Good News! We Don't Have To See 2012!
A five-minute clip from the upcoming disaster movie (double-entendre!) 2012 has been posted on-line, and it is hilarious. It is also as many minutes of 2012 as anyone really needs to see. We're done here! It encapsulates everything. John Cusack and his ex-wife and children and his ex-wife's new husband race a limo to the airport as the world literally collapses beneath them. Like, the car is always one car-length ahead of a giant and spreading chasm in the ground? Sure. I mean, if Jake Gyllenhaal can race some ice into a library and close the door and the ice is stuck outside so frustrated at having lost the race with Jake Gyllenhaal, then I suppose John Cusack can race a limo against the end of the world to the airport where he has rented a plane (it is important in the Apocalypse to have all your paperwork in order?) and race the end of the SKY. And NO SPOILERS, but they don't all die for some reason? They should really all be dead. I suppose that would be the one reason to see the full movie. "Are they dead yet? Hmm, I wonder when it turns out that they all die." Hopefully it's in the sixth minute of this movie, because really no one should have to watch more than 5-6 minutes of this.
CALIFORNIA IS GOING DOWN! GET INTO THIS LIMO! Stupid.
Posted by Gabe at 11:23 AM
Tags: 2012 | Apocalypse | John Cusack | Roland Emmerich
Is Nostradamus in this one? Illuminati? The Greys? Lizard people?
Please tell me quetzelcoatl makes his triumphant return...
Fuck, I guess I have to see this movie.
Score = 6
And is there a reason the first 6 seconds repeat?
Score = 4
I think Quetzalcoatl will return in 2012 just to devour Roland Emmerich for this. Did you see the trailer that calls the Mayans "mankind's earliest civilization"? Because the pyramids of Giza weren't built before the Mayan civilization really started or anything. And there weren't Sumerians before that either. This movie is going to be a hit all around.
Score = 18
I'd get into some ancient knowledge shit with you guys but I will leave that for metaphysicsgum.com
Score = 7
I would soooooo go to metaphysicsgum.com everyday
Score = 17
Your avatar is my shirt right now! No joke!
Score = 3
Quetzalcoatl was stopped at the border thanks to the McCain-Sessions Border Security Act of 2011.
Score = 10
You just wait 'til the Micheal Bay/Roland Emmerich crossover. It's this, except EVERY CAR IS ALSO A TRANSFORMER!
AND SO IS EVERY BUILDING!
AND SO IS JOHN CUSACK!
Score = 12
Are we sure this isn't a scene from the inevitable Disaster Flick? Are the Wayans Bros behind this?
Score = 11
Ain't nothing "inevitable" about it, they already made it. Although it was called "Disaster Movie" not "Disaster Flick." Judging by the trailer it was about pop culture references who hang out while debris falls around them and someone shakes the camera.
Score = 3
what a bitch of an ex wife! first it's all "you call me when you calm down" then it's all "go faster - the street is crumbling"
Score = 22
I never saw 'The Day After Tomorrow' so I am going to replace that analogy with Mark Wahlberg being one step ahead of a frustrated gust of wind.
Score = 23
Dear Roland Emmerich,
Why do you hate me? Please stop destroying me, it hurts my feelings.
Sincerely,
The Earth
Score = 12
Whoa, twist ending! At first I thought just CA was getting their due (finally) and as a New Yorker I felt really good. Then I saw the whole world getting it, including that guy in the orange robe, and I felt bad. I can only hope puffy-faced Cusack gets it at some point. When can I buy tickets?
Score = 6
Whoa, twist ending! At first I thought just CA was getting their due (finally) and as a New Yorker I felt really good. Then I saw the whole world getting it, including that guy in the orange robe, and I felt bad. I can only hope puffy-faced Cusack gets it at some point. When can I buy tickets?
Score = -6
This whole movie looks like one big shit-covered limo.
Score = 10
prime to be turned into the car for an amusement park ride at Universal Studios
Score = 7
I was just about to post that. Go to Universal Studios next year and they'll have renamed the Earthquake ride.
Score = 0
By 2012, we'll all have jetpacks. Crisis averted!
Score = 22
I hope the family dog makes it
Score = 10
Jeez. We gave him our hearts and he gave us a woof!
Score = 5
I feel like this needs to be said: the world doesn't work that way, right? It's not as if there is our streets and buildings, then a huge gaping cavern, and then the rest of the Earth's crust?
Score = 21
When I saw this exclusive sneak peek scene from the upcoming John Cusack film 2012, I was aroused... then furious.
Score = 6
I'd probably choose death over having to question the reality (Matrix?) where i nearly escape death dozens of times in a 5 minute span while the entire world around me is wiped out and all the nameless, faceless people I've ever loved are drowned out by the shocking horror that is the world's biggest stretch mark.
Score = 3
So after 2012 there will be no more SAW movies right? Something to look forward to.
Score = 6
"One Date Will Unite Us All"? Really? Hooray!! I can't wait to die with everyone. By suicide. When we all kill ourselves. When this does well in the theaters and is given some kind of award and is lauded for being "cool" or "thought-provoking" or "a decent flick" or whatever. Please pass the Goobers. Oh there aren't anymore? Then I'll just have the bullets in my neck, wrists, and brain, please.
Score = 0
Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes...The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together...mass hysteria!
Score = 8
Disaster porn
Score = 0
Not new, but must post: 2012: It's a Disaster!
Score = 3
These indie movies keep getting more pretentious.
Score = 23
I saw the trailer on TV last night and thought, "Why hasn't Videogum covered this yet?" It's my head, Delahaye, and I'll see you in court!
Also... "BUCKLE UP!" struck me as ironic and unnecessary. But then again, Roland Emmerich is known for his dedication to traffic safety.
Score = 5
I am very much looking forward to the universal studios ride.
Score = 1
What happened to you John Cusack? You used to be cool... Now you're in 2012.
Score = 7
"Hey guys, hey GUYS I have a GREAT idea. Maybe it's the coke and crystal talking but what if we take the thrill and excitement of the War of the Worlds remake, subtract Tom Cruise, the aliens (there were aliens in that right?), and that annoying little asshole kid who screamed too loud and instead we add Jon Cusack, different precocious kids who scream too loud and a LIMO, CGI LIQUID SHIT WITH SQUISHY SOUNDS, GIANT FUCKING ROLLING DONUTS like from that Treehouse of Horror episode, AND a car going through an office building like from Lethal Weapon 4 and EVERY OTHER FUCKING ACTION MOVIE EVER MADE."
"Holy shit that is fucking genius! It's so incredibly, nauseatingly derivative that it becomes its own fresh, super-unique entity! LET'S GREEN-LIGHT THIS, BITCHES!"
Score = 9
make that "(A) GIANT FUCKING ROLLING DONUTS" and i'm in.
Score = 4
I just got this and I'm literally laughing out loud. This comment should have a far higher rating.
Score = 0
I keep waiting for this movie to tell me what the big disaster is. I mean, I get the premise, 2012 Mayan apocalypse or whatever, but can they please tell me why the ground is tearing up? At least The Day After Tomorrow was all GLOBAL WARMING IS COMING FOR US! But till now it seems as though the only explanation for 2012 and its geological disasters is THE MAYANS SAID SO.
Score = 7
It's because there aren't any more dates on the calendar! If only Cusack had ordered refill pages for his Franklin-Covey day planner.
Score = 3
This clip was better when it was a Tool song and I was 12 years old.ds
Score = 4
Now hang on. This looks like pretty good fun. It's gonna come out in 3D right? And I think it has a deliberate silly, tongue in cheek tone. Like the Brendan Fraser Journey to the centre of the earth or Independence Day. The day after tomorrow was all solemnity and piety. This looks like mad fun shit. Sign me up. You needn't agree with me. I am only an under age rabbit.
Score = 8
This is about as sweet as uploading a Macintosh OS computer virus into an entire fleet of extraterrestrial war vessels.
Score = 4
And for the record, I'd probably see this movie if I discovered how to reverse my aging process back to 12.
Score = 3
So John Cusack was causing all that bad shit to happen right? What a dick. Don't take it out on the world guy just because all your credibility has dried up and died.
Score = 4
I was fine with everything until the guy said "take the freeway, it'll be half the time." No self-respecting LA resident would get ON the freeway to save time. Nor would they call it the freeway. John Cusack in a limo out-running the Earth I can deal with. But not this...
Score = 13
the footage was actually stolen from katie couric's colonoscopy years ago.
Score = -2
When the glasses guy said to take the freeway, I was hoping they would argue about what's really the quickest way to get to the Santa Monica Airport. What kind of disaster movie is this?
Score = 2
Maybe this is a comedy? I mean, it's funny that the limo is tough enough to drive through a collapsing building, fly through the air like an Evel Knievel motorcycle, smash away an enemy car (1:32) and then magically edit its passengers into an aeroplane -- but, when pulling out of park, its door gets ripped off by an ordinary plastic garbage can (1:01). Yes it does. So, this must be a comedy, right? The kind without jokes or funny parts?
Score = 8
Oops -- try (2:32) not (1:32).
Score = -1
3 -4 years from now. when 2012 has come and gone, i want this to be a documentary on the history channel of what really happened, john cusak being one of the few people who survived with his superior limo driving skills. itll be shown in schools. and the morning prayers to the great cusak will make children weep. heres hoping.
Score = 6
so... there are or aren't vampires in this? If not... no thanks.
Score = 10
I like how that pilot is simultaneously the best (can thread the needle between collapsing skyscrapers) and worst (but somehow can't get the plane to fly higher than said skyscrapers) pilot of all times.
Score = 9
Wow, I can't believe they got Schwarzenegger for this!
Score = 1
I dunno, I'm getting a real sense of self-loathing from this trailer. "He's just an actor! Don't believe him!" & those LA-crumbling-into-the-ocean scenes? A little too lovingly crafted.
No, wait. This isn't a commentary about the ephemeral nature of materialism or the Hollywood myth. This is just stupid.
Score = 1
it's weird-- i had the urge to start singing "i love L.A." as soon as i saw the Randy's donut rolling by-- i felt nostalgic for mtv and long beach/L.A. simultaneously, without irony or any kind of loathing.
Score = 1
That looks like just a regular day on the 405.
Score = 6
Sorry for asking an actual question without extra helpings of sardonic wit or sarcasm, but in 2012, won't Schwarzenegger have finished his stint as governor? I thought you could only do 4 years in thart role? How does the system work, exactly? (Forget it, Aussie, it's Americalandtown)
Or maybe that's part of the horror that the Mayans predicted? He would run for governor again? So confusing...
Score = 2
In a perfect world, the spurned columnist from 'The Wire' is the same character as the new husband in this clip, who got a prominent job at the L.A. Times and finally gets his comeuppance when John Cusack accidentally hits the booster seat, and sends him flailing into an exploding Mount Rushmore.
Too much to ask?
Score = 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0BgOx81_Oc
Score = 1
So the earth is collapsing in on itself in a continuously linear fashion, which is always conveniently behind their limo. Which has the responsive handling of a sports car. And even when they inexplicably make it to the plane, the earth still has the courtesy to implode in a straight line behind them. And the force of the air around the earth collapsing doesn't have any impact on a plane taking off under the helm of a non-pilot. K.
I guess it's not PHYSICS-physics?
Score = 5
"He's an actor! He's reading from a script!" I'm going to shout that every time I see Schwarzenegger on TV now.
Score = 2
This movie cost $260 million dollars to make.
Score = 0
This is going to make a shitty movie, but it would make an amaaaazing 3D motion simulator ride.
Score = 2
It looks like it might make a great videogame.
Score = 1
First off, the world's not ending. It's TRANSFORMING.
Second, they needed to cross paths with Nicolas Cage driving a 1967 Shelby GT 500 ("Eleanor") in all of their cg car glory.
Third, something something something Bill Hicks.
"BREAKING NEWS, huh Tom?"
"Well it's not my FAULT, Suzy."
"Uh oh."
*screaming screams*
Score = 1
Is this movie literally just John Cusack & Co yelling alot while evading things crashing in improbably indestructible vehicles? Did they insert "controversial" "commentary" on the Governator? Was that Alton Brown as the new Husband? So many questions that must be answered! Oh, I hope John Cusack and ex-wife reconcile and a lesson is learned about life is precious, and God, and the Bible!
Score = 0
If Alton Brown played the new husband, I would feel obligated to see this because he is awesome. Fortunately, that totally isn't Alton Brown. Crisis averted! You scared me for a second there.
Score = 0
Looks loud. I'll pass.
Score = 0
I think its SO COOL that they still have the Independence Day soundtrack to count on. I thought they had lost that piece of musical genius FOREVER.
Score = 0
thank you for pointing out that Jake Gyllenhaal outran ice in that other disaster movie, that was exactly the first thing I thought when I saw that P.O.S movie. he outran it but meanwhile, the helicopter couldnt get away from it?!?!? WTF? (and by WTF, I mean Wisconsin Trade Federation :-)
my mom loves that dumb movie, she always watches it so i'm sure this P.O.S movie will be her new favorite.
Score = 0
Technically, Jake Gylenhall outrunning cold air isn't the craziest thing ever. Heat transfer through air is predominantly via convection, so closing the door would really slow it down considerably. Of course, that's hardly the biggest hole in the movie. Also.
Score = 0
I'm just happy that John Cusack is still finding work.
Score = 1
i love how roland emerich directed the shit out of the people being swallowed by that bottomless pit, ducking as the plane flies by and everything. top notch
Score = 0
I'll look forward to the end of the world if it borrows directly from Simpsons' Treehouse of Horror Episodes (1:38).
Score = 0
I kind of feel bad for Emmerich, he's running out of tourist traps to blow up. Eventually, he will have digitally destroyed every single significant world landmark in one of his movies. And then what will he do? It's not like the guy can go back to making Paul Blart 2.
Score = 0
not to burst your bubble, gabe, but you will have to watch this when it gets pegged for HFTWMOAT.
Score = 0
has no one commented on the pilot's battle cry at 3:35?
Score = 0
If the world is ending, I would be glad to have John Cusack by my side, narrating everything for me.
"AAAHHHH!!!"
"THAT BUILDING IS FALLING INTO THAT BUILDING! THREAD THE NEEDLE!"
"THIS HOTEL ROOM IS NOT HAUNTED. THIS HOTEL ROOM IS HAUNTED!"
Score = 0