Who Should Star In The Movie Based On Lauren Conrad's "Book"
So Lauren Conrad, who starred in a reality TV show, "wrote" a "book"* about a girl who stars in a reality TV show, and now she wants to turn that book into a movie about a girl who stars in a reality TV show. Does anyone have any scratch paper? I can figure this out. CARRY THE SIZE ZEROS! (Sorry.) From MTV Movies Blog:
"We're hoping for a movie deal," Conrad said. "I'm working on [adapting the book for the movies] right now, but I don't want to commit to anything until I see all my options. We have had a lot of exciting news in that respect, though."
Huh? If you're looking to get a movie deal, but you haven't gotten a movie deal yet, then what exactly counts as "exciting news in that respect"? Whoops! I made the classic mistake of trying to understand things that Lauren Conrad says by following the rules of rational, intelligent, adult human beings from Earth. My bad.
So, what is Lauren's goal?
"Lauren's goal is to get into producing -- it always was," a source told [People] magazine. "It was always to make 'L.A. Candy' into a film or TV show. She's been in talks about it."
It always was. Lauren Conrad's goal was ALWAYS to get into producing. She took the natural producer's path of starring in two separate reality TV shows for seven long years, and then starting her own line of garbage clothes for Kohl's. A regular little Jerry Bruckheimer over here.
Would she star in the movie?
"She would never star in it because she doesn't want to be an actress," the source said. "She spent so long on TV. ... [She] would love to produce."
Right, she doesn't want to be an "actress." These people with their charmingly generous use of words (write! act! sure!). One can only imagine how rigorous the role of a girl who stars in a reality TV show as imagined by a human hand bag would be. Maybe Sean Penn is available? So if Lauren Conrad won't do it (yay! Lauren Conrad finally won't do something!) then who should?
I suggest:
Toni Ferrari.
Slap (literally, SLAP) some Benjamin Button makeup on her and let's make Movie Maaaaaagggggggiiiiiiiiccccccc.
*"No," she "didn't."
Posted by Gabe at 4:00 PM in Casting Calls
Tags: Books | Jerry Bruckheimer | L.A. Candy | Lauren Conrad
TONI! I once wanted to write a novella based on Toni. At the end, she throws someone off a building. NO COPYING.
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Who in the hell are all these people you keep writing about?
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A girl who stars in a reality show writes a book about a girl who stars in a reality show and then makes a movie of the book about the girl who stars in a reality show and writes a book about a girl who stars in a reality show and then makes a movie...
Where the fuck is Charlie Kaufman?
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Kristin Cavallari. Definitely. Or maybe Kate Gosselin.
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This certainly trumps Audrina's upcoming film adaptaion of her graphic novel about an animate blow-up doll who models for Carl's Jr.
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Ok, that's enough sad movie development news for this month. Can you just...not tell us any more for a while? Where are the trampoline accidents? Tell us about those (unless they're also being made into a movie).
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I haven't actually seen the screenplay, but i can only imagine that the part of the inane, fame-grubbing limpet demands a kind of dignity and charisma that only Gwen Ifill can bring to the screen.
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Michael Cera. He's so versatile.
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Actually, my mom totally thought Michael Cera was a girl when she saw a promotional ad for Year One. I'm pretty sure it was because of his long hair in that movie, but you know what, throw some blonde locks on him again and we've got a movie!
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"Hey Lauren, we got some great news about making your movie"
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah, Tre is roommates with a guy whose boss has a deal with Universal. He'll totally get the script to his roommate."
"We don't have a script yet, but that's great news in that respect."
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Camille from NYC Prep. She wouldn't even need to buy a new hat.
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Ali Lohan, this is your chance!
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Isabelle Fuhrman would be perfect.
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She's excited about an impossibly stupid movie deal because she apparently still has one more wish from the magic lamp she discovered a few years back.
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How about...
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I vote for a Jonas Brother. Any of them would do, with the right dye job.
Also, I met Jerry Bruckheimer earlier this year. None too friendly, that one!
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maybe a cross promotion with the "Mannequin" remake? I took care of this earleir today:
"Mannequin" remake, staring Me, Brains.
"Lost and alone, a young hussy with no future and hopefully a forgotten past (Lauren Conrad) loses herself in a sea of cheap blouses and quick bargains at the local mall. Spiraling out of control, the young lass gives herself totally to her dismal present, spending her days AND nights there…
But when the lights go down, the freaks come out...” *shot of mannequin (Me) blinking as Lauren walks by, pouting her bottom lip*
*shot of mannequin peaking around corner*
Lauren - "*GASP!* Woah, like, who are you?! You look a little ‘stiff’"
Me - "I'm Brains."
Lauren - "Why do they call you that?"
Me - "You'll find out..."
*Lauren rolls eyes, pouts bottom lip.*
“But when this lost lass meets her ‘stiff’ beau, the trouble really begins”
Lauren - "You need a makeover Brains."
Me - "More like a make out, philly"
“Sometimes, when you feel you'll never find yourself, someTHING finds you.”
Lauren - "Please don't leave me brains"
Me - "Am I made of wood?"
"This Fall, discover the MAN in Mannequin."
Fin.
on Fuck It, Let's Remake Everything at July 29, 2009 1:13 PM
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I had to google Toni Ferrari, and I'm still not sure who she is
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i'm gonna give you all the points for the Toni Ferrari reference. and also hire you to cast my new movie(s). and buy you an ice cream cake (with dancing dinosaurs on top).
i remember watching VD Island....cough.....er....Hotel Paradise and my roommate saying "Isn't that the crazy bitch from 'Love Cruise'?" and it was and we laughed. a lot. Hotel Paradise was about where i stopped watching reality TV, btw. there were no rules as far as i can remember. just put out or get out, basically.
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Who should play Lauren Conrad? Mickey Rourke. In drag. I would seriously see that movie if they did that.
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...and MC Sugar Slam as Lauren Conrad!
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Lindsey, she needs the work. Gabe you're Brody.
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Miley Cyrus
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Gwyneth Paltrow can wear the back half and Katherine Heigl can wear the front.
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