Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments
This week's five highest rated comments as voted on by you, the lowest rated comment as voted on by you, and the editor's choice.
Well, really only one thing happened this week, and that thing's name is Roman Polanski drugged and sodomized a 13-year-old girl (not necessarily in that order) in 1977, and was recently arrested on decades old warrants stemming from those criminal charges. It was a powerful reminder that there are Actual Real Monsters in this world, right, little-m-monsters? What else is there even to talk about? This guy? Well, that guy is pretty amazing, but he was not recently arrested for drugging and sodomizing a 13-year-old girl, and so he will have to WAIT HIS TURN. And so, it should come as no surprise that this week's ball is mostly centered on this International Scandal. Which makes sense. You guys know what's up.
After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, the Lowest Rated comment, and the Editor's Choice.
This Week's Highest Rated Comments
Posted by: DZ-015 in response to Roman Polanski Open Kitten Thread
Score = 60
Posted by: Lord Growing in response to You Can Make It Up: Roman Polanski Builds A Time Machine
Score = 65
yum!
Posted by: kiss the pan in response to The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Gran Torino
Score = 69
Posted by: Cap'n Jack in response to They Should Rename The "Free Roman Polanski" Petition The "I'm Officially A Creep" Petition
Score = 82
[Ed. note: Hey guys, sorry about last week. I didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings by criticizing the Top Rated comments. MY BAD. I was simply saying that those comments in particular seemed lackluster compared to some other great comments made that week, many by the very same commenters who were being honored, and that your upvotes were what surprised me, when sometimes you can be very stingy about upvoting things that might be more deserving. Whoops! I am probably making things worse by trying to explain what happened. NEVERMIND. Great work everyone! You are the best bye.]
This Week's Lowest Rated Comment
AND I KNOW SOME SNL CAST MEMBER SCRUB BY NAME WHO SAID A BAD WORD SO PEOPLE WOULD KNOW HER NAME YOU GUYS SO I'M LIKE A LEGIT COMEDIAN GUY, YOU GUYS. WHY ARE THEY LAUGHING? WHY ARE THEY LAUGHING? STOP IT, YOU GUYS!
FUCK REPUBLICANS!
oh, phewwww, for a second there i thought i was losing you guys, you guys.
Posted by: Ryback's Cook in response to The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Gran Torino
Score = -52
[Ed. note: Ugh, whatever. Ryback's Cook may have taken the worst cake, but there were lots of people being weird and angry about this this week for some reason. I'm really sorry that I wrote about a Very Popular Internet News Story Of Total Relevance To This Website that just happened in a very weird and confusing coincidence to involve a good friend of mine, and that I decided to be open and honest with you about it because to do otherwise would have been weird for everyone. Just kidding. I'm not sorry. She's my friend. She's on TV. She was in the news. Fuck you.]
This Week's Editor's Choice
Posted by: bthny in response to Fantastic Mr. Fox Continues To Look (Wait For It) Fantastic
[Ed. note: Man oh man. That "Free Roman Polanski" petition is ridiculous. IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY. The man drugged and sodomized a 13-year-old girl (not necessarily in that order) and has been running from the law ever since. Maybe you should worry about your own problems, WOODY ALLEN. I wouldn't have really been mad if he had kept running from the law and never been arrested because the world seemed to have come to some kind of agreement, and it is true that a lot of time has passed and there are people doing terrible things right this second who also deserve to be in jail. But the fact of the matter is that he was arrested, and he is in jail now, and that certainly doesn't make me sad. The opposite! Oh, Hollywood. What a bunch of self-obsessed idiots with broken moral compasses. And of course this comment made me LOL.]
Posted by Gabe at 5:45 PM in Monsters' Ball
Tags: Internet Commenters | Monsters
I was frankly surprised there weren't more cat pictures in the top 5.
Score = 15
I was hoping for my kitty picture that did so well and was my first comment that got more than 50 upvotes(!) which makes me happy anyway :P. But still, it would've been nice if all those other folks didn't score that much more points than me :p
but I guess you could so I'm Talbaining it right now. So I'll leave it at this :).
Score = 1
i was seriously ready to revolt if the top five were all cat pics.
Score = 26
amen
Score = 5
how long til someone replies "says the guy with the cat pic as an avatar"?
Score = 13
it's different.
Score = 2
That's a cat?!
Score = 12
you're a guy?
Score = 24
Avatar?!?
Score = 44
I suggest we start a movement to use the suffix 'gum' more often. When someone makes an interesting comment, it would be considered 'insightfulgum'. If someone bashes something unnecessarily, whats with all the 'hategum'? I don't know about about you guys, but I think it can catch on.
Score = 12
And when someone makes a stupid comment, we could call it IdioDumb?
Score = -7
Whats with all the hategum?
Score = 33
Oh, wait, no I didn’t mean that as a slam, Captain. My comment was meant as “I like your idea so here’s a contribution of my own,” NOT as “Your idea is silly so I’m going to snark all over it.” Sorry.
Score = 7
backoffgum
Score = 15
Sounds like you're chewing some "kind of funny idea that will get old pretty fast"gum.
Score = 32
That's my specialtygum.
Score = 26
It's all angrygabegum these days. It must be his metal hip.
Score = 20
I am surprised not a single jpeg of an adorable (non-cake) kitty made it up there. There are actually all-text comments in the list (you don't have to quit, woofeza)! My pussycake is the only unrelated-to-Polanski comment up there. And it's so stupid! Vgummerz upvote the darndest things.
"If I have seen farther upvotes, it is because I stood on the shoulders of Kenny Powers."
- Sir Isaac Newton
Score = 28
The word 'pussycake' gave me the shudders.
Score = 31
I almost burst my appendix at work trying not to laugh my ass of Kenny's comment. However, I did pee a little bit. I'm apparently twelve years-old.
Oh, how I wish "Fuck you, pussycake" were the new "Relax, technojeremy."
Score = 12
Kenny Powers always makes me laff. Even when he's being an asshole or too random, I always have an LOL stashed aside for KP. Maybe it's just that Danny McBride, staring at me so matter-of-factly with his oiled, tightly curled mullet resting on his beefy shoulders, never fails to cheer up my cold, stony heart.
Score = 9
mmmgum.
Score = 3
The pussycake was a great break from Rapegate. Cheers, mate.
Score = 14
What's new pussycake? Woooaaaah woooaaaohhhh!
Sorry. It's all I can think about now.
Score = 5
I still e-love you iGabe.
Score = 13
Fuck, this is the closest I'll get to the Monster's Ball page. A comment that was a reply to me being the lowest rated. Which reminds me, I should apologize for telling Gabe to put a cock in his mouth. Sorry. Peace gum :)
Score = 19
Let's all just hug-gum.
Score = 3
The gum store called...
Score = 17
proconsensualintercoursegum
Score = 9
This is Topher Grace kissing Videogum and making friends with us.
Score = 12
I realize Topher Grace looks nothing like Moss from IT Crowd but I like the IT Crowd, suck it HATERZ.
Score = 12
I liked the IT Crowd better when it was called "when the whistle blows."
Score = 0
sometimes I ponder renting a theater, transferring "the IT Crowd" to film and screening season 1 end to end in order to finally have a submission for WMOT that I feel passionate about. don't do this to me jawbone.
Score = -3
Season 1 is quite weak, I'll give you that. But 2+3 are good, they are easy to watch and funny, I agree that they are hardly groundbreaking, but if you broke the ground WHERE WOULD WE WALK?! Plus Graham Linehan is the man, and his blog is fantastic. I suppose you feel the same way about IT Crowd as I do about Zach Galifanakis.
Score = 13
And Glinner is a big Videogum fan. Doubt he reads Monster's Ball but still, play nice.
Score = 0
Why is Moss kissing Roy? What did I miss?
Score = 1
Because cops don't question poofs.
Score = 13
I was sick most of the week and had a fever dreams about all the comments being about rape and how Belle and Sebastian suck. I'm glad those were just dreams.
Score = 14
Silly, of course they were! What do you think, we're a bunch of monsters? Here, have a hot towel and a cup of tea, you'll feel a lot better. Oh and I saved you a slice of pussycake.
Score = 8
And the trolls? Why so many trolls all of a sudden. I wish we could move the island. Where's Locke?
Mmmm....pussycake.
Score = 6
I was wondering what happened when I saw all the hate on the Jenny Slate post. The monsters truly came out to play. Really not a good start to the week, y'all.
But the little-p-polanski (he doesn't deserve a capital) comments made up for it. We all united in our hate of something that's deserving of hate. Really a good end to the week y'all.
Score = 12
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
Score = -14
The yoda quote makes everything ok. Now let's go back in time 32 years to that fateful night...
How old did you say you were? 13? Jesus goddamn Christ! First I lose my family to Nazis then my my wife to hippies, and now I'm naked in a hot tub with a goddamn 13 year old?
Here, take one of my mints and drink it down with this.
Trust me, in the future I'll direct the first movie where people are screwing with Harrison Ford's family.
Score = -18
nobodylikesyougum.
Score = 30
i like him
Score = -1
gtfo
Score = 7
just so we're all on the same page, this stands for "gum the fuck out"
Score = 20
Fuck you, pussycake.
Score = 21
Make it happen, That One! Pussycake all around! In your face, technojeremy.
Score = 9
I have pussycake in and around my face.
Score = 21
TWSS
Score = 3
It was actually all-of-her-special-places-violated-rape. Not just sodomy. That's just where he finished (yikes). And he was accused of rape-rape, but got to plea bargain down to statutory rape-rape. But with all the rape involved I think he's (still) deserving of punishment, but thanks for your input there Woody Allen
Score = 3
Seems like this site has turned into oops!404pagenotfoundgum today. Maybe it's just me.
Score = 30
ugh. yes. the 404 page should be a picture of gabe with gum stuck in his hair.
Score = 28
The fact that the 404 page is titled Videoumm almost makes up for it.
Score = 8
I realize that I'm never going to go to the Monster's Ball, but I'm okay watching.
Score = 9
Here's to Monster's ball wallflowers!
Score = 14
We should start a band!
Score = 6
"The Monster's Ballflowers"...?
Score = 6
i'm kinda grossed out by the turn this roman polanski on videogum thing has taken. it's become a kind of weird moral dick-measuring contest in the comments of who can be the most anti-rape. "I care about others' well being more than anyone! therefore, notice me!!" that's what you sound like, guys. lame. this isn't about you or woody harrelson or anybody, except a woman who was raped as a child and is now in her forties, and who would rather she were allowed to stop reliving the trauma and get on with her life. For that reason, she settled with him out of court already. it's outrageous what happened in the past, but it's none of our business too.
Score = -6
I'd agree with that if it weren't for the fact that so many have come out to defend him without even so much as stopping to think what the guy has actually done. I think the outrage is much more over that than Roman Polanski himself.
Score = 8
i haven't really been following this story, but maybe i should have since i am so confused by the vitriol over Polanski's arrest here. i'm wondering if people realize that the support he is garnering might be over the technicalities of the law? during the trial the charges were downgraded so much and he did his "time served" for those charges but the judge wanted to put him back in jail again for his own advancement. could it really be that people are rallying around him because legally he was given a raw deal, and not because of the actions that led up to the circus of a trial? has this been covered already?
Score = 1
The problem, for me at least, lies in this petition . It says nothing of legal technicalities, other than to say the case is a matter of morals, whatever that means. It seems to say that he shouldn't have been arrested because A) he was at a film festival and B) he's a talented artist.
The vitriol lies in the fact that neither of these things trumps raping a 13 year old.
Score = 1
Not to get all seriousgum, but let me get all seriousgum:
Polanski did not actually serve any time. He was in for a ninety day psych. evaluation while the judge reviewed the plea bargain, and when Polanski got wind that the judge was maybe considering dismissing the plea bargain (which the judge can do legally: judges can accept or dismiss plea bargains as they feel is appropriate, a fact Polanski was made aware of and to which he attested understanding and acceptance) he skipped town. Polanski wasn't given a raw deal.
(If I remember correctly, the plea bargain was actually the survivor's mom's idea: if they stripped away the other felony charges, for which they had a pretty airtight case, and kept it to the statutory rape charge, then the girl wouldn't have to testify in court, sparing her additional mental anguish.)
Score = 1
Gabe, don't worry about what the monsters say about Jenny "Fuck the Man" Slate. She's friggin' awesome and so is this here 'gum Drop Stop.
Score = 10
No Kenny Powers yet? Am I asking too much for two kitten parades in one week?
Score = -1
Please no more cute animals. 1. I don't know cute animals 2. I'm a demon that lives in a flaming house that devours happiness. Cute kills me.
Score = 9
"I don't know cute animals" should read "I don't know html." I was just so afraid of the cute animals up in this bitch it hampered my already deficient typing and proofreading skills.
Score = 6
There is this thing called Tinypic.com. It's like HTML for old people and girls.
Score = 9
Probably something a yahoo search could figure out (get it, Yahoo and not Google cause I'm old. Yuck Yuck.)
Score = 7
I feel lame because I don't know HTML, but now I can fake it! Thanks, Tinypic!
Score = 1
html is easy. alls you gotta do for a picture is (less than button) img src="link to picture" (greater than button). those are the buttons below the K and the L if you forgot your algebra. and if you want to make cool emphasis on words you just do (less than)b(greater than)word(less than)/b(greater than). using b will makey your word bold and for italics just insert i instead of b and for underline insert u. and don't forget the / before the letter at the end of the word.
maybe we could now make a thread where everyone just practices their html!
Score = 5
This site is very useful:
http://www.ibdguy.com/makehtml/
Plug your desired image into the "Img Tag" slot, copy 'n' paste, and voila.
Score = 0
I HATE CATS. Downvoteawaygum.
Score = 4
you must find the internet to be a sad and scary place.
Score = 12
Score = 13
fuck cats, i'm off 'em.
Score = -4
Maybe I don't really hate hate cats. But dogs are way better!
Score = 4
Indeed. I really don't understand the internet's obsession with cats.
Score = 3
i like cats on the internet a lot more than i like them in real life.
Score = 0
Score = 20
Score = 9
Score = 11
This dogs name is Dominic and he is 4 today.
Score = 17
Score = 4
AHH!! Real Monsters! [Unlike us, who are just "monsters".]
Score = 1
I came here to kick ass and chew bubblegumgum.
Score = 1
Score = 15
Please allow me to interrupt this comment thread to say what a terribly boring and unfunny movie The Invention of Lying turned out to be. If you are considering paying money to see it, don't. Ricky Gervais really screwed the pooch on that one. Guess I shoulda gone with Whip It!. Lesson learned.
Score = 3
Agreed. But Zombieland ruled!
Score = 3
My god, sir. You're not lying. I got quite a few laffs in the first two acts (my fiance and I were the only ones in a packed theater losing our shit over the McPoyle-starring Coke ad), but it more than suffered from the inevitable romantic third act subplot that 99% of comedies fall victim to. Jesus. After the Moses/Pizza Hut sequence, every scene was twice as long as it needed to be. Never mind the fact that Jennifer Garner's character was absolutely loathsome (even in the context of the alternate reality), and we're led to accept her as the Holy Grail for Gervais' character. I'd pick a part everything past the 45 minute mark, but what's the use? What a disappointing piece of shit. The second half of it more than canceled out any of the great ideas that came before it.
We were sitting towards the front, so I felt uncomfortable leaving, but that's the only reason we didn't. I rarely walk walk out on a film, but I literally started pinching myself to stave off the boredom and seriously contemplated trying to take a nap. What a fucking disappointment.
Luckily, Louis CK came away unscathed. At least there's that.
Score = 2
Shoot. I think you're giving it too much credit. It started to jump off the tracks looong before the 3rd act for me. I laughed a couple times, but, yikes. There's more aimless meandering in this plot than at The Gathering of the Juggalos (unless of course you're trying to find the SEMINARS!).
Score = 2
I didn't think it would ever happen to me. Keep Reaching For Those Stars!
Score = 2
bold italics underlined
experiementScore = 3
i meant to click preview instead of submit, my bad. I was just trying out what abby told me up there.
Score = 4
I'll use HTML until you love me faggot
Score = 1
I'll use HTML until you love me faggot.
Score = 6
Score = 3
Okay, I'm starting to get high school flashbacks. Shudder.
Score = 3
Zombieland was great and had the cameo of the year. DONE and DONE.
Score = 0
Gah, I'm sick of hearing all of this Polanski bashing. There are so many factors in the case that made his arrest unnecessary and stupid. It's not such a cut and dry case. The girl's parents should be held just as responsible as he was. The judge on the case was doing everything he could to get more publicity out of it, so he kept Mr. Polanski around like a cat playing with a dead bird. He already served time, and was under threat of going back to jail. The 13 year old girl involved forgives him and doesn't want the case to be dragged out any longer. And I don't honestly think any of you can look at Roman Polanski and say, "yes, he is a pedophile and a threat to society."
Maybe not worded the best, but I feel very strongly.
Score = -3