Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments
Oh, hello Monsters.
So, the second week in our noble experiment in which your contribution to the Videogum community is judged and awarded by your peers has shown where some of the fault lines lie. For one thing, you guys REALLY do not like conservative/Republican commenters. Fair enough. You are a self-policing body now, and if you want to rule with a Totalitarian Nightmare Fist, that is your choice. Second of all, we had originally planned to only include REGISTERED commenters in our Top 5, to encourage the use of our SPACE AGE PRO-USER COMMENTER'S ACCOUNT REGISTRY TECHNOLOGY, but the truth is that we are way too lazy to do that. And some of our regular commenters that everyone knows and loves still have not actually registered their accounts. That's lame. That is some Jeremy Piven lameness. Go register your accounts please, like little ladies and little gentlemen. But still, unregistered commenters, you are, for the time being, included, if your scores are high enough.
The other thing that became really clear this week is that despite the complaints (or perhaps prophesied by those complaints) that this feature was going to result in some kind of desperate black hole of on-line navel-gazing and reactionary one-upsmanship--and it still might result in that--you guys have been commenting more than ever. We received hundreds more comments this week than any other week in the history of the site. Which means that at least some of you are taking this seriously. And that is kind of neat. It makes it more fun. Right? Doesn't it make it more fun? Just say that it makes it more fun.
So, after the jump, the Top 5 comments of the week, as upvoted by you, the lowest ranked comment as downvoted by you, and the Editors' Choice comments, as selected by Gabe and Lindsay.
This Week's Highest Rated Comments
Posted by: benjamin in response to Who Should Play Larry In The Three Stooges Movie?
Score = 96
Actually, I work many hours a day. And when I'm not here, another physician takes over. We're a 24 hour clinic. We're making great numbers!
Dr. Johnson
Funtime Abortion Clinic
We Bring Out the Kid In You
Posted by: Dr. Johnson in response to Newsbusted: Oh Look, It's Another Attempt At A Conservative Daily Show
Score = 113
Posted by: .bryan. in response to Jonas Brothers Sex Bomb
Score = 123
Posted by: ModernMANdroid in response to Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments
Score = 329
This Week's Lowest Rated Comments
Posted by: pro_life_cutie in response to Newsbusted: Oh Look, It's Another Attempt At A Conservative Daily Show
Score = -117
Ed. note: It is clear that Videogum commenters are quick to downvote people who suggest contrary opinions, especially when those contrary opinions are of a politically conservative bent. And that is too bad, because the comments are the most interesting when people discuss their differences, rather than some kind of ModernMANdroid-ian black hole of sycophancy and redundancy. And Videogum should be for everyone! Kind of!
That being said, the Daily Show shouldn't be canceled from television for their views. That doesn't even make any sense.
Editor's Choice: Gabe
Peter Travers needs to go fuck himself.
Posted by: Kenny Powers in response to If You See Only One Documentary About Terrible Dolphin Murder This Year...
Ed. note: On a nearly daily basis when writing a pop culture blog there are funny details that you want to talk about that either get lost in the shuffle or have to be edited out due to being a distraction from your otherwise super perfect and totally comprehensive angle the topic. So it's always nice when a commenter does some of the work for you, filling in the gaps. Thx.
Editor's Choice: Lindsay
Posted by: Josh Is Like Germany Ambitious And Misunderstood in response to The Jurassic Park Dinosaurs Say Hey
Ed. note: At first I was like "Thanks, Mom, we promise we'll never gossip again because it makes Jesus cry." but then I was like "This is absolutely true, especially on the internet, which is a mean old place sometimes." Also, I like this commenter, who, according to his Twitter page, IMDB, and math, was only three years old when Jurassic Park came out in theaters!
Posted by Gabe at 5:50 PM in Monsters' Ball
Tags: Internet Commenters
first.
Score = -85
You're better than that.
Score = 30
You just want to be the biggest monster the next monster ball. For shame.
Score = 5
you're on to me!
Score = 2
Save that shit for the A.V. Club, mon frere.
Score = 8
Ever since she refused his flower, Megan Fox has seriously let herself go.
Score = 0
Down the black hole we go.
Score = 1
Guess my self-validation will have to wait until next week.
Score = 12
I did notice a huge surge of comments this week. I also noticed a change in the nature of voting. A downvote was usually the result of being a troll, voicing a really poorly thought-out idea, or being politically conservative, as you pointed out. This week, I noticed a lot of comments were getting downvoted for... just being okay? Like. For just being mediocre? I know hilarity is to be expected, but I was doing a lot of sporatic upvoting in effort to balance out the overly cranky reception and harsh judging. Not every comment has to be a gem. If I'm not impressed, I simply don't vote at all. CAN'T WE ALL LOVE EACH OTHER AND HUG?
Score = 88
agreed on most fronts. i like how i got down voted for voicing that there are some downsides to michael moore, down voted like crazy in fact, i guess because if you dislike one thing about him you must be a conservative ass? im not, sorry guys for not drinking the kool aid, pass the red cup, ill give it a try.....
Score = 19
Personally, I didn't downvote you because I think you're a conservative ass (I don't care about your politics and I'm sure you're a very nice person). I downvoted you because your comment didn't make sense, from any political standpoint.
Score = 3
I habitually upvote anyone with a -1 score. Why allow someone to be -1 when they could be 0?
Just, you know, in case you guys were wondering about the Constantinople Voting Algorithm.
Score = 32
I'm totally with you. I've almost never been down-voted and this week I kept getting down-voted for seemingly no reason at all. I only downvote stuff that doesn't contribute to the conversation at ALL. For shame downvoters.
I also noticed a lot of the "regulars" were getting down-voted and that made me sad. Not that new folks can't come in, it's just for those of us who have commented regularly for like...a year (oh my gosh, I can't believe I've been coming here for a year) deserve a little respect, right?
And don't worry, I expect to be down-voted by the sarcastic readers, so just go for it.
Score = 13
I seem to be getting an automatic down vote immediately when I post things. I know I'm not the coolest kid in school but I'm not like total dad humor over here either.
Score = 0
I KNOW RIGHT? I've noticed that I've been GETTING DOWNVOTED LIKE CRAZY too. I don't understand what the hell it is at all.
Score = 4
Real American Patriots NEVER say "I know right".
Score = 9
Sounds like someone was needs to visit REAL AMERICA.
Score = 12
Did you just say you deserve a little respect? You know this is the internet right, where dressed up kittys play you out.
Score = 19
The internet is no place for hugs
Score = 22
especially since we're all pervs!
Score = 9
HUGS
Score = 6
Hey, Lindsay... thanks, Mom, we promise we'll never gossip again because it makes Jesus cry. You're terrible. I won't rest until you're writing for Goop.com where you belong instead of infecting videogum with your terminal illness known as failure.
Score = -104
Someone's shooting for lowest rated comment this week! Good luck, I'd give you two if I could!
Score = 9
no, like always, I'm shooting for the highest rated comment of the week with that one. i really don't understand the unconditional love for lindsay on here. she has about 1 post for every 5 of gabe's, which would lead one to think she's going for quality, not quantity, but when she does finally find something she thinks is good enough to share, it usually has to do with animals she thinks are "cute" or something a group of conservative christians has done that she in all her genius thinks is stupid. sometimes i feel like im the last person on earth who is still fighting for gender equality? why should men be dominating in the comedy/good posting on this site while women are misrepresented by someone obviously inferior? there are funny intelligent women out there, just as funny and intelligent as gabe if not moreso. in the name of true feminism lets run lindsay off this site and show men they aren't the only ones who can be great at wasting their lives scouring the internet and finding useless bits of information to share with people who are wasting their lives consuming said useless information and then commenting about it behind the protection of anonymous usernames.
Score = -42
Any fucking idiot, from just a cursory glance at this site, can see that Gabe and Lindsay TAKE TURNS posting at a 1:1 ratio. But then your comment gets so exasperatingly, mind-blowingly dumb from there that I can't even muster the energy to argue about it. I just got stupidity fatigue.
Score = 11
Remember that one time I said I only downvote people when they don't contribute to the conversation?
I also downvote them when they're outrageously and offensively mean/rude towards Gabe or Lindsay. I think they both do a great job and I definitely don't think this place would be the same without one of them. There are certain posts that I don't get a thrill from, but that's okay because other people do. I like the cute animal videos. Just because you don't like her doesn't mean she's an unfunny woman or women blah blah blah blah blah. That's kind of retarded to make a statement like that.
And no you guys, I promise I'm not trying to get editors pick or anything. I just think it's ridiculous that someone would rely on a website for their constant entertainment and then get pissy when one or two posts aren't the funniest thing they've ever read.
Score = 13
HEY BEUNOSEUNODICKFACE, why don't you stop BEING SUCH A DIAPER FACE and get your own blog and write about what the hell you think is funny. THAT WAY YOU CAN GET OFF HERE and we can go on not caring about you. Deal? FANTAAAAAAASTIC!!!
(PS: you almost had me on the politics thing WHICH I CAN UNDERSTAND but then you took a left turn into Crazyville USA and I couldn't understand what the words you were threading together meant anymore)
Score = 29
AND YOU ALMOST HAD ME AT buenosuenodickface, but THEN YOU ACTUALLY HAD ME AT diaper face.
PS. the daily show NEEDS TO BE CANCELLED FOR ALL OF THOSE VIEWS THAT THEY HAVE ABOUT THINGS.
Score = -3
i love how you didn't curse here (hell isn't cursing, right?) and said diaper face instead. very nice.
also, i know almost no one will accept this, but i apologize for last week's comments. it was an experiment and i am done. i have results. resounding results that a good way to make everyone hate you is to troll the comments of a mostly hated (love-hate?) commenter. EXPERIMENT DONE.
i have been commenting on videogum for a while, but as an unregistered no-name. from now on i will be Boris Grushenko. or, in reality, i will be myself. i actually do kinda like you, An American Patriot, i really do. you make me LOL on a regular basis.
Score = 1
Are you an ex of Lindsay?
Score = -2
LINDSAY'S A WOMAN?!
Score = 23
yeah, but gabe is the unfunny one, so i dont get what youre saying. his seventh grade level, self-impressed humor drives me up a fucking wall . . .
i am so not down with the whole "internal dialogue" bullshit he spews out in every post, and i have left this site for many months at a time because of it, something im sure everyone will say i should do it again . . .
and maybe theyre right because i literally CANNOT STAND his horrible, terrible style of writing punctuated by "woof" every other sentence.
hes THE WORST!!
Score = -20
YOU'RE RIGHT. If you don' like it than you can just GIIIT OUT!
Score = 0
Out, Lindsay! Out 'in the name of TRUE FEMINISM!'
Score = 1
Nice try for worst comment of the week, but I'm not downvoting you.
Score = 11
i don't know about this conservative hate, but i'm definitely against people who aren't on board with
TEAM LINDSAY
let's get t-shirts and some commemorative mugs
Score = 38
and after we get our t-shirts we can take a guided bus tour of famous internet blog landmarks!
Score = 18
Wearing "Just Jack" t-shirts...because that was a totally unfunny thing that Lindsay did one time, or so I've heard.
Score = -2
i think the influx in comments is not the good thing about this feature, thats open for debate. i think the fact that more people are actual up or down voting things they like/dont is good. last week winner was 50 something this weak 329?!
Score = 9
my exact thoughts: "Videogum has 329 readerz?!?!?"
This feature + the sponsorship = suspicious timing + GOOD idea jeans.
I'm clicking sponsor links because I'd hate for Videogum to be a casualty of Teh Reseshun!
Score = 30
here here. or... hear hear. whatever...i'm with you...
Score = 0
i would be pretty shocked to learn that the anti-daily show guy was looking to start a rational debate and failed to do so only because he was downvoted
Score = 15
also, i would like to note that last week's edition of monster's ball is the only pure edition, as it took place before people started changing their posting and voting habits. the people who won then are the true champions.
ps i was number two last week and nothing this week, suck it suckers
Score = 13
We gummers are a jovial bunch, and though we hate many things, there is something whimsical about our disdain. The hate that many (not all) conservatives bring to the table is generally of a darker nature (Gay-Bashing is completely different from Bay-Bashing). So bullying these people away from the site doesn't seem too unreasonable to me. That said, I would hope a commentor with real thoughts and opinions, like recordingDR, isn't discouraged from commenting again in the future. But if pro_life_cutie drops off the face of the planet, I won't lose any sleep.
Score = 29
Bay-Bash, don't Gay-Bash! I want an official videogum shirt.
Score = 8
Why only one lowest rated?
Score = 14
I'm happy that the winner came from democracy in action. Like Senator Pete Hoekstra said, "Iranian twitter activity [and videogum comment winners] is similar to what we did in House last year when Republicans were shut down in the House."
Score = -2
I don't want to turn this into nitpickgum, or anything, but Hoekstra is a Representative. The most conservative district in my state might be crazy enough to elect him, but Michigan would NEVER allow him to be Senator.
Score = 2
Dammit. I totally forgot to fact check. Think the NY Times is hiring? ZING!
Score = 20
Well, that's what I get for being pedantic, I guess...
Score = 5
I said it before, and I'll say it again: That Megan Fox/ Flower Fan head switch really was brilliant. It almost seems like it would be the plot of some Sexy Freaky Friday or something...
Score = 24
The Hot Chick? Ugh...
Score = 2
Yikes, I was referring to a movie that someone would actually WANT to see...
Score = 0
No one's going to say anything about the so many image comments? It's all getting to be a little much.
Score = 12
Great minds...yada yada.
Score = 0
If we ignore them they'll just go away
Score = 0
Can I be the first to say, I'm so over picture comments. Well placed Kenny P. gifs, sure, but just a picture, bleh! Come on guys, we're better than that.
Score = 4
FO real, this shit be crazy y'all. I was looking THROUGH SOME PAST videogum articles the other day and that stuff had like 11 COMMENTS TOPS. Videogum is growing up!
Or something. DO WE BUY training bras for these guys now or what? Or do we all wear them? Holy hell I'm confused.
Score = 12
I have stopped tying to understand the logic behind your caps-ing.
Score = 37
it's CALLED emphasis, friend.
Score = 10
Actually, I believe it's called EMphasis.
Score = 11
WUET?
Score = 7
I for one cannot wait for next weeks' web page wallpaper, brought to you by 'The Time Travelers' Wife'
Score = 20
So does this officially make me the nice guy of Videogum? Also, Lindsay likes me, YAY!
Score = 4
I like you because of your icon.
Score = 3
Please become either less young or less clever. You may have your cake, but SPIT OUT THAT GODDAMNED CAKE!
Score = 43
Speaking of cake... where are you, Da Cake Eatur? THIS IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE. Lots of :(
Score = 14
I think I'd like this feature better if there was some MST3k-like commentary on the non-editors-choice comments too.
Score = 48
That is a good idea Brad. I AM VOTING YOU UP.
Score = 7
For the record, my favorite feature this week with my favorite comments was definitely the Fire David Letterman post.
Score = 4
At first glance I thought this had become ZooeyGum and got extremely happy.
Score = 5
your picture IS THE TITS
love that film
Score = 4
I nearly nabbed the #5 spot. Probably fell short on account of how ahead of my time and smart I am.
I forgive you, Videogum.
Score = 13
Fine, fine i'll register.
I think images, when used properly, can be hilarious. Especially in the very capable hands of Kenny Powers and The Dude.
Seriously, the 'Transformers Production Meeting' with the race car bed from Grandma's Boy killed me. And by scoring a 78, I hereby nominate it as an honorable mention at the very least.
Score = 7
Registered AND signed in?! I hardly recognize me.
Score = 5
haha, what? what are you talking about?
is it bad that i laughed a few times when reading this?
it's just so bizarrely offensive and hateful and presumptuous and awesome.
Lots of Love, Captain Crazy Hate.
Score = 0
AND reply refresh fail.
you got off easy this time, buenosueno.
Score = 9
I'm new. Sorry.
Some commenters are harping on picture comments. We're not too good for picture comments. Nor should pictures be deemed 'beneath us.'
Yes, picture comments are more annoying outright because images get communicated to one's brain immediately. Knowing how to read is required to be annoyed by a written comment. So I'm with you on that, picture comment haters. There is a reason why you're annoyed. You can breeze over one but not the other.
But c'mon! The Megan Fox/Flower Kid image made its point perfectly, no words required.
Words would do that humorous concept an injustice. It made its point perfectly and it's open to interpretation!
You can't blanket-hate all picture comments!
Score = 4
I don't protest this new feature, but it makes me sad. It's like being good at something in high school and then going to college and studying that thing, and having to adjust to the fact that there are actually many people who are much better at it than you are.
Videogum is the college of internet commenting.
Score = 40
Oh my god, how cute/sad are we!?! Glad to know I'm among friends with equally average potential....which probably makes videogum more like the community college of internet commenting & vocational studies...
Score = 19
Videogum is kind of the New York of the blogosphere. If we can make it here, we can make it anywhere!
Score = -1
I just wanted to mention, totally putting my dignity on the line here, that pro_life_cutie is a name used by a similarly trollish character on 'ohnotheydidnt' which I think has been linked here before and which has definitely been linked to by Rich from 'fourfour,' whose link to videogum is what actually brought me here in the first place. So yeah, people here tend to vote down republican shit, but that particular person is pretty much a troll. Just trying to be helpful, or absolve us of the charge of bigotry, or something. I don't know. I've been at this desk for a long time.
Score = 1
"I just wanted to mention, totally putting my dignity on the line here, that pro_life_cutie is a name used by a similarly trollish character on 'ohnotheydidnt' which I think has been linked here before and which has definitely been linked to by Rich from 'fourfour,' whose link to videogum is what actually brought me here in the--"
Score = 19
OH MY GOD look at that head EXXXPPPLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDEEE!!!!!!!
coolest shit i've seen in a gif on here yet!
Score = 3
8========D --------
IN YO FACE
Score = -10
I was just trying to convey what happened to me as I was reading your comment. Unfortunately, I was unable to catch it on film, so this is the best I could do. All the linking to the linking who linked within the link make my head ASPLODE!
Score = 3
Ugh thanks for that gross visual.I know I have seen it somewhere before but usually for a reason. I will never be able to look at strawberry poptarts the same again.
Score = 1
Yeah, I'm still really on the fence about this ranking thing. In a way, I liked our little family and now it's like being the only biological child in a family who just took in 329 foster kids, all vying for attention from our hippie "save-the-world-one-child/blog-commenter-at-a-time" parents, Gabe and Lindsay. My hesitance may also reside in the fact that I'm not clever/funny enough to be among the up-voted elite and not mean/conservative enough to be down-voted into monster status. Mediocrity is my strong-suit, I get complimented on it all the time! "Wow, Laura, you're looking exceptionally average in that frock (awkward pause) ...and I like that new kitten calender you pinned on your cubicle wall--it looks really centered!", my boss said to me today. #ventyourinsecuritiesgum #twittermeme
Anyway, I guess I'll play nice....
BUT I'M NOT GONNA PRETEND TO LIKE IT!
Score = 28
this week has been a constant reminder of my mediocrity with the increase in down-voting so it's good to know someone else on videogum is mediocre too. we can walk the middle of the road together.
Score = 2
The biological/foster child metaphor is perfect. Let's be mischievous and blame the adopted kids! Mom and Dad will surely believe us.
Score = 7
I'm of the opinon that he hacked a way to multi-upvote himself. It was a good comment, but was it REALLY that good?
Score = 2
Best comments are for the end of the year, in my opinion. One thing I learned in Econ, the Law of Marginal Utility. Stuff gets old.
Score = 4
Register? You mean through this wicked awful Movable Type setup that never shows me as signed in, but manages to use my avatar somehow? It took me months to finally get it to register at all. Before that I would write long, witty statements pondering our existence in this funhouse of recycled and nostalgic imagery, only to have them disappear because the registration didn't work. Joyful, I am, to finally be able to add to the cynical dialogue, but I wonder if anyone else has suffered the same technological fate as I and been rendered mute.
Oh, and the post-ejaculate statement from sit-com star?
"What choo talkin' bout, Wilis?"- Gary Coleman, Different Strokes.
Score = 8
Looks like one benefit of cookies not working right is I can upvote myself.... I'm gonna upvote myself allll night loooong.
Score = 5
Just as long as we don't start grading posts on a curve. I can't compete with 329. D:
Score = 4
So I'm not sure if I like this whole thing. Just to reiterate what others before me have said, people are being down-voted for things that don't really deserve a down-vote, and 329 is kind of a ridiculously huge number. Like two weeks ago the highest vote I'd ever gotten was like 20.
And I have noticed the conservative down-voting trend. Can I tell you guys a secret? I'm kind of conservative. I'm also Catholic. You see?? We can be top rated people too! AND be all for gay marriage.
Also, CarolineA, you're my favorite commenter of the day.
Score = 17
I tend to stay away from Seriousgum discussions unless I have a well-formed and thoughtfully stated opinion, but I think you (and certain other conservative commenters) don't get downvoted because:
1- you've been around for a while.
2- you're not combative.
3- you have a well-formed and thoughtfully stated opinion
(and this is just .bryan. - we like ya 'round these here parts).
A large number of the conservative commenters that get voted down come here, type something incoherent and nonsensical, make asses of themselves for all eternity, and are never heard from again. That said, I consider myself a moderate (socially liberal, fiscally conservative) - but who needs to know that on a comedy blog????
eh.
Score = 4
I completely agree that people who come in trying to stir up trouble probably deserve down votes. As quoth Thumper, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all".
Score = 6
who DOES that?
Score = 3
I have seen some users get as much as 100 upvotes on an ordinary post long before this whole contest. Me thinks your a little jealous. Careful or you might end up having a Bay/ McG who has a bigger peen(upvote) complex.
Score = 0
For the record, I'm not a conservative, I'm a moderate independent. My political posts are what happens when someone who says they are a moderate independent is ACTUALLY a moderate independent (rather than a radical liberal who thinks they are rational, level-headed individuals who objectively listen to both sides of every issue and just happen to ALWAYS agree with the radical liberal viewpoint).
That said, I tend to be sort of an asshole when playing the devil's advocate online, so a good portion of any down-voting I receive is probably warranted. Whatever.
Score = -7
It doesn't help that your avatar is SOULJA BOY.
Just sayin'.
HUGS
Score = 31
You of all people should recognize Soulja Boy as a true American hero.
Score = -8
no.
Score = 4
comment trend observation from a newbie: if your opinions are long, tiresome and confusing, someone's head will explode dramatically.
noted.
Score = 10
I was unregistered Natasha because for some reason this site never kept me signed in and it was a pain to sign in each and every timethisargumentissolazyihatemyself....... ANYWAY - I will do better from now on.
Score = 1
I just love videogum so damn much!
Feel free to downvote this simple, average appreciative comment.
Score = 10
Aw, well thank you kindly. For the record, I doubt I've ever downvoted you (just like I've never downvoted Becca, Carrie, Constantinople, and all the other regular contributers, as ridiculous as that sounds now that I've typed it). I like a nice brisk debate =]]
Score = 0
Aw, I knew I liked you.
Score = 0
All of these comments and commenting on voting on comments makes me :(
Score = 6
tweet
Score = 0
Hey! Now I really want to see '500 Days of Summer'. Thank Videogum!
Score = 3
I'm not a fan of any Internet comment that reads like it was written by a stupid person trying too hard to sound smart. Be yourself y'all!
Score = 1
I can at least admire this comment in the way it circles around and eats itself at the end. We need better female bloggers to waste their lives! Insert animated GIF of head exploding! How do you do that!?
Score = -4
What's the point of this?
Score = 7
philosophygum.com?
Score = 3
All eyes on me, centre of the ring...just like a circus! I'm just excited that Britney is coming to a town near me (no I am not. They also play her cd too much at my gym :( )
Score = 0
Dear Gabe, high five for the nod. Thank you!
Score = 12
Thanks for coining "Jeremy Piven lameness", because next to "cartwheels don't have a price", this is my new favorite phrase.
Score = 0
Stop hating on Lindsay! EVERYone's grandma loves cute kitties and baby zoo animals.
Score = -2
Actually, its generally called 'yelling'.
Score = 0
I'm too paranoid to comment now. I'm fucking serious. I haven't commented in like two weeks lol. Everyone always be judgin me.
Score = 4
don't be paranoid. you're the best.
Score = 2