Remember that one time many years ago that you were on a family vacation to a rented cottage and your parents invited some of their friends over one afternoon for an all-day (all-boring) lunch? All the adults sat a long table in the backyard, eating and drinking and talking about stupid adult things, and you got restless and decided to wander off and explore a patch of woods that bordered the side of the house? You couldn't have been more than 20 feet into the trees--you could still hear the laughter of your parents somewhere behind you--and yet you also felt disoriented and lost. The lake was to your right? Or was it to your left? You decided to head back, because your mom had made a cake and even adults couldn't resist having cake forever (although sometimes it seemed like they tried!) and that was when you fell down that hole. It seemed like you were falling for hours, although when you eventually did get back to the cottage no one seemed to even have noticed you'd left. At the bottom, you met a wizard, and he granted you one wish, and you wished to one day watch a video segment of Sherri Shepherd getting her first ever bikini wax. "Who is Sherri Shepherd?" the wizard asked. "I don't know yet," you said. The wizard made you drink a chalky-tasting potion and then returned you to the surface. You ran back to the adults who gave you funny looks as you told them what had happened, and then your mom brushed the hair out of your face and gave you some ice cream. You haven't thought about that in years.
Well, the wait has been long, but wizards are sorcerers of their word.
Lindsay Lohan was on Ellenyesterday today, and it was uncomfortable because Lindsay opened up about her breakup ("she just stopped talking to me") in a way that was, I guess, more "too soon" than "TMI," but it's like my Grandma always told me: "After a breakup, try to stay off network TV for at least three weeks":
:( :( :(. In Lindsay's defense, Ellen didn't talk to her like she was a two year old child, she talked to her like she was a two month old puppy.
Ah, The Doctors. Does anyone watch it? I think the reason The Doctors gets so little in the way of viral video (or The Soup) love is because EVERY MINUTE of EVERY SHOW is worthy of being a crazy WTF clip. I swear, every time I turn it on, they're scaring parents (and teaching teenagers) about fake teen trends like "vodka tampons," or building a mannequin that vomits in order to show how vomit happens. (That was in the promo for Tuesday's show!) But here's one I missed when it originally aired, that aired again on Monday: for a story on salvia, that drug everyone's always flipping out about on the news but nobody ever bothers to make illegal, The Doctors actually got a "researcher" to smoke salvia in their studio and talk about how it made him feel. It's crazy -- not in a "teenager on salvia YouTube video way", but a "straight-laced businessman accidentally drinks 'shroom tea" way:
The real question about this clip from yesterday's Ellen in which Ellen makes Halle Berry dance to Hurricane Chris's YouTube sensation dance "She's So Fine" is how did Ellen even know about Hurricane Chris's YouTube sensation dance "She's So Fine" in the first place? Between this and the exclusive Where the Wild Things Are trailer premiere, Ellen is on the cutting edge now, and that should raise a lot of questions for all of us.
Well, on the cutting edge of some things. She may know all about Hurricane Chris's YouTube sensation "She's So Fine," and get the Where the Wild Things Are trailer all to herself, but she still dances like a mom. What is that move she keeps doing called, anyway? Scoop-Out-My-Eye-Patch? Roger-Rabbit's-Thumb-Up-In-My-Eye? Perfect. The only thing better than that dance are these great names I've just come up with for it.
Also, NICE TRY, Halle Berry. You're on a daytime talk show to promote your fragrance, so don't act like you've been too busy to learn everything there is to know about a YouTube dance sensation named after you. You can be this blase about the whole thing when people's first reaction to seeing you isn't "Who's Halle Berry?" (Thanks for the tip, Jerry.)
World traveler Tyra Banks tortures a British dude audience member named Oliver with her terrible and unceasing attempt at a British accent. I remember doing that to my friends! In seventh grade. And they stopped being my friends for a while. No Tyra, you can not have s'more:
I DO appreciate the way he doesn't indulge her at all, though. International boycott! (Via The Soup.)
This morning I switched on (yes, "switched on." I'm 80 and I like to "look at television" in the morning) The View just in time to hear the announcer-guy introduce today's guest, Ann Coulter, with these exact words:
"Ann Coulter will tell you why she thinks single moms are raising strippers and rapists...and why the media wants to 'have sex' with Obama."
So, I kind of had to tune in, and I wasn't disappointed. The ladies of The View aren't a smart bunch, but even a stopped clock is right twice a day. This clip is 8 minutes, but time flies when you're watching Ann Coulter suffer.
(This week, we're highlighting some of our favorite Videogum posts / video-related moments of 2008. So that's why things look different, and are old, this week. And Happy Almost New Year!)
David Blaine is on Oprah right now, and he's not going to die or have brain damage because it taped yesterday and we would already know. Oprah just announced that this is the first show for which her boyfriend Stedman has ever asked to be in the audience (not a Tom Cruise or free car fan, I guess.) The "endurance artist," who has fasted, stood on a pillar for 35 hours, lived under ice, and accomplished other feats that are extremely boring to watch, will attempt to break the world record for holding his breath (currently 16 minutes and 32 seconds.) I was wondering, though: what if David Blaine did die yesterday, but not from holding his breath for too long? So here are some ironic ways for David Blaine to die:
As a holiday treat, they let Andy Dick loose on today's The View, and even let him sing a song about his alcohol monitoring bracelet. And it's kind of funny! Here's his entire appearance (song is at the beginning) because at the end they show his son in the audience, and Andy Dick having an adult son is weird, which they point out ("YOU have a CHILD?"):
Just to make sure everyone was paying attention, Andy Dick called his "sex" a "bitch" and suggests that it be "cut off permanently." On The View. Also, Sherri Shephard calls him her "heart." Those two crazy kids should date!
The Terminator trudged along the wooded path towards the lake, his gun dangling by his side, the taunts still ringing in his hypersensitive bionic ears. He stared at the ground as he walked, and didn't even bother scanning anything with...
After watching Death Sentence, a terrible movie starring Kevin Bacon as a father in search of vigilante justice directed by Saw's James Wan, Gabe embarked on The Hunt For The Worst Movie of All Time. This is his sad journey.
Do you ever eat foods that you know you don't like, just to remind yourself why you don't like them? I think that's a good thing to do sometimes! The worst case scenario is that you might momentarily have a...
Last weekend, something strange happened. Some of the Videogum Monsters created their own secret, password-protected chat room. In 2009! Incredible! I suppose every monster has his cave, or whatever. As it turned out, though, we already had a Videogum Chat...
Blogging about TV and movies isn't all fun and videogames. Every week, Lindsay or Gabe will be presented with a physical or mental challenge that tests their bravery,patience, and taste.
The Challenge: I had to go on a 3.5 hour bus tour of totally random TV and film locations in New York City. Alone, and wearing a specific ridiculous tshirt. And I had to find someone to take my picture...
I went to see Where the Wild Things Are on Saturday, but it was sold out. Ay-ay-ay. That was a surprise! I mean, anticipation for this movie seemed pretty high, but anticipation for lots of movies seems high, especially when...
