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December 17, 2008

You're Going To Love Vince Offer's Nuts (Nullus)

OK, at this point Vince Offer (ShamWow) is just fucking with us.

(thanks for the tip, Edith)

Incredible. Life's hard enough as it is, you don't want to cry anymore.

I love that he's in a kitchen but still wearing a headset. I think it's code for something. I want this to be my ringtone, the whole thing. It will take me two and a half minutes to answer the phone, but it will be hilarious.

Posted by Gabe at 1:30 PM in
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25 Comments

mtobey

Is that last lady Amy Sedaris?

Posted by: mtobey profile link at 12/17/08 1:38 PM | Reply
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I will never stop having a boring tuna!

Posted by: DanBlurns profile link at 12/17/08 1:40 PM | Reply
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The Life of the Mind

SO MANY SPARKLES

How in the hell did they let the nuts line slip by like that?

Posted by: The Life of the Mind profile link at 12/17/08 1:42 PM | Reply
Score = 1 Vote up Vote down

90% of me thinks that it was probably intentionally dumb so it'd *GO VIRAL*.

the other 10% of me thinks that i love those nuts

Posted by: stvspl in reply to The Life of the Mind's comment at 12/17/08 2:16 PM | Reply
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cizmad

Stop having a boring tuna. Stop having a boring life.

I think this informercial just gave me an identity crisis.

Posted by: cizmad profile link at 12/17/08 1:49 PM | Reply
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grace6697

martini bikini.

Posted by: grace6697 profile link at 12/17/08 1:53 PM | Reply
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I know Shamwow doesn't work, but I really want this thing to be as good as it looks. I hate crying.

Posted by: Ashley at 12/17/08 2:03 PM | Reply
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what

A martini bikini. Now there's something in an infomercial I can really get behind.

Posted by: what profile link at 12/17/08 2:05 PM | Reply
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Darren87

"Make America thin again one slap at a time." Does this mean I have permission to slap fat people?

Posted by: Darren87 profile link at 12/17/08 2:07 PM | Reply
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I do love his nuts. This guy is amazing.

Posted by: Fredo at 12/17/08 2:12 PM | Reply
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I am confused by the pickle + egg + onion breakfast. I literally have no idea what that "food" might be called, and even if it was a thing, it would not be eaten for breakfast on this planet.

Posted by: Clare at 12/17/08 2:16 PM | Reply
Score = 1 Vote up Vote down
Gabe

You don't have time for breakfast.

Posted by: Gabe profile link in reply to Clare's comment at 12/17/08 2:26 PM | Reply
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iamsosorry

This breakfast talk reminded me of my favorite chain-smoking, Moo-moo-sporting infomercial character: Hazel from the Magic Bullet infomercial. She first wanders in to their swingers sleepover at 2:13.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtpKjgwi4Sc

Posted by: iamsosorry profile link in reply to Gabe's comment at 12/17/08 2:47 PM | Reply
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Girl Friday

Oh man magic bullet commercial, how many night have I come home from the bars only to fall asleep to your magical blending glory?

Answer: several nights.

Posted by: Girl Friday profile link in reply to iamsosorry's comment at 12/18/08 5:36 PM | Reply
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it's like jazz with words

Posted by: Al at 12/17/08 2:19 PM | Reply
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Great, so now you have a TEENY TINY MIDGETS portion of potato salad. To feed a family of smurfs.

And Chris Brown said he has a bandanna in his pocket, which made him "like a bandit", which I guess means secret man ass bandit. Cool.

Posted by: kelly at 12/17/08 2:39 PM | Reply
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Becca

i feel like he's stealing my credit card info as i watch the clip... something's really skeevy about this guy

Posted by: Becca profile link at 12/17/08 2:43 PM | Reply
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permission to "slap everday." i sure hope fred phelps doesn't know abou this

Posted by: krup at 12/17/08 2:53 PM | Reply
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I've had one of these from Tupperware for years, but I had no idea it was so versatile as to make pickle, onion and egg breakfasts and midget potato salad for smurfs!

I just love the really basic naming concept. The Slap Chop. It reminds me of the Mitch Hedberg bit about working for the kitchen appliance naming committee.

Posted by: Stella at 12/17/08 3:00 PM | Reply
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Well if I don't even have time for breakfast, then I certainly don't have the time to grab a pickle to be included in my pseudo-breakfast. I am more upset about this than I should be.

Posted by: Clare at 12/17/08 3:04 PM | Reply
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I WANT ONE. I SERIOUSLY WANT ONE NOW.

Posted by: Lindsey at 12/17/08 3:35 PM | Reply
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Adam

Why isn't this commercial for the 'Graty'? That's brilliant. Fucking brilliant. I will buy the Slap Chop, throw it away, and just keep the Graty. If I ever acquire the Graty it will ruin my life. I won't have time to work or be with my family, I'll be too busy eating cheese and laughing in accomplishment.

Posted by: Adam profile link at 12/17/08 6:29 PM | Reply
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Funtastik

"the reason you're gonna slap away every day."
i believe i already do that.

Posted by: Funtastik profile link at 12/17/08 7:46 PM | Reply
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Love salad, hate making it.

Posted by: Mark at 12/17/08 9:03 PM | Reply
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taco linguini fettucini martini bikini

can i marry this guy?

Posted by: luvit at 12/18/08 2:02 PM | Reply
Score = 1 Vote up Vote down

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