You can turn your Internet off for the rest of the day. This is the best it's going to do.
You know, it doesn't take much sometimes. For all of the anxieties and frustrations of modern life, occasionally, finding some happiness in this world is the easiest thing there is. Oh look, here's some! (Because I just watched this video again.) Thanks for the tip, Emma!
As any professional newscaster will tell you, you can't just say "fuck" on the air. That may be hard for civilians like you or I to believe, but it's a little trick you pick up pretty quickly when you're in the newz biz. "I thought you could say 'fuck' on the air whenever you felt like it." "Drink up, rookie." The only people with the confidence and the poise to get away with it are the battle-scarred veterans, the Sue Simmonses. It's an issue of gravitas! It's also an issue of knowing when and how to say "fuck" on the air. You probably only get one, newscaster, so make it count. It is equally important to have your "fuck" make sense. That may seem obvious, but you might be surprised. Here is an example of what NOT to do:
Oh wow. A plastic broom from the dollar store with a flat-edged bottom that stands up straight in a few different places in a room with uneven wood floors? THERE IS ANOTHER WORLD BEHIND THIS WORLD THAT WE CAN'T SEE. Unbelievable. Hundreds of people came to see the magic broom, and the woman who owns the magic broom believes that she can build an entire business around it, and the local news filed a serious report about it as if it was a thing. No offense if you live there, but that is a dumb town. Brawndo definitely has the electrolytes that their bodies crave. Easily my favorite part, though, is when you find out that if you knock the broom to the floor, you can pick it up yourself and make it stand up again. Shivers down my spine, for sure. Who else seen the leprechaun say YEAAAAH! (Thanks for the tip, Sean.)
Sure. The law states "any goof during a news broadcast must and will be posted to the internet." And it's not like the combination of the "Deadly Crash" chyron against Leon's oblivious suit-straightening and rapid-fire Specs Howard School of Broadcasting Professional Vocal Exercise, leading into a cutaway in which his fellow announcer's play him off Keyboard Cat-style with the damnation of faint praise ("we found out Leon can count, but we always knew we were assholes") is certainly worthy of the Internet's copious amounts of free time and careless attention (I DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS, JUST PUT IT IN MY EYES).
I know that this reporter is just trying to put food on his family, and it's not like he comes down to the drunk heckler's work and knocks the basket of chili-cheese-fries soaked in half a spilled beer with three cigarette butts in it off of his belly, where it was resting, as if his belly is a table. But the fact of the matter is that fucking with reporters is never not funny. FACT.
Wait, no, I changed my mind. Fucking with reporters is never not funny until you get straight punched shoved in the face by a reporter. Can you do that? This is clearly the reporter's first day on the job, and he just came here from an alternate universe where video cameras only record sound, and YouTube is a website of user-uploaded wood carvings. How else to explain the fact that he just punched shoved a dude in the face after pushing him a whole bunch? Whoops! You can't do that on television. Somebody slime this fool.
A local reporter interviewed Bill Murray at the U.S. Open, and Bill Murray just launched into his Carl Spackler character from Caddyshack, seemingly just for the entertainment of the reporter, or out of boredom. It's awesome:
(Via The A/V Club.) This is completely in line with all those stories of Bill Murray showing up at people's parties and whispering in their ears on the subway.
There's another bunny hoarder! This one is in New Mexico, and as her special local news report segment makes clear, she's actually kind of a sheepish, embarrassed *accidental* bunny-hoarder. And this one is less sad than the last one, as as far as we know, no bunnies died in the process of this lady's bunny problem becoming "news":
Bunny-hoarding: it's now a national trend. Someday, the summer of 2009 will be wistfully remembered as "The summer everyone hoarded bunnies."
There's a lady in Oregon who's been busted again for hoarding bunnies. It seems she's been arrested over and over for having hundreds of rabbits in her house (some in her freezer :() and now they've found her in a hotel room with more bunnies. The local anchors and reporter have been covering this story for a while, and while they don't burst out laughing, they're not exactly solemn, because the last time the police took away the lady's bunnies, she BROKE IN to the hidden police location and STOLE BACK 140 BUNNIES. There is nothing funny about animal neglect, reporters! Stop finding this absurdly amusing! It's so wrong!:
Carrie Prejean turned the video camera off, put on some clothes, and stepped out of her house. It was a beautiful day outside. The air smelled like apples, and the late morning light hit the world in just such a...
After watching Death Sentence, a terrible movie starring Kevin Bacon as a father in search of vigilante justice directed by Saw's James Wan, Gabe embarked on The Hunt For The Worst Movie of All Time. This is his sad journey.
If you are a sassy and sarcastic young man in an American sitcom who represents the sitcom writer's desire that a nerdy Jewish teenager can somehow be the desirable romantic hero in this world, then eventually you will get a...
I shouldn't even be here right now. I SHOULD BE GETTING INTO MY COSTUME! If I don't hurry, my facepaint won't be dry before I get to the MOONVIE theater, and everyone will be like "hahah, you look like you're...
Blogging about TV and movies isn't all fun and videogames. Every week, Lindsay or Gabe will be presented with a physical or mental challenge that tests their bravery,patience, and taste.
The Challenge: I had to go on a 3.5 hour bus tour of totally random TV and film locations in New York City. Alone, and wearing a specific ridiculous tshirt. And I had to find someone to take my picture...
Uh. OK. Well, first let's address what this movie did well, like the disappointed parents we are (or at least that I am), recognizing that the negative feedback won't be useful or constructive if it isn't preceded by something positive....
