Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments
This week's five highest rated comments as voted on by you, the lowest rated comment as voted on by you, and the editor's choice.
Fall has sprung! I'm happy for you fall, and I'mma let you finish, but summer is one of the best seasons of all time. Get it? Kanye West, everybody. Let's hope Danny Bonaduce interrupts Marg Helgenberger's speech for Best Actress Lifetime Achievement Award at this Sunday's Emmys and we can finally put this behind us. In any case, fall has its perks as well. All our pals are back! And perhaps the summer of death will finally end?! It's also the season when True Blood crawls back into its grave for another year, allowing us to recharge our batshit batteries. Not that there aren't plenty of new nightmares to contend with. Anyhow, fall. Put on a sweatshirt or something. (Oh, P.S., if you missed this, don't miss this.)
After the jump, the five highest-rated comments, as selected by you, the lowest rated comment, as de-selected by you, and the Editor's Choice.
This Week's Highest Rated Comments
Posted by: you got me so confused in response to Kids Participate In Meaningful Psychological Studies The Darndest Things
Score = 49
Well, you know what? America was built on the right to lazily and badly Photoshop characters from beloved children's books into uninteresting, played-out pop culture scenes! Check your Constitution! I am an American who fears no downvotes, and I came up with this!!
Posted by: kiss the pan in response to Where The Wild Things Should Be
Score = 52
Posted by: RobinRubbermaid in response to Can We Think Of A More Boring Show Than This Show?
Score = 64
in related news, i'm unemployed.
Posted by: kathleen11 in response to Kids Participate In Meaningful Psychological Studies The Darndest Things
Score = 100
[Ed. note: awww! Haha. That is a nice comment to win the week. Charming, clever, pertinent, and personal on a post about God's most precious gift (children psychological studies marshmallows). Also, 100 upvotes is a nice, even number of upvotes! It just makes mathematical sense. I hope that you get a new job soon, Kathleen.]
This Week's Lowest Rated Comment
Posted by: WoW Rules 69 in response to Kids Eat Their Pets The Darndest Things
Score = -20
[Ed. note: Ugh, Da Cake Eatur. Ugh. It's not even the boring, unfunny racism of this stupid comment that is the worst. It is your flagrant abuse of the Videogum Commenter Community's trust! You know the rules! You have now commented under the names Da Cake Eatur, Old Dude, Mayor Bee, WoW Rules 69, and now you are wha wha WHAT?!?! Cut it out, you creep. Pick a name and stick with it or you are through. THROUGH!]
This Week's Editor's Choice
Posted by: hlebtastic in response to Why Can't Juggalos And Maggots Just Be Friends?
[Ed. note: While I highly enjoy the use of inside jokes in the comments, I'm rarely surprised or particularly impressed. And I don't need to be. That's not the point of inside jokes. But this is next-level inside jokes is what this is. Well played, sir. Or ma'am. I don't know!]
Posted by Gabe at 6:00 PM in Monsters' Ball
Tags: Internet Commenters | Monsters
I feel so betrayed by Da Cake Eatur. It's like when you start high school and discover that your best friend from middle school is actually a loser.
Score = 42
I too feel betrayed.
I'd have preferred to believe that Da Cake Eatur was an adorable dolt and not just a meta-troll and real, obnoxious dolt. You broke the ILLUSION, Da Cake Eatur, and now you can never go back. David Blaine would be so disappointed.
Score = 23
When I was in 8th grade, I had a girlfriend who was in 9th grade. The next year I started high school (the same one she went to), and when she saw that I wasn't the most popular kid, she promptly dumped my loser ass. No joke, that was my first week of high school.
Are you my 8th grade girlfriend, heywood?
Score = 14
.... maybe?
I swear it wasn't you, it was me. Me growing breasts, I mean. They allowed me to make so many new mistakes. And I did. Oh, I did.
Score = 11
that's crazy that in that very short story, you're the person experiencing betrayal and disappointment. you're kinda the villain in this story, whereas your hapless, loser friend got totally screwed for something that was largely out of her control, i.e. your perception of her coolness.
(i did the same thing when i switched from grade school to middle school and i still harbor deep feelings of guilt over it. the girl ended up having serious mental health issues, and while i don't flatter myself to think that had anything to do with me being a selfish ass when i was 11, it makes it all the more :( for me.)
Score = 1
For me, last week was Star Wars (A New Hope). Plucky outsider came from nowhere with a big bang of animated gifs to explode the Death Star of...something (I’m working on this metaphor as I go along.). Four out of five spots on MB, woohoo!
This week, however, was Empire Strikes Back. Setback after setback. I discovered that Da Cake Eatur was my father and miniBilly Idol was my brother and that every joke about Kanye West had already been told, and better told. I huddled for warmth in the steaming innards of Lady Gaga, eating my one marshmallow, seeking shelter from the howls outside.
But stay tuned for next week! Will it be a triumphant Return of the Jedi, where a newly humbled me defeats the downvoters with the help of Ewoks and a mechanical hand and a gold bikini? Or will it be a Jar-Jar Binksish debacle? I think we know the answer already (the latter) but let’s pretend we don’t for the sake of drama.
ALSO A PLEDGE: Yes, I know. Yes, my schtick got old fast. Yes, I’ll pack up my enormous library of stale gifs and pics in my official Juggalo briefcase and lock it up for a week. At least.
Score = 1
I like ya, but you're on the fast track to TalbainJ-ing yourself to death.
Score = 16
first rule of monsters' ball is don't act like you care too much about monsters' ball.
second rule of monsters' ball is don't talk about monsters' ball too much, or risk violating rule one.
third rule of monsters ball is that a watched dance card never gets full. in other words, the more you violate rules one and two, the less likely you are to be asked "to dance."
(i upvoted that comment because i appreciated the drawn out star wars metaphor because duh star wars.)
Score = 12
monsters ball is slowly ruining the videogum comment section. if you can't figure out why, you are probably part of the problem.
Score = 5
What are you talking about? Ugh! The worst! Kanye West! Forget it, Jake, it's insidejoketown!
Score = 34
I BET HE is all "YEAH THE guy in the 5,000 dollar SUIT IS supposed TO UPVOTE the.gif THAT DOESN'T make that in a YEAR? C'mon!"
Score = 22
I don't know about ruining, but... sometimes, these days... I look in the mirror and I think "Where did the love go?" Right? I mean... I used to comment because I loved it, but now it's about... being the best... or someone else's idea of the best. But isn't it about being the best commenter that *I* can be? And maybe I'll never understand how to post an animated .gif, and maybe my photoshop attempts are clumsy, but I went into this saying "As soon as the love leaves the game, I leave the game," and now sometimes I think I made a liar out of myself. But then it's like, I get it together, and I say to myself, "it's... not just you, it's the lives of all these people who have worked with you. You've got to go on, and you have to give and give and give. They've got to like you, they've got to. Do you understand? You can't fall down. You can't, because your future's in it, my future and everything all of us have is staked on you. All right now, I'm through. But you keep your feet on the ground and your head on those shoulders of yours and go out - and Sawyer, you're going out a youngster, but you've got to come back a star."
Score = 17
MAYBE Y'ALL should chill out. I know YOU'RE JOKING but Jesus Christ, PALS, IT'S JUST one feature AT THE end of THE WEEK! WHAT'S THE big deal?! So YOUR COMMENT GETS moved up past THAT LITTLE yellow bar AT THE top? It's a good feature TO COME TO, remember THE GOOD times, shoot the shit, MAKE FRIENDS, destory THE INTERNET FROM the inside out, and remember HOW MUCH we like THIS site and THE PEOPLE on it.
Monster's BALL IS only ruining VIDEOGUM if you're fuckin WHACK ENOUGH to put THAT much stock in it! If you COMMENT about the ARTICLE AND FOR the love of
Ray JCOMMENTING then EVERYTHING is fine. SURE OTHER assholes are GOING TO BE all "let's BE NUMBER 1" but THERE'S ALWAYS hope in the Videogum Y'ALL. We just ignore THAT SHIT and continue TO ENJOY the community WE FUCKIN have. I love VIDEOGUM REGARDLESS of what IS going ON on it and it HAS GOTTEN me through SOME GOOD and BAD times these past few MONTHS.Oh FUCK NOW I'm getting ALL emotional! Shit.
Score = 6
God, no one recognizes a good monologue from 42nd Street when they see one.
Score = 11
man, i want to terrorist fist jab the crap out of you right now. if you're a real person, who is just this enthusiastically capitalizing, hard-working, earnest salt-of-the-earth-yet-incredibly-internet/pop-culture-savvy, i am just tickled pink that you're out there somewhere, being a total star. and even if it's a schtick, i really, really enjoy it so, like believing in god, what's the harm? (unless i discard critical thinking and decide to live my life according to your olde tyme ruels, and hate people who don't follow those ruels, in which case there's obviously a great deal of harm there...)
Score = 1
Man, I signed up just as the love was leaving. This was like my church a few months back, proof after proof of people doing great things and being okay:http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=94459543&blogId=494240666... but now it's a lot more: "here's more stuff we hate that we can't get away from." Please, show me some more excellent stuff again. Maybe have a week's moratorium on celebrity dipshits.
Score = 6
Pardon me.![]()
) for style. Oh good.
http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=94459543&blogId=494240666
or however you do it, oh sorry. I may use HTML tags (
Score = 4
Monster's Ball is pretty much the Jonestown of the internet. Sure, it sounds like a great way to celebrate love and unity between all types of commenters, and then there are just so many Da Cake Eaturs, you want to drink the Kool-Aid... :(
Score = 7
Yo I'm happy for you bluntacious and imma let you finish, but TalbainJ2 had one of the best Monster's Ball bitchfits of all time!
Score = 12
There hasn't been a Monster's Ball in weeks that hasn't devolved into a 'Monster's Ball is destroying Videogum'/'the trolls are destroying Videogum' debate. Let's all stop whining and have fun.
Score = 9
There was some kind of fotoshoppe challenge and I missed it!?Ah!
Remember how I said last week that my dad was in the hospital and that was why I wasn't commenting as much and got pity points? Well it looks like I have as hard of a time keeping up here when my dad isn't in the hospital. Yeah, my schedule is more incongruous with videogum than I expected, because I have to sleep and everything.
Must. Try. Harder. To comment.
Score = 3
One and five were hilarious. Congratulations! Four freaked the hell out of me but I still upvoted it. Congratulations? And Gabe I'm like 79% sir and 20% ma'am. There is a one percent margin of error.
Score = 25
Well that'll teach me to starting reading those Kids the Darndest Things posts.
That comment was hilarious and kinda :( at the same time.
I also hope you get a job soon, kathleen11. You're the champion of all our hearts (this week anyway)
Score = 8
GABE CAN WE get a Friday Fight REUNION OVER Jennifer's BODY? I think IT LOOKS LIKE shit (and you don't SEEM TO be big ON it either), but LINDSAY IS ALL raving about IT OVER on Jeezebal (I DON'T CARE to spell that RIGHT) about it being ONE OF THE most empowering MOVIES EVER (my words NOT HERS but also CAUSE YEAH NO movie ever deals WITH THE GEEKY girl getting EVEN WITH the hot, asshole FRIEND).
THAT SHIT is just made FOR A friday fight. PLEASE?
Score = 6
It looks like "Cheez ball " the way you spelled it
Score = 4
I wish Jezebel were a cheeze ball, because then it would be a delicious snack instead of just annoying.
Score = 7
This is unrelated but I'd like to note that when people ask me where I was during Kanye's most important award show interruption (because this will definitely still be important long after...um...four days ago), I will be able to say, proudly, "Commenting with my pals on Videogum." And whoever asked will be creeped out by my use of "pals" and so will I, really. But anyway, I think we all deserve an honorable mention this week for watching the VMAs in real time. (Nobody cares.)
Score = 9
Top Monster at the Monster's Ball?
Kathleen's pretty much guaranteed a job if she RESUMES THAT SHIT!!!!
Good luck.
Score = 7
congrats to the top #5! now everyone, go dance and eat some cake (non stale).
Score = 6
Your new gif is somehow both deeply disturbing and oddly arousing.
Score = 4
it's just good fun, actually.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osgayVmI5Uo#t=2m25s
Score = 1
I'll be honest! I don't really know what yours is... don't hate on me! what is it!?
Score = 0
It's from The Seventh Seal, one of my favorite films by Ingmar Bergman (RIP never forget). I just thought it would be fun for Videogummers to know that Death is always watching them. That's a fun thing that people like, right?
Score = 10
Battleship is another fun thing that we like.
Score = 1
#5 is a thinking monsters comment. I wish I could upvote it to #1.
Score = 3
That just made week! I am stoked that my first comment on videogum made the top 5. I was so nervous to post, I just wanted to belong.
Score = 3
If only Videogum upvotes were worth $1000 each, Kathleen, you'd be golden! Congrats! May you bask in the warmth of this victory.
Score = 6
Dog gone it! I haven't posted at this blog in such a long time. A lot of new users, fun jokes, good laughs, great reads, I'd love to get into the Internet commenting game again. See you guys next week!
Score = 4
Is the chick who randomly posts in caps just straight crazy or what?
Score = -3
Happy Rosh Hashanah everyone. I'm too tired to write something funny, because I am full of challah and noodle kugel.
Score = 4
Hey dudes, thanks for up points! Made me tres happy. Marshmallows bring out the best in people.
Can I use you guys as a reference in my next interview?
Score = 16
Score = 13
This has become the best part of Monster's Ball for me.
Score = 5
Kenny, I appreciate the cute animal gifs and all, but honestly WHY?
Score = 1
I'm trying to spark off an animal picture parade but nobody ever takes my cue. I love the little guys and since Lindsay left they don't get the attention that they used to. Speaking of Lindsay, I saw a video today that reminded me of something that I think she would have posted if she still worked here. I give you a little lamb running around a house...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbsSzA6pCB8
Score = 14
that was fucking cute. real cute. the sound of those weensy hooves on the slate floor? geez louise! my dog was doing something similar about an hour ago, spazzing out before bed. CUTE. more cute, pls.
Score = 4
O hey, yeah, i did one of those with you once.
Score = 1
Score = 9
Score = 0
IGNORE the other! RESIZE fail!
Score = 5
Downvotes for doggy abuse!
Score = 3
Score = 7
Score = 5
I eat cake too. Does that make me a cake eatur? After all, isn't there a little cake eatur in all of us?
On the other hand, fuck that guy.
Score = 20
As usual, sitting on the sidelines watching all the lovely people having a good time at the Monster's Ball.
I did learn this week however that apparently I'm one of the few people who just doesn't like horror films in general. THE MORE YOU something something something.
Score = 5
One day, I will finally learn HTML and post the most timely, adorable, and hilarious picture and knock all of the i-socks off your e-feet. It will be magnificent.
Score = 6
You sound like Louis CK on the set of The Invention of Lying, and as no slight to you, I will promptly downvote your first triumphant gif to keep up with that comparison. Because I'm an irrationally determined man.
Score = 2
I see you have promptly upvoted your own comment as well. Is your middle name "Swift Judgment"?
P.S. Uhhhh gifs? I might cave to HTML for pictures, maybe, but no one said anything about gifs. I am not some nerd.
Score = 5
I have done no such thing, and frankly, I resent the accusation. Actually, I really don't. And I really didn't. That's just silly.
Score = 1
As further proof that I'm an irrationally determined man, I downvoted that one.
Score = 0
What happens to the comments in this entry? There are some high rated, they remain forgotten, such a cute romantic idea.
Score = 0
haha, so greaaaaaaaaaat, BUT WHAT is up WITH this apeshit CRAZY girl WHO TYPES in CAPS
Score = -6
WHAT CRAZY girl? I dunno IF YOU READ this site that MUCH, GOOD SIR, but this HAS BEEN one of THE MOST fuckin sane ASS Monster's Ball IN MANY a moon.
Score = 5
True fact, even if you account for the cute animal orgy that ensued seemingly apropos of nothing.
Score = 3
Well, that certainly could have been more carefully phrased...
Score = 6
I've been kinda outta the loop these days. Since moving back to the Homeland (good ol' US of A) I haven't seemed to be able to find time to read and post comments. IMO Da Cak Eatur was always a pain in da ASS so seems fitting he's upped the anti. VGum is bigger than that we can get past it. While I miss Lindsey as much as ever the new guest posters are doing pretty darn well. I love love love the Melrose recaps. The posts are great but the comments are top notch. Well done VGum Monsters!!!! You can't go home again but sometime the new road is just as good. Lots O' Love
Score = 8
I missed your avatar.
Score = 1
WHERE have you BEEN?
Score = 3
i prolly won't ever make an account, but i will always wake up saturday morn and check the best and worst comments. it's the best. AND today was great. cake eatur or wha wha WHAT or whatever that is - so awesome. are people really mad about that? it's like the most amazing and fun/twisted thing ever. i guess. totally entertaining. HE WAS THE FIRST TO COMMENT! SAYING "no" that ish was perfect. anyway, i think that "no" should win best comment next week. question - do monsters ball comments fit into your little competition?
thank you all of you who do this. it's so entertaining. i often LOL. i feel bad i don't pay for this service.
Score = 0
The "No" comment would have been funnier if it was attributed to "Da Cake Eutur" and not one of the other many screen names that guy uses (what can I say, I love Planet Of The Apes references).
Score = 2
I like your openness to all the freaky shit that goes on in the comments...I think it's fascinating to see how the commenters have evolved/devolved...like how da cake eatur started out as a hated commenter, then people started to "get" him, then he lost face with Gabe or something and split for a while, then he tried out different approaches that weren't consistent with his original image, then made up all these new disguises that were equally stupid but totally repellent because they lacked the redeeming (put-on) innocence of da cake eatur...making us wonder what's really going on there...is this guy a masochist who thinks he's a rebel, or just a self-destructive kid, or what?
And then there's the whole story arc of poor TalbainJ, who I totally identify with because I used to be young, overeager and awkward (um, still kind of awkward) and who may still be around for all we know under some new name...and An American Patriot, who has softened his wingnut rhetoric a lot and is now much-loved or at least much-tolerated, and is a perfect example of someone who has "assimilated" despite obviously playing a role...and then mini arcs like werttrew, who ruled last week's comments but then suffered a backlash.
But there are nice surprises too, like seeing Angelaaaaa suddenly reappear after so many months away. And then sometimes a commenter will just come out of nowhere and knock me out with their brilliance....and other people come and go, and we'll never know where they went. But anyway....I guess my point is I feel bad that I don't pay for this too.
Score = 9
why am I getting downvoted for some chick's broken caps lock button?
Score = -4
People have a hard on for bizarre subcharacters in weird little video websites.
Score = 1
Score = 9
Score = 15
Score = 9
Score = 4
Score = 9
It's like potato chips! I can't stop!
Score = 6
Score = 5
Score = 6
Before I say anything else I must give the caveat that this has nothing to do with the Ball....anyway I just finished the podcast for last week's This American Life ("Frenemies") and there was this whole segment on the "I'm Not Here To Make Friends" phenomenon of reality TV, and the whole time I was like "This is some 'This American Videogum' shit" and THEN, at the end, Ira Glass says "Special thanks to Gabe Delahaye and Max Silvestri for supervising production" or something similar. So I just wanted to say CONGRATS TO GABE AND MAX for a job well done and also for getting a break into such an esteemed radio show! Also wanted to say that it's weird to have the feeling of excitement when you hear someone you know getting recognized for something so cool, only to realize that you don't actually know them, like at all. WHATEVER, ice cream and cake all around!
P.S. I hope this is a sign that a TAM segment on the surreality of the Vgum community is pending.
Score = 10
I read about it last week on FourFour and heard it last night - very funny. Radiogum.com!
Podcast link!
Score = 3
That's amazing. Even though we want you to become huge and famous, Gabe, please don't leave the gum!
Score = 3
I don't join in on your discussions, but I've watched them all. I know your personalities well.
Sometimes I feel like such a voyeur.
Score = 6
ditto.
Score = 0
Do you know my personality, because I would love to hear your take.
Score = 1
That sentence might have been better off with a question mark.
Score = 3