The Shake Weight Has Got To Be Kidding Us
Ladies, your bodies are so fat! It's disgusting! You should be ashamed of yourselves! Luckily, many of you are. Good work, women's magazines and all other media and also society! Ladies, it's important to stay thin and fit and toned so that a man will give you a baby. Perhaps one of the ways you would like to do this is with a new invention called the Shake Weight? Check out these incredible facts:
- Based on a completely new workout technology called Dynamic Inertia, which ignites the muscles in your arms, shoulders, and chest
- Scientific studies prove that the Shake Weight increases upper body muscle activity by more than 300% compared to traditional weights
- Works out your entire upper body in just 6 minutes a day
You love new workout technologies and scientific studies! This sounds like a dream imposed on you by the demands of a weight-and-physical beauty obsessed culture come true! Let's see this thing in action. I bet it doesn't look like you double-fisted jacking off a penis at all!
It is VERY IMPORTANT that you point the Shake Weight directly at your chest and/or mouth. Do you want to be pretty or not? (Thanks for the tip, Sachar and Sami.)
Posted by Gabe at 1:30 PM in Free Advertising
Tags: Exercise | Health | Masturbation | Shake Weight | Women
Guessing the "prestigious California university" is in the San Fernando Valley.
Score = 9
Michelle Obama never intended this!
Score = 13
"Dynamic Inertia" sounds like something The Onion would come up with.
Score = 7
Clean-up is a snap.
Score = 29
$20 is actually pretty reasonable for a DVD with women holding vibrating equipment... I've heard.
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"Doctor, this just FEELS weird!"
"Sweetheart, do you think I got tenured at this prestigious southern California university by asking questions of doctors? Keep going"
Score = 11
Oh, okay. THAT'S why my arms are so freakin' toned and lean. The rest of me belongs to an obese individual.
Score = 6
The shake weight needs ham. or turkey.
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/6ab21cf2d8/curvemaster-bigger-boobs-w-mr-shows-john-ennis-from-themidnightshow
Score = 0
You're right.
This link works better: http://videogum.com/archives/operation-watch-this/operation-watch-this-curvemast_034771.html
Score = 6
somehow, "dynamic inertia" that can uproot the most stubborn carrot is not appealing. intriguing, yes. appealing, no.
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It worked for Christian!
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If you use the Shake Weight with your left hand, it feels like someone else is working out.
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lots of love.
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You don't even want to see their jowl-lift tool.
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But wait--there's more! The Shake Weight stores itself! Tired of sleeping on your side and having one large boob crush the other? The Shake Weight stores easily when you use it as a Kush!
http://videogum.com/archives/commercials/the-kush-finally-a-thing-to-put-between-your-boobs-while-you-sleep_075342.html
Score = 3
But will it make my arms SEXY? The video was unclear on that point.
Score = 6
Every time I go into Wal-Mart (shamefully, I am able to write that sentence, like, repeated visits to Wal-Mart) I see the vibrating mascara wands, and I'm like, "Aren't we past this yet? Are vibrating toothbrushes still banned from boarding schools?" But then Chuck Palahniuk would have nothing to write about.
Score = 5
At least you'll be $20 lighter!
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Do we think the director conducted all the auditions personally?
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One in each hand is double the workout!
Score = 3
That's my kinda sex toy!
Wait... what the fuck?
Score = 1
I'm not sure what the liquid filling is composed of, but mine broke while I was using it and it exploded all over my face.
Score = 6
The Shake Weight has a built in water sprayer that hoses your face down to cool you off and let you know that the work out is over. And it wants a nap and a sandwich.
Score = 13
Also good for igniting the muscles in your arms, shoulders and chest: becoming Buddhist and protesting the Vietnam war.
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Wasn't this just featured in "Bruno"?
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They make shirts WITHOUT sleeves now?
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imagine the protein blast you will get at the end of every workout
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