Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments
There has been a lot to talk about this week! Michael Jackson died, you guys! Over a week ago, actually! And no one will shut up about it! And there was that awful, fake Disnelyand wedding proposal. And Ryan Gosling had some ridiculous things to say about his new music album, which has no bearing on the quality of the music itself, which is pretty good in its way, and no one ever said it wasn't, but you have to admit was a ridiculous thing he said. Also, shopping malls. 'Member 'nem?
Oh, here's a thing: now that we are officially A FAMILY, let's have a new HOUSE RULE. When you see a factual, grammatical, or spelling error in a post, just email me instead of commenting about it. Those corrections are really useful, and I'm going to fix what you help me to fix, and then your comment won't even make any sense. Besides, those comments are boring. And if you don't remember to email me and you instead leave your corrections in a comment, you have to put a quarter in the Boring Comments Jar, and at the end of the year we will have an ice cream party! (No we won't. I was just kidding. But let's keep that made-up jar that doesn't exist real-life empty!)
OK, so, yes, to the point! After the jump, this week's five highest rated comments and one lowest rated comment, as voted on by you. And also the editor's choice. IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, COMMENT SOMETHING.
This Week's Highest Rated Comments
Posted by: Whyareyouyelling in response to The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: August Rush
Score = 74
[Ed. Note: this comment was made in response to the #3 comment of the week. Nice work everyone. ALLY-OOP!]
Wow. Did you see the monkeys twitter update after this video?
Posted by: bingo gas station in response to This Is A Video Of A Monkey Making Out With A Cat
Score = 86
Posted by: TheRealMatt in response to The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: August Rush
Score = 113
Posted by: Carrie in response to The Orphan Poster Needs More Taglines!
Score = 144
Posted by: devin in response to The Orphan Poster Needs More Taglines!
Score = 154
This Week's Lowest Rated Comment
Posted by: sam in response to The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: August Rush
Score = -52
[Ed. note: for the first time since we started this feature, the lowest rated comment does not concern conservative politics! Which makes sense, as this is primarily a site about people falling off of trampolines, regardless of which side of the aisle that trampoline is located. In any case, the Videogum community's frustration with the nomination of Darjeeling Limited to the Hunt almost makes me feel like I should write about it, but I can already tell you that not only is that not the Worst Movie Ever Made, but that it is a Movie I Officially Like. I really hated The Life Aquatic (maybe I should write about that one?), and so I went into Darjeeling with no expectations really. By that point it seemed like Wes Anderson had pretty much collapsed in on himself like a dying star of twee aesthetics. But I liked it. Very much actually. Sorry, sam!]
Editor's Choice
Posted by: meesh in response to The World's Worst Visual Metaphor
[Ed. note: that's just true. The bouncer in that PSA was very careless to let a fisherman with a harpoon into the strip club. Frankly, I also think it was a little macabre on the part of the audience to just sit there and watch as he gutted a woman on stage. No one is going to try and stop him? Just going to sip your appletinis and stare at your boners? Come on, land people!]
Posted by Gabe at 5:30 PM in Monsters' Ball
Tags: Internet Commenters
My moment of glory...and I couldn't sign in.
Score = 25
promise me, now that you're officially in the running for President, Videogum, you won't get too big for your proverbial britches, and go all CRAZY-COMMENTZ like Gawker just did.
Score = 17
Yes. I will cry if they do that here.
Score = 2
Becca, may i just say that your comments always make me Lots Of Love?
Score = 4
I know, right? Crazy comment class structure over there. Also, may I just say: this Monster's Ball is way better than the other one, the movie, which I watched with my elderly father. I didn't know!
Score = 3
Yay! That was a fun Friday afternoon surprise. (I am) Roasted!
Score = 24
The fact that my one successful comment was made when I wasn't signed in is making me irrationally angry. My "Revenge of the Nerds" icon does not deserve this.
Score = 11
Oops. Sorry, TheRealMatt. That's what you just said. I guess I'm destined to follow in your footsteps.
Score = 30
So, I'm sorry to have to resort to this rather trollish device (especially on a post that celebrates other's accomplishments), but my band just released our first little album/ep sort of thing this week, and I haven't been able to change my profile (Lindsay's curse I presume) , otherwise I would have changed my link url and left it at that. I'm aware that I'm exposing myself to the most critical minds on the internet and that i'll likely get downvoted for this, but the album is free and we have little exposure outside of the small fanbase we've developed in San Antonio. And you and I are kind of e-friends whether you like it or not (and i would never pull this shit on Stereogum). So have a listen and if you do like it, please share it. Thanks.
http://morrisorchids.bandcamp.com/
Score = -67
I'm not here to make e-friends.
Score = 118
Wow, that was quick. You people truly are monsters. Look's like I'll be taking your place next week Sam.
Score = 16
No hard feelings. You're a likable enough sort.
Just can't have people thinking off-topic self-promotion is okay.
This is OUR ball. And we're very territorial monsters.
Score = 39
if it makes you feel ANY better, you're no stillwater, but i listened to your ep and it doesn't suck! at all! and i can say that because i'm chair of the department of band studies at inappropriate spam university. (reminds me of the beta band, the helio sequence)
but seriously, what were you expecting???
happy friday!
Score = 8
You're sweet. I pretty much regretted it the moment I pressed submit. My excitement got the better of me. So, please don't click the link folks (really don't) and let's try to forget i ever did this.
Score = 28
You got at least two people to listen to your music. I feel like you should value that more than being downvoted a little bit. Your music's quite good. I'll pass it along.
Score = 3
Something has to be said for that picture of the kid shouting. Really great. And that Ep really wasn't bad btw. pretty good, but I can't talk about it anymore because that would be detracting even more from the topic at hand.
Score = 10
You know what? I'm super impressed. Free pass.
Score = 19
I liked it. A little on the meandering side, but once it gets going it's a pretty good listen. I listened to the whole thing. I digged the song Eyes the most. Sounds like you recorded in a church. I can't condone posting self promotion here because it isn't something I would ever do, but as a fellow musician I know what it is like being on the hustle all the time so I gave it a shot and I definitely feel that it was worth my time.
On topic, I think #4 was the best of the week. I am illiterate so pictures make me feel fuzzy in my tummy.
Score = 8
The image contained almost nothing but text?
Score = 14
You got the joke! :D
Score = 0
Hey, look at that: You turned a fail into a win.
I also liked the EP.
My favorite comment was An American Patriot's becca I DON'T KNOW what the HELL you ar TALKIN about, but i'll be damned if I wouldn't FIGHT FOR YOUR right to say it!
I kinda didn't know what the hell she was TALKIN about either.
Score = 13
it was a (totally rufus) Never Been Kissed reference, people!
Score = 7
Oh, okay. That's totally fetch!
Obligatory :) so you know I'm only kidding.
Score = 5
haha oh man, that was definitly my favorite too! I think it was even voted down a bit when i saw it, which made me sad.
Score = 2
I voted you up because I liked your EP a lot.
And, I like when videogum commenters are generous with one another.
Score = 10
I voted it down so that more people would check out the music for next weeks monsters' ball, but it looks like "lindsay can suck a dick" has knocked it out of the running.
Score = 3
I trust Videogummers because I assume most of them are also Stereogummers, so I downloaded it, and actually I liked it so much I decided to pay $2 for it, which is a) how much my coffee would have cost if I had not, for once, restrained myself from buying one after work, and b) $2 more than I ever pay for music. So I just thought to myself, WHY THE HELL NOT.
Score = 18
Yikes, I actually voted you up because I like your music, and wanted to even out the negative votes; however that didn't work so well. When I went to vote you up, it said you were only -33 votes down, but after I clicked it said you were at -44.
On the bright side, if you do end up the most voted down comment of the week, at least you'll get some good exposure for your band!
Score = 1
I really liked that ep. You made my son dance so I guess that means you're approved.
Score = 1
I, too, listened (and am currently listening) to your music. I think we all learned a lesson today. spam may be inappropriate, as can be kissing on a first date. but sometimes both of those things can happen for good reason. maybe the spammer/kisser actually has something to offer. keep up the good work.
Score = 4
I downvoted you so you can be in the running for worst comment and more publicity because, I don't give a fuck if you're spamming, people who give away eps are okay in my book.
Score = 0
hey now! shameless promotion is still promotion.
i dig the tunes. will pass it on.
Score = 0
Leave MJ!
Score = -4
Do NOT do The Life Aquatic for Worst Movie. It may be ridiculous but it's hilarious and I love it.
Score = 27
I still MISS LINDSAY.
Score = 22
Why is it that the last Monsters' Ball Lindsay picked me as her editor's choice, it was her last Monsters' Ball? Her leaving didn't have anything to do with me did it?
Score = 4
Josh you are also like Germany in that you make people mysteriously go away.
Score = 68
genocide zing, ouch!
Score = 39
I still miss Lindsay too :(
However, I'm glad I have your CAPS to console me, American Patriot!
Score = 17
Lindsay can suck a dick
Score = -93
Boo - you go to jail.
Score = 21
Looks like someone's positioning themselves for next week's most down-voted comment. Good luck on that, and go suck a dick yourself!
Score = 14
You fail at life
Score = 1
This made me laugh out loud, so I upvoted you. I mean... I'm simultaneously slapping you on the wrist, but your comment was well-placed and super blunt, and I chuckled. Don't expect me to visit you in jail, though.
Score = 9
As a human being with a mouth, yes, Lindsay certainly is capable of such an action.
Score = 22
You are the most boring troll ever. Seriously, where's your gimmick?
Score = 3
Sucking a dick isn't very feminist! Tsk tsk!
Score = 4
Sure it is. Lipstick feminism.
Score = 2
Did you mean to express disdain for Lindsay or a fond remembrance? "I miss Lindsay, she sure can suck a dick." I feel you man. I miss Lindsay, too. She was a bit careless with the teeth, though.
Score = 34
I would replace the comma inside the quotation marks with a semicolon, but, unlike Gabe, we can't edit our comments. It must be nice to be able to fix your errors, while allowing those who point them out to be left looking foolish. "Don't correct me in the comments; people might realize I'm imperfect. Also, your comments will be boring!" Shut up, Gabe.
Score = 17
Fuck the fucking fuck OFF.
Score = 3
See, now people just think they can get an easy win.
Score = 0
I agree, I don't like anyone who WANTS to be the most voted down comment of the week. I say we should actually VOTE UP buenosueno and try to get him back down to zero. If you don't play fair, you shouldn't play at all!
Score = 1
I'm going to pretend this is your inappropriate, boundaries misunderstanding way of wishing Lindsay well.
Score = 2
lindsey was the worst. (and i don't want a down vote for contest reasons) she hated christians and that makes me sad. so much sucking in lindseytown. big time
Score = -2
Maybe she just hated assholes who happen to be Christian? Have you considered that angle?
HAHAHA no you haven't. Critical thinking is for jerks like Lindsay!
Score = 3
If I may pull up a previous comment of yours, aimed at Lindsay:
"i bet you have wicked bitch face. like all the time"
You, sir, are the worst; McG ain't got shit on you.
Score = 0
Yes, she can. If she wants to. Or she can not, if she would prefer it that way.
She can suck a dick or she can not suck a dick.
Because feminism is about choice.
And we still miss her.
Score = 3
I fell asleep during Life Aquatic and up to this day I don't know if they found the shark.
Score = 8
They did, and that moment was a beautiful convergence of Henry Selick stop-motion, quietly cathartic Bill Murray performance, and a Sigur Ros song that will never not move me.
I never understood the hate for that film, and if I read Gabe's dry, sarcastic recital* of some of my favorite scenes, I just might shed a single Native American tear.
*I love your dry, sarcastical recitals of pivotal plot points in terrible films, Gabe. No offense. I do, however, reccommend you give TLA a second chance.
Score = 32
I used to have a job where I annotated movie dialogue for every possible shade of meaning (this was used for translation into other languages) and that movie had the most multi-layered dialogue of probably any movie I worked on. It's a super-flawed film (Noah Baumbach maybe didn't help matters), but I thought it was kind of fascinating.
Score = 3
Somebody's trying to make a name for themselves!
Score = -1
Self validation for life...check! SLIGHTLY painful to think I would have been #1 if I hadn't pointed out the John and Kate thing, but in the words of President Obama, "OH, WELL."
Score = 0
The Life Aquatic is a thousand times better the second time around and i have no idea why.
Gabe, from someone who HATED it the first time around, i think you should give it another chance.
(i am not a wes anderson apologist either. at least i don't think so.)
Score = 13
Guck. I posted "John and Kate Plus Hate" as a comment on another post, like, a month ago. TIMING.
Score = 12
"Top Internet Comment Maker of the Week" is the last merit badge I have to get before I can make Eagle Scout. My dad is going to be so disapointed in me...
Score = 14
If it makes you feel any better, your comment about GI Joe's killing your wife and kids as a successful promotional tool was my favorite comment of the week.
Now you can go tell your dad that you earned the Constantinople's Meaningless and Generally Undesirable Approval Badge . It doesn't come with a patch, so you'll just have to keep the memories in your heart.
Score = 13
Gabe doesn't like Life Aquatic!? I gotta rethink some shit
Score = 12
you guys' comments are too clever for me.
Score = -3