Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments
This week's five highest rated comments as voted on by you, the lowest rated comment as voted on by you, and the editor's choice.
You guys, the Videogum readership, are great. We pride ourselves on having some of the most intelligent, and engaged, and funny readers on the internet. Your comments are hands-down the best there are! Sometimes! Sometimes your comments are completely terrible! Sub-par YouTube trash! Here is where we celebrate the best and one the worst of the week's comments.
Some of you voiced a concern in last week's announcement of this new feature that the comment section in light of this feature would become an annoying game of "Impress Gabe and Lindsay" mindless, sycophantic, one-upsmanship. We were worried about that too! We like to be impressed and flattered, but not if it's insincere. So, after the jump, we present the week's Top 5 comments as voted on by YOU. Democracy in action! Lindsay and I have each selected our favorite comment of the week for the Editor's Choice. And, find out which comment got the MOST THUMB'S DOWN!
HIGHEST SCORED COMMENTS
5.
I just love it when these religulous idiots forget to hide their transparent misogyny. Somebody's daughter? What about the somebody's son who's blowing his load all over her face?
Posted by: sarah palin
In response to "Somebody's Daughter": A Song To Remind You Of Why Porn Is Bad
Score = 53
4.
I didn't like this back in 2000 when this was called Crazy Town and I still don't.
Posted by: Darren87
In response to Brokencyde's New Music Video Makes Me Want To Die (Of Old Age, Apparently)
Score = 54
3. 
Posted by: Kenny Powers
In response to: John Voight Is Crazy
Score = 59
2.
i love that she's white trash AND super-liberal. because those totally go hand in hand.
Posted by: Johnny
In response to College Turns Girls Into Pregnant Liberals Who Hate Cookies
Score = 68
1.
While Reign Over Me pretty well deserves whatever amount of shit you want to smear over its heavy-handed, ridiculous frame, I'm starting to feel like ANY plot at all would sound ridiculous in your capable, satirical hands. I'm not sure where the shitty plot ends and where Gabe's Vision of Truth starts.
Then Dick and Jane take off down a hill in a wagon. And Dick keeps repeating how they're going down down down the hill - which is totally realistic dialogue for riding down in a hill in a wagon. Because parents frequently let their children ride down steep hills in rickety old wagons from the fifties with anthropomorphic dolls that have feelings.
Posted by: Constantinople
In response to: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Reign Over Me
Score = 141
LOWEST SCORED COMMENT:
The purpose of this organization is not to deny students an education or hinder their ability to think critically, its to prepare students for some of the ridiculous liberal ideology that is force-fed to college students around the country. Its not to promote ignorance, its to teach kids that just because their liberal professors and naive friends may promote damaging lifestyle habits and liberal-leaning views about politics, religion, and the world, they should feel no obligation to adopt these views and should keep in mind their upbringing and personal values when making decisions. I don't see a problem with that. It is much preferable to the idiots who go to college for one semester and all of a sudden are hateful, shortsighted agnostic communists whose favorite activities include righteous indignation and trite marijuana-influenced rants about religion and politics.Posted by: recordingDR In response to College Turns Girls Into Pregnant Liberals Who Hate Cookies Score = -57
[Ed. note: Haha, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?]
EDITOR'S CHOICE: GABE
Walker told me I have AIDS.
Posted by: simonsays
In response to Nice Try, Nerds
[Ed. note: CLASSIC. Nice reference. Completely arbitrary (I think?). Genuinely caught me off guard, resulting in some real Lots Of Loves. Well played, simon.]
EDITOR'S CHOICE: LINDSAY
That show was completely inappropriate. How far will reality shows go? The theme really prodded into that woman's inner privacy. If she were MY WIFE her behavior would sooner than later leave a bad taste in my mouth. When will our appetite to digest freak "entertainment" Crest the level of normal and lead us into a dark abysmal hole of crap TV?Posted by: chris (Ed. note: unregistered, unknown, unsung!) In response to: Obsessed: Shit Just Got Real (No, Literally.)
[Ed. Note: I just like how everyone probably stopped reading this one immediately, thinking it was one thing, but if you keep reading, once you get to "Crest" you realize it's definitely another. There were probably better one-liners this week, but this little unsung fakeout was (Aqua) fresh.]
Posted by Gabe at 4:45 PM in Monsters' Ball
Tags: Internet Commenters
let's all comment on comments and create a black hole
Score = 332
Then what would happen if yours became the highest rated comment of next week?
You don't know what you're doing, ModernMANdroid. This is beyond us.
Score = 35
you are correct. let us rate this highest and let the videogum universe implode. (in a good way)
Score = 12
you are correct. let us rate this highest and let the videogum universe implode. (in a good way)
Score = -16
...paint the black hole blacker. paint the black whole blacker.
(My Stereogum peeps know what I'm talkin' bout)
Score = 13
ANCO!?!?!
Score = -2
BTW this is a comment about commenting on comments. What?
Score = -27
race to the bottom of meta!
Score = 4
"The Black Hole" need not be recreated through zany comments. It has enough zany dialogue - and I think it needs to be added to the hunt: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078869
Score = -1
Gabe, you've made movies I once loved into a steaming pool of cat piss
Score = 1
I guess we should start calling Gabe "The Alchemist"
Score = 4
...was it bicentennial man?
Score = 13
I'm pretty sure the comments already are an annoying game of mindless, sycophantic, one-upsmanship, so we can only go up from here!
Score = 46
Classic name! I want you to know that, well, I appreciate you.
Score = 3
should i feel bad that i was one of the vocal opponents of this feature and the slippery slope to Noticemegabeandlindsaygum?
i think i should feel bad about that.
i'd change my name to TwoFacedDickWorm but that would really throw off Istanbul's game.
Score = 18
i really like whats developing between you and istanbul. it's much funnier now that he's done with the mirror monster thing. also he never told us what that was a reference too. (at least i didn't see it anyway.
Score = 2
this shit finna get so meta
Score = 29
dude, my bone, seriously. that was devastating. you've devastated my bone. all this formality, fuck it. i'm going to email you my high school diploma. youve deserve it more than i do.
Score = -3
Really enjoying this feature, actually. The presentation and organization/formatting could probably use a little revision, but this is week one, so I'm going to shut up. You are the blog professionals and I am just the asshole. Feedback! :)
Score = 15
I agree that it looks mostly terrible! Still working the kinks out, GRAPHICS DESIGNZ wise. Any suggestions?
Score = 9
start with the editor's choice and i think it will be easier to read.
Score = 6
Include the avatar with the winning/losing comment. Sometimes I don't pay attention to the username so it's hard to cross-reference w/ their other comments.
Score = 32
Something like this?
Score = 32
More sharks and explosions.
Score = 44
Jessica Alba would lose her shit
Score = 11
set a background color for those comments? so you can differentiate the comments from the subheadings with grey/muted purple/muted yellow squares...
Score = 7
Is Ed Hardy available to make a snazzy logo for this feature? Perhaps a skeleton fucking a unicorn?
Score = 31
The Top 5 comments are set too close together, duh.
Score = 5
Damn, I really thought my ::Puts on sunglasses, turns around and walks away from explosion:: would make it. It's probably the smartest thing I will ever come up with. I guess it's just a testament to the skill and intellect of the Videogum commenters, well played everyone else.
Score = 3
I think this will be fun on weeks that involve a party game, because then you guys can comment on/cut down people's submissions
Score = 2
So, does that mean I'm going to have a semi-panic attack every week between seeing this on the front page and the jump? I'm a highly competitive person, and if my comments don't show up on here soon I'm going to have to either go back on my anxiety meds or stop going here (probably the first, because I like slow loris's and Paul Rudd too much).
Score = 1
I'm with you, except I never got off my anxiety meds. So I have nothing to fall back on. Nothing!
Score = 10
wow fuck u all
Score = -37
This post especially reminds me of how much I miss Da Cake Eatur. I still laugh quietly to myself sometimes when I think of the time he asked CarolineA "iz u really a squirrel?"
Score = 62
I liked his relatively minimalist "stop"
Score = 18
It was possibly my favorite reply in the past year or so that I've been on Videogum =]]
Score = 4
I told me sister about "Iz u rly a skwerl?" and now it's our standard phone greeting. Totes endless Lots of Loves.
Score = 2
For my money, the best comment of the last week was:
"Liberals! So bad at parking!"
By: jklope4
On College Turns Girls Into Pregnant Liberals Who Hate Cookies
i was in an endless cycle of seeing it, Lots of Love-ing it, and forgetting about it all week.
I swear i tried up-vote that like five different times.
Score = 17
"Monsters' Ball" is a fine name for this feature. It ain't Friday Fights, but I have a feeling that (like Luigi) I'll learn to love it.
Score = 9
I'm ecstatic when I get in the teens on comments (which is REALLY pathetic), so I think I can already concede any chance of a top 5 finish. I'll leave that to Kenny Powers and Booferama.
Wish this had been around the week Gabe posted about Tom Jane's new man-whore show on HBO, so that one of the many "I just want my kids back" jokes could've been featured. Those were (collectively) my favorite post ever.
Score = 7
(cough) I didn't make the top five (cough)
Score = 2
meh, at least I got my looks.
Score = 9
okay, i was definitely one of the haters last week but i'll hand it to you, tastefully done.
Score = 1
That pic is so appropriate.
Score = 0
RecordingDR's comment should have been down-voted way more.
Score = 2
... I recommend a name change.
Score = 2
Let me just say that Gabe has a larger penis than both Michael Bay and McG . So does Lindsay.
Score = 19
Can we vote on best avatar for next week?
Score = 11
i think my only comment this week was a fucking loris going yay in all caps. so clearly, winner.
Score = 12
hahaha, i made top five for a very matter-of-fact statement that no one disagreed with. i am the two and a half men of videogum comments -- no one loves me, but so few people hate me that i come across as a huge success.
YAY MEDIOCRITY
Score = 30
i like this feature... though there did seem to be an influx of n00bs this week adding comments like "gabe, this is videogum's best post of all time, EVAR" and "lindsay, i want to have ur babeeez" and such - but for the most part, they were ignored or downvoted, except for on the knife post because that was The Best.
good stuff, Videogummerz.
Score = 4
this is why i'm so glad i made my boner for lindsay evident long before this feature came about. otherwise, she might not know it's legit.
Score = 15
Aw, so my boner for Lindsay isn't legit? You make my boner sad. (But on the other hand, typing that last sentence gave me great joy.)
Score = 1
Great. Now I'll never work up the courage to post a comment on this site.
I love the Dick and Jane comment though, it's like a child putting on its dad's glasses and slippers and putting on its best dad-voice, while dad sucks on his pipe and smiles magnanimously.
And I was one of the other, less brave kids, cheering him on once the initial tension was broken. For a short while, we all felt like a family again.
I'm sorry. When I get drunk, I get sentimental.
Score = 10
I'm gonna need an avatar, and a shtick. Votewhoring is serious business, and I intend to be the best votewhore I can be. Not sure if I'm gonna go for the highest or the lowest score. I'm thinking of a burning cross for an avatar (lowest it is), and a name like GaysAreTheNewBlacks, and just before I get banned forever ((dis)honorable mention?), I'll spout something like "You liberals just hate this Christian inspirational video because, ..."
Ugh, I can't do this. Voting on comments is evil, like Twitter and Ashton Kutcher. It starts innocently enough, but five years from now the top five highest scoring commenters on commentvotesaggregator.com (a division of Google Everything) will get their own reality shows, and Gabe will write about them sarcastically. And we'll all have a great time, until some tv-producer realizes there's also a lowest scoring commenter. And the only tags used will be "What America Wants" and "Signs That The Apocalypse Is Near." But the Apocalypse won't come, because that would be too easy. I think I really need to go to sleep now. (I'm in Europe, it's almost morning here.)
Score = 1
Idea for a movie: a guy gets trapped in a comments thread and can't get out until he gets in next week's Top Five. It's like Groundhog Day, only pathetic. Apologies for the thread-hijacking. I'll shut up now.
Score = 1
I'm afraid I'm too much of a lurker to seriously contend in this battle of wits and contributors to my lolK. I'm in favor of giving recognition to the community though, since I find the comments on this site half the allure of being here.
Also, I'm comforted by the fact that as bad as some posts and conversations can get on here sometimes, they will never be anywhere near as horrible as the stereogum boards.
Keep up the good/terrible work, vidyagummers!
Score = 13
Stereogum boards UGH. I'd never realized how hilarious this site is.
"Colbert > Stewart": we would never allow that shit here.
Score = 6
It's on, guys, it's so on.
Score = -1
One magical day can we all be winners?
Score = 5
da videogum luvfest continues! yoose da snarkiest! no, yoose are!! yoose da best because you say "seth macfarlane yoose da worstj!" a bunch! republicans sucky suckj! lololj!
Score = -21
fuck is this "j" shit?
Score = 4
Do I win a prize?
Score = -11
define "prize"- because maybe yes.
Score = 3
I dunno... blowjob or something...
Score = -14
why cant we haz friday fight and monsters ball?
Score = 6
Now I say something funny.
Score = 2
It's nice to be recognized but scrolling through this page I saw that a guy who says he misses Da Cake Eatur got voted up 36 points and it made me realize that Videogum is full of retards and dipshits.
Score = 36
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Score = 20
Jealouuuus. Fudge you, Videogum is full of awesomenesses. And I'm not a guy, you Ricky wannabe, with your constant dumb gifs cuz you can't write anything relevant.
Score = 0
I would like to thank the academy, my parents, and all you that made comments that were less pithy than mine (but not those of you that made comments more pithy than mine) and I would be remiss to not thank Marty (ie: Scorsese) for just giving a guy a chance.
Score = 3
Lindsay's Editors choice is truly amazing! I took me a few reads to fully understand it.
Score = 3
Your cat (assuming that's who is in your avatar) is adorable!
Score = 3
I actually think that Gabe's fixed, total douche comment was my personal favorite.
As for me, well, my comments are rated better over on the total shitshow that is Stereogum. But I love both sites and could not imagine my work day without them.
Score = 11
I know it's been said but I think by having this best and worst comment feature it kinda kills the fact that the snarky comments were inspired from pure bitterness as opposed to now hoping one will see their username on here
Score = 12