Friday Fight: Is Katherine Heigl An Asshole Or A Martyr?
Even though Lindsay and Gabe are friends, they very rarely agree on anything. Every day, they have a fight about something. On Fridays, we publish one.
gabe: katherine heigl is an asshole
lindsay: I think she's trying to position herself as some sort of feminist icon
lindsay: in preparation for Old Age
lindsay: first the knocked up thing - she probably said that stuff by accident and then enjoyed the feeling of being discussed by intellectuals for a change.
gabe: but that stuff was already old news
lindsay: Actually maybe she's the next Oprah
gabe: those were rehashed opinions
gabe: that's the worst part is that her ideas are boring
lindsay: Well, this is her first really super calculated move
gabe: the emmy's thing?
gabe: that can't possibly be true
gabe: she is a shrewd woman
gabe: a beautiful, boring, shrewd woman
lindsay: Maybe she's not boring! You just say that because she's blonde.
gabe: what?
lindsay: Blonde = boring
gabe: don't put your racism against blondes on me
gabe: i think that she's boring because what she says and does are boring
lindsay: But unlike most celebrities, she's making a real effort to not be
gabe: well, she's making an effort to throw everyone under the bus
lindsay: a martyr
gabe: apparently every project that she's ever worked on has been bullshit and she's just waiting to get that golden opportunity
lindsay: She's taking one for the team by being willing to look bad by pointing out that there aren't enough complex roles for women.
lindsay: Also that the show she's on SUUUCKS
lindsay: and she wants to leave it to be a big movie star
gabe: i don't think she gives a shit about the team
gabe: please do not be fooled into thinking that katherine heigl is on your side
gabe: she is firmly against you
gabe: I WISH SHE WAS FIRMLY AGAINST ME, GET IT?
lindsay: You've wished that since My Father The Hero
gabe: i don't know what that is, but yes
gabe: also doesn't she do things to emasculate her fiance/husband? or is that just the male dominated media''s fear of vagina dentata affecting their reporting on the heigl beat?
lindsay:That is totally just one site!
lindsay: Defamer
gabe: oh haha
gabe: i should get my blog out of my ass
lindsay: It's maybe my favorite thing ever. All she really did was call him Joshua.
gabe: fair enough
gabe: what a C
lindsay: Maybe Joshua is the real brains behind the whole operation. He should have a secret blog.
gabe: wait, there are brains behind that operatioN?
lindsay: He certainly must egg her on and tell her she's right all the time.
gabe: you know what it is about katherine heigl that bothers me?
gabe: even when she's acting
lindsay: her intimidating raw sexuality?
gabe: she seems like an angry chain-smoker
gabe: you get that nicotine-deprived hard-edge from her
gabe: that's what was funny about her complaints after knocked up
gabe: that the women were unfunny shrews
gabe: maybe that wasn't a problem with the writing
gabe: maybe they just cast an unfunny shrew in the role
lindsay: You know why I think I like her?
lindsay: Because she's clearly Just Crazy.
lindsay: But like in an entertaining, crazy in the head, crazy in the bed way.
gabe: you want to have sex with her
gabe: i don't think katherine heigl has what it takes
to go the distance
gabe: she should be kissing everyone's ass
gabe: before her face gets all Brigitte Bardot
lindsay: Well, she's starring in the movie about the polygamy lady
lindsay: it's supposed to be her Monster
lindsay: You know what it might be? Her teeth. She has the sharp teeth of a predator.
lindsay: And she bares them.
gabe: yes
lindsay: I really think that's it
gabe: she really does
gabe: she has terrifying vagina dentata of the mouth
lindsay: She used to be a model and models in the 90s used to have their canine teeth extended down for a wider smile
lindsay: I read it in Sassy.
gabe: i don't know
gabe: i just think she could show a little gratitude
gabe: motherfucker is famous now
gabe: time to play the game
lindsay: She clearly wants to set us up for her departure from the show
lindsay: So she doesn't end up like David Caruso in the long period of time between NYPD Blue and CSI Miami when he had time to become the #1 cliche about actors who leave popular shows to become bigger stars.
gabe: she's the dramatic andy richter
gabe: poor andy richter
gabe: andy richter never threw anyone under the bus
gabe: maybe that was his problem
gabe: he should have thrown conan under the bus
lindsay: Andy Richter is clearly doing something right as a human being.
lindsay: that he's doing wrong as a celebrity
gabe: i just imagine katherine heigl sliding into some kind of What EVer Happened to Baby Jane? nightmare
gabe: wandering around in a bathrobe getting in arguments with the lamps
gabe: putting her cigarettes out on stacks of old headshots
gabe: while her husband Joshua drowns himself in whiskey next to the pool
lindsay: as long as she takes Ellen Pompeo with her. she's the real enemy.
Posted by Lindsay at 6:28 PM in Friday Fight
Tags: Katherine Heigl
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i love you guys...seriously.
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Worst part is, she goes on these "feminist" rants and uses the word "actress" at the same time...that word makes my skin crawl (you would never call someone an accountress)
Also, right after she made the comments about knocked up she was in that bridesmaid movie where she CLEANS HER OVEN when she gets upset; about a boy of coarse.
ick
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I AGREE
She claims to be a feminist, then stars in a movie about a woman who is obsessed with weddings. Wow, she's really trying to change the way women are perceived in modern society, eh?
I hate that bitch. So much.
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I think you guys both win this fight, since we can all agree Katherine Heigl is the worst.
Also Leslie Mann had some of the funniest lines in Knocked Up. Not unfunny.
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And another thought about 27 Dresses:
She said she had decided she wanted to help people plan wedding when she was just a little girl. I spent the whole movie wondering why she didn't just become a wedding planner.
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that a good point! but then the movie would be about her being a wedding planner, and we already have a crummy chick flick about that starring *shudder* jennifer lopez.
Also, gabe's got a good point about the angry chain smoker. I didn't know she smoked, but now i can totally see that when ever i think of her acting lol.
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A) You guys really chat at great length for people who work in the same (probably 10' x 10') space.
B) This is a trenchant observation about women in Hollywood: gabe: she should be kissing everyone's ass before her face gets all Brigitte Bardot
C) I saw another thing about Heigl in the paper (Yahoo News) this morning and I thought, She and I actually have something in common because we start shit just for the drama value. So, I like her. Even though because she's a blond girl I have trouble telling her apart from any other blond girl. But I empathize with her as a fellow shitstarter.
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I love this blog.
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