Friday Fight: Verne Troyer Sex Tape, Hot Or Not?
Even though Lindsay and Gabe are friends, they very rarely agree on anything. Every day, they have a fight about something. On Fridays, we publish one.
lindsay: this is going to be a short fight
gabe: ZING
lindsay: tmz described it as like childbirth in reverse
lindsay: so I'm never having kids now
gabe: tmz is an asshole
gabe: i don't know that many blogs that can be described as an asshole
gabe: but TMZ can
gabe: I think it's hot (nullus)
[Ed. Note: After receiving a letter from Verne Troyer's lawyer (seriously) claiming that our screencap of the sex tape was infringing upon Troyer's privacy, we decided to replace it with this image of the Joker's sex tape.]
lindsay: is that because it's a "sarah silverman lookalike"
lindsay: and you love her?
gabe: no
gabe: if anything verne troyer was not the least attracitve person in that video
gabe: for a couple of reasons
gabe: 1. her face
lindsay: well you're the one who studied it frame-by-frame
gabe: and 2. she was just in that video because she wants attention
gabe: "aspiring model"
gabe: get out of here
lindsay: she was probably like OH PLEASE LET THIS GET LEAKED
lindsay: if not I'm just having sex with verne troyer!
gabe: hahahhaha
gabe: right
gabe: she sucks
gabe: but verne is just doing what he does best
gabe: "getting some"
gabe: whoops, i just wrote that
lindsay: did he say that?
gabe: i think that's me
gabe: i said that
gabe: getting some
gabe: you know what that means, right?
lindsay: knocking size 2 (?) boots
gabe: that is a low blow
gabe: but they have to be with him
gabe: look i think it's great that verne troyer has a sex tape
gabe: good for him
lindsay: but it should be treated with the exact amount of ridicule as any other sex tape?
gabe: i don't htink that most sex tapes are treated with ridicule
gabe: they're treated with derision for bad decision making
gabe: although there was that gene simmons sex tape
lindsay: and fred durst
gabe: ooph
gabe: i think that what people make fun of with sex tapes
gabe: is that it's ridiculous to watch normal people have sex, and in the bedroom celelbrities are mostly normal people
gabe: they're not professionals
gabe: sex pros
gabe: whereas with verne
lindsay: yes
lindsay: we see behind the curtain
gabe: he is getting ridiculed for being a man suffering from dwarfism
gabe: and that is not cool, guys
lindsay: Yeah, but also he uses that in the movies he's in
lindsay: that's why everyone thinks he released the tape
gabe: yes
lindsay: like I don't think most people have a sex tape lying around
gabe: but we should be the bigger man
gabe: god, it really is impossible isn't it?
lindsay: hahaha
lindsay: I think Verne Troyer is more than aware that his sex tape would win in a game where each person has to name the celebrity they least want to see a sex tape from.
lindsay: well except your list
gabe: well let me also say that i would least like to see any celebrity's sex tape
gabe: i'm a professional in my field, and therefore i respect professionals in other fields
lindsay: I think that if you know they want you to see it, it's not interesting, and if you know they don't, you respect their privacy?
lindsay: If you're an adult?
lindsay: like fred durst wanted us to see his therefore: yawn
gabe: i like the idea of you really wanting to see fred durst's sex tape
gabe: under DIFFERENT CONDITIONS
lindsay: oops
lindsay: my secret shame is out
gabe: "an atmosphere was created in which i was not able to enjoy fred durst's sex tape"
lindsay: Have you imagined a scenario where Verne Troyer makes a ton of money off his sex tape?
lindsay: Like, people buy it and show it at their house during parties and it's like rick rolling
gabe: no but you have
lindsay: NOT SEX PARTIES
lindsay: regular parties
lindsay: I think that if the girls gone wild guy got involved
lindsay: what with his vast distribution network
gabe: don't pretend like you don't know his name
gabe: "the girls gone wild guy"
gabe: you mean your boyfriend
lindsay: Joseph R. Francis, yes
gabe: i think you made a good point earlier though
gabe: that verne troyer's sex tape should be subjected to the same amount of ridicule
lindsay: It just seems like celebrity sex tapes are already the most embarrassing thing ever, they are at the top. There's no worse or better.
lindsay: I mean none are worse than others
gabe: well the point is verne troyer is a ridiculous person
gabe: not because he's short but because of the way he acts
gabe: he would be ridiculous if he was of average height
lindsay: Yeah, Peter Dinklage would never let this happen.
gabe: hahahha
gabe: no
gabe: people don't say shit about peter dinklage
lindsay: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2004/03/19/chunks/bfdinklage19_page_1.xml
gabe: It might seem insulting that the actor's dwarfism should be relegated to a section usually devoted to, say, an actor's favourite football team (for Jude Law, it's Spurs) or to the fact that they are "right-handed when writing but do most things left-handed" (Tom Cruise).
gabe: the writer clearly just wanted to get some Jude Law facts in there
gabe: his editor was like "I don't see Jude Law mentioned in this article anywhere. You call yourself a journalist?"
lindsay: And yet the imdb biographer may unwittingly have hit on something.
lindsay: um, yeah
lindsay: that he's a dwarf?
gabe: i don't think imdb has BIOGRAPHERS
gabe: he writes that article like i used to write bibliographies in college
gabe: "your zine counts as a resource, right?"
lindsay: his research only went as far as imdb
gabe: Those achievements are followed by a solitary word, standing lonely in the section marked "Trivia". The word is "Dwarf".
gabe: what a powerful writer
gabe: that part gave me chills
lindsay: That word is so lonely.
gabe: dwarf?
lindsay: yes
gabe: not anymore. thanks, verne troyer.
Posted by Gabe at 6:04 PM in Friday Fight
Tags: Fred Durst | Gene Simmons | Paris Hilton | Sex Tapes | Verne Troyer
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tmz ISSSS an asshole
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I would SO SO SO watch a Peter Dinklage sex tape. Sign me up
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Do you guys have any feelings re: 30 Days, with Morgan Spurlock? Specifically, the episode where the anti-gay housewife lives with the gay couple? Because I would love to hear your opinions on that. Your arguments are cogent and riveting! I'm serious.
Also, I concur with the Dinklage sentiments. Finally, a sex tape I can get behind.
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Ha. I never thought I'd like this blog because I prefer to read shit on the Internet and watch shit on the TV, but you two are hilarious. I'm hooked now!
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