This Clown Will Make You Not Want To Have Sex
No, literally, he's a clown, and his job is literally to teach abstinence. He's also the worst public speaker of all time. The abstinence part starts at 2:50, but I kind of like the Nicholas Fehn-esque neverending lead-up. This guy is the worst, for real. He's the Michael Scott of sex educators:
I like how after he proves that sex is the same thing as juggling machetes over a person's body (You know, no amount of "practice" can make it safe. In the biz that's called a "shitty analogy that doesn't work."), he says, at 5:32, "A consequence can happen like it happened for my brothers..." and then never explains what that means. According to YouTube and other websites, that clown (or "guy who can wear ugly clothes and juggle at the same time") was part of Bush's 1.5 billion dollar abstinence-only education thingy. So DON'T LET THE MOB OF SAFE-SEX-KNOWLEDGE-HAVING SEVENTH GRADERS HIT YOU WITH CONDOMS ON THE WAY OUT, Terrible Fake Clown!
Posted by Lindsay at 4:45 PM in Instructional Videos, Justice
Tags: Clowns
...And his dream was to be a crappy clown-like character who preaches abstinence to 7th graders?
Score = 9
Thats what I'm sayin. Like, oh my god guys, if he got HIS dream of becoming a half-clown-half-never-gets-laid-guy with a shitty public speaking job, maybe we should listen to what he says! He totally relates to us!
Juggling and machetes and fire! YAAYYYY.
I wish I was held back 10 years so I could sit in that audience and laugh really loudly at his analogies.
Score = 5
it's people like you that have gotten our society where it is today. It blows my mind how many people are void of any common sense... I guess it's just passed down by people who don't practice abstinence. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised at people who don't have any self worth in their own bodies... probably comes from having parents who don't have any self respect for their own bodies.
Score = -13
I think this guy needs to try pre-marital sex. It's pretty good; he might like it!
Score = 4
I would preach abstinence too if I knew I would never get any.
IF I CAN'T HAVE IT, NONE OF YOU CA-I mean, sex is dangerous, kids. Don't do it.
Score = 4
Heh, that machete analogy also works for reading evil books and listening to the devil's music. No matter how much practice you get at being faithful to the Lord God Jesus, the risk is always there that you'll think on your own.
Score = 5
Don't take risks kids!
Score = 2
haha. This guy is the best. You can achieve your dreLADDER ON MY CHIN!
Score = 10
Wait - does it actually say anywhere that he's a clown? I think maybe he's just a juggling de-motivational speaker. Really, he's just dressed as someone's embarrassing dad. (He is definitely someone's embarrassing dad.)
Score = 0
What's up, fat Buster Bluth?
Score = 3
Finally, someone said what we were all thinking!
Score = 0
"Tobacco: Will Kill Your Dreams"
Don't worry cigarette warning label writers. That one's on the house.
Score = 0
This guy will finally lose his virginity when an Asian-American makes history and gets sworn in as president.
Anybody? Topical humor? Is this thing on?
Score = -1
So what he's basically saying is marry her sooner so I can start having sex? Okay. And what the fuck was that cane balancing shit all about?
During the "you may not know what abstinence is" part, I was really hoping he'd explain it as, "Abstinence is when you stick a dick in a pussy. Okay, guys?"
Just a tip, Bush no-sex clown: don't fuck up your lines after the amazing tissue-paper-flame bit.
Score = 1
that ladder-on-the-chin trick totally reminded me of the depraved, kinky sex i was having when i was in 7th grade because no one told me not to.
where were you, sweater-vest-juggling guy, during the sexy 90s of my youth?
Score = 6
Those aren't machetes
Score = 0
He complained and got it pulled from YouTube out of sheer embarrassment. Everyone save a copy for posterity!
Score = 3
If this guy finally ever gets laid I hope he enjoys a post-coital smoke and reflects back on how much taxpayer money he wasted lying to kids.
Score = 3
Oh, Gawd! This gave me awful flashbacks to my religious childhood. This guy was kewl and hip in 70's & 80's church circles.
Score = 1
How about when the kid starts to successfully balance the cane on his first try, and Buster Bluth Lookalike pulls it away from him? . . .
Score = 3
OK, what did he tell the 7th graders, 12 and 13 yr old kids that was a lie?
I know he should have shown them showed them porn, passed out condoms and said if you want to have sex at your age, please do there is no problem as long as he has a condom on. Why do we want to jail adults who have sex with children but encourage kids to do each other as a pass time. Is it really worse for a 21 yr old and 12, than two 12 yr olds. Do you really think 12 yr old girls are ready emotionally for sex. We know people don't wait for marriage very often anymore, but getting them through school without a baby is a pretty good goal. We have HS Graduates now who can't read and write or find their state on a map. But recreational sex will fix all that I am sure. So get them stated at 12, hey what about preschool, we could work a little sex in their day also. You know just to have them on the right track, and 6 yr olds don't have to worry about pregnancy.
Score = -9
He forget the 5th thing apparently...you must abstain from midnight twinkies.
Score = 0
Stealing a line from some comedian:
I learned a couple things in religious education. One: Sex is the nastiest, most dangerous, most disgusting, most depraved thing you could ever do. Two: You should save it for someone you love enough to marry.
Score = 7
It seems to have escaped everyone's attention that this video is *gasp* not complete. Do you really think that schools all over the country hire him to come speak for 6 minutes? Really, people. Go ahead and laugh... he makes a lot more money than you do, and probably has fun doing it.
Score = -3
Um, what is the big deal with this? The guy has to make a bunch of kids who don't pay any attention to anyone look, see and focus. I was a student teacher for a while and I have seen so many kids who don't care one bit about anything other than themselves. He has found a way to make them notice and listen to what he has to say. Leave the guy alone....who cares what you believe, if it works for him and them, leave it be.
Score = 0
wow- he REALLY makes me want to wait to marriage, maybe I'll end up like him
Score = 0
Yeah, i'm almost slightly *impressed* by this presentation considering i was linked to it by someone dissing this guy and then after reading the description up top i thought it was going to be totally ridiculous and awful. This guy's a pretty good public speaker- or at least i've seen a lot of people who are a lot worse (may some US presidents...?) and i would say his general argument for abstinence makes sense and all.
Wubdub: your comment "So what he's basically saying is marry her sooner so I can start having sex? Okay. " made me think of this article:
http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001992.cfm
Score = 0