Friday Fight: Who Is Your Celebrity Valentine?
Even though Lindsay and Gabe are friends, they very rarely agree on anything. Every day, they have a fight about something. On Fridays, we publish one.
[NOTE: this week's fight includes one blurry NSFW image.]
gabe: who is your celebrity valentine?
lindsay: Usually it's Paul Rudd, but this year I'm shaking things up
lindsay: I can't decide between Jon Hamm and Jason Segel
gabe: you've got such a triple-track mind
gabe: it's always paul rudd, jon hamm, and jason segel with you
lindsay: (trying to think of a jason segel's penis joke)
gabe: i'm sure paul rudd is going to be so crushed by this news
lindsay: He's had many years to step up.
gabe: yeah, his silence on the matter of your love for him is weird
gabe: ☹
lindsay: But he's always been like "We're not like those other couples, we don't have to celebrate valentine's day to prove we love each other."
lindsay: "Every day is valentine's day for us, Lindsay"
lindsay: - Paul Rudd
lindsay: (every year)
gabe: ☹
gabe: that was sad
lindsay: hahaha
gabe: that was twilight-vlog-caliber sad
gabe: you're like "come over here, my dozen cats"
gabe: "now which of you is going to be paul rudd this year"
lindsay: YAWN.
gabe: aw
gabe: i'm just kidding
gabe: i know that you don't have any cats
lindsay: because the county won't give me a cat license?
lindsay: is that going to be your joke?
gabe: hahahhahaha
gabe: you got me?
gabe: i'm always making those county licensing board jokes
gabe: it's getting so predictable
lindsay: WHO IS YOUR VALENTINE?
gabe: the smoke monster from lost
gabe: i just like to feel safe
lindsay: Nah, it's Gwyneth
gabe: ew
lindsay: you only hit her because you like her so much
lindsay: but you don't have words, only fists
gabe: i used to
gabe: i used to like her
gabe: she used to be our leighton meister
gabe: or something?
gabe: but now look at her
gabe: i loathe her
gabe: your celebrity valentine is andy milonakis
lindsay: well, until last year we did live on the same street
gabe: you date him, and you have babies with him
lindsay: (I moved on up)
lindsay: um, something terrible about genetic testing.
gabe: as opposed to something kind and generous and thoughtful about genetic testing?
gabe: when you look at pictures of andy milonakis
lindsay: exactly
lindsay: um
gabe: you sigh
lindsay: I do not do that
lindsay: YOU do that
gabe: and you're like "the one who got away"
lindsay: you are doing that right now
gabe: no way, dude
gabe: that's like my main rule
gabe: people who don't even know me
gabe: are like that guy NEVER looks at pictures of andy milonakis
gabe: it's my thing, i'm famous for it
gabe: unlike you
gabe: who is famous for having andy milonakis's babies
lindsay: Can we please pick a less easy target here?
gabe: than you?
gabe: no, that is fair
lindsay: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
gabe: i'm surprised you didn't pick alec baldwin
gabe: since he's one of the four people
lindsay: He doesn't drink.
lindsay: And he holds grudges.
gabe: that you obsess about to the point of it being troublesome
lindsay: I could say the same thing about you and so many people!
gabe: i'm glad to see that alcohol consumption and anger management are carefully weighted in your nonsense valentine schoolgirl crush analysis
gabe: god forbid
gabe: you get imaginary stuck
lindsay: it's mainly the grudges
gabe: with someone
gabe: who doesn't drink
gabe: what a bore!
gabe: what a make believe problem that would never be!
lindsay: anyway, at least my celebrity valentine was naked in a movie.
gabe: why imaginarily buy the cow when you can rent the Forgetting Sarah Marshall dvd from netflix is what you're saying
lindsay: EW
lindsay: no!
lindsay: gross
lindsay: 1. I OWN FSM
lindsay: (duh)
lindsay: 2. That is not how girls work and that movie does not turn anyone on.
gabe: hahahhahahha
gabe: oh man, i am so confused
gabe: i thought that the stupid scene in forgetting sarah marshall
gabe: was like porn for girls
gabe: and that they were super turned on by it and just wanted the rest of the movie
gabe: to hurry up and be done with
gabe: so they could have sex because of how excited they were
gabe: thank you dr. ruth
lindsay: Well this is why your celebrity valentine has to be an inanimate monster composed of or associated with smoke.
gabe: why?
gabe: analyze this
lindsay: Because you don't understand women
gabe: true
gabe: i do not understand women
gabe: i'm probably like the first guy
lindsay: when Gwyneth googles herself
gabe: who's had that problem
lindsay: she's like "if only Gabe could just MEET ME"
gabe: i'm sorry
gabe: my mind is still reeling from the incredible revelation
gabe: that girls aren't turned on
gabe: by Forgetting Sarah Marshall
lindsay: You know
lindsay: I think you need to tell us a real celebrity
lindsay: who is your valentine
lindsay: I have opened up and shared.
lindsay: and it's time for you to share.
gabe: i can do it
gabe: i can be vulnerable
lindsay: This is a safe place
lindsay: it's not your fault
lindsay: it's not your fault
lindsay: it's not your fault.
gabe: I AM ENOUGH!
gabe: my celebrity valentine
gabe: if the smoke monster from lost already had a date
gabe: would probably be rachel bilson
lindsay: Oohhhhh, you LOVE her, Gabe and Rachel sittin in a tree, Gabe loves Rachel Bilson!
lindsay: You love her!
gabe: basically
lindsay: I'm telling everyone
gabe: CORRECTION: i'm telling everyone
lindsay: No, I'm on the phone
lindsay: calling everyone
lindsay: and telling them
gabe: haha
lindsay: and typing at the same time
gabe: "come here, cats"
gabe: "i have some very interesting gossip"
gabe: the thing about rachel bilson is that she hasn't been famous enough to be obviously horrible yet
lindsay: I think Rachel Bilson is, um, maybe over?
gabe: perfect
gabe: also, she is not over
gabe: ever heard of a little movie called JUMPER?
gabe: she JUMPED into my heart
lindsay: oh I just looked on IMDB
lindsay: she has a movie coming out called Waiting For Forever
lindsay: which is funny because that's what you're doing
lindsay: with her
lindsay: only it's the sequel
lindsay: Waiting For Never
gabe: i am not waiting
gabe: that is ridiculous
gabe: she has three more years
gabe: to make something happen
gabe: and then i'm DONE
lindsay: SYNOPSIS:
lindsay: A Hollywood-set romantic tale of a guy who is content to live his life without a job yet with the love of his life, a young actress
gabe: i wrote myself a check for being done with rachel bilson and post-dated it for my 52nd birthday
lindsay: it is DESTINY.
gabe: and i'm going to cash that check
Posted by Lindsay at 6:10 PM in Friday Fight, Full Frontal Nudity
Tags: Alec Baldwin | Andy Milonakis | Gwyneth Paltrow | Jason Segel | Jon Hamm | Paul Rudd | Rachel Bilson
Gabe! Stop being mean to Lindsay! Although the Smoke Monster from Lost is pretty hot.
Score = 4
Gabe, you're that old? Anyway, now I think of you more like George Clooney and less like Chace Crawford in levels of hotness.
Score = 0
It was a joke.
There's always someone who doesn't get it.
Score = -1
I wasn't sure if sarcmeow was joking or not, maybe so?
Anyway, Gabe should continue increasing his age until we find the upper limit that will induce a "Wow, I didn't realize you were that old!" comment.
Score = 5
Twas a joke, a horrible one at that.
Score = 0
My celebrity valentine this year is Wes Anderson. We're going to put on some Troggs and Cat Stevens B-sides and slow-[motion]-dance until he strips me down to my pastel-colored slip. Then we will gaze intently and wistfully into one another's eyes while our Hungarian violinist and the stuffed boar head look on.
Score = 10
Don't forget the part about him whispering sweet non sequiturs in your ear.
Score = 7
Lindsay, it's easy! Just write up a MASH list and let fate pick for you!
Score = 7
Waiting for Forever (W8N44VR) looks intriguing not because of anyone who is not Richard Jenkins, but because of Richard Jenkins. JENKINS! Let the oscar recognition thru defeat begin!
Score = 0
Jason Segel gives me hope because I too am a husky male with decent looks and a good sense of humor.
Score = -1
http://goldenfiddle.com/set/151/grid
Score = 1
oh and my celeb crush if it is not already taken is Tina Fey
and if it is I guess I'll take EVE from WALL-E
Score = 7
is this why youve been holding off writing about The Last Kiss as the WORST MOVIE OF ALL TIME? for shame.
Score = 15
would being with the smoke monster count as an interracial relationship?
Score = 6
Umm, forget interracial, it might even be interspecies!
Whatever the relationship would be, I think anyone who saw Lost this week can agree that the smoke monster would be one rough lover. :(
Score = 3
ffs...Paul Rudd? a dying whale is more fit
Score = -12
Gabe, You're my celebrity valentine!
Score = 2
Ira Glass is my celebrity valentine. *sigh*
Score = 3
idk this is kinda irrelevant but i like that most people on videogum have icons from really outdated internet memes.
Score = 0
gabe: the thing about rachel bilson is that she hasn't been famous enough to be obviously horrible yet
WHY HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THE LAST KISS YET
OH MY GOD
Score = 2
I'm sorry Gabe, I read Rachel is engaged...
Score = 0