What Should Jessica Alba's Awkward Meet The Fockers Name Be?
Jessica Alba is in discussions to join the third installment in the Meet the Parents series. Now, the most important thing, of course, is that there is going to be A THIRD INSTALLMENT IN THE MEET THE PARENTS SERIES. Thank goodness. Basically the best series of films of all time*, and they should keep making them forever because they're important and we need them. But it's great that one of the most intelligent actresses of all time is joining the ensemble. From the Hollywood Reporter:
[Jessica Alba] is in negotiations to join the Ben Stiller-Robert DeNiro comedy "Little Fockers." She'd play the role of an attractive pharmaceutical rep whose looks wreak havoc on male characters in the story.The picture is expect to pick up where 2004's Meet the Fockers left off, with Stiller's Gaylord Focker and Teri Polo's Pamela Byrnes having a child (or children -- reports abound that they could be having twins).
Reports abound! But while pretty much everyone has been talking about how many make believe babies are in the make believe womb of a make believe character, the more important issue appears to have gotten very little attention: what will Jessica Alba's awkward, double-entendre laden last name be?
- Ashley Hole
- Megan Widekunt ("It's pronounced widdekoont. This movie is terrible.")
- Julie Loves Bigcock ("Loves is my mother's name, and my father is 1/8 Cherokee. This movie is terrible.")
- Sarah Diarrheastein
- Eleanor Blowdudesevelt
- Kate AIDS
I'm sure it will be one of those.
*One time I was waiting in a line behind two NYU students who did not know each other but had struck up a friendly, semi-flirtatious conversation. The girl kept asking the guy about recent movies. "Have you seen Requiem for a Dream?" she asked. The guy shook his head, "no." "Oh," she said, "it's really powerful. Super intense. Have you seen Dancer in the Dark?" Again, the guy said no. "Bjork is amazing in it, and Lars Von Trier is probably one of the most interesting directors working today." There was a long pause, and finally the guy said, "Have you seen Meet the Parents?" The girl, clearly disappointed and turned off, said that she had not. "OH MAN!" the guy said, "it's so funny. So, like, Ben Stiller goes to like meet the parents, and imagine the worst that things could possibly get in that situation. OK? Imagine, like the worst case scenario? Yeah, well, it gets so much worse than that."
Haha.
Don't get me wrong, Ms. Anthology Film Archives wasn't any better than Mr. Meet the Parents. They were both ridiculous. It's just a funny story for you. ONLY IN NEW YORK, PROBABLY.
Posted by Gabe at 9:30 AM in Casting Calls
Tags: Ben Stiller | Jessica Alba | Meet The Fockers | Meet The Parents | Robert DeNiro
Henrietta Dick
Score = 6
Michelle. Michell Cumstein, great gal.
Score = 3
Whoopi Rape-rape
Score = 52
Is it wrong that I find Whoopi Rape-rape a really cute phrase?
Score = 14
Well, it is the chorus to a popular children's song, so that makes sense.
Score = 18
With a Whoopi Rape-Rape here and a Whoopi Rape-Rape there
Score = 3
Cirrhosis
Score = 0
Mildred Anal ("It's pronounced AY-NAL. This movie is terrible.")
Score = 3
Jessica Ohmyfuckinggodi'manawfulbutincrediblyhotactress Alba.
Am I doing this right?
Score = -15
Heywooda Jublowme
Score = 7
Tila Tequila
(I don't think I'm doing this right)
Score = 28
Ivana Newagent.
Score = 25
Amanda Hugginkiss (because it's a terrible movie, and why should I bother being original.)
Score = 2
Connie. Connie Lingis
Score = 19
Gerbil Upperbut - Gerbil is so cute!
Score = 7
Too bad Ivana Humpalot was taken.
Score = 0
C. Alice Viagra. Cause she's a pharmaceutical rep. And she gives all the old dudes boners. Get it? (you get it.)
Score = 34
Hello, I am here from Hollywood and I like the way you think! Here is a million dollar job being a movies writer.
Score = 10
jessica alba. get it? you get it.
Score = -7
Dax Shepard
Score = 4
Candi Bahr if she's English.
Pulya Pantzov if she's Russian.
Score = 3
Sorry, no. It is going to be Jenna Talia either way.
Score = 28
I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells annnnd... I like to kiss my own butt.
Score = 7
Had to get a Moe quote in here for some reason. Apologies.
Score = 5
Mulva.
Score = 7
laura mulva?
ms. anthology film archives would appreciate my joke at least
Score = 0
Dammit this post is basically Gabe Focker shoving his e-cock all up in my i-mouth. You win. This site is like that mindfuck toture maze in the movie Cube, except instead of an unknown controller, it's run by the Jigsaw from the Saw series (Gabe). Well, I've found the exit and I'm stepping out into the light.
R.I.P. Bright Boy/buenosueno
P.S. Wasn't it the ritard who gets out at the end of Cube? Spooky
Score = -24
Your name in Meet the Parents 3: Barf Whocares
Score = 21
Can't miss you if you don't leave!
Score = 1
Lindsay Lohan.
Score = 2
bjorn tufloss [sic] asspyoobs
Score = -3
Jessica Bumgardner (Jessica pronounced 'I am a')
Score = 0
Nipsie Areolis. It's Greek.
Score = 6
Bahl Buster
Score = -1
Hanna Jobb. It's awful.
Sookie Cox. It's more awful.
Score = 1
Stacy Sexasaurus Rex
"We come from a proud tradition of mighty dinosaurs with even mightier labidos."
Score = 5
I read that as "mighty dinosaurs with even mightier labias." That was a terrifying moment.
Score = 3
Anita Mahon.
Score = 0
Ariel Ola
Score = 4
This thread reads like the VIP list at a drag queen convention.
Score = 15
I mean, "Meet the Parents" wasn't directed by Alfonso Cuaron, but it wasn't "Paul Blart: Mall Cop", either. The second one pretty much was. But I don't s
Score = 3
Labia Von Pubis
Score = 2
Roman Polanski.
Score = 3
Boobs McFaceBoobs
Score = 5
Yeah, outside of New York we don't have conversations about movies, and people flirting with each other always have similar tastes.
Score = 3
I get your point, but I don't think that's what Gabe was talking about. I mean, imagine that conversation happening in Lexington, KY. As much as I love Kentucky, no.
Score = 3
I have no problem imagining that conversation happening in Lexington, KY. It really wasn't that impressive of a conversation. I don't mean to pick on you, but perhaps your experience is too limited.
Score = 1
Looking back over my comment, yeah. Lexington actually has a lot of college kids and artisty types so it's not so much of a stretch to imagine that conversation happening there.
I feel like today is just a bad day for me, comment-wise. Wahhmbulance.
Score = 1
Gabe was the guy. He then went home and looked up all those movies and vowed to make himself snarky and pretentious enough to impress her. But then she died 'cause that was like 50 years ago. /youcanmakeitup
Score = 11
Vagina Barbell and her amazing assistant Ben Waballs
Score = 7
I want to take this comment to the Monster's Ball SO BAD
Score = -1
Phyllis Cup-Tulane (because now she's a nurse and wants either your yellow or your swimmers.)
Calliope Shithade ("it's pronounced Shit-head")
or, and I think teh best:
Imma Leyu-Finnish (because this is a terrible movie and, more importantly, whatever happened to that Kanye West guy? One can only assume he is in a better place)
Score = 1
Torah Hyman
Score = 4
Mrs. Slocombe
Score = 2