There are only two truly great pre-1900 period films: Gone With The Wind and Dangerous Liasons. The rest are either cute (Emma, The Prides And Prejudices) annoying (Marie Antoinette) or walk-out-of-the-theater dull (like, everything else). In the trailer for Keira Knightly's upcoming The Duchess, Knightly plays an innocent young girl with pretty dresses who marries into royalty and gets caught up in its politics, and must be headstrong and ahead of her time and rebellious to get the love she deserves or whatever. I avoid period films like the plague (get it, the plague?) and I've still seen this movie at least fifteen times:
This is just going to be weird for the sake of weird, but if you're familiar with Sally Field's heart-destroying "funeral speech" from the excellent and classic film Steel Magnolias, this YouTube video I just accidentally stumbled across while doing a search for the terms "Steel Magnolias Sally Field Monologue" will maybe amuse you:
I mean, it's terrible, but it's funny 'cause it's a guy. (Only the second half of the original scene is on YouTube, which is just wrong because it's seriously the best acting ever. Sally Field is the best.)
Everyone is all sarcastic about Sarah Jessica Parker's rumored new role as a single Manhattanite in The Ivy Chronicles being a "radical departure" from Carrie on Sex And The City, but what were we expecting? It's not like the woman has a lot of range. Sure, she can dance, but other than that she basically plays herself. What else is she going to--OH MY GOD, NEVERMIND, THE DANCE OFF FROM GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN IS ON YOUTUBE:
It would be easy to joke that the upcoming remake of The Women, the classic film and go-to example actresses use when complaining about the dearth of roles for women over 35 in Hollywood, was created as part of a New Deal-esque government program to provide jobs for underworked "older" female actors and Eva Mendes. Except that from this new trailer for the screwball empowerment farce, it appears to be actually true. Everyone gets a participation trophy: Meg, Jada, Annette, Debra, Candice, Cloris...even Bette. What, was Goldie busy or does she have an uncredited cameo? Could this possibly look worse?
I'm beginning to think maybe nothing actually happens in the Sex And The City movie and that all my spoiler-begging is for naught. For instance, despite the opinions of two bloggers I adore and whose hair I want to braid, this is not a spoiler and this is not a spoiler. There is still that one major plot point that no news outlet will "ruin" that I'm starting to believe might not exist. Just look at the Google results for "I saw the Sex And The City movie." Lame! Could it really be that, like the show, little unimportant things (or things we already know about from the trailer and promotion) just happen one by one like cresting waves that Carrie can't help but wonder about? And do I really have to sit through 2.5 hours of something long and hard and full of nothing happening? And can men and women really be friends? When someone is ready to really spoil the movie for real, if that's even possible, email me. Until then I remain as disappointed as someone who got broken up with via post it note and only knows three SATC references.
Do you trust a glowing review of the Sex And The City movie from someone who says this:
And then there's the other character: the clothes. Not since Robert Altman's "Dr. T. and the Women" have I seen such outrageous get-ups on screen.
No good sentence starts with "Not since Dr. T And The Women." It's nice to see someone remembers that movie, though, because I was about to suggest it to Gabe for Worst Movie Of All Time. Anyway, there are technically spoilers in the review, but it's hardly spoilerrific or even spoilocre. Roger says he can't reveal a "pivotal plot point," but I've read between the lines. Spoilers and my EXPANDED master prediction after the jump. (Note: unlike yesterday's "leaked" clips tease, there are actual spoilers here. Especially if my prediction is right!)
They really shouldn't release soundtrack listings for hotly anticipated movies. It just gives everything away. Here are the plot details clearly indicated by the Sex And The City: The Movie official soundtrack listing released today:
1. Labels or Love - Fergie - Sucky montage. 2. All Dressed in Love - Jennifer Hudson - Sucky Montage. 3. The Look of Love (Madison Park vs. Lenny B remix) - Nina Simone - Sucky Montage. 4. New York Girls - Morningwood - Sucky montage on a street. 5. All This Beauty - The Weepies - Sucky montage. 6. I Like The Way - Kaskade - Big dies. 7. It's Amazing - Jem - Sucky montage. 8. How Deep Is Your Love - The Bird & The Bee - Sucky montage. 9. The Heart Of The Matter - India.Arie - Shoegasm. 10. Auld Lang Syne - Mairi Campbell & Dave Francis - Sucky montage on New Year's Eve where Carrie meets Big's replacement.* 11. Kissing - Bliss - Sucky montage. 12. How Can You Mend A Broken Heart - Al Green (featuring Joss Stone) - Shoegasm. 13. Walk This Way- Run-D.M.C. (featuring Steve Tyler and Joe Perry) - Steve is gay. 14. Sex and the City Movie Theme - The Pfeifer Broz. Orchestra - Sucky montage about the importance of shallow friendships.
You know how some actresses "act with their lips" (Scarlett Johansson, Keira Knightly.) Watching this new trailer for Helen Hunt's directorial debut Then She Found Me, about a woman who faces a Lifetime movie marathon's worth of relationship issues all at once, I couldn't help but notice Helen's dedication to the Bewildered Look of Concerned Dismay. Seriously, it's her Blue Steel:
Founder/Editor-In-Chief
Scott Lapatine Senior Editors
Gabe Delahaye
Lindsay Robertson Executive Editor
Amrit Singh Technology & Operations
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After watching Death Sentence, a terrible movie starring Kevin Bacon as a father in search of vigilante justice directed by Saw's James Wan, Gabe embarked on The Hunt For The Worst Movie of All Time. This is his sad journey.
While commenters AE and Sephtical were correct in suggesting that Johnny Mnemonic is a terrible film that should be shown to students at Garbage School as an example of How To Succeed, I can't in good conscience consider this to...
Blogging about TV and movies isn't all fun and videogames. Every week, Lindsay or Gabe will be presented with a physical or mental challenge that tests their bravery, patience, and taste.
The Challenge: Despite being averse to cameras, teamwork, exotic foods, travel, haircuts, and physical exertion, I have to submit an audition tape to Survivor. The Result: As with the Saw marathon challenge, once again I find myself rocking back and...
Even though Lindsay and Gabe are friends, they very rarely agree on anything. Every day, they have a fight about something. On Fridays, we publish one.
Gabe: who would win in a fight, batman or iron man? Lindsay: I'm not really sure what Batman would do to iron man. Clink his sword up against him? Lindsay: Have a staring contest? Gabe: i think that it would...
Batman rubbed lotion on the Joker's tense shoulders. The Joker closed his eyes in either ecstasy or insanity, it was hard to tell. Lavender scented candles fluttered in the night breeze that blew through the French windows, kissing the napes...
