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September 8, 2009

Between Two Ferns With Zach Galifianakis With Charlize Theron

One can easily imagine a world in which Gwyneth Paltrow, Katherine Heigl, and Charlize Theron were three humorless garbage peas in a nightmare pod. They would go around together on weekday afternoons to various sidewalk cafes after shopping with their personal trainers for "motivation" dresses two sizes too small, applying Israeli mineral oils bottled at the Dead Sea to their perfectly tanned skin as they drink white wine out of the skulls of the less fortunate. Over a dish of caviar canapes they would trade self-congratulatory anecdotes, all of which taper off in a directionless stream of compliments and petty complaints. Afterwards, they would each kiss each other on both cheeks and insist that their personal assistants arrange the next outing, while condescendingly making some kind of remark, like, "I don't know what I would do without [my assistant], the truth is that I consider us complete equals." And then they would each get into their respective hybrid-fuel helicopters to fly back to their Victorian castles.

But somehow Charlize Theron seems different. Unlike those other two, she seems to have a sense of humor, and a certain amount of self-awareness. Plus she won the silver medal at the Olympics, so.

Posted by Gabe at 10:15 AM in ,
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33 Comments

He's in the danger zone now that he was in a hit movie and therefore is getting more A-listers on BTF; it's only a matter of time before he picks the wrong person (i.e., someone in the ilk of the other two blondes you mention) and it turns out godawful

Posted by: ClownCoffee profile link at 09/08/09 10:30 AM  | Reply
Score = 8 Vote up Vote down

I think that having the wrong person on BTF would be impossible. The worse the star is, the more awkward the whole thing becomes, and thus the better. Because awkward always means better, right? Yes, always.

Posted by: ThisIsSoMeta profile link  in reply to  ClownCoffee's comment at 09/08/09 12:50 PM  | Reply
Score = 5 Vote up Vote down

He already did that with Natalie Portman. Sorry, but that video was boooring, and Natalie is doing the exact same thing that Charlize is making fun of in the first half of this video (i.e. "oh man, awkward, this guy is so weird, help me out, etc. etc. etc.)

Posted by: dmj49 profile link  in reply to  ClownCoffee's comment at 09/10/09 12:06 AM  | Reply
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My head just exploded from the sheer amount of crazy.

Posted by: Grouchomarxist at 09/08/09 10:30 AM  | Reply
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its scripted right? like a snl skit

charlize never struck me as some uppity diva that was wholly unaware of the trials of people in the "real" world

Posted by: nicole profile link at 09/08/09 10:35 AM  | Reply
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"That's funny."


"That's humorous."


"Wow, you're really funny."--Charlize Theron.


I can't stand people who do this. But she's not a bad actress.

Posted by: TheJesusCodpiece profile link at 09/08/09 10:35 AM  | Reply
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I'm pretty sure that however scripted this might have been, Miss "The Ron" wasn't expecting the "I hope your dog dies." line. Neither was I. Because of how I am twelve and have comedic timing ineptitude. So I laughed really hard there.

Posted by: Gabroll profile link  in reply to  TheJesusCodpiece's comment at 09/08/09 8:49 PM  | Reply
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Ever since MRF, Charlize has had a special place in my heart. She gets a free pass that I do not extend to other actresses. That is to say, in my juvenile sexual fantasy, after the draining intercourse we have that leads her more satisfied than she's ever been in her life, I DON'T strap on my personal jetpack and take off to fight the Martians. I actually stay and talk.

Posted by: dafs profile link at 09/08/09 10:45 AM  | Reply
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MRF? My Right Foot? I'm scratching my head.

Posted by: Trevor profile link  in reply to  dafs's comment at 09/08/09 10:58 AM  | Reply
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Mr. F?? Thank jeebus it's not just me who's confused on this one.

Posted by: Deezey profile link  in reply to  Trevor's comment at 09/08/09 11:16 AM  | Reply
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SOmebody needs to buy some DVDs and plunge headfirst into Arrested Development.

Posted by: hlebtastic profile link  in reply to  Deezey's comment at 09/08/09 11:36 AM  | Reply
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Someone didn't go to Videogum Summer School! MRF.

Posted by: Detroit Dutchgirl profile link  in reply to  Deezey's comment at 09/08/09 1:23 PM  | Reply
Score = 7 Vote up Vote down

Geez you guys! I was watching AD when most of you were in grammar school, probably. I was just thrown off by the way dafs wrote MRF. That's an odd way of writing Mr. F, right?

Posted by: Deezey profile link  in reply to  Detroit Dutchgirl's comment at 09/09/09 11:44 AM  | Reply
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Not a weird way of writing the acronym for mentally retarded female

Posted by: hlebtastic profile link  in reply to  Deezey's comment at 09/09/09 12:44 PM  | Reply
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"draining intercourse"? That sounds like something aliens would do.

Posted by: She-Ra, P.O.P. profile link  in reply to  dafs's comment at 09/08/09 12:03 PM  | Reply
Score = 8 Vote up Vote down

Aww, I was just watching the AD episodes with her as Rita and thinking that not only is she beautiful, but she must have a good sense of humor. She wins all the awards.

Posted by: Deezey profile link at 09/08/09 10:51 AM  | Reply
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Does anybody else kind of love that she named her dog Oldboy? Or am I just the biggest nerd?

Posted by: smiles profile link at 09/08/09 10:58 AM  | Reply
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i'm with you! i almost wondered if zach was going to bring up the movie when he started off with 'like...' but that wouldn't really be in his 'character' i guess.

Posted by: tough titties turkleton  in reply to  smiles's comment at 09/09/09 5:51 AM  | Reply
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Kind of wished Zach had broken out his piano for an impromptu rendition of "Crimson and Clover."

Posted by: rajma profile link at 09/08/09 11:27 AM  | Reply
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I don't think these skits work anymore now that Galifianakis is a huge celebrity himself.

Posted by: J at 09/08/09 11:50 AM  | Reply
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Oh Zach, you're such a pussy

Posted by: Tyrannosaurus profile link at 09/08/09 12:11 PM  | Reply
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She lizzed from that? It wasn't even funny, as he was clearly being serious. That woman needs some Oxy Incontin.

Posted by: ThisIsSoMeta profile link at 09/08/09 12:48 PM  | Reply
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My girlfriend looks a little bit like Charlize Theron, and a lot like Patrick Ewing

Posted by: Ian at 09/08/09 12:49 PM  | Reply
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Dog the Bounty Hunter....can't....breathe...from...laughing. Lots of Love.

Posted by: Detroit Dutchgirl profile link at 09/08/09 1:16 PM  | Reply
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It's nice to know that even though she's flipping gorgeous, she still acts like a normal person. Also, am I the only one who doesn't find Zach Galifianakis funny? Like, at all? The only part I laughed at was the "I hope your dog dies" line, which was funny, but lots of people could come up with that line. Also, I can already feel y'alls downvotes and I say bring. It. ON.

Posted by: Napoleon Complex profile link at 09/08/09 1:28 PM  | Reply
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Zach G is not funny. His character in Hangover is funny, but he is not. He still owes me 30 minutes of my life back for his Comedy Central special, and I intend to collect.

Posted by: The N profile link  in reply to  Napoleon Complex's comment at 09/08/09 5:22 PM  | Reply
Score = -8 Vote up Vote down

To imply Charlize Theron is as the worst as Heigl or Paltrow is probably the most offensive thing I've ever read on this website.

Posted by: Anonymous at 09/08/09 4:34 PM  | Reply
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It doesn't get any more tru than dat.

Posted by: Paperback Rioter profile link  in reply to  Anonymous's comment at 09/09/09 5:21 AM  | Reply
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Rita corny, Michael!

Posted by: Maeby Funke at 09/08/09 6:06 PM  | Reply
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the editor of videogum.com does not like blonde ladies very much!

Posted by: emily at 09/08/09 7:16 PM  | Reply
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I loved the "I hope your dog dies" line.

Posted by: jneslo profile link at 09/08/09 7:43 PM  | Reply
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Charlize was fine in Arrested Development, she was a good choice for BTF.
Also I should do this before I forget everything; "RAMDOM LINE FROM THE VIDEO"

Posted by: itsnotfunny profile link at 09/08/09 9:23 PM  | Reply
Score = 2 Vote up Vote down

A better response joke to the sick dog part would have been "Did you try to go back to the pound and ask for a refund?"

Posted by: giantbugs at 09/09/09 6:09 AM  | Reply
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