"Honey, how many bottles of Achmed syrah should I order for the dinner party tomorrow night? Well, sure, a case, but we'll go through that, you know how Tom drinks, and if we're going to spend the money on shipping anyway, we should probably get some to set aside just for everyday wine, no? Maybe a case of the Achmed and a case of the Peanut riesling? You know what, honey, nevermind, I'm just going to order 1,000 cases of all three Jeff Dunham wines, which exist and are real, and are my favorite wines. What we don't drink at the dinner party we can save for our children, as part of their inheritance. It's collectible, you know. Oh, but now that we've got the wine thing sorted out, how many Bubba J iPods Nano do you want?"
--You
Weezer have made their own Weezer-brand Snuggie. It is real. You can buy it. They even made a commercial (after the jump), which is very similar to the original Snuggie commercial that became an Internet Sensation a year ago. Fair enough. Weezer gets to do whatever they want, this is America. But this would have been a lot funnier a year ago. I'm happy for anyone making Snuggie jokes at this point, and I'mma let them finish, but making Borat jokes is the best outdated, overused pop culture reference of all time. Get it? You get it. [Borat voice:] Success! Seriously, though, what happened? Did Weezer's Internet go out for a year and they're just catching up? "Hold on, guys, I'm going to call Time Warner just as soon as I finish sleeping with these teenage, Japanese groupies." That is what Rivers Cuomo says.
You know who probably still thinks that Snuggie jokes are funny and topical? Dads. Which I guess makes sense. How old are these guys anyways? I'm in my late-to-very-late '60s and I'm pretty sure I've seen these guys cutting me in line at the Sizzler buffet to take advantage of the Early Bird Special. What a bunch of dads.
"I'm a 37-year-old woman, and I work in marketing for a small research firm. I used to live with my long-term boyfriend, and I really thought he was 'the one,' you know, but it just didn't work out. I'm OK! I mean, I still miss him, but it's probably for the best? I don't know. I'm taking a break from the dating scene, though. I tried it for awhile, but all of the guys were either jerks or they stopped calling me back. It's not a big deal, I don't miss it. All those awkward conversations and having to feel bad about yourself most of the time. Besides, I have my two cats, Pugly and Princess, and my best friend, Christy, and I go out for margaritas every Thursday. It's nice!
I know that Robert Pattinson the actor is basically a child. When I put on my Robert Pattinson underwear, I think of him more as Edward the vampire from the Twilight movies, which I love (I know there is only one Twilight movie out so far, but I am assuming that I'm going to love New Moon just as much as I loved the first one, so that is why I said movies plural). Besides, it goes on under my clothes, OK? No one sees them. It's just for me. I like to imagine him down there. Hi Robert! I MEAN HI EDWARD!
I guess I would understand if people think that it's weird, but everyone is kind of weird, you know? I think if you're not hurting anyone and you're just doing things to make yourself a little happier, to make getting through the day a little bit easier, then what is the problem?
Also: I really REALLY want to fuck an immortal undead make believe vampire who looks like he's in high school." (Via TheFrisky.)
Hahahaha. "Very goooood!" Anyone who is still looking for a last minute costume idea is definitely going to want to check out this list from frequent Videogum tipster, Edith. It's amazing. I'm particularly fond of the costume that functions as both Neo from the Matrix AND/OR a priest. Perfect. "There is no spoon, my children." Although, the knockoff Justin Guarini wig is poorly labeled. "Star Afro"? No. More like "Runner Up Soon To Be Butt Of So Many Jokes For Rest Of Life Afro." Better.
Oh, good. Now you, too, can be a melty-faced mentally disabled transvestite swamp monster with a wildly distorted self-image! Boo*!
To be fair, that is terrifying. I'm usually supportive of people who are willing to play along with a joke that makes fun of their public image. It suggests that they don't take themselves too seriously, and that they have a sense of humor about the construct of fame and the stark difference between a persona and a real person. But I do NOT support THIS! Even when she's making fun of herself, Kim is the worst. What a terrible person. I'm not saying that I wish anything bad to happen to her, because I don't wish bad things to happen to anyone. I'm just saying that if I was the type of person who did wish bad things to happen to people, she might make the list! Let there be no confusion: there is no list. Kim is not on a list of people to whom bad things should happen. I hope that she leads a long and fulfilled life in a mansion made out of white wine and negligent parenting. It's just that if there was a list, which there isn't, there's a pretty decent chance she would be on the list, but she's not.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN! ALMOST! (Thanks for the tip, Sydney.)
*Here, the term "boo!" is being used as both the sound that a ghost makes and the sound of sharp disapproval.
I'm not sure if this is a new thing or an old thing, but the fact that it even exists in the first place makes it a crazy thing. Barack Obama Chia Pet, you guys:
Perfect. Just an entirely reasonable thing to exist in 2009. Total symbol of prosperity and hope. Display it at your school. Not weird at all.
Normal Human Being 1: What's that? Normal Human Being 2: It's my Obama Chia Pet. Normal Human Being 1: Where did you get it? Normal Human Being 2: I ordered it off of the Internet. I was sober, and I spent money that I earned at my job in order to pay for it. Normal Human Being 1: Sure. That sounds fine.
What? What's the matter? It's just a Barack Obama Chia Pet. No big deal. Order one (or 1,000 if you want) here. Or don't. Because it's INSANE and WEIRDLY RACIST and also HUH? (Thanks for the tip, Debby and Daniel.)
What a nightmare thing this thing is! "Do you want to call your daddy on the Bluetooth Bear?" No. "Do you want to cut out the Bluetooth Bear's eyes with scissors and throw what is left of Bluetooth Bear into the fire." Yes. "Do you then want to take the ashes of Bluetooth Bear deep into the woods and bury them in a deep hole, and cover that hole with a druid's stone so that the evil that rests there can never be awakened?" Yes, mommy. Please! "OK, but you should know that a druid's stone might not be powerful enough. We might never be able to contain the evil of Bluetooth Bear." AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
The Terminator trudged along the wooded path towards the lake, his gun dangling by his side, the taunts still ringing in his hypersensitive bionic ears. He stared at the ground as he walked, and didn't even bother scanning anything with...
After watching Death Sentence, a terrible movie starring Kevin Bacon as a father in search of vigilante justice directed by Saw's James Wan, Gabe embarked on The Hunt For The Worst Movie of All Time. This is his sad journey.
Do you ever eat foods that you know you don't like, just to remind yourself why you don't like them? I think that's a good thing to do sometimes! The worst case scenario is that you might momentarily have a...
Last weekend, something strange happened. Some of the Videogum Monsters created their own secret, password-protected chat room. In 2009! Incredible! I suppose every monster has his cave, or whatever. As it turned out, though, we already had a Videogum Chat...
Blogging about TV and movies isn't all fun and videogames. Every week, Lindsay or Gabe will be presented with a physical or mental challenge that tests their bravery,patience, and taste.
The Challenge: I had to go on a 3.5 hour bus tour of totally random TV and film locations in New York City. Alone, and wearing a specific ridiculous tshirt. And I had to find someone to take my picture...
I went to see Where the Wild Things Are on Saturday, but it was sold out. Ay-ay-ay. That was a surprise! I mean, anticipation for this movie seemed pretty high, but anticipation for lots of movies seems high, especially when...
