Gwyneth Paltrow Narrowly Wrests Her Title Of "The Worst" Back From Katherine Heigl
These two ladies are really going blow for blow these days. "I'm the worst!" "No, I am the worst!" Stop, you're both incredibly awful! Is it possible to have a Mexican stand-off with just two people? Let's try! I heard impossible is nothing, or whatever. Anyway, Gwyneth Paltrow takes back the upper (lower?) hand this week with some remarks she made to People magazine at the Hope Benefit Gala at the Tribeca Rooftop, whatever that means (it is very nice to see someone finally helping Hope out?).
"It's crazy. . . . crazy!" Paltrow chatted exclusively with PEOPLE about the site at the Children of the City's Champions of Hope Benefit Gala at the Tribeca Rooftop last night in N.Y.C. "I just love it. Corporate America is knocking at my door. . . . 'Will you hawk my product'?" The answer is clearly no for the star's very personal project, which even derives its name from her initials G.P. "It started in such an organic way. People ask me, 'What is it? What are you doing?' And I don't know. I did it, am doing it . . . and I love doing it. It is really just a place to disseminate good information," said the Preen-clad Paltrow. "People are so grateful that it's free. It's just nice to share what you have. And I have all this great information. It's just a gift. People want me to do all this other stuff. But right now, I just really love doing the site. I love thinking about the letters, what I'm going to write about, what kind of information we can put in there."
Look, you guys, I've got some real talk for you:
That cooking video from last week? BIG DEAL. I'm not an idiot. My eyes work. I enjoy roast chicken as much as anyone. Just having fun, you know? Shoulder punch! Sure, I gave her a hard time about using champagne vinegar instead of regular vinegar because COME ON, CHAMPAGNE VINEGAR?! Classic. But she was just giving a recipe for roast chicken, and there is very little harm in that. If we really want to be honest with ourselves, and OK, we rarely want to be honest with ourselves, but if we really wanted to be honest with ourselves for some reason, the world would probably be a better place with a few more roast chickens! These guys know what I'm talking about.
But this woman. Oh boy. She needs to stop ever talking ever! If you were to build a computer that could mathematically determine the most unbearable thing to say within 1/1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000th of a second, or whatever (science!) you would still not be able to match her. She's like the Deep Blue of fucking awful. Corporate America is knocking at her door. Right. Abbie Hoffman over here. Steal This Newsletter About Mid-Century Modern Bathroom Fixtures.
"PEOPLE ARE SO GRATEFUL THAT IT'S FREE!"
Has she even been on the internet before? She probably had her butler type out copies of Goop for years, sticking it under her neighbors' Lamborghini windshields. Like, she thinks that she could charge money for this if she wanted? But the benevolent Queen Paltrow has deigned to offer up her infinite wisdom for free? Gwunbelievable. The first guillotine was invented in 1286 and here we are, standing around like "if only there was something we could do."
I'm sorry, I'm not advocating chopping Gwyneth Paltrow's head off with a medieval contraption. Maybe just her tongue? A cute, little, baby, tongue guillotine. It would also work great as a centerpiece at a dinner party for all of your fabulous friends. "Who wants leeks?!"
Live to fight another day, Heigl.
Posted by Gabe at 9:30 AM in Fake Feuds
Tags: Goop | Gwyneth Paltrow | Katherine Heigl
"Gabe and Gwyneth sitting in a tree..."
Score = 25
Dearest Little Lord Gabriel,
I know your endless love for me knows no bounds, but I must confess to being sheepishly disgusted with comments such as the one above by Sir Facetiously Misconstrued. I do believe the delicate and physical moments we share with one another should no be left behind our own closed French doors, don't you think so? I do love, darling, that you are giving these disturbing monsters a little home, but I must ask you stem their tide of vile. But I do appreciate how you are refusing to turn this place over to the corporate machine. Just think what it would be like if Videogum charged for it's delightfully witty insights. I dare say, lovely, that you would make quite the killing (if I may be so frank), but at least it is free! So very noble of you. I think someone deserves a little nibble on the ear, in the oh so playful way he frequently enjoys.
Love you all,
Gwyneth
Score = 40
"People are so grateful that it's free" Why, does she usually charge for this shit?
Score = -11
Okay, I'm sorry. Gwyneth's widsom is infinite and awesome. I too am so happy it is free. :)
Score = 0
kevin spacey just needs to put her head in a box already, for real this time
Score = 37
like in that movie!
Score = 39
"And I have all this great information. It's just a gift." - Wikipedia
Score = 48
"We need the food because it's food and stuff. Organic food is good also."
Score = 27
I think, " I don't know. I did it, am doing it . . . and I love doing it." will become my default answer to questions. It's so versatile. Consider: Hey, Guy (my name is Guy) (my name is NOT Guy) this soup smells delicious what are you doing to it? -or- Hey, Guy, what are you doing with that prostitute and that adorable farm animal? SEE. Versatile.
THANKS GOOP!
Score = 21
"Preen-clad Paltrow" gets People all the Pulitzers.
Score = 8
Forget it Gabe, It's Gwynethtown...
Score = 6
How does one wear weed killer?
Score = 3
HOW CAN HER PERSONALITY AND BRAIN GIVE IMMEDIATE BIRTH TO STATEMENTS THAT WOULD TAKE ME DAYS TO WRITE. "And I have all this great information"... it must be tough, being this awful. I actually kinda respect her for being unflinchingly (unintentionally) entertaining.
Score = 6
Incidentally, the tongue guillotine would work well for brisses, too. Tri-purpose!
Score = 7
She "exclusively" chatted with People about her Blog. How many times do we have to shout "shut it all down" before anyone listens? How many sharks and dolphins have to die?!
Score = 10
Woman just strings together words like butter. Heigel doesn't stand a chance.
Score = 6
The True Story on why Gabe hates Gwyneth:
Score = 89
made my day
Score = 6
ha! didnt realize gabe was so ugly, but have to say- not surprised!!!
Score = -2
ha! didnt realize gabe was so ugly, but have to say- not surprised!!!
Score = -3
I actually don't even get what she's talking about!
Score = 1
You want to talk about a fake feud? Here's a fake feud:
http://siteanalytics.compete.com/videogum.com+goop.com/
Goop was up and then down and now it's inching ahead...go videogum!
Score = 20
What happened in Feburary that so many people needed this woman's 'wisdom?' And if you tell me Valentine's day, I won't accept that. President's day, maybe-how to make a meat loaf in the shape of washington's favorte wig, with Gwyneth.
Score = 11
I believe GOOP should thank Videogum for the June spike.
Score = 12
I believe we can all learn something from these statistics. For example, Videogum's top referral site is Google, whereas Goop's top referral site is Yahoo. Who uses Yahoo? People who don't understand interneting very well.
Also, Videogum's top search terms include "sweet daddy bear," which means we all go to jail.
Score = 12
Score = 62
Not enough canola oil on those legs.
Score = 15
Hmm, this picture doesn't look right. It almost looks like Gabe is rejecting Gwyneth! Was he mad that she forgot to wear pants to the restaurant?
Score = 13
He is lovingly shushing her.
Barry: Now I know what you're thinkin'
LeVon: Barry and Le Von, where did you get two-hundred and forty dollars?
Barry: [shake head and put finger to mouth] Shhhhhh.
LeVon: Aw yeah.
Barry: Don't worry your pretty little head about it, baby
LeVon: It ain't your concern.
Score = 9
stay tuned next week for the GP recipe for a Twilight cake made entirely from parsnips
Score = 2
At first I was like, "But a tongue guillotine would only stop her from talking, not blogging." So I thought, we're going to need a bigger ten-hole finger guillotine. (To stop all the typing, obvs.) But then I realized she barks all her great information (gifts) at all the interns (orphans) typing away on MacBooks in the Goop lab (sweatshop), so, yeah, tongue guillotine ought to do it.
Score = 8
I can't understand her either.
Besides, my ass is still chapped that she called roast chicken "fast food". The bitch has obviously never had to scrub a greasy roasting pan.
Score = 12
To avoid scrubbing a roast pan, Gwen advises GOOPers to line the pan with organic aluminum foil. After dinner, have your butler throw it onto the back porch where needy children who have no aluminum foil wait for your cookery scraps. They are so grateful that it's free!
Score = 16
You know, a lot of bloggers are knocking at my door... "Will you comment on my blog?" And the answer is no. They want to know why I comment here at Videogum. And I don't know. I did it, I am doing it, and I love doing it. And people are really grateful that I'm doing it for free.
Score = 41
"Corporate America is knocking at your door" ? I beg to differ.
""rightly or wrongly, the editors feel any cover with Paltrow is newsstand suicide."
Score = 11
Score = 56
do you guyz photoshop the head on naked ppl?
Score = 7
you totally asked for this, gabe.
Score = 11
There should probably be a Gwabe photoshop contest.
Score = 23
Gwabe! Best portmandeu couple name, ever. This will make their dramatic breakup tabloid stories so much more depressing.
Score = 3
Impossible is nothing! Lots of Love! How quickly we forget The Worsts of yesteryear.
Score = 7
I think the relationship between Gabe and Gwyneth is similar to the one between Conan and Jordan Schlansky...amusement at his/her craziness...mixed in with a desire to inflict serious bodily harm...
Score = 5
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree: "She's so smart we wanted her to find a cure for AIDS or something. We were pretty firm about her finishing her education but when we saw how talented she was we finally said okay." — Blythe Danner on wanting daughter Gwyneth Paltrow to do something other than acting. [Daily Express]
Score = 15
With names like Blyth and Gwyneth, there's really very little you can do to stop the condescension.
Score = 8
Where did you guys get these candids of Gabe? No Friendster pic is safe!
Score = 6
I keep expecting her to show up in the Santa Cruz public comments videos.
Score = 2
Good news: the Society For The Prevention of Making It Too Easy (NASA) has just issued a ban on Gwyneth wearing the fashion label Preen.
Score = 4
I've stopped using Google. I only search Goop now.
Score = 13
Score = -11
Ahem: resize.
Score = 27
That gets points for being so bad. Also, will Gabe ever acknowledge these claims that he's secretly in love with Preen-clad Paltrow?
Score = 18
Dear Gwyneth's butler,
Please explain to Gwyneth that she didn't invent blogging. Or roast chicken.
Love,
Everyone
Score = 7
Is Preen-Clad like All-Clad? If so, that would explain the slippery legs.
Score = 1
I don't think I understand what they mean by "Preen-clad".
Score = 0
gwen prepares little lord gabriel for his day.
Score = 29
Upvoted solely because of the newspaper headline.
Score = 4
Let's vote up every post highlighting Gabe and Gwenyth's relationship to the point that the entire Monster's Ball is composed of something about which he is in denial, forcing him to accept the fact that they are destined for each other.
That was a very wordy proposition, but you get my point.
Score = 14
People with that much money have no concept of how normal people live. They think, in this day and age, people pay for roast chicken recipes. They really do.
Score = 4
i hadnt seen the chicken video, but you try doing a roasted chicken exactly the way she did, and see if its any good.
i have made chicken roasting one of my lifetime hobbies, and am outraged by this video. you try seasoning a chicken with that little salt, pepper and olive oil, without cutting holes in the chicken skin and see if it tastes any good. the most unbelievable thing about it, is that she felt special by giving out the most ordinary chicken recipe ever, look lemon! salt! pepper! olive oil! but the potatoes were the worst. thank you gwyneth for teaching me how to bake a potato, my life is now complete.
Score = 0
Score = 0
OMG...I'm so psyched to read GP's thoughts on parenting. Really. About as excited as I am to try her chicken recipe. That is, not very, considering I'm one of the vegan folks she's trying to "reach out" to with an obvious choice of BLT sandwiches.
Score = 3