OK, I Give Up, Michael Jackson Memorial Open Thread (Right On Time)
It seems like the whole world has stopped. And sure, the speeches are over, and Andy Milonakis has already performed, but they are only just wheeling the solid gold coffin out of the Staples Center now, so it doesn't feel like things are going to pick up anytime soon.
Leave your thoughts here, if you have them. I know that you were watching. Michael Jackson Memorial Service post-mortem. (Sorry.)
Posted by Gabe at 3:45 PM in Death, Live TV, Music Related Content
Tags: Heaven | Michael Jackson
I came away gasping at two things:
1. HOLY FUCK that is one sweet ass coffin.
2. Oh my god...Paris Jackson speaks!
Score = 8
my mom keeps calling me to discuss parts of this. and i'm definitely not watching it....
SORRY, MOM!
Score = 1
Michael Jackson was a person. He made some pretty rad music and dances some years ago. Some people still listen to that music. His life sounded confusing and full of questionable life choices. Then he died. Lots of people got sad. Rest in peace and stuff.
Score = 24
Oh right, and lots of people who apparently don't have jobs went to see his coffin. The end.
Score = 4
Greatest performer in the history of pop music. Bar none.
Score = 3
Kid from Britain's Got Talent killed it! And I hate fuckin John Mayer. Why does this guy turn up everywhere?
Score = 6
john mayer doing human nature was great.
his daughter speaking at the end though was just too sad. soOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many :('s.
Score = 9
Wait, who?
Score = 6
Your avatar is RAFFI?!
How is no one else noticing this?!
Am I the only one?!
?!
Score = 4
that joke is so old.
Score = 3
ugh, the daughter at the end made me deskcry. hateself now.
Score = 8
Ten bucks says that motherfucker pops out of the casket at the last minute and kills a rendition of P.Y.T.
Score = 45
don't get my hopes up
Score = 0
I just thought it was kind of interesting that they got the prego Jennifer Hudson to sing the Free Willy song... hmm... of all songs... wonder why? Real mature Michael Jackson memorial. MJ is rolling his eyes from heaven.
Score = 10
It's funny what death can do. Two weeks ago, no one gave two shits about Michael Jackson.
Score = 3
No, two weeks ago a lot of people gave a shit about Michael Jackson, which is why the outpour has been so massive. Two weeks ago nobody gave a shit about Billy Mays, and not too many people gave a shit about Farrah Fawcett, which is why nobody is making a bit deal about them.
Score = 11
Yeah, call me when Mrs. Slocombe dies. WHAT?! OH GOD OH GOD
Score = 19
I was mourning so hard, I fell asleep. Where's my highlight reel, internets?
Score = 26
Michael Jackson really burned that commercial up. Ouch.
Score = 4
They're still wearing sunglasses. Have they no respect?!
Score = 2
Yes, the guy was a great performer and, I guess, humanitarian. But criminy! They talked about him like he cured cancer with bottled rainbows and hypnotized the world with his sweet, sweet music into being excellent to each other. Relax, guys. Just relax.
Score = 23
Honestly, this is some fucking Sodom and Gomorrah shit. How much longer do we have to go on before we realize we are literally WORSHIPING these people?!? I like his music as much as the next suburban white kid with middle class angst, but come on -- a GOLD COFFIN?!
Score = 35
There was also the video someone linked to earlier of the woman saying MJ was basically the same as Jesus.
Score = 6
I guess that makes Joe Jackson God?
It all makes sense now.
Score = 3
English pop star Joe Jackson of "Steppin Out" fame? Yes, he is God.
Score = 7
When I was a freshman in college I wrote a paper on why the First Presleyterian Church of Elvis the Divine constitutes a valid belief system. It really exists, I did not make it up. The parallels you can make between people like Elvis or, I'm sure Michael Jackson, and Jesus are surprisingly numerous.
Score = 5
The first song I ever roller skated to was "Rock With You". He soundtracked many memories from my youth...thanks, MJ. RIP.
Score = 9
Real comments from the fast-moving, wild-and-loose CNN/Facebook feed:
Kylee Barker: ok, MJ's daugher just got me a little misty.
4:42pm
Pinky Tuskedero: IF ANY OF YOU ARE EVER IN LA AND NEED A MANICURE AND PEDICURE THAT IS ECO FRIENDLY PLEASE CALL ME OR GO TO MY WEBSITE THEMOBILEMANICURIST.COM THANK YOU AND HAVE A BLESSED DAY,.
4:42pm
Yasemin Arar: My son says he will always live in our hearts.
4:43pm
Score = 21
One of them - no joke- was "RIP. I hope you are moonwalking with God."
Score = 1
Why wasn't Victoria Jackson there? She's related, right? Now that would have been quite a shit-storm!
Score = 0
just bury the pedophile freak already.
Score = -43
Fuck off.
Score = 10
here we go. in brief.
- I wish you media types would stop telling me that I have a new appreciation for Michael Jackson's music. I do not.
- good to see you again, Trey Lorenz. it's been like- what?- 17 years?
- I would like to start a campaign to impeach Shiela Jackson Lee, (D) Texas.
- is there room for "l-i-k-e-l-y c-h-i-l-d m-o-l-e-s-t-e-r" on that Resolution?
- wish MJ wouldn't appropriate the Star of David what with his anti-semetic lyrics and all. also, WHO WERE THOSE PEOPLE SINGING HEAL THE WORLD?
let us end this national nightmare now. thanks.
Score = -16
Grace: Exactly, I didn't recognize ANYONE from that performance! I just kept thinking that the blonde one had to be famous because of the sunglasses, and yet...nope.
Score = 0
Seriously... is it over yet?
Score = 6
I think this whole thing is completely ridiculous. Yes, he was a great performer and did deserve the title of "king of pop". I'm not doubting that. But then flash forward 20 years to now. During that time, he did all of his weird plastic surgeries, dyed his skin white, almost threw his kid off a balcony, and became an almost convicted child molester. Once he died though, everyone forgot about the shit they gave him during the last 20 years as if it didn't matter. And of course it matters. I'm not saying we shouldn't honor his memory, he WAS a great performer and yadayada, but everyone is forgetting this huge part of his life and pretending it didn't happen, and its 1) hypocritical and 2) horrible. And all of these Facebook statuses and CNN updates that are all "WE MISS YOU MJ", "SHED A TEAR FOR YOU, MJ" just drive me crazy. Ugh. just Ugh.
Score = 1
Why did you number 'hypocritical' and 'horrible'? Your horrible writing makes me rage so much. ughughughugh, just ugh.
Score = 6
i think it was done to signal emphasis like one might in a real life conversation.
Score = 2
Hmmm...I don't like how you throw out him being an "almost convicted child molester" and act like that's the same thing as being a CONVICTED CHILD MOLESTER. You are all, "We should hate him because he was almost convicted of touching kids! COME ON PEOPLE he might as well have done it!!!!" Come on, now.
Score = 3
I guess, fair point that he wasn't convicted but really. You're saying he was totally innocent? Even without counting the legal issues he lived in a bizarro world unconnected to reality. It could hardly have been healthy for the kids. Of course there's a good possibility that the kids were raised by nannies which is about the best I could hope for them.
I guess I'll give him the benefit of the doubt but there is still a lot of doubt. So whatever sadness I have at his death is tempered by a big dose of ewww. It is shameful in my mind that he is portrayed as some sort of saint when he was deeply troubled at best and his troubles affected innocent children (his children at the least and his victims at worst)
It is sad that he is dead. But there are more important things to mourn. Let's move on. Please.
Score = 3
I'm actually one of the "Let's move on for Christ's sake" people, but I do have a problem with the general tendency of convicting people who were never convicted. Not to get all politicalgum, but the same thing happened with prisoners at Abu Ghraib and Gitmo - many (not all, but many) prisoners were arrested simply for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, guilty by association if you will. I'm not saying MJ is a saint at all, but I think it's a sucky AT BEST and dangerous AT WORST thing to convict people based on hearsay. As far as his freakshowness, I think people forget how much a fucked up childhood can lead to a fucked up grown up life.
Score = 2
I can't believe he wanted the coffin inscribed "that's right, bitchez!!"
Score = 7
your hot
Score = 0
So... is the MJ motorcade just going to drive around until they run out of gas rather than just admit THERE IS NO BURIAL PLAN?
Score = 8
Michael Jackson is NOT dead, you guys.
Score = 6
Note that this "memorial service" is costing LA taxpayers 4 million dollars
Score = 4
Ok, first I'd like to start off by saying that this comment is mostly completely unrelated, but I'll add a MJ sentiment to tie it all in (so as to avoid the awful crime of completely unrelated blog commenting). I figure this is as close to "open" as it gets--so, I would like to thank Michael Jackson for being 3 parts awesome to his 1 part creepy (it should probably be a more balance ratio at the creepy end, but come on we all hope people say nice and mostly true things about us when we die)...so there's that.
Mainly, I just wanted to share a moment from my day today that would only be relevant to you guys. So, sparing all the details leading up to this moment, I was fired from my job today. And upon being walked out by my boss the only thing I could think to say in all my rage was, "WELL... HAVE FUN AT DINNER, AARON!". And I have to say--even though it made absolutely no sense to him and was likely interpreted more as a friendly sentiment (delivered with all the conviction a girl could muster)--it was probably the only thing I could have said, in that moment, that would have had me smiling all the way out to my car like an idiot! So, thank you Gabe and Lindsay (may she rest in peace) and Videogum for making what should have been a completely awful/humiliating day into one that was just mostly crappy (except for the fact that I laugh every time I replay it in my mind!)... now off to file for unemployment! yay!
Ok, let us go on with our post mortem postings!
Score = 33
Sorry you got fired, but impressive integration of internet jokez into real life conversation. Add that shit to your resume!
Score = 8
Yes, thank you--I'll add that to right after 'excellent written/verbal skills' on my resume as, 'experienced in obscure internet memes picked up while reading videogum at work on company time'--bosses eat that stuff up!
The only other internet jokez reference I had to work with was, "If you mess with the devil...you're gonna get wet with fire!!" --and...in retrospect, I kind of wish I'd gone with that. ...Ooooh well, there's always a 'next time'!!
Score = 0
we're way off task here.
Score = 1
Score = 44
Who the hell is that alien? Funny how FoxNews has war news crawling under this Farscape cast member. Trying to have it both ways maybe? Keeping it real for us Right Wingers but still being opportunistic enough to go for the big ratings grabber. I actually don't mind FNC but they've never met a car chase/train-wreck they didn't love.
Score = 0
A lot of people said a lot of really nice things today. I watched it live while I worked and it kept a smile on my face. Hooray. That's that. I am a huge fan, but I'm ready to let this rest now.
Score = 8
Let's be honest... Everybody is relieved that this Michael is gone so that they can have the old Michael back.
Score = 18
No mention of Stevie Wonder yet?
Because good god, that was a stunning performance. Absolutely incredible.
Score = 12
Yes! I came on here just to post how great Stevie Wonder was and to remind people to appreciate their divinely talented soul legends while they are still around.
Also:
-Mariah Carey was SHIT! Trey Lorenz barely saved that performance.
-Brooke Shields and Marlon Jackson were surprisingly the most touching eulogies (not counting the daughter).
-Performing "Heal the World" right after "We are the World" just highlights what a 2nd-rate rehash it is. "Man in the Mirror" is the message song that always gets me.
Score = 3
In the year 2000 time travel will become a reality, allowing Michael Jackson to travel back to 1965 and "take a nap" with himself.
Score = 1
I'm still pissed I was forced to pay for this train wreck.
Score = -5
"When I heard his solid gold coffin was going to be on stage the whole time, I just though, that is fuckin’ creepy, them performing next to a dead corpse. You kinda expect it to be a publicity stunt, y’know, half way through the coffin opens and he gets out and starts performing Thriller."
— My dad, putting into words exactly what was in my head.
Score = 7