Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments
This week's five highest rated comments as voted on by you, the lowest rated comment as voted on by you, and the editor's choice.
I'm going to keep saying this throughout the post, which I know because I already wrote my little notes for the Ball and saved this intro until the end, but you guys really BROUGHT IT this week. Clear eyes, full hearts, GREAT COMMENTS. Just excellent work all around. It was kind of like that awful-looking trailer for that new Sandra Bullock Lifetime movie, The Blind Side. "This blog is your family, Monsters. When you comment to him, you comment to me. Are you going to comment your family, Monsters." Hmm, that kind of fell apart at the end. And I'm sorry to tarnish this genuinely nice moment with a reference to what looks like the worst movie since The Family Stone.
Anyway, let's just get to it. It's your time to shine! After the jump, the five Highest Rated Comments of the week, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated Comment of the week, and the Editor's Choice.
This Week's Highest Rated Comments
Posted by: oh. in response to Tom Cruise Can't Catch A Break. Good.
Score = 60
"You can't handle the truth because it involves gay people!"
Posted by: kiss the pan in response to Tom Cruise Can't Catch A Break. Good.
Score = 60
Posted by: Godsauce in response to Videogum's Teen Korner: Werewolves Are The New Vampires Are The Cutest!
Score = 60
Posted by: tkc in response to Tom Cruise Can't Catch A Break. Good.
Score = 63
Posted by: hlebtastic in response to That's Your Wedding Proposal: Super Mario World Proposal
Score = 81
[Ed. note: everyone really brought it this week. Good work, everyone. Many of the comments in the Top 5 would have been up for consideration for the Editor's Choice if they weren't already rewarded here, by a jury of their peers. If I could (as if I can't? There are no rules to this, but let's pretend) I would give the entire Tom Cruise thread the Editor's Choice this week. But I can't. Because rules that don't exist are still rules. Nevertheless, WELL PLAYED, TEAM.]
This Week's Lowest Rated Comment
Posted by: rat in response to The Videogum Movie Club: Where The Wild Things Are
Score = -29
[Ed. note: I am surprised that this is the lowest rated comment of the week. It seems like a completely valid opinion to have of Where the Wild Things Are. Perhaps it is a little too brusque. And there's also the fact that it's never that fun when someone comes out of nowhere, drops their little comment turd in the dark, and disappears. But otherwise this comment doesn't bother me. "rat" is even kind of right! That movie is aggressively precious!]
This Week's Editor's Choice
Posted by: Matthew in response to Old Videos Explaining How To Use An Internet That No Longer Exists Will Never Not Be Funny
[Ed. note: as I mentioned, you guys were DRUMLINING this week. The Tom Cruise thread is a legend among threads. I also liked when you guys explained your Commenter Names' meanings and origins. Fun! I chose this comment because I think that Matthew has unwittingly created my favorite new inside joke. Because from now on I am definitely responding to trolls with "Andrew, don't interrupt!" Lots of Love.]
Posted by Gabe at 6:00 PM in Monsters' Ball
Tags: Internet Commenters | Monsters
What a nice day, I'm sure glad there are no gay people around.
Score = 13
Heya Monsters. I’m working on a twitter list for videogummers:
http://twitter.com/werttrew/videogum#list
(You may need to be logged into twitter to see it.)
Any suggestions on folks I should add to my list? Regular/semi-regular commenters, current and former contributers, etc? Send suggestions to @werttrew or reply here if you would. Thanks!
PS FYI, if an account is set on “private” then the account can’t be added to the list. Or if you don’t want to be on the list let me know.
PS part 2: Yeah, Videogum was particularly on fire this week. So many great posts, so many funny comments. Good job guys.
PS part 3: I’ve been listening to Hoto Pepper Pipahpehpappy all afternoon, so I may be more psyched and happy than strictly warranted.
Score = 1
I realize I may be really behind on this but, twitter has lists? Boy, school is really kicking my cyberbutt!
Score = 6
I'm incredibly undecided as to whether or not I should jump on this videogum twitter train. I probably will remain in stalemate until the opportunity passes me by.
Score = 2
See, I have a twitter. I've updated it twice in the one year that I've had it. And they are both INCREDIBLY BORING. Also I follow 0 people while 0 people follow me because I never could be bothered attempting to do that. I feel like I have to be super hilarious like Jeff Dunham: King of Komedy to regularly update. Which, I mean, is basically my forte. Hilarity.
I'm glad you're Charlie again, by the way. I've been meaning to tell you.
Score = 6
Click on my username and you can follow me, despite how much better I am than you,
Score = 0
I did some drunk posting last night, it seems. Not sure why I thought that was a funny thing to say.
Score = 1
I don't know, but you made me cry. And also follow you. Boom, I'm on the twitter train. Gross.
Score = 1
It says the list doesn't exist. However put me on!
Score = 0
Aw in every Monsters' Ball, I always feel tardy to the party. Anyways add me on that list! TGIF guys, except for the gay people...they're already happy.
Score = 2
This'd be a lot more awesome if it worked!
Score = 1
Hey guys! Sorry for the apparent confusion!
As I am now inferring, Twitter Lists (which is a beta program) is apparently only available to SOME twitterers. Those of you who are puzzled by why you’re getting “list does not exist” comments when you try to access the list must apparently not be one of the chosen. Because the list does exist? If you’re an account that has been authorized to have a list, you should see on the top right hand corner by your name “following,” “followers,” and “listed.” If you don’t see “listed” then your account must not be one of the ones authorized, I guess?
So let me explain what a list is. It is basically a collection of twitter accounts that you can see all at once. Like, for instance, let’s say of the 100 people you follow 30 are musicians. You create a list with just those 30 and then each time you click on it you can see tweets from just those 30 folks. If some other twitter-er makes a great list, you can follow that list.
I’ve added everyone who’s asked to b e added (and has provided me with a working twitter name), but realize that if you just want to follow the list that you don’t need my permission. Anyway, I am hoping that eventually twitter list goes wide and you guys can see the lists you’re on and follow the lists you want.
Score = 0
I'm @mjwalrus on the twitter machine. I will warn yall, I post some pretty nerdy stuff (that is only sometimes funny).
Score = 1
I see that someone has an irrational hatred of nerds.
Score = 6
Thanks for the upvotes, which successfully negate the hateful, nerd bashing downvotes. But now my comment doesn't make any sense. Will I ever get learn to gum correctly?!?
Score = -1
Since unlike werttrew, I have to do this one week at a time, next week I'm going to aim for spot #4 and complete my set. Then I guess I'll go for the lowest rated comment, because I have no idea how to achieve the Editor's Choice.
Score = 4
Please try to get the lowest rated. It would restore at least 10% of my faith in humankind if I knew that sometimes people do that intentionally.
Score = 0
I think the monsters are being a bit too harsh about Jeff Dunham.
Score = 3
You got to try a little bit harder than that!
Score = 1
Well, I don't want to do it by trollish means or dishonesty. This might be harder than I imagined. (TWSS)
Score = 3
ok, in the interest of full disclosure, i posed as rat. i hated this fucking movie, but was too cowardly to be myself and own my opinion. sorry, guys. it won't happen again.
Score = 14
forgiven with the stipulation that you return to your old icon.
Score = 6
really? crosseyed dude with stiff green cat isn't resonating?
Score = 1
I'm definitely feeling this new one. "Never mind what haters say, ignore them till they fade away." -My personal hero, TI-
Score = 3
The amount of unease it causes me is really alarming.
Score = 3
it's not that. it's just that the old one was an Icon (capital I.)
Score = 1
fucking liar.
Score = 2
whoa. I didn't even recognize you in your new outfit.
Score = 3
NO. No this WILL NOT happen again. WE ARE NOT GOING to have every thing SPIRAL OUT of control WHERE IT TURNS out every FUCKER ON here turns INTO 17 other people. I JUST can't mentally HANDLE THAT anymore.
Also, I haven't seen THIS MOVIE YET. Taken the KIDS TONIGHT cause they WANNA GO.
Score = 4
Sooooo with you on this one, buddy.
Score = 1
Can we play another round of Who Should Die On TV. Last week my brain was unable to produce any funny answers for that an now i have about 15 written down in front of me. Videogum can be so cruel
Score = 4
Didn't spend enough time on the site this week to notice the comments about name origins. Can someone point me in the direction of that stuff? I'm curious.
Hlebtastic had me LOLing with his/her comment.
One last thing. I don't have a twitter. Are there a lot of twitterers (twitti?) here? Cause it's the only thing that makes me want to get an account.
I'm seeing Paranormal Activity tonight and I'm so excited (that's just an example of the kind of comments I will make if I ever get a twitter).
Score = 5
I can't remember where the name origins thread is.. (I wish I did, but the internet made my memory very short term..)
And I don't have twitter... And I hope there aren't a lot of twitterers around, cos I don't like missing out on something!!
Score = 0
My username is my real name. My parents were mad ghetto. Nah, my initials are C.D. Somehow a few of my friends started calling me CDeeze. That became Deeze and then Deezey. My real name is Chris and that was already taken, so in my haste to reply to this girl that used to comment on Stereogum I just picked what my friends called me. That post is here:
http://stereogum.com/archives/mp3/beyonce_vs_fleet_foxes_042871.html
My avatar is Drop Dead Fred because that movie is amazingly terrible. I once lived in this house in a podunk town and my girlfriend at the time rented it from this tiny video store. When we went to return it, the store had closed and left no instructions on how to get them back the video, so we kept it and watched it repeatedly. Whenever she would call me, I would greet her with a "hello, snotface". She did not look like Phoebe Cates.
Score = 4
oh, I found it... It's the 'Evening News Reporter Menaced By Horrifying Monster' one.
http://videogum.com/archives/bloopers/evening_news_reporter_menaced_096941.html#comment-5556191
Score = 0
I considered joining in on that conversation, but I couldn't think of anything clever (read: any lies) to say.
Score = -1
same.
wish i had a devious backstory.
Score = 0
My backstory is that regular old "bryan" was taken, so I had to spice it up a little with some punctuation. Or it's my favorite song by this Norwegian band. You probably don't know them. Stereogum hasn't even heard of them yet. They're sort of a cross between Bat For Lashes, Animal Collective and Miley Cyrus.
Score = 9
My backstory is the tale of what were literally the first word and image to enter my head when signing up for an account. So, now i'm the byzantine sloth guy.
God what a terrible story. Sorry, you guys.
Score = 11
Thanks! there are some really interesting origins. Mine sucks as I just used one I've used on other sites when plain old kathleen was unavailable.
I chose it in haste cause the first time I commented I'm pretty sure was on a post about Ricky Gervais and Elmo and I was just so excited by it that I rushed into it.
Score = 7
You make up for it with the most stupendous avatar I've ever seen.
Score = 4
Yes! The first time I saw it, I upvoted you specifically for the Stupendous Man avatar. Now we just need a Spaceman Spiff and we'll be all set. I'm tempted...
Score = 1
What is your icon? It reminds me of Professor Snape, but i know that's not what it is.
Score = -1
CAREFUL! I once said the same thing and got like a -7.
Score = 3
C'MON BUDDY even I know WHO DEATH is!
"LET US PLAY a valiant GAME of chess AGAINST the fuckin' SEA!" -Ingmar BERGMAN 24/7
Score = 6
Once, I drunk-posted on Videogum [ because I am the coolest ] because I saw a scene from that Bergman film and it was your avatar and I thought it was awesome.
Saturday nights at Napoleon Complex's house = the bomb.
Score = 2
A drunken Saturday night alone with some Bergman sounds amazing to me. I don't know what that says about my antisocial tendencies, but oh fucking well.
That does it. My fiance's hanging out with friends, so I'm gonna clean out my schedule (sorry, Blitzen Trapper - see you next time), purchase two bottles of cheap-ass Pinot, and watch movies until my eyes bleed and my liver organizes a coup d'etat with my lungs.
Thanks for the inspiration, Napoleon!
Score = 3
SORRY I DIDN'T CONTRIBUTE YOU GUYS. Basically My real name is constantly mispronounced as Carrie, so in the interest of "anonymity" or whatever I made it my Vgum username because at the time I couldn't think of anything else and I didn't really care. In retrospect I wish it were more mysterious/nonsensical!
@Udolpho: I thought I had you pegged as a Mysteries of Udolpho ref, but Northanger Abbey makes sense too as it is a satire on Gothic literature. (Full disclosure: I went to college.)
Score = 4
it's probably too late for this, and i don't comment that much anyway, but my name means "born in the evening" in dopadhola. and i just really love videogum.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dhopadhola
(wikipedia spelled it wrong)
Score = 1
There's hasn't been enough 'gum in my life lately. I feel like I'm missing all the good stuff! I've been going to old threads for LAFFS and it feels like 'gum you find under the table... that's still a little warm and sticky.
You can't chew the 'gum. But you know that it's fresh. And that someone before you enjoyed it.
:(
Score = 11
I miss you becks
Score = 5
MAN I'M TOTALLY the same. WORK IS kicking me in THE ASS left and RIGHT. I only GET TO STOP by on the DAMN WEEKENDS it seems.
Score = 1
(twitti?)
pretty sure it's pronounced "Twats".
But I could be mistaken.
Score = 3
i just thought of something. how creepy would it be if we all had the same icon? is that possible? can we play that game someday?
Score = 5
Only if you can all agree on some variation of Papa Smurf. I don't even really like Smurfs all that much, but I believe in sticking with a theme.
Score = 5
Score = 6
Done!
Score = 3
what if we all had various tom cruise icons in honor of such an epic thread?
think of the possibilities...
Score = 7
I think we should totally do that! How crazy would that comment thread look?
Score = 4
Another game I want to play is the next time there is a video of a cat, we all just comment with "She's a talker." No other comments allowed. A commenter on the hissing cat video from months ago suggested something along those lines and I immediately wanted it, right then. Make it happen, internet!
Score = 7
Tom Cruise: the lowest hanging, but most fun and most delicious in a totally heterosexual way, fruit.
Score = 19
Great hairdo!!
Score = 6
YES! Wig + real face. The wig is lovely by the way. This means that the monsters actually exist and aren't made up imaginary friends. For some reason this makes me feel validated.
Score = 7
can we get to the puppy pics??
Score = 10
Great week everyone.
Score = 7
My dog's name is Duke and he is also a Boston Terrier. I wish I could upvote you a million times plus infinity.
Score = 0
UGH. This has been a horrible week and I haven't even had time to read videogum most of the time.
Now to cap it off I've developed what seem to be very flu-like symptoms. Hopefully for y'all swine flu isn't blog transmittable.
Score = 3
Sorry to hear that, moonmaster. I hope your dad's doing well, and that you yourself feel better.
Also, I wanted to join the chorus and say this was a great Videogum week, and that Gabe needs massive props for being ON FUCKING FIRE I've been so busy lately, and one of the first things I do when I have a second to breathe is hang out here.
On the flip-side of this feelgoodery, the Jeff Dunham post made me realize that it's more than a little depressing to think that the likes of him, Leno, and McFarlane are some of the most successful names in comedy while there are so many people here that are infinitely funnier. Never mind the fact that Leno has five hours a week to bring the funny, while hlebtastic only needs a few sentences to trump those five hours.
Let that sink in for a minute while I sneak all of the bullets from the guns you purchased specifically to put an end to this madness.
Score = 6
My first reaction to your comment was "Whoa, that is an incredibly nice thing to say." Then I thought about and you said I was funnier then Dunham, Leno, and McFarlane. Then I thought, "Yep, sounds about right. Even aynrandian is funnier then those pricks." He/she is not, but the vast majority of the commenters are. Big hugs and kisses everyone.
Score = 9
This comment makes almost no sense. I apologize
Score = 9
Moonmaster, we could not be any more in the same boat if we tried {iiiii... think I fucked that up}. I hope you [and your da!] feel/are feeling better.
It sucks being sick. - Edna St. Vincent Millay.
Sucky week all around fer me. I'm failing math and just got dumped by my boyfriend and am probably falling into another bout of mental illness.
....LET'S GET TO KITTY PICTURES!!!
This is my baby, Cheyenne.
Score = 5
It was this type of week.
![]()
Score = 6
exactly. ugh.
Score = 1
You guys going on tour with the people behind the Saw franchise is a great idea. I can't wait to see you murder lady gaga in my city.
Score = 9
I keep trying to figure out why she looks attractive here. Did they get a model to pose as Lad Gaga?
Score = 5
You said "Lad Gaga" cause you are so gay!
Score = 11
This ihas become my favorite post/thread of the week, when all the Monsters come out to play.
Score = 20
Bah, I barely posted at all this week. I was too busy catching up and loling in my pants at all of the good comment threads this week to contribute much.
Also been too busy suffering from post-grad unemployed existentialist depression, BUT LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THAT.
LOOKIT DIS DOG. IT'S MY DOG.
Score = 13
It's always nice that even if you fall into a deep funk and start to freak out about what you're going to do with your life, you can always say "Well, at least I have a beautiful doggy."
Score = 6
yessss. i honestly cannot understand why a person wouldn't want a dog.
[IMG]http://i34.tinypic.com/6ymps4.jpg[/IMG]
Score = 1
ugh. video professor fails me again.
Score = 6
Tom Cruise is NOT GAY, yall. NOT GAY at all. Got it?
Score = 33
This is another one of my kittehz.
Score = 3
WHOA giant ear! Let's try and fix that...
Score = 5
Okay, a slightly smaller giant ear. Fair enough.
Score = 7
My dog was being extra hilarious tonight, so I felt a need to post this.
This is Bodie, you guys. He is so heterosexual and not gay at all.
Score = 8
That was such a fail that I can't even look at it without feeling shame. Sorry.
Score = 11
What the hell? Now the first one's a million times smaller? I quit HTML.
Score = 2
I know how you feel.
Score = -1
Score = 13
Score = 14
I really wish there was a movie club for this weekend's wide release of Paranormal Activity. I don't want to ruin it by discussing details here, but it was good. However the original endings both sound way better than what Spielberg came up with.
Did anyone else have a horrible audience who made noise throughout the movie and shrieked and laughed and talked? Why is that okay in horror movies? I don't go to your "Valentine's Day" screenings and discuss how stupid Julia Roberts motivations are or predict that Ashton Kutcher's gonna kiss Jessica Alba right before he does it. Fuck!
Score = 10
My kitty. He's angry because I woke him up from a nap. Even though he sleeps like 22 hours a day.
Score = 0
WOAH!! Crazy huge. It's times like this when I REALLY wish we had a delete button. I feel like I ruined this whole thread now. :(
Here's the picture (hopefully) resized.
Score = 2
Score = 13
is he on the catnip in this pic?
Score = 3
D'awww! Sleepy kitty.
Also, I'm really happy I'm not the only one who posted pictures of giant cat ears. :D
Score = 2
I'm so into these giant cat ears this week.
So fuzzy!
Score = 10
I was totally going to make a motion that from now on all we can post are cat ears. It adds some mystery.
Score = 6
You are not the first one to wake up your cat to take a picture:
http://www.somethingawful.com/d/comedy-goldmine/wake-your-cat.php
Score = 1
Spambots on videogum. What's this crazy world coming to? Anyway, enjoy the weekend! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVqAneN_Zsc
Score = 0
Score = 0
Score = 0
I fail so hard ... Third Try![]()
Score = 0
Score = 9
Score = 9
Thank god there are no gay people around. Who wants ice cream?
Score = 15
Sorry, whoa!. I couldn't resist. It sucks that the whole previous thread got deleted, and your comment alone was more than worth the potentially awkward situation I had from inadvertently looking at graphic assplay (as if there is any other kind) in a public place. Though I did get away a it, and that makes me wonder how many people at any given coffee shop are having a side of hardcore porn with their iced Americanos.
Score = 4
"away *with* it"
Apparently I'll keep up with the drunken Videogum postings until half the comment section is nothing but black, white, beige, and purple.
Score = 2
And green and red. Feel more than free to use the red.
Score = 1
I'll help you fill up this thread with some more black and white :).
Score = 0
I'm testing out my new GIF, I hope it moves!
Score = 0
success!
Score = 0
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Score = 0