad)! Obviously anyone with any brain cells at all can guess that it is terrible, but I don't think you can really understand just how bad it is unless you actually see it. Hold on tight, spidermonkey!
Score = 8
It is one of the most laughably bad movies I've ever seen. It falls in with greats like Step Up, or Nic Cage's bee helmet scene from Wicker Man. I would watch it again and again just to laugh and clap at the sheer awfulness of it. I hope that it makes Gabe laugh, too, and not make him wish he wasn't alive anymore. I am excited to hear what he has to say. Say it, Gabe. "Vampire."
Score = 5
113 upvotes in one week! It will take me years to reach the heights so quickly ascended by KajusX. Congratulations!
Score = 3
I'm weirdly disappointed I didn't finally make the roundup this week with my HIGHEST RATED COMMENT EVER (that thing was golden—LITERALLY), but yknow what I'm gonna go work out this weekend, gonna go eat some cereal, I'm gonna come back next week and I'm not gonna let you guys down.
Score = 7
I liked yours better than mine, if that counts?
Score = 1
Oh YEAH! Let's chop cats!
Seriously though, I don't know if anyone was around a couple weeks ago (you were), but by the time I would get to check out The 'Gum fucking spammers would have commented before I got to. It was so depressing.
So because of current developments at my place of employment where the President is plotting against me, I decided I would just log in at work and reply to everything because VGum is so much FUN!
In related news, I think I'm getting fired at the end of today! Someone in HR asked my supervisor to sign and photocopy my time card and bring it to them! That's never happened before!
Stay tuned...
Score = 31
this might be my favorite comment of all time.
Score = 3
UPDATE!
I am fired.
Score = 22
I'm not sure if you're joking or not but if you're not, join the club. And I'm not being a jerk; I sort of think we should have an Unemployed Videogum Commenter Extraordinaire club. (I've been laid off since January. I think that is clear based on my comment.) Let me know when you start watching The View every day and yelling at the screen! That will be the first order of business for our club. Second: trying to manipulate comments so only we are at the Ball every week. It's a fun life!
Score = 13
No, I'm not joking. Totally got fired today.
It was a long time coming. I was hanging in there for the health insurance, as I had a fight with testicular cancer about a year ago. Thankfully it wasn't that bad and I came out relatively unscathed (re: minus 1 testicle).
But the reason I'm not terribly upset is because I've been trying to get some comic book work done for the better part of this entire year, and if it hadn't been for cancer, i would've quit my job to finish this comic book work. So now I can finish it and put food on my family.
YAY!
Score = 16
I think you meant to say some comic book work and some Videogum commenting work. I'm not going to say which is more important because I think the answer is obvious. (Let's just say I haven't written an epic novel in the past 9 months or anything.) So about our club--you in? Because you're either with me or against me.
Score = 8
Getting canned and getting cancer are two of the most stressful things that can happen to a person, so you get extra points for making the Ball (sorry) this week.
Hope you finish that comic book. I have some back issues of Cerebus that I'm still slogging through so I feel your pain.
Score = 6
There does seem to be a lot of us jobless wonders on the gum. This is the first time this recession business has really hit home for me. Sign (on) me up!
Score = 2
When I got laid off last year (don't worry, everything is FINE now), The View was what actually made my unemployment both real, and horribly depressing. I was all, "Holy shit, I am watching The View. And not in clip form on a blog. Oh my God, this is a real show." And then I got up and went for a walk and almost Seth Cohened into a tree.
Score = 2
I kind of wanted to downvote this, because I am not in favor of smart and funny people nor mustachioed lions being fired from anything.
Score = 1
Score = 3
I was completely hypnotized by this for about 3 minutes.
Score = 5
somehow I always knew Danny Devito's mother was a couch
Score = 28
Nightmares.
Score = 3
Looks like that was edited out of that new Flaming Lips video. Ewwww.
Score = 3
Me too. not only was it amusing and appropriate but also a handy reference for those that need to know.
Sorry pal this is Fuchsia not Dark Pink. Thank you.
but also I need to find an argyle handkerchief.
Score = 1
edutainment
Score = 1
This looks like an essential guide to understanding and enjoying the Twilight Saga:
Score = 0
The site I use for html tags is http://www.ibdguy.com/makehtml/
Score = 4
I will never understand the interwebs
Score = 3
Google "HTML tag generator"
Score = -1
I was robbed! (For a highly upvoted Photoshopped image I did not make!) Injustice!
Score = 3
not enough animals, bros.
Score = 11
Score = 12
Score = 2
GABE, LISTEN TO ME:
I was called in to my boss's office around 6:00 pm today. I found her with a half-empty bottle of wine in her hand, and she asked me if I liked the Twilight movie. Being a little scared for my life, I answered "you know what...I don't know if I liked it, but I was entertained."
And I was entertained. Now, granted, I was also drunk. But just try and not fall off your couch laughing at ~you're my own personal brand of heroin~ or ~hold on tight, spidermoney~
Score = 2
I WILL FOREVER CHERISH THIS HONOUR
Score = 2
Score = 9
dogs are so awesome.
Score = 1