On the one hand, Nancy Grace has a point. It does seem ridiculous and contradictory for Jon Gosselin to suddenly claim that the show is hurting his children/family as soon as he has been fired from said show. Whether or not he is broke is none of my business (and none of my things that I care about), but he can relax with the whole Great Defender of Children's Well Being routine. On the other hand, Nancy Grace's face is made entirely out of Dollar Store makeup and paracasein, and her opinions hold all of the weight and gravity of a thing that holds no weight and gravity whatsoever. Because she's an idiot. And she lives in a closet, scaring children.
So let's just say they're both wrong and bury them in the ground. (Via GoldenFiddle.)
Oh my gosh, I did not realize there was such a rift in the horrorcore community! If I understand this right, fans of Slipknot (maggots) hate fans of ICP (juggalos) because ICP are a couple of faggots in makeup, while fans of ICP (juggalos) hate fans of Slipknot (maggots) because Slipknot are a couple of faggots in masks? And now people are throwing eggs from moving cars? And hate clown love signs? "It just don't make sense anymore," indeed. If everyone is agreed that the important thing is fuck the mainstream and fuck them richie bitches/hoes, it doesn't make sense that these two groups can't join together and create a unified Army of Awful. Because as someone on the outside of this Shakespearean feud it's just like, stop! Stop! You're all terrible!
In any case, "most of the kids I hang out with are Juggalos" is the new "I've got a black friend" defense. Obviously. Not that these guys would have anything to do with black people. But you get it. (Thanks for the tip, Adam.)
At one of these health care reform town hall meetings, whatever those are, congressman Barney Frank (D-MA) went "toe-to-toe" (CNN) with some protesters, and "[took] on [the] rowdy town hall" (CBS).
SIDENOTE: Does anyone actually understand what is going on with all of this stuff? Like, some of the protesters at these town halls are paid by lobbyists? Lots of them? Or at least just enough to make the whole thing seem suspect? I'm not saying that there should not be any protesters, it's not like I am even clear on the specifics of the health care bill (although I do think that people should just have health care, for as naive as that statement might make me sound, and I also think that health care as it stands today is egregiously expensive [superduh] due to the political power of the insurance and big-pharma companies) maybe it is very protestable, but I think even a lot of the protesters would agree that as soon as some of the people in your protest club (Protest Club!) are paid to be there, the whole thing basically falls apart, no? And now they are drawing Hitler moustaches on pictures of Obama? That seems more than a little ridiculous.
ANYWAY, at a Town Hall Meeting yesterday, congressman Barney Frank was not afraid to fight back:
Oh, this is great. Since Joe Rogan never took Dan Quinn's bait, a feud between Jeremy Piven and Chris Kattan will have to do. Which is fine, since Joe Rogan and Jeremy Piven are basically the same person. They are both the poor man's version of each other. From the New York Daily News:
Backstage at Alexa Chung's MTV talk show on Thursday, the "Entourage" star got into a screaming match with fellow comic Chris Kattan over the fishy situation.
Kattan - who's been in town talking up his IFC miniseries "Bollywood Hero" - greeted Piven with a snarky, "So, what are you here to promote, your Broadway play?"
HAHAHA, OK, FIRST OF ALL: a feud between two grown men that begins "backstage at Alexa Chung's MTV talk show" is already basically EPIC. But also Chris Kattan got in a pretty good zing! You know, because of Jeremy Piven's persistent Fish Lie. He's the zingonator, makin' copiiiiieees. (That's Chris Kattan, right? Perfect.)
Anyway, Jeremy Piven, like all bullies, smiled and laughed and realized that he was an adult, and that he could take some gentle teasing from a fellow professional comedian, so the two men shook hands and put it all behind them.
Speaking of feuds! Oh man. My (63rd) birthday is coming up, you guys, and I only have one wish: that Joe Rogan (Fear Factor, UFC) accept Dan Quinn's (Hospital, Nightmares) challenge to a fight. Just because one of them is clearly mentally ill doesn't make them not both assholes!
I've got a good feeling about this one. Joe Rogan has a history of getting into fights with children, surely an 11-minute-long insult from a future multi-billionaire whose ex-uncle (ex-uncle?) melted away cancer by drinking sweet pure H20 (just to the foam) and now has a flat stomach and knows all about exotic pussy is worthy of getting the classic Rogan Treatment. You've been ROGAN'D. Oh, you guys, you have no idea. My heart is overflowing with wanting of this right now. It would be even better than the fake non-feud between Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl that is not actually happening despite what all the websites say.
This little boy, dressed in America's scariest mask and calling himself MaskedChong, claims to lead an army of Korean Nazis in a fight against the poseurs and hackers of YouTube?
This ought to go well.
Surprisingly enough, the YouTube community, not usually known for its even-tempered rationality and its openness to thoughtful debate, has embraced MaskedChong and reached out with encouragement and understanding:
Uh oh. It is like 9/11 all over again. From the New York Post:
Sacha Baron Cohen has stepped up his security after being threatened by a terrorist organization that is angered at its portrayal in the film "Bruno."
The al-Aqsa Martyrs' Brigades, a coalition of Palestinian militias in the West Bank, said it was "very upset" that it was featured in the movie, starring Baron Cohen's homosexual fashionista alter ego.
The Martyrs' Bri gades has issued a statement to a Jerusalem-based journalist including a veiled threat against Baron Cohen, 37.
"We reserve the right to respond in the way we find suitable against this man," it said. "The movie was part of a conspiracy against the al-Aqsa Martyrs' Brigades."
Oh jeez. Don't these terrorists get that it was a comedy? Sacha Baron Cohen was playing a character, duh! But you know how these terrorists organizations get: total PC Police.
Also, I am pretty sure that the "conspiracy" against the al-Aqsa Martyrs' Brigades involves publicly acknowledged concerted military efforts on the part of the United States and Israeli governments, and very little to do with a morally and politically confused movie that dropped 70% in ticket sales in the first weekend. Shhhhh!
Glenn Beck had a meltdown on his call-in radio program. Good for him!
It's like a blowhard conservative pundit's bar mitzvah up in here. NOW BABY GLEN BECK IS A MAN-BABY! Look, I'm not even sure what either of them was saying about health care. It sounded like "blah blah blah France" and "OH YEAH? SCREAM BLAH BLAH SCREAM" to me. The system is broken, but the complications in fixing it are certainly beyond me (and certainly WAY beyond Glenn Beck. Like, I obviously can't overhaul the health care system to make it more equitable, efficient, and comprehensive for all Americans, but I think that if it came down to the two of us, I might squeak the job out from under Glenn Beck. I am proficient at Microsoft Office '98!). But I'm pretty sure you cede the high ground every time you squeal like a petulant monster AFTER spending three minutes cooing like a condescending creep. And leave it to a Lil' Bill O'Reilly in training to turn the whole thing into a plug for his book. As evidence that he was right and just won the argument that you bullied yourself on top of? Because his unpublished book is the world's premiere resource for facts on the very argument he just cut someone off from having with his goon tactics? What a fucking jerk.
But also, let's be real honest for a second, how happy is Tom Scharpling over at the Best Show on WFMU that he changed "get off my phone" to "heave-ho" a few months ago? Phewf! That was a close one. (Thanks for the tip, Colin and David.)
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