So, as you probably know by now, Oprah has announced that she is leaving her talk show after next season. This morning, she made it official with an on-air announcement in which she explained the reason for her departure. From the New York Times:
"So why walk away and make next season the last? Here is the real reason," she said, staring into the camera. "I love this show. This show has been my life. And I love it enough to know when it's time to say goodbye. Twenty-five years feels right in my bones and it feels right in my spirit. It's the perfect number, the exact right time."
Huh. So the "real reason" is basically "because." You are leaving the show because you love it and also because of the number 25? Sure. I mean, you are the boss! Just tell me where to pick up my free car and you won't hear any more questions from me.
Anyway, the guys and I got together and made you something to show our appreciation for everything that you've done over the years:
You have GOT to be KIDDING me. What is wrong with you? Have the hot studio lights melted so much of the plastic holding your faces together that some of it has seeped into your brains? Your bizarre and inexplicable treatment of classic rape (not to be confused with rape-rape) over the past few months has been so strange, insensitive, and inappropriate, that I am starting to get the sense that you're only famous because everyone has a soft spot for the mentally disabled.
I'm referring of course to an earlier episode in which you ladies discussed the Roman Polanski being a child rapist who is now in jail for raping children situation, and Whoopi Goldberg defended him by pointing out that we do not know if what he did to a 13-year-old girl was "rape" or "rape-rape." There is a difference? There is a difference, apparently. And now this morning, Modern Family star Sofia Vergara made an incredibly unfortunate (if that is really the word to use for this, probably not) joke about how she was raped when she was a child and that is why she looks so great? She is beautiful, that's true. I guess it must have been the make-believe rape.
Remember that one time many years ago that you were on a family vacation to a rented cottage and your parents invited some of their friends over one afternoon for an all-day (all-boring) lunch? All the adults sat a long table in the backyard, eating and drinking and talking about stupid adult things, and you got restless and decided to wander off and explore a patch of woods that bordered the side of the house? You couldn't have been more than 20 feet into the trees--you could still hear the laughter of your parents somewhere behind you--and yet you also felt disoriented and lost. The lake was to your right? Or was it to your left? You decided to head back, because your mom had made a cake and even adults couldn't resist having cake forever (although sometimes it seemed like they tried!) and that was when you fell down that hole. It seemed like you were falling for hours, although when you eventually did get back to the cottage no one seemed to even have noticed you'd left. At the bottom, you met a wizard, and he granted you one wish, and you wished to one day watch a video segment of Sherri Shepherd getting her first ever bikini wax. "Who is Sherri Shepherd?" the wizard asked. "I don't know yet," you said. The wizard made you drink a chalky-tasting potion and then returned you to the surface. You ran back to the adults who gave you funny looks as you told them what had happened, and then your mom brushed the hair out of your face and gave you some ice cream. You haven't thought about that in years.
Well, the wait has been long, but wizards are sorcerers of their word.
Lindsay Lohan was on Ellenyesterday today, and it was uncomfortable because Lindsay opened up about her breakup ("she just stopped talking to me") in a way that was, I guess, more "too soon" than "TMI," but it's like my Grandma always told me: "After a breakup, try to stay off network TV for at least three weeks":
:( :( :(. In Lindsay's defense, Ellen didn't talk to her like she was a two year old child, she talked to her like she was a two month old puppy.
Ah, The Doctors. Does anyone watch it? I think the reason The Doctors gets so little in the way of viral video (or The Soup) love is because EVERY MINUTE of EVERY SHOW is worthy of being a crazy WTF clip. I swear, every time I turn it on, they're scaring parents (and teaching teenagers) about fake teen trends like "vodka tampons," or building a mannequin that vomits in order to show how vomit happens. (That was in the promo for Tuesday's show!) But here's one I missed when it originally aired, that aired again on Monday: for a story on salvia, that drug everyone's always flipping out about on the news but nobody ever bothers to make illegal, The Doctors actually got a "researcher" to smoke salvia in their studio and talk about how it made him feel. It's crazy -- not in a "teenager on salvia YouTube video way", but a "straight-laced businessman accidentally drinks 'shroom tea" way:
The real question about this clip from yesterday's Ellen in which Ellen makes Halle Berry dance to Hurricane Chris's YouTube sensation dance "She's So Fine" is how did Ellen even know about Hurricane Chris's YouTube sensation dance "She's So Fine" in the first place? Between this and the exclusive Where the Wild Things Are trailer premiere, Ellen is on the cutting edge now, and that should raise a lot of questions for all of us.
Well, on the cutting edge of some things. She may know all about Hurricane Chris's YouTube sensation "She's So Fine," and get the Where the Wild Things Are trailer all to herself, but she still dances like a mom. What is that move she keeps doing called, anyway? Scoop-Out-My-Eye-Patch? Roger-Rabbit's-Thumb-Up-In-My-Eye? Perfect. The only thing better than that dance are these great names I've just come up with for it.
Also, NICE TRY, Halle Berry. You're on a daytime talk show to promote your fragrance, so don't act like you've been too busy to learn everything there is to know about a YouTube dance sensation named after you. You can be this blase about the whole thing when people's first reaction to seeing you isn't "Who's Halle Berry?" (Thanks for the tip, Jerry.)
World traveler Tyra Banks tortures a British dude audience member named Oliver with her terrible and unceasing attempt at a British accent. I remember doing that to my friends! In seventh grade. And they stopped being my friends for a while. No Tyra, you can not have s'more:
I DO appreciate the way he doesn't indulge her at all, though. International boycott! (Via The Soup.)
This morning I switched on (yes, "switched on." I'm 80 and I like to "look at television" in the morning) The View just in time to hear the announcer-guy introduce today's guest, Ann Coulter, with these exact words:
"Ann Coulter will tell you why she thinks single moms are raising strippers and rapists...and why the media wants to 'have sex' with Obama."
So, I kind of had to tune in, and I wasn't disappointed. The ladies of The View aren't a smart bunch, but even a stopped clock is right twice a day. This clip is 8 minutes, but time flies when you're watching Ann Coulter suffer.
Carrie Prejean turned the video camera off, put on some clothes, and stepped out of her house. It was a beautiful day outside. The air smelled like apples, and the late morning light hit the world in just such a...
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If you are a sassy and sarcastic young man in an American sitcom who represents the sitcom writer's desire that a nerdy Jewish teenager can somehow be the desirable romantic hero in this world, then eventually you will get a...
I shouldn't even be here right now. I SHOULD BE GETTING INTO MY COSTUME! If I don't hurry, my facepaint won't be dry before I get to the MOONVIE theater, and everyone will be like "hahah, you look like you're...
Blogging about TV and movies isn't all fun and videogames. Every week, Lindsay or Gabe will be presented with a physical or mental challenge that tests their bravery,patience, and taste.
The Challenge: I had to go on a 3.5 hour bus tour of totally random TV and film locations in New York City. Alone, and wearing a specific ridiculous tshirt. And I had to find someone to take my picture...
Uh. OK. Well, first let's address what this movie did well, like the disappointed parents we are (or at least that I am), recognizing that the negative feedback won't be useful or constructive if it isn't preceded by something positive....
