Duh Aficionado Magazine: Roman Polanski Is A Flight Risk
Hahahahhahahaha. Roman Polanski's request to be released on bail was denied? That's weird! Guy seems super trustworthy with that kind of stuff. From the AP:
Roman Polanski's three decades as a fugitive are coming back to haunt him.Noting his previous escape from U.S. authorities, Switzerland's top criminal court on Tuesday rejected Polanski's appeal to be released from prison because of the "high" risk that the 76-year-old director would try to flee again.
Polanski's offers of bail, house arrest and electronic monitoring failed to sway the tribunal. Even a Swiss chalet in the luxury resort of Gstaad was brushed aside as insufficient collateral to guard against Polanski fleeing the country, as the United States seeks to have him extradited for having sex with a 13-year-old girl in 1977.
Wait, even a Swiss chalet in the luxury resort of Gstaad was brushed aside as insufficient collateral to guard against Polanski fleeing the country?!?! So you're telling me that the Swiss government doesn't believe the threat of losing one of his many mansions scattered across the globe would keep a man who has been living a life of exile for three decades from returning to a life of exile to avoid spending the few remaining years of his life in prison? Come on, Swiss government! Where is he going to go? Besides ALMOST ANYWHERE?!
That is hilarious.
I mean, we all have to put requests for bail on our families. It's not weird that Roman Polanski dislikes being in jail and would rather spend his time in his luxury resort Swiss chalet, resting his ankle bracelet on a velvet ottoman as he enjoys a prisoner's brunch of smoked salmon raclette and omelet fondue. But COME ON. I'm not a lawyer, and I didn't go to law school, but I'm pretty sure if you look up "Flight Risk" in the Crime Dictionary, there's a picture of Roman Polanski. I heard that for a few years in the early '80s they were trying to get the official legal term changed to "Polanski Risk," but they never had the votes. (What votes? The votes I just made up for this thing I'm joking about!) The point is, clever girl, Switzerland's top criminal court.
I know everyone's been working really hard to get the October issue of Duh Affich (yuck) ready to go to press, but let's move Richard Heene Wins Dad Of The Year Award to the Community Interest section, and put this on the cover instead.
Posted by Gabe at 1:24 PM in Justice
Tags: Crime | Rape-Rape | Roman Polanski | Switzerland
andy rooney > roman polanksi.
Score = 9
That made me laugh out loud. Not LOL, but actually laugh out loud.
Score = 4
Swiss High Court Justice #1: "But, you know, he does have a point about the Gstaad chalet."
Swiss High Court Justice #2: "I'm brushing it! Aside!"
Swiss High Court Justice #1: "Like a Swiss fucking watch."
Score = 6
I am glad to see that my campaign to get "Rape-Rape" its own tag, so that the discerning Videogum user can distinguish between the two types of rape has been a success. With that and Polanksi being refused bail, today has been a glorious double victory for Common Sense.
Score = 11
Don't take credit for Whoopi Goldberg's semantic quibble.
Your campaign is peanut shells on the floor of the country western bar known as Videogum. Under foot and inconsequential.
Score = 0
Now why did this happen?
Score = 5
The mocking of noble (but admittedly unimportant) campaigns insults the Gods of Text Formatting.
May that be a lesson to you
Score = 20
PEANUT SHELLS I SAY
Score = 7
Sort of off topic, but was anyone else surprised that Conde Nast shut down Duh Aficionado but kept Duh Fancy?
Score = 33
Richard Heene Wins Dad Of The Year Award should be this weeks You Can Make It Up.
Score = 10
Byline: "Heene!" replaces "fake!" as YouTube's favorite comment.
Score = 5
Have you been to Gstaad? It's like the Palos Verdes of the Alps. The Chaletowners' Association alone makes it not worth the trouble. Good move, Swiss government.
Score = 2
More like, Max Records is a BITE risk! ZING!!
Score = 1
Videogum is where I come for YouTube clips and rape.
Score = 6
Is he a Flight Risk-Flight Risk? Or just a sort of Flight Risk?
Score = 15
Well, did he give an underage girl alcohol and narcotics and non-consensually fly her? That's the decider.
Score = 5
How about we retype that sentence, Mr. Reporter, and state that, "Roman Polanski's three decades as a CHILD RAPER are coming back to haunt him." Hmmm?
Score = 9
Grr another report where they say he "had sex with" a 13 year old girl. No, it was rape. [Don't start confusing it with rape-rape.]
Score = 5