NSFW: Name That Catch/Cumphrase
Sorry guys. It's barely even lunchtime (as if there would ever be a good time for this). This is awful and inappropriate. It is also hilarious. Usually, of course, Videogum does not cover "blind items" because we can barely deal (on an existential level) with regular celebrity gossip, much less secret coded celebrity gossip that involves guessing. Isn't the whole point of celebrity gossip to distract people from the dull misery of their own lives? And now I am supposed to intellectually engage with this garbage? No thank you! But this blind item is pretty incredible. From Popbitch (via Gawker):
Which huge 90s comedy star wasn't just a star of the TV screen - he also had a special treat for his partner? On special occasions he'd agree to proclaim his famous catch-phrase, as he came on his partner's face.
Hahah. Gross. But also amazing.
"What's the deal with the cum on your face?"
--Jerry Seinfeld
This is basically Best New Party Game After Hours.
Posted by Gabe at 12:00 PM in Celebrity Gossip!, NSFW, Where Were They Then?
Tags: It's The '90s | Sex | Sitcoms
"Did I do that?" - Urkel
"D'oh!" Dan C.
"Could there BE any more cum on your face?" - Matthew Perry
But seriously it actually probably is "Have Mercy!" - John Stamos.
Score = 182
I really hope it's Urkel.
Score = 8
Oh my god you win awesome shut it down.
Score = 15
Uncle Jessie. Game over.
Score = 6
There is no doubt in my mind that it is definitely, positively Urkel.
Score = 7
Ha ha, it's either Perry or Matt LeBlanc...."How YOU doin?"
Score = 14
Not that this necessarily debunks the story, but there was a version of this (sort of) in both Party Down and Extras.
Score = 5
I think Earl Hindman (Wilson) is dead, so it might have to be pretty extreme
Score = 0
"Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!" -Tim Allen
Score = 41
Or maybe Wilson "Howdy neighbor!"
Score = 15
"Nooooooooooooooooooorm! You came on my face."
Score = 9
Weasin' the juice all over your face, buuuuuddy!
Score = 18
"woah!": Joey Lawrence
or
"how YOU doing" Joey on Friends
Score = 8
"I'm down here in the well! Cum n get me!" - Baby Jessica
Score = -7
Not the mama.
(Because of what a HUGE comedy star we all know the guy who did the voice for the baby in Dinosaurs was.)
Score = 58
What guy?
Score = -1
"Connect the dots, lalalalala." - Pee Wee Herman
Score = 47
The way this item is written it seems as if the famous gentleman in question would have to be coerced into shouting his catchphrase. Which makes me sort of sad for him.
But anyway, yeah, it's totally Urkel.
Score = 4
Seacrest Out! (prob on a dude thou)
Score = 16
if only this was from the right decade it would work on so many different levels
Score = 0
"Don't call me Squirt!" - Michelle Tanner
Score = 30
"Whoa" -- Joey Lawrence (Clearly the "hugest" 90s sitcom star)
"Damn Gina"-- Martin Lawrence
"Zac Attack"-- Zac Morris
"It's Tool Time" -- Tim "the toolman" Taylor
Score = 16
Ok so not a comedy star but "Bam!" - Emeril
Score = 7
If it's not "Hello, Newman" then I'm gonna be super pissed.
Score = 11
"Bam!" - Emeril
Score = -9
"Serenity Now" - Jerry Stiller
"Serenity Now" - Jason Alexander
well that line is ruined forever.
Score = 7
Make it so!
Score = 9
"Woah!" - Joey Lawrence, Blossom
Score = -3
Phil Hartman - Hi I'm troy McClure, you may remember me from such things as the cum on your face.
Score = 82
"Thank you for being A FRIEnd!!!!!" -Bea Arthur(R.I.P)
(What am I...at a Comedy Central Roast?)
Score = -16
"whoa!" - Joey Lawrence
"not the mama" - that baby from Dinosaurs
"crikey" - steve irwin
"how wude" - mary kate and ashley
Score = -24
"I'm Bill O. Reilly."
Score = 29
SHIIIIIIIIIIT - Clay Davis
Score = 23
I know he's prob more 2000's than 90's but I think it would be great:
"I'm Rick James, Bitch!" -Dave Chapelle
Score = -51
Tim Allen's grunts from Home Improvement.
Score = -5
"HAMMERTIME"
Score = -5
"Eat (the cum out of) my shorts, man!" - Nancy Cartwright? Fuck that's awful.
Score = -23
Now You're a Redneck!
Score = -1
"Tough-guy 'Home Improvement' grunt" - Tim Allen
Score = -15
woah.
-joey, blossom
Score = -18
"Talk to the cum on your face" - Martin Lawrence
Score = -7
"Not the mama" - that baby puppet from Dinosaurs
Score = -32
"Oh my God they came on Kenny!"
"You bastards!"
Score = -1
..with apologies to my doomed soul: "Pow! Right in the kisser.."
Score = 5
"Did somebody say... WOOD?" Dave Coulier
Score = 30
"Grunt grunt grunt" - Tim Allen
Score = -5
Obviously it's "Hey, Preppie."
Score = 4
Obviously it's "Hey, Preppie."
Score = -15
"*grunting*" - Tim Allen
Score = -13
"Hey, Preppie."
Score = -14
I know it doesnt really fit, but isn't "Behold the power of cheese!" an amazing option here?
Score = 5
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUTXZAaSkLI
Score = 1
Please please please let it be "did I do that?"
My vote is for "how YOU doin'?"
Score = -1
I really hope it's Kelsey Grammer singing the Frasier theme song. It gives a whole new spin on the phrase "tossed salad and scrambled eggs."
Score = 51
"Eat my shorts." -- Scientologist voice actor Nancy Cartwright, using her Bart Simpson voice
Score = -11
"Whoa" - Joey Lawrence
Score = -11
"Woah" --Joey Lawrence
Score = -10
"Don't be ridiculous!" --Bronson Pinchot
"Hey now!" --Hank Kingsley
"Schwing!" --Mike Myers
"Here it is, your moment of zen." --Craig Kilborn
Score = 12
the tim allen ohw ah ow grunt, followed by MORE POWER
Score = -6
"It's Tool Time, bitch," Tim Allen.
"You just came in Caroline in the City, bitch," Lea Thompson
"I'm Mad About (Cumming on) You," Paul Reiser
"This is Dr. Frasier Crane wishing you good mental health and a load of my spunk," Kelsey Grammer
"How'd you like Becker's pecker?" Ted Danson
Score = -46
How about, Jimmy Fallon inappropriately laughing while he's cumming on your face.
Score = 75
I know it's supposed to be a phrase but...Tim Allen's "Tool Man's" Grunt.
Score = -20
I think this is quite obviously Tim Allen, and the Tim Allen pig sound.
Score = -19
"BAM!" - Emeril Lagasse
"Cum on down" - Johnny Olson
"Holy moneyshot, Batman" - Robin
"I can't believe you ate the whole thing" - Alka Seltzer ad
"It takes a licking" - Timex ad
"Oh, my nose!" - Marcia Brady
"Smile, you're on candid camera" - Candid Camera show
"Tastes great, less filling" - Miller Lite ad
"Up your nose with a rubber hose" - Vinnie Barbarino
"You look mahvelous!" - Billy Crystal as Fernando
"You've got spunk..." - Lour Grant (the Mary Tyler Moore Show)
Score = -20
WHOOOOOA!
-Joey Lawrence
(my brain is ruined picturing this)
Score = -18
"Dude." - Hurley
"And now we do the dance of joy." - Balki Bartokomous
Score = 6
How you doin'?!
Score = -9
Court adjourned!
-Harry Anderson
Score = 1
Maybe it's Tim Allen and it's that stupid grunting sound he makes.
Score = -19
I think Jim Carrey has five penises and would peel off the condom(s) right before coming and yell "Like a glove!"
Score = 16
Helloooooo, Newman!
Score = -8
"This is how I came on your mothers face."
-Josh Radnor/Bob Saget
Score = 1
"WOAH!" Is that you spell that, Joey Lawrence?
Score = -9
disregarding the 90s tv comedy rules a bit
"show me the money shot" -Jerry macguire
"pow! Right in the kisser" - the honeymooners
"cum up your nose from a rubber hose"(what?) - welcome back kotter
Score = -11
Come on now. You can already see Joey Lawrence WOAH-ing that shit up, still to this day.
Score = -11
"Grunt, grunt, grunt." - Tim Allen?
Score = -17
Fee-eee-eee-eeeee-eee-ney!
No, but i seriously hope with all my heart that it isn't "Show me the money."
Score = 8
It is definitely John Stamos, but not "Have mercy"... he used "DON'T touch the hair"
Score = 9
That's the spooge, and I'm outta here!
Score = 5
missed it by that much
Score = 7
I could cum up with (500) of these.
This is not a celebrity story. It's a story about a celebrity.
Score = 18
"Serenity now!"
get it, its funny cause hes old...
Score = -2
I thought about Tim "the Toolman" Taylor grunting and I threw up in my mouth.
Score = -8
or is it "I was in the POOL!!!"
cause its ironic?
Score = 3
"Whoa" - Joey Lawrence
Score = -12
In our defense, the site was working improperly. I'm certain that most of us were looking at a blank slate when we posted these duplicates.
Score = 8
"It's JUST that easy!" -- Gallagher
"Uh oh, spaghetti-O's" -- TV cop show Homer Simpson
Score = 0
"*grunting*." - Tim Allen
Score = -11
"well, isn't that special?"-church lady.
"whoa!"-joey lawrence.
probably not. but worth noting.
Score = 2
My favorite guesses in the Gawker comments are "NOT THE MAMA!" and "SERENITY NOW!" But since, as yet another commenter points out, this is a suspiciously gender-neutral blind item, the answer is probably something more along the lines of—ugh, sorry—"JUST JACK!"
Score = 14
"Whoa!" - Joey Lawrence from Blossom
Score = -14
Gotta be Joey Lawrence, from Blossom.
"Whoa!"
Score = -12
"Shwing!" - Mike Myers (while wearing the Wayne wig and hat)
"My sticky load on your face, plus Andy Rooney, tonight on 60 Minutes." - Mike Wallace
But I really think its this: "How you doin?" - Matt LeBlanc
Score = 9
I tried but i couldn't remember any catchphrases.
Does Kramer burst into the room shouting 'eeeeyaaagh' and then cums on someone's face?
Score = 12
"Eat My Shorts"
Score = -3
Hey baby I hear the blues a-callin' "tossed salad and scrambled eggs"
Score = -1
LOL at the Seinfeld suggestion.
Score = -5
"Show me the money!" Cuba Gooding Jr.
Score = 0
Ehh-uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - Tim Allen
He was probably high on coke anyway.
Score = -2
I'm thinking Joey Lawrence going "Whoaaa!" or Tim Allen doing that grunting thing.
Score = -8
"Whoa!" - Joey Lawrence
"How YOU doing?" - Matt Leblanc
Score = -7
What time is it? Tool Time.
Score = 0
WHOA! - Joey Lawrence
Score = -7
also from Seinfeld:
This cum is making me thirsty.
Score = 13
"Sit on it!" - The Fonz
Score = -4
"Whoa!" -- Joey Lawrence
"Whatever the fuck grunting sound" --Tim Allen
"How you doin'?" -- Matthew Perry
Score = -12
Obviously, it's the animatronic Baby Sinclair from Dinosaurs: "Not the mama."
See, 'cause she can't get pregnant. 'Cause of the face thing.
Response line from Jessie Spano: "I'm so excited!"
Score = -6
ARH ARH ARH ARH AHR-
tim allen
Score = -7
"Whoa!" - Joey Lawrence
"Here it is, your moment of Zen." - Craig Kilborn/Jon Stewart
Score = -9
There can be only one... load on your face, - Duncan Macleod
Score = 2
"Bam!" Emeril Legasse's cooking show is/was comedy, right?
Score = -7
I blame 500 days of summer for the videogum malfunctions.
Score = 36
"Hello, Newman."
Score = -4
"Cum on down!" -Johnny Olson-The Price is Right
Score = -3
"How easy was that?" - Ina Garten, The Barefoot Contessa
Score = 1
"Whoa!" Joey Lawrence.
Score = -9
'whoaaaa BUNDY!' - ed o'neill
Score = 0
Joey Lawrence - WHOA!
Score = -10
Other Seinfeld possibilities:
"Not there's anything wrong with it"
"Neuman"
"Giddy'up!"
Score = -6
My first thought was Tim Allen and that terrible grunting laugh thing.
UGH. That has to be the worst mental image ever. So sorry.
Score = -5
"Whoaaa"
-- Joey Lawrence
Score = -7
It's definitely Tim Allen doing that stupid grunt thing. God I hate that guy.
Score = -8
[Caveman grunt] - Tim Allen.
"It's morphin' time!" - Some asshole from the Power Rangers.
Score = -5
"Ooooh." Andrew Dice Clay
Score = -3
"Cum it out" - Dave Coulier
Ugh, I'm downvoting myself.
Score = 1
"Whoa!" - Joey Lawrence
Score = -10
"Serenity Now!" - Frank Costanza
Score = -4
"Schwing!" Mike Meyers
"D'oh!" - Homer Simpson
Score = -5
"Forget it, Jake, it's Cumtown." - Gabe
Score = 21
"Your face...the final frontier...for my cum" - William Shatner
Score = -9
"Not the mama!"
Score = -8
"WE WERE ON A BREAK" - David Schwimmer
"SERENITY NOW" - Jason Alexander/Jerry Stiller
"ZOINKS" - Screech (Dustin Diamond)
"BAM, RIGHT IN THE KISSER" - Ralph Kramden from The Honeymooners
Score = -4
WHOA! (Joey Lawrence)
Score = -6
"Pretty, Pretty, Pretty good amount of cum on your face" - Larry David
Score = 7
Do we have the 500 Days of Summer wallpaper to thank for how Videogum is kind of fucked up today?
Score = 22
if not for the fact that i get to look at zooey deschanel 500 times at once, it would make me really made that a giant ad is eating my favorite website alive
Score = 12
If so, we also have it to thank for the comments getting frozen resulting in repeat submissions . . . grupthink! We should tally them up and see who won the cumphrase (ew) vote count. . . . its gotta be Tim Allen or Joey Lawrence.
Score = 4
How YOU doin?
Score = -4
"Who loves orange soda?" - Keenan Thompson (Keenan & Kel)
Score = 26
"Come on!" -- Will Arnett (Arrested Development). (I know that can't be it, since he was neither huge nor in the 90s, but who cares.)
Score = 12
"(grunting like an obnoxious monkey)" - Tim "The Tool Man" Allen
Score = -7
one time mid-cum I said "you shall not pass!" and it was not a disappointment at all
Score = 14
"Homey don't play dat" -duh, homey the clown
"We don't die, we multiply- Bebe's kids (who of course would impregnate you immediately)
"Who's the Boss" - heeeey, Tony! (clearly this has got to be the closest to actually being true)
Score = 1
I don't know if anyone else has suggested this, but would "Whoa," by Joey Lawrence of Blossom fame, still be available?
Score = 40
"Wha' Happened?" - Mike Lafontaine
Score = 13
We need to change the name of this thread to "500 Days of Whoa"
Score = 33
"Whatchu talkin' bout cumface?"
Score = 8
"Yo, Mallory!" - Dude who played Nick on Family Ties
Score = 3
*ladder clunk*
"hey Sam"
*surf guitar whammy sound*
Score = 13
"Won't you be my neighbor?" Mr. Rogers
Score = 6
This entire post is an exercise in the importance of reading other comments before you post your own. Come on people, "woah" is TAKEN!!
Score = -7
To be fair, Clare, we were having some technical difficulties with the Lanwmower Man today, so for a few hours people weren't able to see the comments before posting their own. They all thought at the time that they were the firsts. Hive minds think alike.
Score = 12
Well in that case, it's kind of a beautiful phenomenon. Proof that we all BELONG here.
Score = 19
after reading the 8th or so take on "whoa! - joey lawrence," i started fantasizing that they were all just the different versions he tried out in his friends' high school yearbooks. you know, mixin' it up. because you know that's about as much as he'd be willing to write.
"WHOA!" HAGS! -- Joey
Score = 8
This is a pretty old story on the comedy circuit. I always heard it was Tony Danza shouting, "who's the boss!"
Score = 15
I've heard that too. . . and it was related to something equally disturbing called the "Danza Slap" which I won't get into.
Score = 8
Wehhhhl, isn't that special?
Score = 1
"Excuse me, Princess"-From that Zelda show from the 90's, don't know if anyone remembers that...
and
"It's time for final jeopardy!" Alex Trebek
Score = 13
"Excuse me Princess" is the most horrible but appropriate thing for Link to say in this situation.
Score = 12
Or Trebek - "Oh, SORRY!" (splat)
Score = 5
"I need you to swallow my load IN THE FORM OF A QUESTION"--Alex Trebek
Score = 4
I really wish this was the answer. Also that line makes for a great drinking game.
Score = 0
I know the comments went on strike for a while, but it's reeeeeally creepy to see the extent to which Videogum members think alike.
Score = 15
As the tenth person to post, "Woah," I am deeply ashamed.
Score = 3
"How rude!" Michelle Tanner
Score = 3
Hmmm.
The Teletubbies: "Again, Again."
Score = 5
"Here, kittiekittiekittie..."
-Alf
Score = 7
I've got nothing to add to this discussion. But it made my day.
Score = 1
"It's gonna be legen...wait for it...[comes on your face]...DARY"
Score = -2
"You turn the page, you wash your hands."
--Filbert, "Rocko's Modern Life"
Yes. It was an animated turtle. Cumming on your face.
Score = 12
"Come."
Jean-Luc Picard.
Score = 15
"This is the big one, Elizabeth! I'm coming!" - Red Foxx
"Pow! Right in the kisser!" - Ralph Kramden
Score = 2
"Ooops, I came before you could unzip my pants." -An American Patriot
(is that how this works?)
Score = -13
if da cake eatur were here, he would tell you to stop.
Score = 10
"Hey Brother!"
-Tony Hale
Score = 4
http://eeehhhhh.ytmnd.com/
Score = 0
"Cumming On Your Face Day is a very dangerous day." -- Rocko from Rocko's Modern Life
Score = 0
i feel your pain
Score = -1
"Do the Mario!"
- Mario
... and I made that boy eat a lot of pineapple, let me tell you.
Score = 3
"yo willy" - alf
Score = 0
"my banana is an atheist's nightmare" - kirk cameron
Score = 9
I KNOW they're not sitCUMs, but after the millionth "whoa" ot "uurgh?" post, I thought I'd mix it up a little with some cartoonz.
"Hey Arnold!"
"Aah! Real Monsters!"
And my favorite: "Gotta catch 'em all!"
Score = -3
"What a fun, sexy time for you." - George Michael Cera
Score = 6
"Time Out!" - Zack Morris
Score = 6
Jerry Seinfeld- But I don't Want To Be A Pirate!
Score = 0
Make it work. (Tim Gunn, Project Runway)
Beam me up, Scotty (Captain James T. Kirk)
Ayyyyy (The Fonz)
'Holy ______, Batman (Robin)
Thumbs Up! (Roger Ebert)
Score = -2
Ha...I kill me- Alf
Score = 2
I hope someone hasn't already said this one:
"Awww nuts!"- Michelle Tanner
Score = -1
NO SOUP FOR YOU
Score = 2
"Give it up for the people over there. Those are the people i just jizzed on. Woof, woof, woof!" - Arsenio Hall
Score = 3
Carlton Banks as Macaulay Culkin for Halloween.
"Keep the change, you filthy animal."
Score = 6
"you're gonna love my nut"
Score = 0
"What's next?" - Martin Sheen.
Score = -1
"Who are you wearing?" - Joan Rivers
Score = 0
"It STINKS" - Jon Lovitz
Score = 9
"Yeah, that's right." - Patrick Warburton
Score = -1
Okay, I was kidding with those other ones. The best one is:
"I wanna dip my balls in it." - Ken Marino.
Score = 2
Carlton Banks dancing and singing along to to Tom Jones' "It's Not Unusual (To Feel Disgusted At My Cum On Your Face)".
Score = 1
Obviously I have no way to verify this, but I met a girl one time who claimed to have given David Cross a blowjob and apparently when he came he yelled "Whoa! You just got a taste of the David!" I think the world is a better place if we just go ahead and assume that's a true story.
Score = 4
I initially read this as David Caruso, which was even funnier.
Score = 1
ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?
Score = 2
Co-cohoho But-terherherherherher...
Score = -1
"IM THE KING OF QUEENS!" - Kevin James
Score = -1
"I've made a HUGE mistake."- George Oscar Bluth (GOB)
(Not 90's, and contingent upon Larry David's "orgasm theory" from his Conan interveiw)
Score = 0
"You like-a da JUICE, huh?"--Rob Schneider
Score = 3
"Skiiiiiiinnner! " - Superintendent Chalmers
Score = 3
"I don't understand what a catchphrase is or what shows aired in the 90's!" -- average videogum commenter
Score = 1
"Hey there, ho there, hi there" -Bob Kelso (That 70s Show)
"Fresh out da box. It's allllllll that!" -All That opener
Score = -1
"I'm going to ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, or think the other team hasn't got a clue, you can dare them to answer it for double the cum on your face. But be careful, because they can always double dare you back for four times the amount of cum on your face, and then you'll either have to answer the question or take the physical challenge of cumming on your face." -Marc Summers
Score = 0
I pity the fool! - MR T
Do the Bartman! - Bart
nononononononono YES!!! - Jim Trott from the Vicar of Dibley
I have a cunning plan! - Baldric from Blackadder.
Smeeeeg Heeead!!! - Kryten
Theres nothing to see here... - officer barbrady
I see nothing....NOTHING! - Schultz
I choo choo chooose you - Ralph Wiggum
Lets Beee Friends - Ralph again
Woopwoopwoopwoopwoop - Zoidberg
Barweenahgrarnahweeminibalm - Tranformers Universal Greeting
Snoogins - Jay
Me grimlok KING! - grimlock
You dicked with the wrong Dictator - Saddam from hotshots 2
I bent my wookie - Ralph Wiggum
I glued my head to my shoulder - Ralph again (really anything from him is good)
i could go on....
Score = 0