Fantastic Mysteries: Why Do People Care About This Broom?
Oh wow. A plastic broom from the dollar store with a flat-edged bottom that stands up straight in a few different places in a room with uneven wood floors? THERE IS ANOTHER WORLD BEHIND THIS WORLD THAT WE CAN'T SEE. Unbelievable. Hundreds of people came to see the magic broom, and the woman who owns the magic broom believes that she can build an entire business around it, and the local news filed a serious report about it as if it was a thing. No offense if you live there, but that is a dumb town. Brawndo definitely has the electrolytes that their bodies crave. Easily my favorite part, though, is when you find out that if you knock the broom to the floor, you can pick it up yourself and make it stand up again. Shivers down my spine, for sure. Who else seen the leprechaun say YEAAAAH! (Thanks for the tip, Sean.)
Posted by Gabe at 10:30 AM in Local News
Tags: Brooms | Consignment Stores | Idiocracy | Witches
"It all started late last week..."
I'm just glad that she's not the least bit spooked about this; she has a business to run.
Score = 11
I heard you can see the face of Jesus in the bristles.
Score = 11
of course, the magic broom. obviously.
my house somehow stays above ground, even though it must be really heavy. MIRACULOUS.
do we all get a news report about us at some point? we must.
Score = 13
Haha. Must be the ghost of free advertising. :p
Score = 16
Also: this is obviously the worst local news story ever. (And that's saying something)
Score = 5
Clearly a witch has flown on it.
Score = 9
Could be a crackbroom, got hold of the wrong stuff! An amateur sketch of the broom in question:
Score = 17
It's not a magic broom if it doesn't do the sweeping for you.
Score = 16
This broom was the inspiration for "the Broom of the System." I wish DFW were around to see it.
Score = 7
WITCH!
Score = 8
Sometimes when I get really drunk I black out and wake up in the wrong city. UNEXPLAINABLE.
Score = 7
SPOILER ALERT: There is no broom.
Score = 26
This video proves that the kind of person that would travel to take a picture of a "magic broom" would do so through glass with the flash on.
Score = 21
It's weird. You think if they were gonna drive to see a magic broom and take pictures, they would go further than the door...
Score = 2
but what if they disrupted the magical field around it by coming to close?!
no, no. something this special should only be handled by professionals, like the mona lisa or the declaration of independence.
Score = 1
"News of the broom swept across town."
p.s. Congrats on the new coke advertisement!!! C.R.E.A.M. Gabe needs a raise.
Score = 11
Gabe needs LIndsay to be rehired.
Score = 8
"I don't come down to where you work and slap the broom onto the floor" says this lady after her store opens and all the teenage boys show up to knock over the jesus broom
Score = 13
Thanks for beefing up my LOLk, Jared.
Score = 1
Is this real life? Somebody wake me up when the entirety of the South is gone. Scratch that, please don't ever wake me up, I'm done with humanity.
Score = -3
You bite your tongue.
Score = 0
woman 1: Oh my god, my life just changed. Christi, get a camera! This broom needs to be documented!
woman 2: I don't have a camera.
woman 1: Yes, you do. It's in your phone.
woman 2: Inside... my... phone?
woman 1: Not inside it. It doubles as a camera.
woman 2: Really? (takes out her phone to examine in)
woman 1: Hurry up! This broom could fall over any minute!
woman 2: This is broom related? (leans over the counter) A lightweight broom standing on it's own? No wires? No Glue? My mind just did some exploding.
woman 1: I can move it a little and it won't fall down. And if it does fall I can stand it up all over again. GET A CAMERA!
woman 2: I have to lay down.
woman 1 (while dialing the local news): The world needs to hear about this. Only God has the power to fly into Vintage Blu Consignment Shop & Gifts and use his Jesus magic to make this broom stand up on it's own.
(woman 2 vomits from excitement)
woman 2: This is the greatest day of my life.
Score = 10
I wanna know where the gold at. I want the gold.
Score = 5
I can explain it in one word: Alabama.
Score = 3
Remember the movie *breakin'*? THIS IS THAT BROOM! :O
If you listen carefully you can hear Kraftwerk's Tour De France playing in the background. :P
Score = 5
"You can laugh, cry, express yourself, but please don't rationalise the broom and hurt everyone!"
Score = 2
this is so Your News Report.
Score = 2
I've seen this broom before: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVrWDPi12zE
Score = 1
lmfao ummm... didnt i just say that? lol
Score = 0
now with visual reference, feel free to downvote at will
Score = 0
Nah, you're visual reference is preference :P lol
Score = -3
I've seen this broom before: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVrWDPi12zE
Score = 1
A real life Fantasia is my nightmare.
Score = 4
The Holy Spirit must be bored as fuck to spend all that time making a broom stand up.
Score = 6
Meanwhile in Afghanistan, ba dum bum.
Score = 7
Proving that when you believe the earth is flat, magical things can happen.
Score = 1
heavy brush base and light handle, dented in all the right places to be perfectly balanced....
Score = 0
I'm just impressed it took until 1:28 for Jesus Christ to be invoked.
Score = 7
When I was in Elementary School, my janitor would do this as a little trick, and then walk away, leaving all of the 4th graders in awe.
Score = 1
This is just like "Little Shop of Horrors". "I'm gonna build my business around this strange and interesting broom on the floor."
And we all know what happened THERE.
Score = 1
Wow, high school or college kids hoping to someday be involved with the mainstream media should watch this and realize just how idiotic the mainstream media has become. I'm just surprised they didn't find a way to work Barack Obama into the story.
Score = 0
In all fairness, that is kinda cool. Not in an I-just-pooped-my-pants-in-excitement sort of way, more like in an oh-hey-that-broom-is-standing-but-I-have-better-things-to-do sort of way.
Score = 2
Hey, doesn't that broom belong to Nancy Pelosi?
Score = 0
That's my NBC affiliate! I watch 30 rock on that channel!
Score = 0
Nobody's gonna even see this comment, but I've still got 1000 words left on this one-week-late essay and just shut your face, I've got the talking stick so it's my turn to share.
Tonight I saw that awful Chris Brown interview on Larry King on AUSTRALIAN TV, where they were making fun of you Americans and your news, quickly followed by a segment on the ridiculousness of this broom news. It was very worlds been had colliding! And for a brief shimmering moment, I thought I had entered the magical wardrobe and come out into the land of Videogum TV, which would be all sorts of the best.
That is all.
Score = 2
Vintage Blu learned the laws of gravity!
Score = 0