All Your Nightmares Is Belong To Kodak
"Nostalgia - it's delicate, but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek, 'nostalgia' literally means 'the pain from an old wound.' It's a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn't a spaceship, it's a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards... it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It's not called the wheel, it's called the carousel. It let's us travel the way a child travels - around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know are loved. By our grandmothers. Who are terrifying. Why is that music playing? Does anyone hear that? Ahhhh! What is happening to this couch? Is this couch shrinking? Why is this couch shrinking? Teddy told me that the couch wouldn't shrink. He said that in Greek, 'couch' literally means 'Someone help me, I am going to die!'"
--Bonald Braper
Just after the cameras stopped rolling, grandmother unhinged her jaw and swallowed the little girl whole. And now, with Kodak's ColorPrime imaging software, you can really see the viscera gleam! (Thanks for the tip, Edith!)
Posted by Gabe at 4:30 PM in Free Advertising
Tags: Children | Grandmas | Horror Survival | Kodak | Nightmares
We're gonna need a longer couch.
Score = 24
The all new reality show from Fox. "When Grandmas Attack"
Score = 2
A felt a cold chill when they cut back to the medium shot and the old lady was flush up against the little girl.
Truly the stuff of nightmares.
And the Bandersnatch goes snicker-snack or whatevers...
Score = 14
One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.
"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.
Score = 3
mary worth reads jabberwocky....perhaps i have something for open mic night
Score = 2
This comment elicited the guffaw heard 'round the world from me. Top notch.
Score = 0
Um, not so frightening? I don't know.
Score = 6
Yeah, I actually liked it, but whatever.
Score = 0
Don't worry, people. Mr. Grizzly steps in at the last moment and rips little Susie out of Grandma before she can begin the digestion process.
Score = 8
Nostalgia actually comes from the Greek "nost": returning home and "algos": pain. The more you know! PretentiousnessGum.
Score = 5
Napoleon Complex, speaking true etymologies to power! Between this and last week's Stadius/Statius reference, we'll turn this place into classicalknowledgegum yet.
Score = 5
sorry, i'm a sucker for anything involving old people. so touching! the music! i wish i had a grandma still.
Score = 9
My grandma also laughed in my face when I told her I was getting married. Life, ya know?
Score = 35
The couch explodes in length when Grandma finds out Mr. Grizzly and Susie already live together.
Score = 24
That is my couch. I went to the store, looking for a long couch. And I was like "This couch is not long enough. Can you please extend it by half a mile?" and they were like "We don't really do that, ma'am." And I was like "How about $300,000 dollars?" And they were like "Yes, okay. We will throw in a free grandma too." And it was the best Saturday ever.
Score = 20
Your a ma'am! I just disintegrated
Score = 2
Yes, I am a ma'am! I don't know why everyone is so flabberghasted about this. Am I really manly?
Full disclosure: I am also a high schooler, a Jew, and a grunge-fanatic. Do with it what you will.
Score = 0
In my mind, a grunge-fantastic is just a flamboyantly dressed guy who's really miserable about it.
Score = 4
See what happens when we let the gays marry? Now this girl wants to marry a bear. Slippery slope people!
Score = 34
I want to marry Grizzly Bear too. Two Weeks is the jam.
Score = 16
I love the "Yeah, that's what I thought." look the little girl gives grandma after she asks her if she was ever in love, as if to say "Why don't I have a real grandpa?" We all know he only loved you that one time grandma, we all know.
Score = 14
Girl: It's me and Mr. Grizzly. He's a bear. We're gonna get married soon.
Grandmother: (laughs) Beastiality. How cute.
Score = 6
This would be OK (non-nightmarish) if it didn't have that "shadow circle" around the frame.
Score = 4
Misplaced apostrophe, Gabe? You're better than that. (Professor Punctuation over here.)
Score = 0
it's the citizen kane breakfast table scene in reverse.
Score = 3
What granny pictures in her head when the girl says she's going to marry a bear.
Score = 6
Get this director making horror movies. "Play to your strengths," etc.
Score = 2
This reminds me of that scene when Bill & Ted go to hell and Bill's nightmare is that creepy birthday party.
Score = 6
I like how they're mouthing each other's lines. #authentic
Score = 0
This would be a ton creepier if their original choice for the role of "Grandma" wasn't currently incarcerated in Florida.
Score = 7
You know I never realized that senility and a child's imagination are basically the same thing.
Score = 0