Stephen Colbert Finally Takes On Big Miracle Whip
Earlier this summer, Miracle Whip, which is a terrible condiment for people whose mouths are broken, began a hilarious ad campaign in which Miracle Whip is basically a podcast about Fleet Foxes recorded in Bushwick that you can only listen to in space. That is how cool Miracle Whip is, says this ad. XBOX 360! So shut up, grandpa, with your face. Anyway, Stephen Colbert made fun of this ad campaign on his show, and Miracle Whip responded with a strongly-worded letter published in newspapers, and then a major ad buy during last night's episode. To which Colbert responded (after the jump) with his own strongly-worded segment. So we are basically in an all out FEUD now, and you know how I love feuds (I love feuds like this).
Colbert's response from last night:
Here was Miracle Whip's letter to him:
And this is the original ad:
And this is when Colbert made fun of it the first time:
The actual Miracle Whip ads on last night's show were customized with Stephen Colbert taunts, just daring him to bring it. I would post one of those, but I was a dumb-dumb and deleted the episode from my DVR ("D'oh!" -- Homer Simpson, from FOX's The Simpsons). In any case, Stephen Colbert is bringing it. And I think we are all going to bring it. Because Miracle Whip is the grossest. Goodnight, Nurse Miracle Whip, I hope you said your prayers. Because you know what this means!
God damn it! We are really going to need to work on these war cries. They are just not doing it for me. How am I supposed to go into battle against The Evil Kraft Brothers without the proper PUMP MUSIC?! Daddy needs his pump music! (Gross!) (I'm sorry!) (You know what else is gross?) (Miracle Whip!)
Posted by Gabe at 12:30 PM in Fake Feuds
Tags: Mayonnaise | Miracle Whip | Stephen Colbert | The Colbert Report
They are raising Hell, man. Except west of the Rockies where they will be raising Best, Foods.
Score = 11
You gotta be pretty fucking bored to look that up on Wikipedia.
Score = 1
I am thankful to Miracle Whip for inspiring me and my husband to "riff" on this subject last night and imagine MW to be the "little guy", the start-up mayo company struggling to gain legitimacy and acceptance in a BIG MAYO world instead of a subsidiary of Kraft which probably owns every other brand of condiment ever on the planet.
Score = 4
This is the best late night fued since Alan Thicke vs. I Can't Believe it's not Butter. Or Chevy Chase vs. Comedy.
Score = 6
feud^
Score = 0
food feud dude.
Score = 10
I want Miracle Whip stationery.
Score = 12
Someone should (and could easily) photoshop that into existance...3-2-1 GO!
Score = 2
i have no friends, no allies, for i love both mayonnaise AND miracle whip. i am alone in this world.
Score = 11
I share your pain. But with me, it's Mayonaisse, Miracle Whip AND Cheese Whiz... How come I'm not dead yet?
Score = 2
well when the other monsters order their bubblegum pizza, i'll split a mayo/miraclewhip pizza with you. cheez whiz on your half!
Score = 1
here's something i'm confused about: why do companies like apple and levi's and Kraft (apparently?) try to sell their products by associating them with a glossy conception of hipsterdom? "getting miracle whip on my Ray-bans, man, that's the worst. almost as bad as when MBV broke up!" right america? MBV! You love those guys!
i thought products were sold by showing people things they enjoy? Like eagles. And tits. And Jeff Goldblum.
Middle Americans don't like hipsters, do they? no one really 'likes' those guys. Can someone crack an egg of knowledge all over my face?
Score = 18
I wonder how much Colbert is making off of this long-planned campaign that he has certainly known about for a while. It looks like Miracle Whip is taking notes from Pabst in how to market to "countercultural types."
Score = 7
Yeah, it's confusing. Moms are making all the sandwiches, ya know? And sometimes dads--especially mine, who really does have a weird affinity for Miracle Whip. I have a jar of mayo in the fridge that's probably at least two years past its expiration date and still, these advertisements haven't moved me one bit. And I am the coolest of the cool.
Score = 4
But most official hipsters still live with their parents (I need all that time to find only the most unheard music your ears will never hear and so on) so mom still MAKES THE SANDWICHES.....so when mom goes grocery shopping, hipsters know what to ask for......ask for that Whip. It represents your personal brand.
Score = 13
I thought official hipsters lived in not-up-to-code apartments in Williamsburg, fitting two or three to each room and foregoing sandwiches for money to pay for new belt buckles. But if they're all living at home, I now feel reassured that I am officially not a hipster (though I do really enjoy plaid shirts and also MIRACLE WHIIIIIP roof parties).
Score = 11
I think the commercials are less of an appeal to the idea that Americans want to be hipsters and more of a framing of Miracle Whip as something young people enjoy. It is that hipsters are young, and they are associating with the idea of youth. Fun youth that inexplicably cavorts about throwing spontaneous Miracle Whip parties.
Score = 3
maybe i'm missing (part of) the joke here, but did miracle whip really send that letter to colbert? if so, kudos to them. it's good to know that people who make a living by basically advertising lard as a condiment don't take themselves too seriously and, on top of that, have a pretty excellent sense of humor.
Score = 20
I didn't find it very funny, personally. It was like a real "Teen Korner". 'Yo, guys and girlz. We are so rebellious, we will not tone it down. Miracle Whip! In your face!' It's like, ugh, I get that you are trying to appeal to me. But that's the thing. I know Miracle Whip has nothing to do with rebelliousness and you are just appropriating things that my age group thinks is cool and using slang to sell me this fucking product. They're just TalbainJ-ing wayyyy too hard, and it's so transparent.
Score = 4
I'm clearly in the minority (I posted below) but I do think there's a knowingness and sense of humor in the letter that's different from your typical "Teen Corner"-style BS. It's impossible to admit that without sounding like a moron or a corporate tool, but their response does strike me as something that took a modicum of creativity instead of a calculated marketing buzzwordfest. The ads are garbage, but the reply at least has a hint of making fun of itself.
Did you hear that? That was my cred exploding.
Score = 23
I concur.
Score = 4
I got a little of that too, but not enough of it (their "knowingness" doesn't seem very knowing).
Score = 2
I agree, there is def. at least one 18-34 year old with horn-rims and touseld hair working on that campaign. Also, he hangs in Williamsburg and owns the Fleet Foxes CD.
Score = 2
read this as "owns the Fleet Foxes."
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What's a CD?
Score = 16
Come to think of it...I don't know.
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i know we're sort of spoiledgum around here what with our gabe delahayes and our don drapers and whatnot, but i really can't see how a response like this can be dismissed the way you've dismissed it. it's not littered with asterisks telling you where it was and wasn't sarcastic, but c'mon. "A side doomed to a painful, drawn-out, utter and complete defeat. Like the Plantagenets in the Hundred Years' War. Or whichever one was the cat in 'Tom and Jerry'"?? that's hilarious. they know who lost the hundred years' war, but they don't know tom was the cat? (they know tom was the cat.) that's good stuff.
it's extremely self-aware, ironically poking fun at itself, and it's written with the audience - colbert and, inevitably, EVERYONE who watches the colbert report - in mind. they're embracing the feud, either hoping to reap the benefits of their continued advertisement on the show, OR realizing that they probably won't win or lose any consumers because of it. it's not like anyone who already uses miracle whip to watch this and go, "wait a minute! miracle whip is disgusting!" y'know?
Score = 12
Hilarious comedy writing! Gabe and the Bold Marketing Team at Miracle Whip are basically in the same line of work (they are not in the same line of work).
Score = 0
They are doing it to make money. They are a business. Its a marketing tactic to co-opt the joking criticism by Stephen Colbert in order to associate themselves with Colbert's schtick.
Its not them playing along with the joke and damning the consequences - its a cynical tactic.
Score = 1
You really think Philip Morris would okay the use of copious amounts of money to place print and TV ads thinking they "probably won't win or lose any consumers because of it"?
Score = 0
Stensons and Vaunnies are going to have something to say about this.
Score = 3
I will never put down my Mayostardmustardayonnaise for ANYONE, especially not you, MIRACLE WHIP.
Score = 7
daddy... I'm dying.
Score = 6
You guys sound like a couple of "Two Jar Slaves"
Score = 2
Taste and quality aside, is it wrong to say good on Miracle Whip for having a sense of humor about it? The open letter and ad buy idea are kinda funny - Colbert (understandably) deliberately undercut the playfulness of the MW response. Don't get me wrong, those MW ads offend me to my core, but the grinding wheels of commerce will keep turning regardless. Might as well be able to make light of yourself.
Score = 12
"We'll show you, Stephen Colbert! We'll buy tons of ad space on your show, thereby putting massively dope and in-your-face amounts of money in your pocket, and we'll keep doing it until some new ad guy replaces me. S Club Party!"
Score = 1
You can see the response ads on the Miracle Whip youtube account, which is a thing I am ashamed even exists.
Score = 2
Being so hip and rebellious. I thought they'd probably have a Twitter account, but I was wrong!
I found a legitimate tweet thought: http://twitter.com/EugeneMirman/status/5368535482
Score = 0
For some reason I am not able to watch these clips, but I'm going to come clean and admit right now that I LOVE MIRACLE WHIP. I also love mayonnaise. Can't there be room for both?
Score = 0
"Whichever one was the cat on Tom and Jerry"... AHAHAHA OH GOD MY SIDES!!! Seriously, they should quit now.
Score = 3
That jokey hipness will get you every time!
Score = 1
As a british guy, I have to ask: what does Miracle Whip taste like, apart from fire and skateboards?
Score = 6
Freedom.
Score = 27
and sunny days at the beach.
Score = 2
Rancid mayo.
Score = 6
Eggwhites, vinegar, sugar, and your first girlfriend's nipples.
Score = 0
That letter made me want to shoot myself with a barf pistol. Fucking marketing cunts.
Score = -9
Excuse me, I'm being inappropriate.
Score = 1
I'm with you. At the end of the day its fabricated nonsense to cash in on Stephen Colbert with a product which has absolutely nothing to do with him.
Score = 1
I call it a "mayo-egg".
Score = 9
Did Kanye's publicist put this all together? I call shenaninaise on this whole scheme.
Score = 3
"I enjoy the tangy zip of Miracle Whip." - Jim as Stanley
Score = 2
"We're our own mixed-up blend of one-of-a-kind spices and mostly high-fructose corn syrup."
Score = 11
All I know is that Miracle Whip gives tuna fish sandwiches that little something extra.
Score = 4
I have spent the last 5 minutes thinking about Miracle Whip. Miracle-Whip-Ad-Campaign-And-Subsequent-(Intentional?)-Colbert-Feud, kudos.
Score = 4
OR kudos, M Dubs.
Score = 0
Me too, but I'll still be buying Hellman's.
Score = 2
I hear ya, kid. In the '90s, Mountain Dew wasn't all that EXTREME, but they sold a lot of soda. And in the '80s, we got abominations like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXOa-WE0l2M but people still watched those awful shows. I'm sure there was some flapper-oriented advertising in the '20s and '30s, but you would have to ask Gabe about that. I have a friend with some ideas for how to deal with this crap, but I can't really tell you about it without violating the first two rules of our club.
(BTW, still loving your gif SO MUCH)
Score = 0
This was for Napoleon Complex at 1:14 pm. I hit reply, but then I hit preview before submit. Does that automatically drop your comment to the bottom?
Score = 0
Yeah, for some mysterious retarded reason, when you preview something, it's no longer a reply if you hit post. If I need to preview a reply, I do, then hit back and just post it from the original page instead from the preview page. Gotta see that checked "in reply to" box or it won't work.
Score = 1
This is true. I've noted that myself.
Score = 0
you can preview and then scroll down to the comment you would like to reply to and hit 'reply' again. then a little checked marked box should show up that says 'in reply to xample'. it takes some work (scrolling! glug), but then you don't have to hit 'back' and you can still see your post.
Score = 0
Anyone that tries to go against Colbert always loses. This could greatly affect Miracle Whip and their new "raditude" maybe Weezer should have their own brand of Miracle Whip.
More 18-35 year olds identify with Cobert than a mayonnaise alternative.
View the Miracle Whip ads targeting Cobert here:
http://www.eatmedaily.com/2009/11/the-commercials-miracle-whip-aired-during-the-colbert-report-video/
Score = 0
That ad would work better for Vegenaise.
Score = 3
I, uh, actually use Vegenaise.
Score = 1
I don't see the problem. Mayo and Miracle Whip are both white.CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?
Score = 8
The original commercial reminds me of a Dr. Pepper ad from last year where everyone's drinking Dr. Pepper at this bizarre rave. Because raves still happen (they do not happen anymore). Regardless, I don't see how drinking Dr. Pepper results in an insta-rave or how putting Miracle Whip on your sammie results in a rooftop party.
Score = 0
That's because you just don't get the kids these days! They're like that! They come home from the midnight showing of New Moon and whip up a batch of party-wiches!
(NB: my roommate, who is close enough to 30 to know better, is going to the midnight showing of New Moon to make fun of everyone who is doing so non-ironically.)
Score = 0
Suuuuure she is.
Score = 3
You know salad cream? I think it is basically salad cream.
Score = 3
So people are actually wondering why they "responded". All these companies dream of turning their promos viral. This was the holy grail for them!
I work in the biz. I am knowledgeable, y'all. That's how the M'Whip kids talk, right?
(I feel old)
Score = 1
I'm actually really amused that these supposedly savvy marketing people can't figure out how to upload their commercials to Youtube without compression problems.
Also, I dislike Miracle Whip AND mayonnaise, so I'll be over in the corner, waiting for Grey Poupon to pick a fight with Jon Stewart.
Score = 1
Why are people acting like this is still a battle?
BOOM. Condiment wars over.
Score = 23
Maybe this is Jewy of me, but I only ever eat mayo/Miracle Whip stirred into tuna, and I have no idea what either product tastes like. And seeing mayo or Miracle Whip on TV makes me less inclined to want to purchase either one of them. It looks like all that "Don't be a Mayo" stuff was written in jizz. Not in my food, thanks. But that's how it goes, on a hipster rooftop.
Score = 4
Score = 3
Okay, you're giving them waaay to much credit.
MW is owned by Kraft, owned by Phillip Morris, the cigarette company. They are the second biggest food company in the US. This is business, not food, not self-referential irony. They think this will make them more money, hence the totally failed attempt at jokey hipness and knowingness.
Score = -3
I don't know if making playful banter with Cobert across multiple forms of media is the equlivent of a "failed attempt at jokey hipness". That seems like a very sucessful attempt at "jokey hipness".
Score = 5
Judging by the quality of that letter, if they try to get in a funny war with Colbert, they're gonna lose.
Score = 0
And judging by the response here its going to make them some money.
Ugh, i thought everyone on this site would have a much better bullshit detector.
Score = -2
My grandmother was from Abilene, Texas, and used to drench vegetables in Miracle Whip. Imagine a bowl of green beans stuck together with Miracle Whip. No matter how many short-haired cuties dancing on rooftops they choose to cram into their commercials, Miracle Whip will always be my Grandmother's drug of choice.
Score = 3
Where can I buys! Must buys!
Score = 0