Sorry, ladies. Royale is not your boyfriend. Don't worry, you'll find someone who will love and cherish you, I'm sure. And if you don't, there are always cats. So many cats. Cats never tell you they are going to be home at a certain time but then come home much later and act very cagey about where they have been, right ladies? SHOPPIN'! But Royale is spoken for. His heart belongs to a girl he found. Her name is J'Koko. His love for her is a fresh alternative. Blended. (Via GorillaMask.)
"Oh, whatever, he's just painting, exercising, and playing ping pong. Big whoop!" NO. He is also fielding hostile calls and TAKING IT IN STRIDE. Nothing gets to him. Let's all try harder. Don't be afraid. I could (and have) watch this all day. Part two of Let's Paint, Exercise, and Play Ping Pong:
GET OFF OF YOUR COUCH. PUT DOWN THOSE FRITOS. Out of the way, Mark Gormley. We can and must do better, you guys. Never give up. Never let down. TAKE IT TO THE RIM, whatever that means. John Kilduff takes experience and possibility to another level. The world is not about not trying. The world is about trying everything. All at once. John Kilduff is a spirit warrior. I wish he was my dad.
I'M LOVIN' THIS. I wish this show was on all day long evary dey. JESUS, THIS IS BLOWING MY MIND SO HARD I AM HAVING TROUBLE TYPANG. John Kilduff, doing it all! Game, set, and match, Invisible Man. Don't get bogged down. Try to smile. Is this forever? I WISH!
You guys, I am PUMPED and MOTIVATED to do more with my life. I am not joking. This show has changed me. Next caller, please. (Thanks for the tip, Drew.)
I have a question: where is your jacket? You can't just complain about the cold in January when you're standing outside in a long-sleeved shirt. If I didn't know better, I would think that your inability to control your own body temperature might reflect poorly on your ability to give useful sex advice. Luckily, I know so much better. We all do.
The important thing is that this is a rare opportunity for regular people like you and me to get involved with an Atlanta-area cable access sex advice show. FINALLY. Will someone please submit a video question for this? It's like I put a Double Dog challenge into the The Fly chamber and turned it inside out. That's a reference that is both relevant and meaningful, right? Do it. Do it. Go ahead. Do it. Send her your Vagina Power questions and also send us your Vagina Power questions. It'll be just like Improv Everywhere. Just think, in two years from now your video question to Alexyss K. Tylor about sex addictions submitted as a Videogum Community Outreach Mission could be the inspiration for a Sierra Mist commercial!
When a heckler calls in to a Christian community access talk show and the host can't hang up the phone, it's mildly funny for about two seconds, until the heckler just starts saying "faggot" over and over again, and the host tries to cover him up with beach rock and the pain of the next four minutes is basically excruciating. "Enjoy."
Why does the guy who calls in have to have that stupid fucking heckler/prankster voice? I suppose that to some extent intelligence and heckling/pranks are non-complimentary. Smart people have better things to do. Kind of. Never mind, smart people are equally lame. But it's a certain kind of stupidity that draws in the heckler/prankster. It's the stupidity of this man's voice. It says "hey, do you want to go eat a bunch of Taco Bell and roll all the windows up on your mom's car and fart in each other's mouths?" His voice says "if you didn't want me to draw a dick on your face in permanent marker, you would not have fallen asleep. Well I don't care if it was six in the morning, rules are rules."
In this heated battle between Mr. Ely and Mr. Mitchell for the special "Teacher/Holiday/Return Edition" of Iron Mic, Neil, Marvelous, and DeMarco will have to determine which of these MC's will be crowned the Santa Claus of the Iron Mic. Festive! Personally, I think it's pretty low for Mr. Ely to claim that Keeshan wrote Mr. Mitchell's verses. And what's up with you Janette? Stop selling people out, girl.
After seeing this public access karaoke rendition of "Go Tell It On The Mountain" by two ladies who may or may not even still be alive, I'm going to think twice before judging Britney Spears for going through the motions. Henrietta and Merna, RIP, maybe:
Also, please note that they live in the flowers. (Via Fey Friends, who suspect that the women are being threatened by an unseen gunman.)
God TV had their own 2-hour election coverage special, for those hard-core right wingers who are turned off by Fox News's bleeding heart liberal reputation. RightWingWatchdog put together a highlight reel that includes: racism, predictions of riots, James Dobson, Pat Robertson, more racism, homophobia, and my favorite: this lady who has a vision of Obama's victory that includes a one world governing force whose "faces turn into the faces of dogs and they're drinking whiskey and smoking cigars and bragging and talking about the gold and the silver and the diamonds." Here she is, in all her unoriginal, yet batshit, glory:
Carrie Prejean turned the video camera off, put on some clothes, and stepped out of her house. It was a beautiful day outside. The air smelled like apples, and the late morning light hit the world in just such a...
After watching Death Sentence, a terrible movie starring Kevin Bacon as a father in search of vigilante justice directed by Saw's James Wan, Gabe embarked on The Hunt For The Worst Movie of All Time. This is his sad journey.
If you are a sassy and sarcastic young man in an American sitcom who represents the sitcom writer's desire that a nerdy Jewish teenager can somehow be the desirable romantic hero in this world, then eventually you will get a...
I shouldn't even be here right now. I SHOULD BE GETTING INTO MY COSTUME! If I don't hurry, my facepaint won't be dry before I get to the MOONVIE theater, and everyone will be like "hahah, you look like you're...
Blogging about TV and movies isn't all fun and videogames. Every week, Lindsay or Gabe will be presented with a physical or mental challenge that tests their bravery,patience, and taste.
The Challenge: I had to go on a 3.5 hour bus tour of totally random TV and film locations in New York City. Alone, and wearing a specific ridiculous tshirt. And I had to find someone to take my picture...
Uh. OK. Well, first let's address what this movie did well, like the disappointed parents we are (or at least that I am), recognizing that the negative feedback won't be useful or constructive if it isn't preceded by something positive....
