Everyone has been affected by the economic crisis in some way*. People have watched their 401ks disappear. Homes been had foreclosed. And everyone knows someone who has been laid off. But at least the American hero at FEARnet who writes some of the sickest DVR menu descriptions in the game, is still hard at work. Which makes sense, dude is irreplaceable. You could not have another him in a second. Of course, times is tough, and these days he probably just feels lucky to have a job. If only he realized that his important work is touching tens, literally tens of people. That's right, Videogum has upwards of 30 readers. Jealous?
After the jump, the genius FEARnet DVR description copywriter's latest masterpieces.
The shortest short story in existence is widely recognized to be one written by the Guatemalen writer Augusto Monterroso (RIP, Never Forget). It reads:
"Upon waking, the dinosaur was still there."
Fair enough. Monterroso is in heaven now, regaling the angels with the shortest anecdotes. But whoever is writing the FEARnet DVR descriptions of horror movies is also a master of short form writing, and should win some kind of award for being the best. These things are nuts. Six more after the jump. Each one better than the last (as if there's anything better than perfect). Have fun!
As someone who has held a job sitting in a cubicle typing up character-limited marketing descriptions of products no one wants, I understand how important it is to stay fresh and amuse yourself. I also understand genius when I see it. Whoever wrote this should have their own show. And then write the description of their own show.
Last night, HBO premiered a new documentary called Cat Dancers, which I was extremely excited about until I learned that it wasn't a documentary about the classic internet meme/joke Dancing With Cats, but was instead a Grey Gardens-style train wreck doc about aging exotic animal performers. I still plan to watch more of it, but on a rainy weekend because it was pretty depressing. Anyway, I found the DVR description of the movie to be highly humorous:
DVR descriptions should all just be spoilers. (Also, don't make fun of my other shows. This was hard.)
Carrie Prejean turned the video camera off, put on some clothes, and stepped out of her house. It was a beautiful day outside. The air smelled like apples, and the late morning light hit the world in just such a...
After watching Death Sentence, a terrible movie starring Kevin Bacon as a father in search of vigilante justice directed by Saw's James Wan, Gabe embarked on The Hunt For The Worst Movie of All Time. This is his sad journey.
If you are a sassy and sarcastic young man in an American sitcom who represents the sitcom writer's desire that a nerdy Jewish teenager can somehow be the desirable romantic hero in this world, then eventually you will get a...
I shouldn't even be here right now. I SHOULD BE GETTING INTO MY COSTUME! If I don't hurry, my facepaint won't be dry before I get to the MOONVIE theater, and everyone will be like "hahah, you look like you're...
Blogging about TV and movies isn't all fun and videogames. Every week, Lindsay or Gabe will be presented with a physical or mental challenge that tests their bravery,patience, and taste.
The Challenge: I had to go on a 3.5 hour bus tour of totally random TV and film locations in New York City. Alone, and wearing a specific ridiculous tshirt. And I had to find someone to take my picture...
Uh. OK. Well, first let's address what this movie did well, like the disappointed parents we are (or at least that I am), recognizing that the negative feedback won't be useful or constructive if it isn't preceded by something positive....
