Finally Tonight: A Spoonful Of Jesus
Wow. The guys at Everything Is Terrible have put together my favorite "supercut" of all time: quick clips of local news reports from all over the country about where we were seeing Jesus (and the Virgin Mary) in 2008, complete with an extremely well-done narrative arc:
"I love Jesus and you know I love cats but I'm not seeing it." That was better than most Daily Show video segments. Great job, internet! (Specifically, everythingisterrible.com.)
Posted by Lindsay at 1:15 PM in Local News, Montages
Tags: Christians | Jesus | Supercuts | The Virgin Mary
Best thing i have seen all day.
And bonus points for seeing my local news station in there (fourth from the end).
My highlights:
-"I love Jesus, and you know i love cats." hahahahahahahahahahaha
-"I don't see 'em"
-"I don't either, but it's still a good story"
That is the most frightening omen of deteriorating journalist integrity yet.
But really, the jesus-appeared-in-my-bloody-scab crossed the line for me.
Score = 3
Six and half minutes? We're so screwed...
Score = -1
I could listen to that woman repeating "Jesus Waffle" all day long.
Score = 2
Hahaha I love the disdain in which one of the guys says, "Is this a Holy Image... or a BUCKET OF FLITH!!!"
Also, the effort put into saying SALSA.
Score = 9
oooo! JULIE NELSON! KARE 11 MINNEAPOLIS! JESUS!
Score = 0
can i have my 6 and a half minutes back? my fuckin achin ass...
Score = -2
More proof that most local news stations should probably just be put out of their misery.
Score = 0
"Our ice machine has been broken for a long time, and, all of a sudden I go into the ice machine, and there's new ice, so I guess it's just the miracle of Jesus."
"I can see some John Lennon in there, but I do see Jesus as well."
",,,and even the mustache!"
Score = 6
This is like a great little documentary. I love this so much.
Score = 0
Jesus turned water into ice!
It's the little things.
Score = 5
So, what DOES Jesus actually look like? A rorschach test?
Score = 6
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Score = 0
Do I need to be on a higher plane of spiritual consciousness in order to view this video?
Score = 3
That was awesome. EverythingIsTerrible needs some kind of reward for that.
I can't believe that one lame reporter said you can find Jesus in your heart.....she obviously has no imagination.
Score = 2
This Peanut Looks Like a Duck:
http://www.thispeanutlookslikeaduck.com/quack/
Score = 1
my roommate and i both agree that the jesus in the pan looked really neat.
Score = 1
It is six. Minutes. And 23. Seconds.
CHEESUS.
Score = 0
here's a major jesus sighting:
http://www.jesuslivesinmyshower.zxq.net
Score = 1
here's a major jesus sighting:
http://www.jesuslivesinmyshower.zxq.net/Home.html
Score = 1
For me, these are like those prints that were "all the rave" in the 90s where, if you stared at the picture long enough, your hours of headache-inducing eye strain were rewarded with the emergence of something that KINDA resembles the shape of a T-Rex. I could NEVER see the shapes! And I can NEVER see these Jesus(es?)....maybe heathens lack jesus-dar?
Is jesus-on-a-stick one of the new "Anytizers"?!
Oh yeah, and "Congratulations Mom, you're giving birth to twins! A baby boy and the son of God!....SOMEbody's going to develop a bit of an inferiority complex-- when your brother constantly reminds you that he's the alpha AND the omega..."Yeah, we get it HEY-SUESS, go set the table! And don't even think about pressing your face in your brother's grilled cheese again, it's just not sanitary!"
Score = 1
This grilled cheese has mayonnaise on it! What!?!
Score = 0
The absolute best part about people seeing Jesus is the fact that we have NO IDEA what the man looked like. There are no photographs of him. No timely paintings.
No, the basis of his image is strictly from Renaissance artists' depictions. The European artists decided "Hey, this is Jesus." and that has become the standard.
After all, Jesus was demandingly non-white. Period.
Score = 2