Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds Is Defanitely Almest Three Hours Loung
Quentin Tarantino's newest movie, Hostel WWII, premiered at Cannes today, and much like everything in this world--except for pizza which is unanimously loved--some people liked it, and some people did not like it.
Liked it:
TotalFilm: "Not only did I love every minute, if the French projectionist wanted to cue it up and roll it again from the start, I would have sat through the whole film again, with the biggest grin on my face."
Did not like it:
Guardian (who call it "an armour-plated turkey," the kind of cutesy, nonsensical shorthand that is the hallmark of a pretentious douche with no real insight): "Quentin Tarantino's cod-WW2 shlocker about a Jewish-American revenge squad intent on killing Nazis in German-occupied France is awful. It is achtung-achtung-ach-mein-Gott atrocious. It isn't funny; it isn't exciting; it isn't a realistic war movie, yet neither is it an entertaining genre spoof or a clever counterfactual wartime yarn. It isn't emotionally involving or deliciously ironic or a brilliant tissue of trash-pop references. Nothing like that. Brad Pitt gives the worst performance of his life, with a permanent smirk as if he's had the left side of his jaw injected with cement, and which he must uncomfortably maintain for long scenes on camera without dialogue."
Liked it:
Empire: "...rather brilliant. Every bit as idiosyncratic as the spelling of its title, it's a wonderfully-acted movie that subverts expectation at every turn. And it may represent the most confident, audacious writing and directing of QT's career."
Did not like it:
IFC: "The film's two hours and 40 minutes long, and could be shorn of an hour just by picking up the tempo ... But I wouldn't even call "Inglourious Basterds" minor Tarantino -- it's flat-out tiresome, and from a commercial perspective, incredibly dicey. If this is the pony the Weinstein Company has picked, well, bless 'em, because it's hard to see this one pulling in crowds once word gets around."
OK! So we know that it is definitely a movie! And almost all the critics have been very happy to talk about the run-time, which is almost three hours. No one is arguing that this movie is not almost three hours long. I didn't go to the Movie Critics Academy, but is it a bad sign for the main story to come out of a movie's premiere to be the run-length? I'll leave that for the pros. But I am going to say that as someone who has already made it very clear that he has LOW EXPECTATIONS (understatement) for this project, my pre-emptive opinion based on very little evidence and probably far more determined than the situation warrants remains UNCHANGED. This louks really bed, you guys. Really Reaoully bid.
(Quotes via FilmDrunk.)
Posted by Gabe at 1:30 PM in Everyone's A Critic, Wait For It...
Tags: Cannes | Inglourious Basterds | Quentin Tarantino
Oh man. This movie was made for Da Cake Eatur comments. Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd go.
Score = 16
This would be the time he spells everything correctly.
Score = 22
I know that I, for one, am STUNNED that people are finding a Tarantino movie polarizing.
Score = 24
I don't know, this one looks more like a stainless-steel coated aardvark to me...
Score = 11
Obviously this comment pertains to my perspective, but I find the "plot" of this movie rather distasteful. With the REALITIES of WWII not that far behind us in history, I think its sort of pathetic to portray that era in this fashion; a gory revenge story. The thing that really gets me is how many folks will equate this to the war this movie is oh-so-loosely based on.
Score = -1
I give people very little credit, but I don't think anyone is going to confuse this for an accurate portrayal of World War II. Just based on the previews/title you can tell this movie is not striving to be accurate about anything.
Score = 4
Fart nickel.
Nipple butt.
Tits in farty butt wishing well.
Clamato in the third eye stings brother, but ride the snake. Keep on. ......keep...on.
Stockings throughout, but what ho, darkie?
Seven Nation Fart-my just to hold me fart.
Out of disgust, once wincing for from however look like to been there before.
The old recipes no longer apply where decorum is menstrual and wasted yarn.
Also farts are good
Yeah, little bit of fart never hurt anybody. If you know what I mean. Also, I think farts are a good idea. Big, fuck-off shiny ones. Ones that smell like they could skin a crocodile. Farts are good, because sometimes they don't make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely we are to use them. Fart 'em right up. Makes it look like we're serious. Guns for show, farts for a pro.
People are dying in the Sudan or something.
Anyone see that Brazilian movie where the two brothers fist each other or whatever?
Rising, rising. Ever heavenward, Pelican Brief.
This will not be the last nor the first, nor even one of the middle times that Elisabeth Hasselbeck stakes her claim. Baby's got big dreams.
Score = -33
I know this is pointed out before, but can we please push for for a ? vote button?
Score = 23
That was like Guy Ritchie, James Joyce, and a bunch of farts thrown together. But you better watch it buddy, there are too many farts, its going to explode.
Score = 9
Feels good, man.
Score = 2
Thank you.
Score = 1
You guys might not like spoilers, but this one is major.
THEY KILL HITLER IN THE THIRD ACT.
NO. REALLY. THE BASTERDS KILL HITLER.
Score = -32
Okay, I know a lot of us have read the script (myself included), but if you put the ending to a highly anticipated film in CAPS, you deserve a flogging of biblical proportions. It doesn't matter if you write "spoilers" (in lower-case, no less), there is a special place in hell reserved for tools such as yourself.
Have fun at dinner.
Score = 18
If it looks like a terd and smells like a terd, it's probably a terd. A three hour long terd.
Score = 5
I can't tell if I should have high expectations for this because its a Tarantino movie or low expectations because he's worked on it so long that it can't possibly be good. I'm guessing they will cancel out and I'll go in with no expectations at all.
Score = 2
Yikes. The "liked it" reviews aren't terribly fawning, but the "didn't like it" ones really, really don't like it.
I, like the commenter up yonder, really find the plot itself to be abhorrent. I could see a movie in which the good guys were avenging things that happened to their family, but all the trailer made me think is that the "good guys" were going to visit violence and pain upon their repressors tenfold, if not more, and I can't get behind that so much. That kind of revenge theme never seems to work - e.g., you assault my wife, I cut off all of your extremeties very slowly. (In real life, yes, but this is a movie.)
Score = -4
I know, right? Totally. It's like the Nazi's get this really bad rep. I mean, they weren't perfect or anything, but who is? Don't get me wrong, I'm all for justice and stuff like that, but like Gandhi said, "An eye for an eye just generates sales of eye-patches." Right?
Score = 12
The great thing about pizza is that it's so flexible. Say I like pepperonis - you don't! We get it half pepperoni/half pineapple and we all go home happy.
Score = 15
But i want it to be good. I need it to be good. every time some one says it isn't good it hurts me because it's like they're making it not good. And I liked Pulp fiction. so if you say it isn't good it's just like you're saying I'm stupid. which I don't like. And I work in this horrible cubicle and hate my job, and this girl I kinda have a crush on told her friend my hands are to soft and "plump" whatever that means, so I REALLY REALLY need this movie to be good. Because brad pitt's horrible accent killing the nazi's will kinda be like me proving my hands are NOT to soft and plump (whatever that means) and I will make love to the girl and maybe even get a better job or a promotion, and everyone will respect me because I thought the movie would be good and then it was.
Score = 9
Empire is the most reliable one there, they're usually pretty on the mark.
Score = 1
Feels good man.
Score = -3
yes but what news of eli roth? everybody loves eli roth!
Score = 1
I read a review that said Eli Roth was the only bad part of this movie. Then I giggled.
Score = 1
I do not love Eli Roth.
Score = 0
What the fuck is happening in this comment stream?
Score = 1