The funny thing about the Sue Simmons f-bomb "scandal" is the outpouring of support (and little to no criticism) the gaffe has brought out in New Yorkers. She's like the anti-O'Reilly, especially since she was most likely joking and he was abusively dead serious. I love Sue, and admire the grace with which she's handled this embarrassing moment. She's even answering all of her emails. But that doesn't mean that this 236 video by our friend Max Silvestri, which imagines what Sue was looking at that made her yell, isn't still funny:
First Bill O'Reilly in the '90s, now this (ha). Last night, beloved longtime WNBC co-anchor Sue Simmons was teasing a story about getting the most at the grocery store when, apparently thinking she was off the air, yelled "The fuck are you doing??". It was followed by 8 seconds of silence:
Simmons later apologized for using "a word that many people find offensive":
Yes, you do. I don't know what's more amazing about this local news segment in which a cow craps practically on the head of a guy reporting from a county fair. Is it the fact that he says "I've been down in South Beach and I haven't gotten this kind of action for weeks!" (What on earth does that mean?) Or the fact that he actually uses the cow shitting incident as a segue into a story about Britney Spears and Kevin Federline? Either way, you can't help yourself: it's been a long week and you just want to see a local news blooper involving an animal going to the bathroom. Here it is.
Last night the Tribeca Film Festival celebrated the 25th anniversary of Michael Jackson's Thriller with a drive-in screening and dance party. NY Mag has video from the event. Um, maybe it was my state of mind (let's go with "overtired and giggly"), but when I saw this teaser for the 11pm WNBC report on the event, I had to rewind and watch it 8 times. Clearly Sue Simmons had a ten-word limit, but she chose these ten words:
"Movie drive-in ZOMBIES it's a Tribeca thriller at 11!" "Movie drive-in ZOMBIES it's a Tribeca thriller at 11!" I just imagine old people seeing it and freaking out.
It's fun to watch brains work. Like, one minute you're delivering a news piece featuring the sad and unfortunate realties of domestic abuse, and the next minute you're doing embarrassing karaoke with back up dancers for no apparent reason. But it's that split-second in between when your horrible mind makes that offensive shift that reminds us all just what a wonderous, magical thing people who want to be on TV no matter what can be.
Remember a few years ago when a talking Elmo potty-training book malfunctioned and cheerfully queried an unsuspecting family with the rhetorical question "Who wants to die?":
There was even a Simpsons "Treehouse of Horror" segment inspired by the incident. Well, it's happened again!
Last week, a Tampa news station interviewed a local woman who changed the batteries on her son's talking Elmo doll, which then started using its name-knowing powers to make personal death threats against her innocent child. Why are malfunctioning Elmos obsessed with death and not, say, dirty words? Can't he at least say "Who wants to fucking die?"
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Blogging about TV and movies isn't all fun and videogames. Every week, Lindsay or Gabe will be presented with a physical or mental challenge that tests their bravery, patience, and taste.
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My bagel phone rang. "What the fuck are you doing?" said the voice on the other line. "Oh, hey Sue Simmons," I replied. Then we made plans to hang out at the Cinnabon in the mall. "Where the fuck is...
