Who's Buying All This Paul Blart: Mall Cop?
For the second week in a row, the DVD release of Paul Blart: Mall Cop remains on the top of the sales AND rental charts. America is to Paul Blart: Mall Cop DVDs as Kirstie Alley is to root beer floats from Sonic. RUUUUUUUUUUN. Reports the Hollywood Reporter:
The Sony Pictures Home Entertainment comedy, which grossed $146.3 million in U.S. theaters, continued to see heavy action at retail, with its rental activity falling off just 26% from the previous week, according to Home Media Magazine market research.
I don't know what any of those words mean, but I do know that America is retarded. Have you ever been married for so long that you wake up in bed one morning and look at your spouse and think "who are you?" Me neither, but that is a cliched experience that I have heard of before that seems similar to the experience I am having with America. Who are you, American public? What is wrong with you? Get out of my bed!
Seriously, why is everyone buying Paul Blart: Mall Cop?
Seriously, cut it out, everyone. Economic crisis or something. Stop it.
Posted by Gabe at 3:30 PM in DVD
Tags: Idiocracy | Kevin James | Paul Blart: Mall Cop
I went to prom with a girl I thought I liked.
First clue it wouldn't work out well; I went to see Yes Man with her at the second run theater; she thought the trailer looked "hilarious".
Second clue: We saw Watchmen, and when I said the Observe and Report trailer looked like an R-Rated Paul Blart, she said "Oh, I love that movie!"
It really wasn't a surprise when prom bombed.
Score = 20
Dude, high school is forever.
Score = 19
That's what you get for dating high school chicks.
Score = 9
Is Hollywood dumbing down America or are they giving the moronic masses what they want? My inability to answer this recently led me to leave LA's film industry. My top 5 reasons for moving out of LA were:
- Live Free and Die Hard
- the dating scene was horrible
- Underdog (the 'teaser' trailer killed part of my soul)
- the collective stupidity of people raised in So.California
- Marley & Me (all the posters I saw were simply of a puppy, that's it. It took me months to learn that actors were in the film)
Arghhhh
Score = -13
Ummm...what did you expect out of LA? What you describe is a new thing? When you left LA, did you use one of those new "car" things? Next thing you will be telling me that LA has many of these "car" things and that they cause traffic, which would also be new information.
Score = 1
Both my partner and I cried like little bitches at Marley & Me. The film's pretty harmless and forgettable (minus the Rules of Attraction-inspired montage), but if you're a big dog person, that ending is fucking devastating.
Score = 1
You cried like little bitches at a movie about dogs. Haha.
Oops. Play me off, Keyboard Cat.
Score = -7
Try Hard 2: Try Harder
Score = 23
its funny that you say that, because I moved away from LA (where I was raised) because of all the assclowns from Boston, the midwest, and the south that moved there to be famous. the natives were a-ok in my book.
i also moved away from LA because I hate driving.
Score = 7
True facts right here. It's the transplants that give LA a bad rap.
Score = 4
All the asshats in the PNW are from California. Can you take them back please?
Score = 2
I'm moving to L.A. in a couple of months. I apologize in advance.
Score = 5
We're really going to miss you.
Score = 0
perez hilton is ghost blogging for videogum now.
Score = 10
No, his pen is white. This one was done in black.
TOTALLY different.
Score = 7
I love my dad: when Blart was in theatres, every weekend, no matter what else was happening in the world, he'd call me and ask incredulously, "Fuckin' Paul Blart is STILL doing well?"
Score = 19
I wanna meet that dad.
Score = 23
I'll tell you why this movie is so successful: Because Kevin James brings the sexy and drawing porn star 'taches and disembodied, floating cocks on him only makes him hotter.
Score = 10
How many times has that Black Dahlia chick killed herself over this?
Score = 18
I saw a kid at Krogers the other day begging his mom to buy it for him. When I was his age I was begging my mom for Wet Hot American Summer and Freaks and Geeks. I think that's abuse to make your child think that PBMC is funny.
Score = 6
I used to work at Blockbuster so this DOES NOT SURPRISE ME. I mean, I once had a woman who fucking WAITED for a HALF HOUR for someone to return a copy of "The Grudge" because we were all rented out. I've had to tell people "No, we don't have anymore copies of Duece Bigalow: European Gigalo left. They are all rented out. You have to wait for Duece Bigalow: European Gigalo to be returned." And if a new family movie involving a dog was out, then all hell broke lose. "The Shaggy Dog" with Tim Allen was the hottest rental and the hardest one to get a hold of for like a month straight. People are morons and hate both cinema and the money burning a hole in their wallets.
Score = 29
That ucb joke hurts. haha!
Score = 2
My dad is the first guy. He'll probably buy it for my mom for her birthday though, its coming up before their anniversary.
Bonus points: He called it Blart Cop: Mall Guy while trying to describe it to me after he saw it it theaters. That is the name of this movie forever.
Score = 32
http://www.hulu.com/watch/72442/saturday-night-live-mom-translator
Score = 6
America is merely DOING ITS PART to encourage future advertisers for the Awl.
Score = 5
Bread and Circuses people, Bread and Circuses.
Score = 3
i'm going to go ahead and guess that the 13 year old kid is the best guess, as this was a movie that was made for 13 year old kids.
Score = 2
I think there's just something terribly sexy about a super cop who's built like my great uncle Reuben...
Score = 9
I was at the grocery store yesterday and decided to RebBox PBMC on a lark. I'm not going to defend it as a movie, because it pretty much undefendable, but it does deliver exactly what it promises: thoughtless entertainment (emphasis on the former). Nevertheless, not everyone wants to come home after a hard day in the poop mines and put in "The Time of the Wolf" to relax. Just sayin', that doesn't make America stupid- lazy maybe, but not stupid.
After all, we can't all live in the haute monde world of internet blogging.
Score = 10
God, that damn clown scares me.
Damn you Tim Curry. You frightening bastard.
Score = 3
Paul Blart was my inflight movie as I flew from Chicago to Seattle yesterday. :| :| :|
Score = 3