Beloved Giraffe Dies For Kevin James's Art
Of course, millions of animals die every year, and we rarely hear their stories. It's only the famous (read: white) animals that get talked about. Nevertheless, light another candle in the wind for hakuna matata, or whatever. From the AP:
A giraffe that starred in a series of TV commercials for Toys R Us and appeared in Jim Carrey's movie "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" has died at a Boston zoo.American Humane, an animal welfare group that oversees animal treatment on movie sets, said Tweet the giraffe died Friday at the Franklin Park Zoo where producers are filming the Kevin James movie "The Zookeeper."
As you put on your black armbands this morning, and hug your children a little tighter, I think we can all take solace in the fact that Tweet died doing what he or she (I'm not sure) loved: starring in AMAZING films. When asked to comment, Kevin James had this to say:
"Fart."
--Kevin James
Goodbye, Tweet. You will be missed. You're in heaven now, being unharmed in the filming of the angels.
Posted by Gabe at 10:30 AM in Death
Tags: Giraffes | Heaven | Kevin James
Are you starting a new Videogum tradition with these first two posts today? You could call it "Worst Wednesdays."
I mean, the subjects just happen to be on "the worst" starting roster, probably making the all-star team, and possibly some sort of league MWP (Most Worstest Performer).
Score = 6
Kevin James is by far from the worst. Sure, its not all that cerebral, and its pretty obvious humor, but King of Queens has some great stuff in it.
i'll return in 30 minutes to see how many points i've been voted down now.
Score = 0
The only thing funny about King Of Queens was the seriously underutilized talents of Patton Oswalt and Stiller was usually good for a chuckle.
Score = 2
Patton Oswalt's character was basically just a sad, lonely guy. His standup is absolutely amazing, but that character is pretty plain.
James' physical humor is pretty decent (along the lines of Kramer) and not just for a fat guy - there's something about that show that I've always found really funny. Then again, I am the only person under 50 (or under 30) who thinks that Everybody Lovess Raymond is funny.
Score = 0
Cue Randy Newman: "You've got a Raymond friend in me." That show is pure evil. You cannot lazily leave it on in the background because once you do that it's GAME OVER, man. The show meets all of my personal "awful" quotas and yet I can't help but watch it when my local ABC affiliate has the Everybody Secretly Enjoys Raymond Power Hour.
Score = 4
Mall Cop? Zookeeper? What's next? The Movie Theater Ticket Taker?
Score = 25
I'm writing that screenplay right now. If you can't beat them, join them (and make boatloads of cash)
Score = 4
I smell a new Party Game. Name Kevin James' future project titles based on this current trend. Kevin James is "The Chicken Sexer."
Score = 6
Next is The Skinny Fat Guy. It's about what happens when a skinny guy (Rob Schneider) switches bodies with a Fat Guy (Kevin James).
Not a lot happens. They just play golf with Ray Romano. And Adam Sandler has a cameo as a Mexican bartender. And Bob Barker has a cameo. Wait, is Bob Barker still alive?
Score = 8
"The Proofreader".* And he's married to a super-hot literary agent who's way out of his league. Parker Posey, maybe.
*sorry! I keed, I keed
Score = 5
I love it! And the sequel, because America will DEMAND IT, can be "The Part-time Proofreader." In the sequel his wife leaves him and he has to go back to school because proofreading just won't pay the single life bills on it's own.
Score = 1
I heard they're already casting for "Profession Movie"
Score = 2
Kevin James - Lunar Custodian! Coming 2012.
Condolences to Tweet's family...
Score = 7
Gabe, headline should read "...James' Art" not "...James's Art." Sorry, I'm a proofreader in my spare time and it is BUGGING ME.
Score = -8
I don't think that's necessarily true actually, unless there are multiple Kevin James.
Score = 3
I don't think that's necessarily true actually. Unless there are multiple Kevins.
Score = -1
based on your supersaturation of this thread about kevin james and a dead giraffe, i am inclined to ask you how you define "spare time." or, more to the point, shouldn't you be doing some proofreading?
to be fair (read: nicer), i agree with you in principle that it should be james', but i don't think using james's is any less grammatically correct, just different aesthetic preference. moreover, i think quibbling with something like this really takes away from the greatness of this post, which i grawl lawl lawled at on multiple occasions.
Score = 9
I'm putting off schoolwork, "spare time" is when I'm at home and I am sent things from a local paper to proof.
I have always been instructed that -'s- used in conjunction with any word ending in -s- is a grammatical no-no.
Score = -4
But, yes, let's just drop it altogether. i was not aware there were two schools of thought on the matter. My apologies, Videogum. Please see fit to spite-downvote everything I have to say as punishment, if you must.
Score = -2
Man, people are just all over you in this thread.
Score = -1
It doesn't help that I'm all over this thread in general. What can I say? I get tired of the comments section being a series of zippy one-liners sometimes. I'm not hating on zippy one-liners at all. In fact, I've been known to fire off a hopefully successful zinger from time to time. These happen to be DIRE times in terms of the level and quantity of terrible entertainers/celebrities and we need reasoned discourse on the matter now more than ever.
Score = -1
Swayze and Tweet will hopefully be like peas and carrots in Heaven, both being movie stars and all.
Score = 11
i can't get past the idea that they're filming a movie in the franklin park zoo. yikesy yuck.
Score = -1
UPDATE: i am home sick and i just saw on the news that they've evacuated the Liberty Hotel in boston due to a possible carbon leak, and a bunch of monkeys that were "starring" in this movie are "staying" there, and also had to be evacuated. they're fine though. this movie is apparently the kiss of death for animal talent, though.
Score = 8
Hopefully for Kevin James (and/or his career) also.
Score = 0
what the hell?
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5jy9lTWefHoalxzKbuvcGEf6aI6cgD9AOIUJ01
"The Zookeeper" made headlines earlier this month when a teenage boy fell into a lion pit at the Franklin Park Zoo in Boston that was part of the movie set. No animals were in the area, and the boy was not badly hurt.
Score = 2
Score = 10
Too soon.
Score = 32
Kevin James clearly following the "Rob Schneider" downward career trajectory of thematized drivel.
Score = 0
They should play each other in a film called 'The Those Guys'
Score = 4
I hope Tweet gets the sepia-toned memorial he deserves as a bonus feature on the DVD. I'll never watch it, but.. you know... I hope its there.
Score = 6
Scratch that. Tweet deserves a place in the "In Memoriam" reel during the Oscars. It's already going to be an hour long anyway. When will the Summer of Death end?!
Score = 6
I guess a lot of people are going to tweet about this? Eh? EH?!
Score = 5
Everyone keep your eyes out for the inevitable "Kevin James eats a giraffe" joke on Leno tonight.
Score = 5
Giraffes? Giraffes :-(
Score = 2
The image of Patrick Swayze riding a giraffe through the clouds almost redeems this past week.
Score = 3