In six more months I expect an apology for that shirt he is wearing*. Let me see if you can ZING it, ZING it. Girl indeed I can ZING it, ZING it.
*They say the tears of a clown are the saddest type of tears, but what about the tears of a blogger?
Posted by Gabe at 5:30 PM in Justice
Tags: Apologies | Chris Brown | Rihanna
Carrie Prejean turned the video camera off, put on some clothes, and stepped out of her house. It was a beautiful day outside. The air smelled like apples, and the late morning light hit the world in just such a...
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If you are a sassy and sarcastic young man in an American sitcom who represents the sitcom writer's desire that a nerdy Jewish teenager can somehow be the desirable romantic hero in this world, then eventually you will get a...
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I shouldn't even be here right now. I SHOULD BE GETTING INTO MY COSTUME! If I don't hurry, my facepaint won't be dry before I get to the MOONVIE theater, and everyone will be like "hahah, you look like you're...
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The Challenge: I had to go on a 3.5 hour bus tour of totally random TV and film locations in New York City. Alone, and wearing a specific ridiculous tshirt. And I had to find someone to take my picture...
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Uh. OK. Well, first let's address what this movie did well, like the disappointed parents we are (or at least that I am), recognizing that the negative feedback won't be useful or constructive if it isn't preceded by something positive....
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Jeez, did your mother and spiritual teachers teach you that shirts like that are forbidden!? Jeez, your spiritual teachers are really letting too many things slide...
Score = 0
Sinbad is back??
Score = 38
Sinbad never went away; he's hanging out with Rob Thomas in a Philadelphia rehab center.
Score = 56
I hope he's wearing something made out of windbreaker
Score = 7
You stupid clown, Chris Brown.
Score = 10
Somebody ate a clown for breakfast this morning.
Score = 9
He's here to make friends.
Score = 61
I think we all know how he can insure that what happened will never happen again... pillow hands.
Score = 77
LOLOL
Score = 9
Paging Mr. Herman.
Score = 59
Some keywords from the Microsoft Office Celebrity Public Apology Template:
-inexcusable
-unacceptable
-unfortunately
-God
-truly
-excuses
-God
-seek help
-regret
-God
-family
-forgive
-friends
-God
-soul-searching
-God
Score = 58
yea, he basically plugged the stats into Microsoft Apologysmith to come up with this pseudo-contrite bullshit. could he be any more disingenuous?
that said, i hope he actually IS getting some help.
Score = 18
I hope the help pushes him off a cliff.
Score = 29
I was all set to post a comment all, hey guys, it's post 9/11, and sometimes sincerity is important (otherwise it's when keepin it real goes wrong, lolz), and that this shit isn't funny, beating women, and how big and important it is that someone as high-profile and visible and possibly influential for many young dudes (ech) made a public apology and admitted it was a foul move, and then I read your comment and LOLed so hard I spit because: what Queermo said. Fuck, I am still laughing. Applause. Maximum upvotes.
Score = 0
"I've been blessed with wonderful family, friends, and fans...and a fucking mean left hook."
Score = 56
This made me Lots of Love first and feel bad inside second.
Score = 22
"...to ensure that what happened in February never happens again."
Here's how you do that, Chris:
DON'T PUNCH WOMEN IN THE FUCKING FACE.
OK, problem solved.
Score = 95
wow! so candid and sincere.
what you DIDN'T know is that i was lying just there.
seriously, chris brown needs to be locked in a cage and burrowed deeply into the hot molten lava that is the earth's core.
and put down the cue cards next time, assroach!
Score = 9
This should be renamed: "Chris Brown exercises his Teleprompter reading skills and his ability to string together words to form a sentence."
Score = 12
I bet there's an alternate take of this video where Chris Brown signs off with "Go fuck yourself, San Diego."
Score = 22
But I wanna jet ski.
Score = 7
maybe it's the shirt, but this reminds me of the video michael jackson released to respond to child abuse allegations...."they viewed and photographed my body including my penis, my buttocks, my lower torso, and any other area that they wanted to....."
Score = 13
The saddest tears are the tears of a grown man expressing other peoples' thoughts by awkwardly reading them off of a teleprompter.
Score = 17
guys, all he wants to do is 'axe and hope' for our forgiveness.
Score = 25
Someone tell Big Top Peewee here to return that shirt to Wolfcastle's Costume Emporium when he is done using it to disingenuously condescend to the women who (allegedly) purchase his "albums" (ie- filler).
Score = 0
"my attorneys have advised me not to speak"-chis brown
Score = 3
Drederick Tatum from the Simpsons. "Oh, yes. Believe me, my god if I could turn back the clock on my mother's stair-pushing, I would certainly, reconsider it."
Score = 11
Sounds so genuine...
Score = 1
Any time a celebrity addresses a controversy I expect it to be a FunnyOrDie video. I'm going to go Die on this one.
Score = 6
Is that a Gordon Gartrelle?
Score = 4
HA!!! No matter that you are not allowed to compare Chris Brown to any member of the Huxtable family-- all the Lots Of Love to this query!!
Score = 0
he wears that shirt because he loves us, you guys.
Score = 4
Way to not look into the camera even once, Chris Brown.
Score = 1
Why in O. J.'s name is he apologizing to people? I mean, the manly thing to do, is letting rihanna and her mom and spiritual teacher, to rabbit punch the fuck out of him.
He is one step away of being the new phil spector! Watch out you females!
Score = -6
Why does he need an axe though? (What??)
Score = 0
part of me feels sort of sorry for him, but at the same time a part of me knows he's only making this "apology" so he can sell more records.
Score = -8
this entire video was really just a preview for Role Models 2: Full Throttle, in which chris brown stars along side paul rudd and seann william scott. Viral Marketing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*see last 5 seconds
Score = 0
he apparently punched his collar too much.
I dont see it
Score = -2
Fuck that dude. Remember the classy jewel encrusted "Oops" necklace that he wore to a party after the assault?
Score = 3
he takes "great pride in [his] ability to express self control," you guys! usually he's all 'oh man, i really want to fucking punch my girlfriend, but Chris, exercise self control!' but he slipped up. he's usually better able to self control his fists.
Score = 5