Goosebumps! I've got goosebumps all over! And I'm vomiting!
Now, we learned months ago that there is no such thing as a free laugh on the Internet. So almost as quickly as we discovered the creepy old man signing "Pretty Woman" on YouTube, we discovered that the creepy old man was on the registered sex offenders list. Yikes. Well, it seemed too good to be true. A creep on the Internet who is somehow not actually a creep? C'mon son!
But now the creepy old man has been placed in jail, in part due to his "Pretty Woman" video.
Really, David Spade? Cashing in on the life and work of your friend for a cheesy Direct TV commercial? I hope that they gave you a million dollars tissues to dry the tears over your lost integrity. I mean, everyone has to put food on their family, and for the most part I do not believe there is such a thing as selling out, but what if that food is HAUNTED?!
This really is kind of despicable! What a day today has been. It's too much. There is only one thing that can take this edge off:
Incredible. "If you knocked your brother down, would you urinate in his mouth?" Oh to spend one hour in the living hellscape that is the human mind that thought of that as an essay question for children. That teacher knows how to engage young minds! And while what that grandmother said is true, some people do think they can do whatever they want, I don't think that's what the issue is here, unless by "do whatever they want" she means "not take the brain medication they need" as in "people think they can not take the brain medication they need." Because of how that teacher clearly did not take any of her brain medication whatsoever. (Thanks for the tip, Becca.)
AHHHH! Stop doing that! I hate it! Your face is ugly when you do that to it! If you have to do that with your face, do it on your farm. (Via EverythingIsTerrible.)
UPDATE: EverythingIsTerrible's YouTube account has been suspended. Yikes! Boo!
There are plenty of iconic movie images that capture the essence of human terror. Hitchcock alone is responsible for many of them. Janet Leigh screaming in the shower in Psycho. Carey Grant running along a deserted country highway from a homicidal airplane in North by Northwest. Tippi Hedren against a sky full of birds. There are others, of course, from other films and other filmmakers. The approaching shark fin of Jaws. Hannibal Lecter and his creepy mask in Silence of the Lambs. Heather Donahue's tearful last video message in the Blair Witch Project. Robert DeNiro holding a lit emergency flare in Cape Fear. These memorable images can instantly trigger the full, creepy rush of nerve-wracking emotions felt the first time you saw those movies.
But all of these examples, and any others that you could possibly think of, will look quaint and comical compared to the sheer horror of this scene from the recent thriller Obsessed, starring Beyonce Knowles and Idris Elba. You are going to shit your pants!
A robot that zoomed along through the hallways of a modern shopping mall used to just be the stuff of FANTASY and LEGEND. "It will never happen," the politicians and naysayers used to say (and naysay?). Well guess what, politicians and naysayers. It did ever happen. The future is here. Well, not here exactly, but the future is in Japan.
Did you know that in Japan they have heated toilets? HEATED TOILETS! But that is beside the point. The point is that what if lightning strikes the shopping mall one night? And a surge of electricity shuts down the central computer? You know, the central computer that CONTROLS ALL THE ROBOTS? What then?
Yesterday, Empire posted a new trailer for a horror movie called Triangle. You can watch it here. It looks pretty scary! The plot seems to be that a bunch of yuppies sail their sailboat into Scott Wolf's White Squall and when they come out on the other side they are in the Bermuda Triangle, and that's where they discover the Ghost Ship. Careful, that Ghost Ship is full of ghosts! Then it's all stab you in the face this, shoot you in the face that, and if you see a black cat twice it's a glitch in The Matrix. People be going out of their minds up in this Ghost Ship!
I don't know. Go watch the trailer, you'll figure it out.
But one thing that is also in that trailer is a murderer wearing a floppy sack mask. Oh man, FLOPPY SACK MASKS ARE THE SCARIEST MASKS.
After the jump, a brief history of the floppy sack mask*:
Lindsay here. As you might have seen in the comments Monday, I'm leaving Videogum, and today is my last day of school. But this isn't my last post, this is just the post where I explain that I'll be completely not following any sort of normal news cycle today (EVEN THOUGH MICHAEL JACKSON TOTALLY DIED, WHAT THE HELL?), and will instead be posting whatever the heck I want! Including some favorite videos from the past year and even at least one new thing that's really super gross! So if you're like "WTF?", that's why. Gabe will be normal, though, so don't be scared!
Also, your Gen X celebrities will continue to die until I get a new job. You heard me! Let's see who might be next.
The Terminator trudged along the wooded path towards the lake, his gun dangling by his side, the taunts still ringing in his hypersensitive bionic ears. He stared at the ground as he walked, and didn't even bother scanning anything with...
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Blogging about TV and movies isn't all fun and videogames. Every week, Lindsay or Gabe will be presented with a physical or mental challenge that tests their bravery,patience, and taste.
The Challenge: I had to go on a 3.5 hour bus tour of totally random TV and film locations in New York City. Alone, and wearing a specific ridiculous tshirt. And I had to find someone to take my picture...
I went to see Where the Wild Things Are on Saturday, but it was sold out. Ay-ay-ay. That was a surprise! I mean, anticipation for this movie seemed pretty high, but anticipation for lots of movies seems high, especially when...
