True Blood: You Ain't Seen Terrible Yet!
Well, you have. Obviously you have. If you have watched one episode of True Blood, you have seen terrible. But last night was something special. So Vampire Bill went to Vampire Court or whatever, and that was hilarious because Vampire Court is very "Mad Max Vampires on Ice" or something. It was like a musical about Junkyard Vampires, without music. That doesn't make a lot of sense, unless you saw what I am talking about, and then it makes all of the sense. I like that Bill's punishment was reduced from a crippling imprisonment that would leave him broken and insane to just having to turn a human being into a vampire. What? In the vampire world, isn't that basically the equivalent of having your punishment reduced from going to jail or having a delicious snack? True Blah! Get it? You get it.
But the actual worst part of last night's episode was this scene in which Sam explains to Sookie why/how he can change into a dog and stuff:
Humans are too complex, despite what you might see at the bar. True Zing! Um, so now there are mind readers, vampires, shapeshifters, and werewolves in this show, and the open ended promise of "more than you can imagine." Perfect. I am imagining someone in charge of what gets turned into a TV show thinking better and pulling the plug on this disaster. Is there one of those, Sam? Do those exist?
There must be something like the Kübler-Ross model of grief for bad TV. Like:
- Confusion
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Ironic Viewing Parties
Science! I think we're definitely on the fifth and final stage at this point, because there is no bargaining left to be done. All of you True Blood defenders must be wearing yourselves ragged, stuck as you seem to be in the second or fourth stages of the Kübler-Ross-Delahaye model of bad TV grief. Denial and Bargaining are the only positions left for the genuine True Blood fan who isn't just watching this out of some sad obsession with things that are the worst ("Check out my collection of Troma DVDs! I hate enjoying stuff!")
Oh, and for the record, leaving a comment, as I am sure many of you are about to do, asking me why I waste my time watching the show if I hate it so much is textbook "Bargaining." You can't win. But don't let it upset you. When it comes to True Blood none of us win. Ever.
Posted by Gabe at 12:30 PM in Hate-Watching
Tags: Alan Ball | Anna Paquin | True Blood | Vampires | Werewolves
Haters will never get hate-watching. I agree with you, the show, the plot, the characters, and the ridiculous traits they all have is absolutely ABSURD..... but I still find it wildly entertaining.... perhaps for all of those reasons.
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But is it really hate-watching you find it wildly entertaining? Because at that point, you're actually enjoying it. I tell myself I'm only hate-watching, but I do find myself looking forward to new episodes. I'm confused.
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I hate this show too - yet I watch it every week. There's something about it that keeps me coming back for more. I'm oddly obsessed with it. I just read this list over at PH of the "Top 10 signs you're too into true blood" and it's funny and scary how true it is.
http://pophangover.com/?p=1084
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I've read the books--prepare yourself for fairies, goblins and were-tigers.
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The sad thing is that I can see them tackling were-tigers pretty easily with the current plotline. But how the hell will they tie in fairies and goblins?
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Fairies come in as the obvious gay-rights metaphor.
Isn't sweeps happening soon? Where is their random-ass girl-on-girl scene that is unnecessary and irrelevant to the plot? That should have been the graveyard scene...
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Seriously? Man...I'm still trying to justify watching that show...besides the excuse "I needed something to watch while I was knitting Christmas presents." Now that I know what I've got to look forward to...damn.
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that guy from 24 is everywhere!!
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Kubler-Ross, not Moss. Unless The Girl Who Plays Peggy contributed.
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I'm kind of sad that the office space lonely vampire got killed. I still can't really believe Alan Ball is responsible for this mess.
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I like when the judge at vampire court was all "Pack your fangs and go."
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Well it beats Desperate Housewives. I guess I could read Sundays at nine...but I'd rather roll my eyes every minute for an hour.
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I watch it to see all of the Hot Naked Guys!
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i'm just down with all the nudity... but really, how many white girls you know named sookie?
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The year was Chattanooga, Tennessee. The girl was the daughter of a local used-car salesman. Her name? Sookie. Her bedroom? Walltowallceilingtofloor purple violet Laura Ashley.
Her accent, however, was real.
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but what show has a naked woman next to a pig? now that's tv
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i like the show, and it's already been picked up for a second season. so fuck off. :)
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You forgot to mention that "Erik" (blond vampire) was just revealed to be "the sheriff of the 5th district." The vampires are highly organized, they're hundreds of years old, yet none of them can pay the rent on a decent vampire courthouse. That took me out of it, right there.
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in this year of garbage...true blood is one of the most underrated shows of the year.
It has some of the highest ratings on HBO with each episode getting higher and higher ratings.
prepare for 2-4 more years of true blood.
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I agree. The subject of vampires very much interests me, but theplots just get worse and worsehere. im scratching my head every time. Why did these wealthy vampires go to a garbage dump to hold court? Why not a mansion?
Why are they trying to integrate into society, and let everyone know they exist, but then kill humans in such a way as to at least be suspected? Do they want to be exterminated?
Why does this waitress keepyelling at people that she is not a psychic, when that is exactly what she is? People who read minds are psychics. Why does anyone find people who look dead, have permanent circles under the eyes and sleep in the ground attractive? Where did they get those stupid fangs? Why the hell would anyone with a brain watch this trash? Why?
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Oh god, I just hate True Blood. This is some low-quality TV show. I can't wait for it to end. It'll be the happiest day of my life. No offense for the True Blood lovers, but it's plain stupid.
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