Florida Church Planning To Tell Everyone About This Lady's Sex Life
What do you do when you're a 49-year-old mom, and you get a letter from your former church informing you that in a few months (on a certain date, nonetheless!) they're going to announce from the pulpit that you have sex with your boyfriend? GO ON THE LOCAL NEWS, duh!:
I actually did some ORIGINAL REPORTING for this post, by IMing a friend who just arrived in Jacksonville, where this takes place, for the holidays:
lindsay: check this shit out (link). that's your city!
anonymous source: every single person I've spoken to so far has mentioned it right away. It's huge. Apparently the pastor's phone number has already had to be changed.
There you have it, guys: journalism.
Posted by Lindsay at 5:15 PM in Local News
Tags: Jesus
Obv, the pastor has a thing for her. I don't blame him.
Hellllooo, church harlot. Maybe we could get some dinner, watch a Kirk Cameron movie? Eh? Eh?
Score = 3
Yeah, seriously, that has "repent..........by giving me a hand job" written all over it.
Score = 4
Cut and print! (That's a journalistic term, right?)
Score = 0
Wasn't this an episode of Desperate Housewives?
Score = 1
Re: Bitchs runnin wild
Totes, bro. Condemn the shit out that bitch. You can't have skanks runnin all over youur church and shit. I command it or whatevs, lol.
- J-man out!
j/k, Christ, your lord and saviior
PS: birthdays comin up! lol.
Score = 5
I'm sorry, the pastor's name is CHRISTMAS? She should have known she was dealing with a freak, especially since CHRISTMAS is a PAGAN HOLIDAY, SINNER.
But wait, I dont get it...she isn't OK with the church announcing that she has sex with a man whom she isn't married to, but she will go ahead and announce it to a local news station? I guess if I was in her position I would be rightly pissed as well, but, eh.
Score = -1
Um, Christmas isn't a pagan holiday. Winter Solstice is. Just saying.
Score = 0
I don't want to be doing this horrible church's work for them but she totally has lockjaw from all that premarital blow sinnin.
Score = 5
I'm glad you said it, because I couldn't figure out for the life of me why she wouldn't open her jaw when she spoke.
Score = 0
I hope the church reconsiders its stance. I'd hate for anyone in Jacksonville to find out that this harlot is having sex.
Score = 0
She needs to sue these stupid fucks for invasion of privacy, possibly defamation of character and harassment. Slap a restraining order on them. Fucking moron Christians who think they can act outside of the law
We truly need to fear these ignorant inbreds. Their end goal is to overthrow our government and install an extremist ecclesiarchy. We must force them to abide by the law of our land, our democracy, where the church does not govern.
Score = 0
Fear is exactly what they want. Hence, 'God fearing Christians'. They want you as miserable as them. So don't fear, just have a lot of sex.
Score = 0
This is basic church discipline. I'm not sure what the big deal is. They're not impaling her on a stake or stretching her on the rack. They're establishing boundaries for the people who are a part of their community. Chill out a bit, folks.
Score = 0