Pro-Tip: Newscasters, Use Your "Fucks" Wisely
As any professional newscaster will tell you, you can't just say "fuck" on the air. That may be hard for civilians like you or I to believe, but it's a little trick you pick up pretty quickly when you're in the newz biz. "I thought you could say 'fuck' on the air whenever you felt like it." "Drink up, rookie." The only people with the confidence and the poise to get away with it are the battle-scarred veterans, the Sue Simmonses. It's an issue of gravitas! It's also an issue of knowing when and how to say "fuck" on the air. You probably only get one, newscaster, so make it count. It is equally important to have your "fuck" make sense. That may seem obvious, but you might be surprised. Here is an example of what NOT to do:
Don't tell someone to "keep fucking that chicken" on the air, because it makes no sense. I cannot stress this enough, newscasters: use your fucks wisely! (Via TheDailyWhat.)
Posted by Gabe at 10:15 AM in Bloopers, Local News
Tags: Cursing | Work
oh my god, the look on the woman's face. Lots Of Love Of Love Of Love
Score = 25
"What did they teach you in cheerleading and in j-school? KEEP SMILIING, no many how many chickens your co-anchor tells the weatherman to fuck!"
Score = 25
Yikes. I heard he was pretty down about the blunder, but his spirits were lifted a little when he got home and discovered his dog ate an entire wheel of cheese and pooped the fridge.
Score = 12
Nick Gregory is almost always right about the weather.
oh also, keep fucking that chicken doesn't make any goddamn sense.
lastly, what the fuck did Ernie do to his face?
Score = 2
"Hey, look at you! Heey...looking good out there. Go go go!"
Todd Packer, is that you?
Score = 1
The unemployed heroes line just got a little more Ernie Anastos.
Score = 10
Oh man, you guys. Via mirror.co.uk: "This isn’t the first time award-winner Anastos has made an on-air slip up, he once mispronounced the news network’s website, calling it myFoxNY.cock."
Score = 23
I also heard he opened a show with, "Hi, I'm Ernie Anastos kept hidden for almost two decades and forced to bear children."
Score = 5
and here it is
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQTd0t-Pxck&feature=related
Score = 1
i'm dying to know the context in which you can say "keep fucking that chicken".i don't want to look stupid by mis-using it.
Score = 14
To me it sounds like a motivational phrase: "Keep fucking that chicken, some day you'll make it!" or "If at first you don't succeed, keep fucking that chicken!"
Score = 24
Can the new rule just be that all newscasters must be this high? Great.
Score = 7
Maybe this was a viral add for Norton Internet Security. What if the "chicken" is a virus, and the "fucking" is the deletion of said virus, clearly the newsroom would be the computer; this must be what it feels like to be an advertising guru.
Score = 22
is that how one tenderizes poultry?
Score = 3
After Ernie Anastos says, "It takes a tough man to make a tender forecast, Nick", his brain said; "Hey Ernie, what if the forecast was a chicken, what could the weatherman use to tenderize it? Oh, I got it! Say it quick before you forget because this is comedy gold!!!"
Score = 14
Ha, Ernie Anastos' brain talks like Harry Caray.
Score = 2
Keep fucking that chicken: It's just good advice.
Score = 20
So drunk.
Score = 2
Scotch Scotch Scotch,
Down in my Belly
Score = 7
That woman gave an excellent shart face.
Score = 3
I think all the hair dye has seeped into Ernie's brain.
Score = -2
I think all the hair dye has seeped into Ernie's brain.
Score = -4
It's half of an old saying: "Keep fucking that chicken, see if it lays a golden egg."
-cc.
Score = 6
Score = 10
You're my hero, Ernie. And you come out with stink like that. Poop! You poop mouth. Get all that poop out of your mouth
Score = 10
Finally...I have found my avatar. This is like when the young King Leonidas kills the monster wolf in 300.
Score = 7
Today I was asked to be best man at a friends wedding, and despite it being months away I was already nervous about how I would end my toast...Thank you, Ernie. Thank you for providing me with your words of wisdom and encouragement.
Score = 4
Finally, I've found my mantra.
Score = 1
This massive screw-up has really made my week. Also, the line he delivers prior to that is pretty choice. "It takes a tough man to make a tender forecast." That sounds like something Ferrel and McKay wrote for the Anchorman sequel.
Score = 2
It's a Purdue reference: "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken". No one seems to get that. I didn't until a minute ago when my boyfriend told me.
Score = -1
"Keep fucking that, chicken!"
Score = 4
Here's the thing: the weather man is completely unfazed. "Ok, I'll do that." This is not the correct response to "Keep fucking that chicken!"
Score = 12
and his fliter was all: "ERNIE! WHAT THE FUCK?!"
Score = 0
In an effort to defend the chicken fucker, I believe he meant to say keep forking that chicken as a reference to his earlier more stupid joke, "it takes a tough man to make a TENDER forecast" Okay, wait. That still doesn't make sense. You fork something to make it tender, but where did chicken come in? It's an unsolvable riddle.
Score = 0
Maybe he said "Keep PLUCKING that chicken?" I don't know. I just don't know.
Score = 0
It's positively Zen-Koanic:
If a tree falls in the forest, and you've only one hand clapping, are you still fucking the chicken?
Or is that pained squawking the sound of the tree falling onto your other hand?
Score = 1
I have thought and pondered about this video all night long, it's meaning, it's significance, and what possibly could have gone on in this newscaster's mind. At first I thought that maybe he meant something else and something went horribly wrong in his brain. Maybe he meant 'cooking that chicken' because of the comment about being tender? But still, that's a stretch. And there's absolutely nothing else I can think of that would make sense here. So I have struck out any possibility that he meant something similar and it got jumbled in his brain. So what then? My current theory is that this guy has been a newscaster for too long and he is just on autopilot; and that the meaningless banter of the newsdesk, by its very nature of meaninglessness, cause him to just say a made up euphemism that sounds like it could mean something. Also, this guy has a dirty mind (there is also a video of him saying a website ending in 'dot cock' instead of dot com). So, in conclusion, the cause of this bizarre phrase is a mixture of the thoughtlessness of the newscaster, the meaningless of on-air banter, and his dirty mind.
End dissertation on "keep fucking that chicken."
Score = 3
i think this alleged (or, as scott pointed out, apparent) chicken fucker said something that offended ol' ern's sensibilities right before they went on air, and ol' ern, never shy nor sober in the spotlight, took the opportunity to zing him back in front of a somewhat larger audience.
Score = 0
You stay classy, Ernie.
Score = 0
"look at you go,go,go,go...humana humana humana"
Score = -1
The sad part is, I don't think anyone understood the context of "fucking that chicken". Who knows anymore those raunchy newscasters...
Score = 0