Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments
This week's five highest rated comments as voted on by you, the lowest rated comment as voted on by you, and the editor's choice.
It has been a pretty quiet week around here! Perhaps all of the monsters have gone back to school and their parents have restricted their Internet privileges until they finish their homework. EAT YOUR HYPOTHETICAL VEGETABLES! I do not know where everyone went. But, well, with so many people out of the picture, it cleared the way for a first in Monsters' Ball history. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Probably bad. I feel bad about most things.
After the jump, your five highest rated comments, your lowest rated comment, and my Editor's Choice.
This Week's Highest Rated Comments
Posted by: werttrew in response to America's Next Top Model: Y'all Wanna Be On Top?
Score = 45
CS - That's quite a compliment sir.
PBO - Also loved you in The Mighty Ducks.
CS - What.
Posted by: werttrew in response to Charlie Sheen's 9/11 Fan Fiction
Score = 45
"Roughly immediately?"
"Right you are, Mr. President."
Posted by: TheJesusCodpiece in response to Charlie Sheen's 9/11 Fan Fiction
Score = 46
Anyone else thinking what I'm thinking?
Posted by: werttrew in response to You Could Star (But Please Don't Star) In Entourage: Lower East Side
Score = 56
Posted by: werttrew in response to Tyra Banks Wants To Be The Black Gwyneth Paltrow
Score = 60
[Ed. note: uhhhhhhhh, congratulations, werttrew? You came out of nowhere and managed to score 4 out of the top 5 spots this week? Either your comments represent the zeitgeist of the Videogum Commenter Community, efficiently expressing what everyone was feeling, or you stuffed the ballots somehow. I don't really think you cheated. But it's weird! You have to admit that it's weird!]
This Week's Lowest Rated Comment
Posted by: WoW Rules 69 in response to Ellen Degeneres's Big Announcement
Score = -23
[Ed. note: I was honestly half-expecting the lowest rated comment this week to be from werttrew. It would just make sense. I probably should have picked one of his comments for the Editor's Choice. You know, for thematic cohesion. Anyway, this comment winning the bottom slot seems, much like werttrew's victory sweep, to indicate just how inactive the comments were this week. It's a clumsy, gross, unfunny, trollish comment. But it's also, you know, shrug.]
This Week's Editor's Choice
Posted by: RobinRubbermaid in response to Melrose Place: The Ghost In The Pool
[Ed. note: No one is trying to replace Lindsay Robertson, because there is no replacing Lindsay Robertson. Yes, agreed, the timing of the introduction of freelance contributors was awkward. So. "It's complicated" -- Facebook. Can we all move forward now?]
Posted by Gabe at 5:45 PM in Monsters' Ball
Tags: Internet Commenters | Monsters
i was robbed.
Score = 2
You're just going to have to TalbainJ2: TalbainJ Harder next time(Stops to look to the left and salute my computer).
Score = 8
Thanks guys! Hugs and
I've read Videogum for a long, long, long time and just got around to regularly commenting this week. Mostly because I finally figured out how to make pics and gifs work.
Score = 17
It's true, us monsters go weak in the knees for those fancy gifs!
Score = 9
Damn, I almost feel bad for getting in your way.
Score = 11
I still don't know how to make them work, but I've already got a file full of them called "Clever Ploys to Gain Internet Respect" ready and waiting for when I do.
Score = 14
This .gif made me think of that post. Tell your ears I'm sorry in advance.
Score = 2
We're all werttrews accounts. All alone, together.
Score = 9
The commenstraveganza 2 weeks ago made me feel ugly on the inside, then last week I was like, well, I feel a little less ugly, but still creeped out. I feel better now, though, and maybe that's how a lot of people feel? And that explains the ghost towniness around here?
Score = 3
Let's just all slowly back out of this week, and not mention it for a good, long while.
Score = 13
Congrats werttrew, your posts were funny and I don't mean to criticize you or your efforts with this quote but I feel like there should be the top 5 comments, a TOP PIC OR GIF, and then lowest and editors pic. I just feel like it's so easy to photoshop gabe's face into kim zolziak's wig and get a billion points, you know? But I say that as a suggestion. Maybe I'm wrong? Anyone want to share their opinion?
Score = 89
I am furiously upvoting this right now.
Score = 5
Joseph called, he said he wants his amazing technicolor good idea coat back.
(won't let the e-door hit my i'm sorry on the way out)
Score = 24
From someone who's top rated comments (and lowest) have come from photoshopping, I totally agree. Words are hard to type: type harder. Seriously tho, you monsters write some great things and others "create" great photoshop pics (or find animated gifs). Pics obvs get the easy votes, but we should honor some of the great wordsmiths we have here too.
Score = 7
ha. obvious typo above... words ARE hard. You'd never believe me if I told you I had to pass a spelling and grammar test to past college, would you? I mean that was 54 years ago. I'm as old as Gabe.
Score = 2
FOR REAL. NOTHING AGAINST you werttrew (I had MY FAIR LOL'S on YOUR posts AS WELL), but someone SHOULD REALLY limit that SHIT. Or have like A KENNY POST IMG of the WEEK. OR SOMETHING. I don't know. ALSO ISN'T the LOWEST rated one DA CAKE EATUR? What happened Y'ALL?
Score = 2
Bad things happened, Patriot. Bad things...
Score = 8
Shit. All my TIME HAS been taken UP BETWEEN WORK and FAMILY TIME and physical THERAPY, but this TURN OF EVENTS is going to FUCKIN CHANGE everything
in MY BOOK!
Score = 7
Soon all the comments on Videogum will be fancy pants jpgs and moving gifs, and we'll all freak out when 4 out of the top 5 Monster's Ball comments are just text. What then? Do we go about our business, accepting change as part of life, and accepting our inability to grasp change as part of who we are? Or do we just get the inevitable over with and reenact the movie Battle Royale?
Score = 9
I think people believe making an image is somehow extremely easy and definitely easier than writing. Some people find they can express themselves better with words rather than pictures.
I'm always perturbed when people start harping on pictures for being 'easy.' They still require thought, they still need to be conceptualized within a context, and they still need to be funny and resonate with the readers.
Easy pictures getting a lot of votes is exactly the same as some of the easy jokes people make (a writer will modify a joke already made by Gabe, comedy by repetition, etc).
This warning on pictures is ridiculous.
Besides, the three images in the top five this week were accompanied by words to compliment the images, thereby marrying all the humor together.
Give me a break, people.
Score = 5
i agree. picture posts don't automatically get upvotes. anyone can teach themselves how to post pics with html. and if you're not good at photoshop, that'll probably make the pic funnier. if anyone has ms paint, you should definitely be posting pictures as that is the greatest image making program of all time.
basically, like KajusX said, you can't just throw in a deformed animal or a tyra-face out of nowhere, if it doesn't work, we don't upvote, if it does work, we upvote. same as with text comments.
Score = 4
yet as someone who uses both mediums, i'd say pictures definitely have a higher upvote per unit effort (science!) than text.
they're simply more lucrative.
maybe because everyone 'reads' these comments when they're scrolling down the page - greater market penetration?
Score = 6
I totally agree. Pictures are definitely more eye-catching than words, especially when they're sandwiched between many words. The language of images can be understood much faster than words. (pictures worth a thousand, blah blah blah).
Do pictures have an advantage over words? Probably. But on this word-based site, where everyone has proven to be avid readers and writers of comments, to say pictures have an unfair advantage or should have their own category is a step too far.
We're only able to absorb the idea behind a picture comment faster than the written ones before we decide if it's good or not, downvote or upvote, and move on to the (hopefully) next hilarious comment.
Hey guys, wouldn't it be funny if Gabe's head was put on Megan Fox's body?
(this is a written image. Upvote this now)
Score = 0
The plural of medium is MEDIA! Don't mean to be the grammar police but this particular misuse bugs the shit outta me. Nobody uses medium/media correctly.
Score = 0
WHERE THE fuck have YOU BEEN man?!
Score = 0
That's a great counter point! No need to get huffy though!
Score = 1
Thanks. I didn't mean to be huffy. I just like it when people give me breaks so I demand them constantly.
Score = 1
Can we have a few days set aside where Gabe feels good about everything? Nothing but Cute As Balls, Good Idea Jeans, and Guido Beaches all day?
How about the second wednesday after the third tuesday in months that start with 'm' or 'n'? That work for everyone? Great. Should do my monster heart more good than those hypothetical vegetables.
Score = 9
The plus side of less people showing up is that the post about Jason Segel's penis from like three years ago climbed its way back into the most viewed list. It features great comments like "i love this man would love to suck that and other things with him i am so turned on by him" which got a plus 4. Werttrew would have been getting plus 1000s consistently if he was commenting then.
Score = 8
I was pretty inactive this week because my dad was in the hospital for four days with internal bleeding from an aspirin/medication mix-up and then with school starting I was too busy passing out to even read Videogum.
Is this the part where I get sympathy upvotes?
Score = 8
I'd upvote you, but then it would seem like I were upvoting your dad's being sick. What's the Videogum ettiquette? Should I downvote, showing my displeasure? *Head esplodes*
...I hope your dad's doing okay...
Score = 5
Sincerely hope your dad is okay. Also, thought your comment on the 'Twitter' post was freakin' hilarious, especially if it was you.
Score = 4
He's been out of the hospital since Wednesday, looks like he'll be fine now. Thanks for the concern.
And yes that picture was me.
Score = 20
THIS is where we upvote you.
Score = 0
Yes.
Score = 0
I've been busy doing volunteer work, which is not as fun as it sounds.
Sorry, videogum.
Score = 4
I don't know if this will be accurate after I write this, but someone down-voting your comment! So now all I can think of is some guy on his computer who is furious at you.
"How dare you help the community and make the world a better place with your volunteer work. AGHHHH! DOWNVOTE!"
I don't know why I even thought of that...
Also, yeah, this week was bad for me. I just started school and I'm overwhelmed with readings! Sorry Videogum! :(
Score = 4
I'm starting to think hiring my own staff of writers wasn't such a wise investment
Score = 27
I wish I knew how to put in gifs and pics. I would be so popular.
Score = 8
COLLEGE > COMMENTING = :(
Score = 5
seriously, you guys have no idea how frustrated I am to have my special daily vgum time so cruelly ripped away... I may go back and comment on the week's posts this weekend, all while knowing that no one will ever see them. whatever. I comment for grace, and grace alone. (I am grace I am not commenting for the favor/protection of the christian god).
Score = 6
At least you're in college where you only have class like two hours a day. I'm in high school where we have class for SEVEN HOURS a day.
Score = 2
Not to get in a pity-me-contest or anything but I'm in college and I had class for nine hours today. Just sayin'.
Score = 4
I'm an architecture student. I've already been sleeping only like 4 hours a night (at the most). Ugh. College. Except for me it's more like: Ugh. My life.
Score = 0
Same. Graphic design. (Which made the Takers poster all the more depressing)
Score = 0
I'll jump on that bandwagon. I'm in my foundation year in art school, so I'm in the studio every day from 730 to at least 10 at night.
I miss my fellow monsters.
Score = 0
"Y'all are crazy, I LOVE college!"
Score = 5
Totally. I'm currently working at the titty bar (not stripping relax), teaching old people how to use the computer in 3 classes at the community college, and doing grad student research (Graduate Students are the worst.) Putting my kitty through chemo so gotta make that paypa', I miss VG lots though. Like I've said before, have no idea what's been going on around here lately but welcome to the new freelancers (shout-out, Mary! I wanna eat your face, luv!)
Score = 0
Man, I'm right there with you. I feel like I watch Videogum rerun shows when they are re-aired later on in the evening. First I work a full time job, and then on top of that my time zone makes it so that I'm posting while most all of you kids should be in bed.
But I comment anyway, for the pleasure of anyone that will happen upon these blog posts several months from now.
Score = 5
yes! most days by the time I get around to wanting to comment these posts (like right now, for instance) everything I would like to say has already been said... only it's usually much more funny than if I would have said it... I'm not worthy of videogum! I'm not living up to my icon's high standards!
Score = 4
Yeah. I'm a week and a half in and I've already had two tests. TWO! TESTS! I knew I should have just listened to my parents and become a sanitation worker...
Score = 1
Holy shit, it really was a slow week.
Score = 3
Score = 47
I also agree that gifs and photoshops are too easy, mainly because I don't know how to do either of them.
Score = 31
Talk about a letdown from the drama and troll-fueled discussions of yesterweek.
The week after Labor Day is a weird week in general though. Things will probably start picking up soon...I hope...
Score = 1
Does anyone else have the same problem I do where they made it into the Monster's Ball once and now they don't ever comment anymore because it's like "why bother? I already made it in the Monster's Ball."
We should get like... coupons for Outback Steakhouse if we comment more. I need INCENTIVES here.
Score = 13
oh yeah. i peaked the first week, right after publicly declaring the end of friday fights to be the beginning of noticemegabeandlindsaygum. embarrassing. Constantiople2: Rise of the TwoFacedDickWorm.
but anyway, i've kinda despised monster's ball for making the comments a competition for LOLZ. and, while i enjoy the weekend metagum discussions, they've been getting out of hand.
also, come on guys! 4 balls for the same monster?! ARE WE TALBAINJ-ING HARD OR HARDLY TALBAINJ-ING?!!!
Score = 13
I find it funny that lots of people are getting downvoted for explaining why they didn't comment this week. Are we mad at them for sacrificing their videogum time for "better" pursuits or are we mad they think we care?
Score = 11
Quite clearly the way to get into Videogum's pants is through funny gifs.
("Funny" being the key word, Mr. Powers.)
Score = 3
Sorry I haven't really been commenting lately, guys. I've been on a terrible downward spiral that has so far involved sixteen grams of PCP, a not-exactly-legally obtained Winnebago, a dozen sewer rats, four back-alley hookers (two of which turned out to be guys), six pending criminal investigations, thirteen lawsuits, a rusty hacksaw that I assumed was a hallucination (but unfortunately turned out to be quite real) and a small Vietnamese hermaphrodite who now refers to me as "Master".
But yeah, I've been super busy lately, and I really miss having the time to read all of Gabe's posts and then check out the comments. Maybe now that I spend most of my time evading law enforcement and feeding the dark obsessions of my twisted soul, I'll appreciate it a little more when I can get my 'Gum on. You guys really are the best!
And four out of the top five comments are by the same person?! That's crazy, guys LOL!
Score = 14
You just made me nostalgic for the summer of '95. Damn, I'm old.
Score = 6
I am going to drink so much turpentine tonight to try and forget this awful, awful week. Someone call my mom and tell her I love her.
Score = 4
I think the problem i've had with the "freelance contributors" is that it's just sort of a "wham bam thank you ma'am" system.They're here for one post and then gone? Wait, who are you? Where are you going? I thought you loved us!
I assume that they're brought in to sort of fill the post void left by Lindsay's departure (which by the by Gabe, you have done a crazy good job of filling. Has the average # of posts even gone down? Not to mention, consistent quality!). But if it's just a matter of that, i would be satisfied with Gabe posting slightly less. Because i'm not living learning loving with someone who just stopped in to say "Heyyy! You can find more of my stuff here!". Yknow? (no offense to the freelancers who i'm positive do not have this intention. it's just the nature of the beast.)
On the other hand, maybe i'm just a sentimental idiot who should get a tattoo of a ship sailing away or something.
Score = 16
Yeah, I'm kinda flabbergasted that Gabe has been able to keep up the with the output as much as much as he has. When Lindsay left, I just assumed that there would be only half as many posts. The most interesting thing is that the quality of his writing hasn't suffered. If anything it's improved.
Thanks for being awesome, Gabe. If this country was rolling in the dollars, you should get a massive, massive raise.
Score = 12
As I understand it, the freelancers will be back regularly to comment on each week's episode of whatever show is their beat. I already love the Mad Men guy, Alex something (I'll remember his name eventually...which is kind of my point: we'll get used to this). And I think they've all been great so far. The Lindsay attachment is completely understandable (I miss her too) but it's getting kind of pathological at this point. She's doing fine---why wouldn't she be, she's fucking awesome.
Score = 7
i didn't realize it was a reoccurring thing for a particular show, which actually kind of makes sense, and is not nearly as bad.
Also lindsay was awesome and :( all around. but it's more a sentimentality for "THE OLD WAY" than anything else. I have seen too many blogs (i.e. a couple) that got kind of shitty because they would have some variance of "guest week." Nobody is reading this blog because like, a bat expert in cincinatti has a new book out. I realize it's not the same deal here. But still.... i worry. Like an overprotective mother, i worry.
What if videogum starts doing drugs and hanging out with the wrong crowd?
Anyway.
Score = 12
I WON'T allow it AND I KNOW Lindsay is DOMINATING THIS shit. BUT I WILL NEVER forget. But we HAVE TO LIVE and learn TO LOVE ANEW Y'ALL.
Score = 1
I love that Lindsay is your #1 priority on Things To Never Forget, even on 9/11, of all days.
(In the past I would have found this disingenuous, but the world is somehow different now that Obama is president and you and I follow each other on Twitter....so now I just think it's quirky. Moveon.org!)
Score = 2
WELL TALKING about 9/11 JUST DOESN'T feel fuckin RIGHT ON A blog. NOT TO MENTION THAT better people THAN I have said TOUCHING AND DEEP things on the subject. ALSO, THE PEOPLE who quickly BRING UP 9/11 NOW EVEN on 9/11, ARE USUALLY THE GODDAMNED asshole WHO are co-opting IT FOR SOME bullshit POLITICAL reason. Fuck THAT NOISE. NEVER FORGET but still, FUCK YOU, Giuliani.
Score = 0
I found the fewer numbers of comments somewhat reassuring (so much to read! so much to process!), although I suppose for Videogum's sake we want really long comment threads. TWSS? I'll be going now.
Score = 2
Maybe this has already been brought up, but what's with all the quoting comments? Does repeating what Gabe said actually count?
Score = 1
1. Â I was very, very astonished to see many of my comments from Tuesday and Wednesday rise so quickly. I thought that I might get the Tyra one onto Monster's Ball. But four out of five? I feel like a rookie pitcher who pitched a one-hitter on his first game, albeit during the preseason, so.Â
2. If you want to know how to make animated gifs and pics in the comments, email me at werttrew99@yahoo.com. I'll send you a mini tutorial. I'd post it here but if I'm gonna go all Prometheus in sharing this fire I'd rather it be for just a few rather than anyone. Or Google it to learn like I did.
3. On controling excessive gifs, pics, and photoshops: Eh. People like 'em and think they're funny IF they're well-used and well-timed. It's not like they're use guarantees you any upvotes. As you could probably guess, I'm for 'em, but I would not object to  a Monster's Ball scheme that rewarded word-only comments differently. I certainly would hate to see a ban or restriction on 'em.   Â
Score = 4
Can videogum start posting a calender? A weekly wash board/schedule? I love reading Videogum, but sometimes I lose track of who is Tivoing what. Also, I would like to participate in the movie club screenings. Does that mean I should back track a few days every time I get a little caught up in homework? I feel like this is a practical solution for all of us who can no longer Eat pie, exercise, search for Videogum notices, and go to school. Shine a light! Thanks!
Score = 5
This is a great idea. A to-do calendar for the organized monsters, please!
Score = 5
Just figured out how to make an animated .gif.
Testing. 1-2-3.
Score = 14
Is there a special format for animated userpics? 'Cause the awesome animated gif I made of a frog and a hat didn't seem to work. So I had to de-animate it. But all I wanted for christmas was to finally join Videogum with a stupid name and an awesome userpic. And I've failed.
Score = 6
I love this/you for making it! Great Job!
Score = 1
Score = 2
Oh, come the fuck on, who downvoted the hippo?
Score = 9
You saying "Come the fuck on" was funnier than the pic itself.
Score = 4
Only one word comes to mind: TOENAILS!
Score = 3
totally. mani/pedi time, hippo friend.
Score = 1
Okay, so since I can't comment on the previous post, I will say here that I am excited about Sunday Night Videogum Party, even though I don't watch the VMAs, because I can be present!
Redemption!
Score = 0
i used to post on a messageboard that had a similar upvote/downvote system. for a while it was all text comments, until some members began posting images and photoshopped pictures. the same phenomenon occurred-- pictures seemed to automatically get more upvotes. maybe it's because pictures attract more attention than text comments when you're just scrolling through? picture posts are often hilarious and add a new dimension to commenting (that sounds SO nerdy) but i think having separate categories for monster's ball is a pretty good idea-- wit should be equally rewarded. for what it's worth.
Score = 1
WHOA WHOA whoa. Can I change MY VOTE BECAUSE I didn't THINK THIS shit through. When YOU PUT it that WAY, it certainly SOUNDS LIKE a little OF THE GOOD ol' socialism! I SAY WE LET THE commenters COMMENT and THE VOTERS vote, and we just LET THE FREE Comment SYSTEM SORT it all out, y'all!
(THANKS FOR opening my EYES, ETEMOREKIX.)
Don't worry FREEDOM FIGHETERS I WILL call Glenn Beck and GET HIM ON this!
Score = 0
It has been said: "A picture is worth hundreds more words that words are worth. Also, words suck."
Score = 6
When I figure out how to make animated GIFs I am going to make my avatar into the entire Tom Cruise movie Valkyrie just so you guys sit there watching wondering when-in-the-hell-is-this-thing-going-to-end.
It will be an hour and a half of you life that you will never get back.
Score = 7
Honesty time; I was going to upvote this, but your profile name/avatar/schtick bother me.
Score = 1
I hear ya.
Taking credit for dead celebrities isn't for everybody.
Score = 0
And also, about halfway through you should start thinking to yourself "Oh, shit, what if this is a double feature?"
You never know.
Score = -1
I thought for sure my JT/JB photoshop would get me in the Top 5. Phooey.
We need to implement this keyboard to VG commenters stat (Gabes, get on it!):
Score = 0