Best New Party Game 2
In the spirit of the previous Best New Party Game in which you wrote the plot of a movie backwards in order to win all the fun (ex: if you watch Pretty Woman backwards, it's about a rich woman whose boyfriend makes her become a prostitute) this one is even easier to play. You basically just reduce the plot of a movie to a few salient points to make it sound really dull and disappointing. A few examples from Postmodern Barney, the game's creator (via BuzzFeed):
- Alien: Ship fails to deliver cargo, crew don't get bonus.
- Blade Runner: Man with no apparent skill stumbles into escaped robots, fails to kill most, fucks one.
- Die Hard: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national.
- Groundhog Day: Misanthropic creep exploits space/time anomaly to stalk coworker.
- Jurassic Park: Theme park's grand opening pushed back.
I'll go first:
- A Few Good Men: A young lawyer discovers that he can, in fact, handle the truth.
- Mad Max: Leather daddy has trouble finding gas for his car.
- Bourne Ultimatum: It is discovered that a dictionary is a weapon.
I'm doing great. Lots of points. Your turn.
Posted by Gabe at 3:00 PM in Best New Party Game
Tags: Best New Party Game
Gone in 60 Seconds:
Man, woman steal expensive car. Drive it sometimes.
Score = 21
Rocky: Some immigrant loses a boxing match.
Score = 52
Twins: Survivors of a genetic experiment are reunited.
Score = 10
400 blows: not as fun as you'd think. before sunrise: man kills time waiting for his train. clockwork orange: gene-kelly-loving kid goes to the movies. drinks milk with his friends. diving bell and the butterfly: guy lays around in bed all day thinking about stuff.
Score = 22
Waterworld : Mutated fish man roams the world which is covered in water. Dennis Hopper loses an eye.
Score = 7
Crash: In inexplicably racist near future, a series of fender benders.
Pulp Fiction: Successful diner heist. Zed's death confirmed.
Cloverfield: The trials and tribulations of young Brooklynites over the course of one eventful evening.
Score = 38
The Last Kiss: The worst.
Score = 7
How about The Last Kiss: Guy's girlfriend gets pregnant. He freaks out.
Score = 11
Margot at the Wedding: family, bitching, and boredom with white people.
Free Willy: Troubled boy, troubled whale get home.
Score = 9
Ferris Bueller's Day Off: Hipster grifter enjoys time in the city.
Score = 136
If I could give you more votes up, I would.
Score = 4
funny, yes. but does Ferris Beuller really need to be summarized in any greater depth?
Score = 0
The Pianist: A good pianist can't find a piano to play. Finally he finds one.
Score = 88
Escape from LA : L.A. becomes an island prison. All "technology" is lost.
Score = -3
Lost in Translation: Two people travel to Japan and then go home.
Signs: Aliens invade earth then leave because, water.
Score = 74
Wait, is there a way to describe Lost in Translation that doesn't make it sound dull and disappointing?
Score = 21
erm, not that i could do any better, but these are just short descriptions of movies, y'all.
Score = -25
argh... not meant as a reply... sorry.
Score = -7
lost in translation: a man travels to japan to film a commercial and hangs around his hotel a lot.
lost in translation: Americans Stubbing Their Toes in Japan
...Nope!
(ferreal though, i think Lost in Translation is a good movie)
Score = 3
How about... "Lost in Translation: Young starlet forgets her deodorant."
Score = -1
No Country for Old Men: Yokel finds new satchel. Woody Harrelson stars.
Score = 22
Rent: everyone gets AIDS, song a song, die, make a movie.
Score = 8
There Will Be Blood: A man's startup enterprise finds moderate success.
Score = 137
Mac and Me: American boy learns that McDonald's food and coca-cola are the most important resources in the universe.
Gremlins: Teen discovers he is completely irresponsible.
Heathers: Misfit girl lets boyfriend kill himself.
Casablanca: Nightclub owner helps woman make a flight.
Score = 11
The Strangers: Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman are visited by wandering hillbillys.
Score = 0
mmm...no more disappointing than the movie itself
Score = 0
Jaws: New England vacation town council discusses season-opening date.
Saw, Saw II, Saw III, Saw IV, etc.: Some people from disparate walks of life are strongly encouraged to reconsider their life choices.
Lost in Translation: Young bored photographer's girlfriend hangs out aimlessly in Tokyo with an actor. Oh, wait...
Score = 21
Bridge over the River Kwai: Sabotage causes train accident.
Score = 8
The Shining: Family lives alone in hotel for 4 months
Fight Club: Schizophrenic man destroys apartment, moves into dilapidated home, goes on business trips.
Wall-E: Robot cleans mess, stops. Humans clean mess.
Score = 17
Chinatown: Private detective uncovers something, forgets it.
Score = 32
Gummo: Rural Ohioans pursue grooming and leisure activities
Score = 14
Wizard of Oz: young girl dreams.
Score = 34
300: Meager army is predictably defeated by overwhelming foe.
Score = 37
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind- one guy break up with his girl and then they get back together
Score = 14
The Usual Suspects: The Gimp did it.
Score = -9
Look Who's Talking: Babies offer insightful witticisms. Parent's don't understand.
Hairspray: The Musical: Babies sing insightful witticisms. Parent's don't understand.
Romeo and Juliet: Babies recite insightful witticisms. Parent's don't understand.
Score = 23
I guess, parent's just don't understand?!
Score = 6
Parents--- not Parent's... unnecessary apostrophes for everyone!!!
Score = 5
I guess, "Parent's just don't understand!"?
Score = -1
Raging Bull: the life of a Miami nightclub entertainer.
Score = 5
Deliverance: Three businessmen take a canoe trip and interact with locals.
Lord of the Rings (Trilogy): Ungrateful and effeminate nephew sets out to destroy family heirloom with friend.
Five People You Meet in Heaven: Elderly carnival worker dies.
The Machinist: Gaunt can't sleep.
Score = 35
*gaunt man
Score = 0
The Ten Commandments - Man is followed by Jews through the Desert.
Score = 30
I don't think you need to mention the Desert, that's too much detail. "Man followed by Jews" i think is fine.
Score = 4
Van Wilder: Guy finishes college.
Superbad: Kids go to a party, do not get laid.
300: Spartans fight and die.
Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure: Two high school kids write a History report.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: 4 turtles and a rat eat pizza.
V for Vendetta: Girl cuts her hair.
The Matrix: Boy learns Kung Fu.
Karate Kid: Boy learns to paint a fence and wax a car.
Score = 10
28 Days Later: Virus causes pink eye, vomiting, irritability.
Speed: Bus unable to travel faster than 50 mph. Many commuters inconvenienced.
Score = 36
You know, it's that the bus can't go slower than 50 mph. Hence the title, "Speed."
Score = 4
Benjamin Button: A guy is born and he has an on again off again thing with a girl. He dies of dimensia.
Score = -6
Fuck. Demensia. This is what I get for trying to write comments on the sly while my boss isn't looking.
Score = -2
Dementia. Today is really my day.
Score = 46
Twilight: Two awkward teenagers share many long, awkward moments. One chews on a deer.
Score = 44
American History X: Racist is reformed.
Requiem for a Dream: Friends experiment with drugs.
The Hitchhikker's Guide to the Galaxy: English man hitchhikes.
Score = 5
the godfather- young man reconnect with his family
Score = 12
Airplane!: Man overcomes fear of flying when commercial airplane lands safely.
Knocked Up: Man gets woman pregnant. She delivers baby.
Score = 9
Watchmen: Gifted urbanite's death brings together nervous colleagues who mutter a lot, commit crimes, and have bad sex. Apocalypse kind of just happens, no biggie.
Slumdog Millionaire: Indians suffer at the hands of Murphy's Law, until something goes right and they dance.
The Wrestler: Stripper and Fighter both need to retire. Girl heeds and guy doesn't. Figures...
Score = -6
My Fair Lady: Young Cockney girl gets speech lessons
Marie Antoinette: Privileged youth spends money, eats.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: Couple breaks up, gets back together.
Score = 6
Harry Potter 1-whatever: Boy attends private school in the English countryside, learns he is consistently rewarded for breaking rules and being clueless.
Score = 4
The Other Sister: Never go full retard.
Score = 37
Ratatouile: Parisian restaurant becomes infested with vermin.
Children of Men: Man travels from London to Bexhill.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail: Men skip through the British countryside.
okay, I'm going to stop now
Score = 9
Mulholland Drive: A failed actress has a dream, kills self.
8 1/2: A popular filmmaker has writer's block.
Taxi Driver: Man drives taxi, feels lonely.
Annie Hall: A New York couple has a reasonable, mutual break-up.
Score = 4
Tell No One: A man receives an email from his wife telling him to meet her at a park.
88 Minutes: A man passes 88 minutes of time, receives several cell phone calls.
Speed: A day in the life on a Los Angeles city bus.
Score = -3
Mirrors: No one listens to the guy who is afraid of mirrors until finally a nun explodes.
Phantom of The Opera: Easily angered opera affecianado trys to give advice on theater management, doesn't get the girl.
Finding Nemo: Protagonist finally finds his disabled son in Sydney.
Score = 13
the dark knight: two outcasts argue.
high school musical: kids sing.
slumdog millionaire: teenager plays a game.
Score = 8
okay, okay. one more:
8mm: Man becomes obsessed with pornographic film, seeks to find creator.
Score = 0
The Prestige: Some twins do magic tricks.
Score = 19
Role Models: Two guys babysit.
Clueless: Rich girl spends money.
Garden State: Man hangs out in New Jersey.
Score = 9
Sister Act: Woman witnesses a mob crime. She hides with nuns, who eventually help get the criminals arrested. The all sing for the Pope.
Sister Act 2: Las Vegas showgirl almost keeps talented students from singing "Joyful,Joyful" to win a choir competition.
Score = -13
Godfather Part 1: Mafia Don make offer one can’t refuse. Someone kills a horse. Oranges.
Godfather Part 2: Son of Mafia Don kills own brother
Godfather Part 3: Son of Mafia Don contemplates his life.
Scarface: Latino man runs around using the f-word excessively
Taxi-Driver: Man stalks woman and has awkward relationship with underage prostitute. Man kills a pimp.
Score = -10
I don't think you get it, man.
Score = 4
OK, thanks
Score = 6
Mask: Monster dreams of bicycles.
Score = 1
diving bell and the butterfly -- paralyzed man hits on health care worker, health care worker misunderstands and writes book
Score = -3
Pealr Harbor: Japanese attack, get bombed
Resevoir Dogs: Cop and thieves dress up, all get shot
Pineapple Express: pothead gets into trouble with drug dealers, kills them and makes friends along the way.
Harry Potter: Boy becomes wizard, goes to school to learn more wizardry/ help stop bad wizards
Score = -18
Pineapple Express: Two stoners run away from their problems.
Score = 10
Willly Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: Man invites children in for candy. No charges are pressed.
Score = 56
Scarface: man goes into business, works too much.
Godfather: man starts a family business.
anything by Wong Kar Wai: people have feelings.
Robocop: a policeman does his job.
The Dark Crystal: a boy and girl hang out and do stuff with rocks.
Some Like It Hot: musicians have conversations while on a tour.
The Breakfast Club: kids go to Saturday detention, go home.
Score = 9
American Beauty: Man suffering mid-life crisis dies suddenly, leaves family an old FireBird and some free weights.
Score = 6
Princess Bride: Young boy learns to like books.
Score = 32
Spinal Tap- A bad band tours
Hot Rod- Dude who hates stepdad jumps over busses
Wet Hot American Summer- Kids go to summer camp, then leave.
Score = 6
Spinal Tap: Rock band does final tour. Opens for puppet show. Japan likes them after that.
Score = -3
Independence Day: A group of American individuals and foreign militaries defeat an alien invasion of Earth.
Dangerous Minds: White teacher struggles to teach poetry to her class.
Doubt: an old nun doubts her vocation but is certain about head priest's pedophilia.
Mean Girls: African American girl enters American highschool and befriends several pretty girls.
Score = -16
Showgirls: A hooker hitchhikes to Las Vegas to become a famous dancing hooker.
Score = 6
Friday the 13th Part VIII:Jason takes Manhattan - man finds adventure in the big city
Score = 10
The Punisher: Warzone - Man kills people. Decides not to kill people. Kills more people.
Score = -3
Batman Begins: Affluent adolescent witnesses parents death, seeks solace at mountain retreat, returns home, conquers phobia, spends time in a cave, runs into old mentor on a train, resolves past differences
Score = -11
Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skulls: In the Fifties a washed up history teacher discovers he has a son and marries his old flame.
Over-simplification of the Year.
Score = 4
I liked it until you got all cocky at the end.
Score = 16
It's not cockiness. it's optimism. I need this award to vindicate my career.
Score = 2
I Love You, Man- Painfully awkward man makes a friend.
Trouble The Water- Female rapper promotes record.
Score = 6
Clerks: Man decides to do something with his life.
Clerks 2: Man has done nothing with his life. Re-opens a convenience store.
Score = 6
Godfather II: Meet the worst little brother in the world.
Score = 6
In Bruges: Two men go to Bruges. One dies. The other man maybe dies.
Score = -1
Brokeback Mountain: Isolated cowboys get lonely, find ways to deal.
Doubt: Stern nun embarks on crusade against molestation, ballpoint pens.
Kill Bill: Former model with strange feet kills Bill, others.
Score = 16
Titanic: ship bound for New York runs into a snafu.
before the devil knows you're dead: brothers rob a store.
Talented Mr. Ripley: Gay man seduces other men in 1950's Italy
Score = 4
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure; Two academically challenged underachievers exploit space/time to prepare for a History assignment
Score = -2
Cast Away: FedEx employee spends time on island, befriends volley ball, returns home
Score = 6
There Will Be Blood: an oil baron and an evangelist share a milkshake
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest: a nurse "pulls some henhouse shit" causing a tall native american to break a window
Full Metal Jacket: smartass journalist learns that not everything is ripe for snarky comments
Blood Simple: Private Investigator sustains a hand injury reaching in a window
The Player: Hollywood Exec greenlights a movie he can relate to
Being John Malkovich: John Cusack convinces titular actor to try puppetry
Little Miss Sunshine: a pudgy little girl loses a beauty pageant
Vanilla Sky: Tom Cruise wakes up from a long nap
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford: Robert Ford, a known coward, cowardly assassinates Jesse James.
Score = 22
Yeah!
Score = 1
Magnolia: People are dying for some Aimee Mann karaoke.
Score = 10
The Lives of Others: Mailman debugs his friend's apartment after his girlfriend is resurrected by a truck. Writer decides against modernist plays.
Score = 0
oops wrong game.
Score = 0
I really want to see that now, actually.
Score = 2
Star Wars: A New Hope - Terrorists steal sensitive data. Farm boy plays with glowing sword, kills millions of civilian workers and military personnel. Terrorists celebrate with award ceremony.
--
Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back - Government continues to fight rebellious terrorists. Farm boy amputates abominable snowman, Alien frog teaches farm boy to move rocks with mind. Outlaw is frozen in carbonite. Farm boy has daddy issues.
--
Star Wars: Return of the Jedi - Outlaw is unfrozen, girlfriend in bikini kills giant slug. Farm boy reconnects with father, father dies. Terrorists kill tens of thousands of laborers and skilled tradesmen. Teddy bears have party.
Score = -2
Top Gun: Two pilots have a disagreement, but eventually resolve their differences.
Titanic: An elderly woman remembers where she left her necklace.
Score = 66
Hee, your Titanic one is one of my favorites.
Score = 10
Milk: Middle-aged man runs for city supervisor, wins.
Happy Feet: Penguins sing. One of them dances.
The Dark Knight: A mentally diseased man learns how to be creative.
Forrest Gump: Shit happens.
Score = 20
Fight Club: Man beats himself up and inadvertently starts a subculture
Score = -4
Good Will Hunting: Hot tempered janitor solves complicated mathematical equation, sees therapist, leaves town without telling anyone
Score = -1
"Revolutionary Road": A couple decides not to move to Paris.
Score = 21
Star Wars: A New Hope - Terrorists steal sensitive data. Farm boy plays with glowing sword, kills millions of civilian workers and military personnel. Terrorists celebrate with award ceremony.
--
Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back - Government continues to fight rebellious
terrorists. Farm boy amputates abominable snowman, Alien frog teaches farm
boy to move rocks with mind. Outlaw is frozen in carbonite. Farm boy has
daddy issues.
--
Star Wars: Return of the Jedi - Outlaw is unfrozen, girlfriend in bikini
kills giant slug. Farm boy reconnects with father, father dies. Terrorists
kill tens of thousands of laborers and skilled tradesmen. Teddy bears have
party.
Score = -18
The Room: Man has relationship trouble, plays football.
Titanic: Rich girl, poor boy meet at sea.
Sunset Blvd.: Actress is ready for her closeup.
Score = 3
Heat: Cop and robber talk life over a cup of coffee.
Score = 4
Sin City: 3 males get angry, two of which die.
Score = 3
Ace Ventura - Pet Detective: Eccentric animal lover looks for pro football team's mascot, attends Superbowl game
Score = -1
Citizen Kane- Man Dies, Misses Sled
Score = 10
The Number 23: Man who believes a number is following him slowly begins to realize he is a lunatic.
Score = 1
The Last Temptation of Christ: Jesus has identity crisis, dies without one.
Score = 4
Forgetting Sarah Marshall: Man dumped by girlfriend moves on with his life.
Score = 12
Star Wars: Teen moves away from home, kisses sister.
Empire Strikes Back: Mayor turns known criminal over to authorities.
Return of the Jedi: Ex-con dates friend's sister. Siblings' father dies.
Score = 15
The Neverending Story: Boy steals a book, returns it.
Score = 19
The Wizard of Oz: Girl has a dream while sleeping.
Mean Girls: Teenagers talk shit about each other.
Superbad: Two high-schoolers go to a party.
Brokeback Mountain: Cowboys work in Wyoming.
Milk: Man becomes involved in local government.
Frost/Nixon: A President is interviewed by a journalist.
Score = 13
Vicky Cristina Barcelona: They go to Barcelona, then they leave Barcelona.
Score = 1
E.T.: Boy finds alien, alien eats candy then leaves
Score = 0
apocalypse now: 5 guys take a boat up river, on drugs.
Score = 0
Boys On The Side: an Indigo Girls concert happens.
Score = 6
That's why you're a pro.
Score = 1
Steel Magnolias: Diabetes kills.
Score = 7
The Hebrew Hammer: Christmas finds out that Jews have feelings too.
Score = 1
Falling Down: Unemployed engineer ruins detective's last day on the job
Score = 2
Will Ferrell plays basketball.
Will Ferrel says the news.
Will Ferrell probably ice skates.
Will Ferrel drives a car.
WIll Ferrell has a step brother.
Will Ferrell is in a Woody Allen movie.
Will Ferrell is a soccer coach.
Will Ferrell reminds us of Bewitched.
Will Ferrell.
Score = 27
The Aviator: A pilot tries to discover how many washes it takes to get to the center of his hands.
Quantum of Solace: A man travels across the world to deliver a can of oil to another man in a desert. Various cute fonts are utilized for scene changes.
Double Indemnity: A hardboiled Insurance agent talks into a can.
Pirates of the Caribbean: A dispute between several sailors concerning a boat is resolved.
Transformers: Earth appreciates a GM bailout.
Score = 7
Sex and the City Movie: Rich women go shopping.
(You guys, I wasn't even playing this game when I wrote that synopsis. WMOAT)
Score = 0
King of Kong: Dudes playing video games. One doesn't wipe his kid's poopy ass.
Score = 3
Grey Gardens: A mother and daughter go crazy and forget to clean up
Score = 2
Children of Men: Man takes pregnant women to a boat
King Kong: A women falls for a man but leaves him for an ape
Terminator: A robot fails his mission
The French Connection: French Drug Dealer evades police
Score = 0
see, those just sound like movies that i want to see...
Score = 0
Star Wars Episode I: A group of strange men with a pony tails convince a little kid to get into their vehicle and leave with them, never to see his mother again.
Disturbia: A teenager hangs out at his house for awhile, occasionally checking out what the neighbors are up to.
Meet the Parents: a guy gets introduced to his girlfriend's parents, whose cat goes missing.
we are marshall: A football team wins some games, loses others; fans are happy and unhappy, respectively.
armageddon: oil drillers rush to drill a deep enough hole while the weather conditions worsen slightly.
the mighty ducks: a series of little league hockey games draw much larger crowds than one might expect for little league hockey games.
black snake moan: a chain anchored to a radiator proves to be an effective method of restraining a small woman.
1408: a man is genuinely dissatisfied with his stay in a hotel, writes negative review
Score = 4
Garden State: Guy's mom dies, he meets a girl.
Green Street Hooligans: Englishmen enjoy Soccer.
Synecdoche, New York: Man writes play.
A Clockwork Orange: A bad teenager does bad things, gets reformed.
Score = 2
Indiana Jones 4: an archaeologist finds out that the real treasure... was knowledge.
Score = 4
Crank: Man tries to control his heart rate.
Score = 2
Crank: Man tries to control his heart rate.
Juno: Girl gets pregnant; delivers baby.
Score = 1
Dawn of the Dead- some folks go to the mall, don't get Orange Julius.
Score = 7
Forrest Gump: Man Succesfully waits for bus.
Score = 21
A Christmas Story: Child lobbies for right to bear arms.
Wayne's World: Funny white guy gets hot Asian girlfriend.
Sixteen Candles: Horrible family forgets daughter on birthday.
Home Alone: Horrible family forgets son on Christmas.
Score = 13
Gabe, this game is not as funny as I think you hoped it would be.
Score = 4
perhaps he puts too much faith in us
XMen Origins: Wolverine
Canadian gets claws, pees pants
Score = 13
Forrest Gump: Disabled mama's boy embodies/spouts every smarmy platitude ever printed on a mug. Baby Boomers collectively c*m in their pants.
Score = -1
Forrest Gump: Disabled mama's boy embodies/spouts every smarmy platitude ever printed on a mug. Baby Boomers collectively c*m in their pants.
Score = -1
17 films, one summary.
Grapes Of Wrath, Cannery Row, Of Mice and Men, all 14 other films based on works by John Steinbeck: Everyone was poor and miserable, then they died.
Score = 11
Shawshank Redemption - Black Man serves jail time, white man serves less jail time.
Score = 20
Independence Day: Aliens forget to download anti-virus update.
Score = 15
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: Misanthropic industrialist replaces unionized labor with slaves.
Score = 13
Juno: A young girl finds out she's pregnant, and decides to keep it, while dealing with finding a foster family.
Wait.
Score = 2
Schindler's List: Officer has jews that do his laundry and stuff.
Score = 9
Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle: Two guys are hungry, so they eat.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Guys try to collect some spare change.
The Hulk: A guy gets angry.
Score = 2
Iron Man: Alcoholic inventor prevents hostile takeover.
Juno: Girl keeps baby, almost ruins everyone else's life.
Blue Velvet: Young man learns there's more to life than Laura Dern.
Eyes Wide Shut: Man overreacts, almost ruins marriage.
Independence Day: America always wins.
The Room: Woman with neck deformity drives fiance to suicide for no real reason.
Score = 1
Seven: Man has a busy week. Man receives a package and desperately wants to know what's inside. Immediately regrets knowledge. Shoots the messenger.
Score = -4
The Graduate: Boy fucks older woman.
Score = 29
It is like this entire post and comment section was teleologically leading up to this one comment.
Score = 1
Naked Blood: Boy discovers effective pain killer; someone makes tempura.
Score = 0
Into The Wild: A misanthropic yet surprisingly social boy decides not to go to grad school, refuses sex, works out a lot and ends up living in a van in Alaska.
Score = 0
The Lion King: African safari animals befriend their own natural prey and predators in a demonstration of how the actual food chain doesn't work.
Score = -1
Con Air: a plane transporting convicts makes and unexpected stop in Las Vegas
Boys Don't Cry: A young woman learns to accept herself, finds that others are not as willing.
L.I.E. - Older father figure takes a young man under his wing.
Breakin: Young people break racial barriers by dancing.
Score = 0
Superbad: A teenager hangs out with some cops, but doesn't call his friends to tell them, understandably leading to some confusion.
Score = -1
V for Vendetta: A guy blows up a historical building; citizens for some reason support him.
Valkyrie: German Nazis with American accents try to kill Hitler; they fail and get killed; history remains unchanged.
Score = 0
WALL-E: Fat people return home to junkyard.
Score = 11
Labyrinth: British rock star kidnaps baby, holds him hostage, sings with muppets.
Score = 2
Labyrinth: Girl loses baby brother to owl.
or
Labyrinth: David Bowie's crotch is bulge-y.
Score = 0
Jesus comes back and disowns his daughter in Davinci Code
Score = -5
Raiders of the Lost Ark - Archeologist finds historical artifact.
Score = 8
what about TV shows?
House: A week in the life of a doctor.
The Office: An office.
I Love Money: Celebrities admit their love of money.
South Park: A small Colorado town and the townsfolk who love it.
Also, Broken Flowers: A man searches for his son unsuccessfully.
Score = -3
"I Love Money: Celebrities admit their love of money."
Umm, since when have celebrities been on I Love Money?
Score = -1
I knew my use of the word celebrities was a mistake the minute I posted it. I must not have been paying attention.
Score = 0
There's also
Rock of Love Bus - A man wearing too much eyeliner and bad extensions has sex with overly tattooed strippers. Again.
Score = 0
The Dark Knight: Disgruntled lawyer and clown form a special bond after the death of a loved one.
Score = 8
The Happening: True love out runs the wind.
Score = 3
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift: An American man proves he can drive better than Asian people, perpetuating a terrible stereotype.
Apollo 13: Spaceship leaves Earth, breaks, and returns home.
Score = 3
Mall cop date rapes alcoholic.
Score = 4
Birth of a Nation: Nation born.
Score = 7
Planes, Trains and Automobiles: Man travels home for Thanksgiving.
Score = 2
Teen Wolf: Teenager becomes wolfman. Wins basketball game by doing so.
Score = -2
Teen Wolf: Teenager becomes wolfman. Wins basketball game by doing so.
Score = -3
Untouchables: A cop momentarily becomes a child caregiver before deciding against it.
The Wrestler: Older man tries to convey to younger generation the relevance of original Nintendos.
Nightmare Before Xmas: A goods supplier's replacement does sub par job.
Score = 3
Obsessed: A woman becomes fond of her new boss.
Score = 0
Kill Bill: Wedding is crashed, creatively avenged.
2001: A Space Odyssey: Astronaut fixes malfunctioning computer, disappears.
Spider-Man: Nerd kills friend's father, dumps a redhead.
Oldboy: Newly freed man has sex with daughter.
Score = 1
The Big Lebowski: That dad from "Rosanne" hits a Red hot Chili Pepper with a bowling ball and then sprinkles a wood-chipper-killer's ashes into a Dude's face.
Score = -5
once: a musical about a vacuum cleaner repairman and an immigrant housekeeper.
Score = -1
Double Indemnity: Man kills other man, loses girl, goes to jail.
The Postman Always Rings Twice: Man kills other man, loses girl, goes to jail.
Ossessione: Man kills other man, loses girl, goes to jail.
Rope: Men kill other man, lose each other, go to jail.
Score = 0
The Sixth Sense: Psychiatrist teaches troubled young boy to accept himself.
Pay It Forward: Young boy tries to improve world, later stabbed to death by a peer.
Psycho: Man devoted to his mother finds himself rejected by society.
Beetlejuice: Displaced residents creatively deal with the new inhabitants of their home.
Monsters vs. Aliens: Social outcast befriends other misfits.
Harold and Maude: May-December romance leads to a suicide.
The Dark Knight: Vigilante causes extensive property damage, multiple deaths, finds himself rejected by society.
The Exorcist: A preteen's affliction disrupts her mother's acting career.
Score = -1
Thirteen - Daughter deals with peer pressure. Mom is shocked.
Score = 2
The Godfather - The Godfather dies and his son takes over family business with some reluctance.
Score = -1
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington - Mr Smith goes to washington.
Score = 19
Where the Wild Things Are: Boy is sent to room without any dinner. Hunger causes bad dreams.
Score = 4
No Direction Home: Old man reminisces about yelling at journalists.
Being John Malkovich: Man imagines self as celebrity.
Nell: Doctor takes shy girl into town.
Splash: Fruit man takes shy girl into town.
Edward Scissorhands: Avon lady brings shy guy into town.
Do the TV Guide people do this? On purpose, I mean.
Score = 3
Wait! Wait! I got some more...
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: Man finds it harder than he imagined to break up with his forgetful girlfriend.
Pee-Wee's Big Adventure: Overgrown child can't find bike.
Fargo: Business deal goes terribly wrong.
Big Fish: Dying father won't shut up.
The Manchurian Candidate: Special interest group endorses political candidate who loses nomination.
Score = 0
Waiting for Godot: Two men wait for Godot.
Score = 2
Kill Bill, alternatively: Highly motivated caucasian woman achieves goals in spite of unsupportive friends, causes asian woman splitting headache.
Score = 4
The Crying Game: man gets unexpected package, vomits.
Score = 8
Highlander: Antiques dealer eliminates competition.
Score = 6
The Usual Suspects: man gets his way talking bullshit
Score = 0
Garden State - Guy stops taking anti-psychosis meds. Feels funny. Meets a girl who makes him feel not so funny.
Score = 0
Silence of the Lambs: An Ohio man’s sewing hobby draws the interest of a therapist and FBI trainee.
Score = 8
Nobody must remember the old adage about every story ever told...it applies to this exercise. So every film ever made is either
A stranger* comes to town. (or)
A stranger* goes on a journey
*Robin Williams does not qualify
Score = 0
King Kong: A wild ape is captured and put into captivity, it escapes, so they kill it.
Crash: Racism is complicated
Score = 0
The Ring: People regret still owning VCRs.
Feardotcom: People regret going online.
Hostel: People regret leaving America.
Saw: People regret not wanting to live.
Rushmore: Bill Murray makes friends with a Barber's son.
The Royal Tenenbaums: Bill Murray's wife's family don't like eachother.
The Life Aquatic: Bill Murray sees a big fish.
Darjeeling Limited: Bill Murray misses a train.
Broken Flowers: Bill Murray probably has a son.
I Heart Huckabees: Fuckabees.
Score = 12
Shaun of the Dead: Take car. Go to Mum's. Kill Phil, grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over.
Annie Hall: Two people meet, decide to go out for awhile but it doesn't work out. They move on
Alien vs. Predator: An Alien disagrees with a Predator
Deliverance: friends go on a river-rafting trip
Easy Rider: Two men go on a motorcycle trip, are never seen again
Score = 6
Starship Troopers: Foreign attacks lead to war.
Showgirls: Hooker runs away from problems, creates more problems, runs away from them again.
Score = 0
Star Wars Trilogy: Wheezing burn victim abuses son.
Score = 13
Gladiator: Man slices and dices his way to popularity, and Rome's heart. Then he dies.
Score = 0
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Five friends on a road trip are invited to a BBQ
Score = 3
8 mile: A Detriot man overcomes his difficulties with being white. Alcholic mom solves all problems by winning Bingo.
Bicentennial Man: A women leaves her fiance to go fuck a robot and later she marries that robot.
The Sixth Sense: A man dies. A crazy little boy talks to himself.
Score = 2
Fight Club: Man's mail-order shopping addiction leads to mental disease.
Brokeback Mountain. Cowboy can't quit.
Armageddon: Oil-drilling crew faces difficult government contract, does filthy things with animal crackers.
Bourne Identity: Will Hunting gets amnesia.
Score = 11
Deep Impact: There's a black president!
Score = 11
Men in Black: Civil servants combat illegal immigration.
I really could do this all day...
Score = 7
Top Gun: Men with clever pseudonyms fly into the danger zone.
Silence of the Lambs: It puts the lotion in the basket.
Jaws: Three men never get the bigger boat that they desperately need.
The Usual Suspects: Audience spends 96 minutes steeped in a cripple's crap.
Steel Magnolias: A group of southern women find that they cannot suppress their facetious nature, even after a diabetic kicks it.
Amadeus: Music genius giggles, then dies.
Finding Nemo: Boy touches "butt," gets abducted.
Harold and Maude: Boy learns to live by banging an old lady.
The Room: A man is torn apart.
Score = 1
I did this a few years ago on KP:
http://kittenpants.com/daily/20060403.asp
Alternative Movie Descriptions
RED DAWN: A Russian commander convinces a group of teenagers to drop out of high school and join the military. C. Thomas Howell will eat your heart out!
POLTERGEIST: A family hires a strange dwarf to help them clean house.
JUST ONE OF THE GUYS: A transgendered teen fights for acceptance.
SILKWOOD: The true story of a woman who lives with a lesbian but loves a man. Meryl Streep's shower scenes are steamy!
TEEN WOLF: A coming of age story about a young basketball player and the changes his body goes through at age 16.
CARRIE: Shy girl wins Prom Queen. Boy, is her face red!
FUN!
Score = 0
Annie: Rich man gives daughter up to an orphanage.
Score = 0
Jaws: Friends go on a fishing trip.
The Lord of the Rings: Good samaritan returns lost jewelry.
Score = 8
Good Will Hunting: Janitor does math and then goes to see about a girl
Dirty Dancing: Man teaches girl to dance, gets upset about her sitting in a corner
Score = 2
My Dinner with Andre: Men eat.
Score = 2
- Interview with a Vampire: A gay couple find it hard to raise their adopted daughter while traveling Europe
- Empire Strikes Back: An unorthodox hand surgery causes a young man to rethink his family dynamics.
Score = 1
I'm still commenting on the backwards party game. It's energized my mind.
Anyway -
The Big Lebowski: Everyone thinks guy is other guy.
Macbeth: Go-getter finds success, regrets.
Charlotte's Web: Pig grows up; spider dies.
Citizen Kane: Group of men can't finish biography.
E.T.: Kid shows off thing he found in the woods.
Annie Hall: Newly single New Yorker can't stop living in the past.
Brokeback Mountain: Long-distance relationship fails.
2001: A Space Odyssey: Man breaks computer for deleting his stuff. Also, monkeys and crap.
Psycho: Man, mother fail to maintain hotel.
Speed: Bus goes fast.
I typed down "Ed Wood: Transvestite befriends Hungarian," but it actually fails to make it any less interesting.
Score = 1
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - Boy and girl kiss. Then meet. Then fall in love. Listen to music.
Breakfast at Tiffany's: Call girl meets writer. Loses cat. Finds cat. Falls in love.
About a Boy: About 2 boys actually.
Withnail & I: Drunk men visit English countryside.
Score = 1
Godfather II: Man loses trust in his brother, has him shot in a boat.
Score = 0
Citizen Kane: Wealthy man remembers his beloved sled.
Score = 1
Meeting People Is Easy: Meeting people isn't easy.
Score = 11
FTW...awesome
Score = 0
Every James Bond Movie: Government agent ignores countless international laws.
Score = 0
jumanji: siblings play board game with strangers.
bubba ho-tep: elvis, black jfk fight cowboy mummy in texas retirement home.
...i don't think it's possible to make bubba ho-tep not sound fucking awesome.
Score = 0
Ghostbusters
Despite threat of complete space-time annihilation, streams are crossed to coat New York City in marshmallow.
Ghostbusters 2
Old painting facilitates baby kidnapping. Percy Sledge helps Statue of Liberty stave off spectre resurrection.
Score = 3
Terminator 2: Judgment Day: 2 robots fight over small boy.
Score = 0
Short Circuit: A robot quits his job.
Score = 0
Transformers: A boy's genealogy project leads to new, robotic friends.
Score = 0
Murderball: Team loses the big game.
Score = 1
ghost-swayze gets cancer, watches life continue.
batman and robin-poison ivy, gas can, and the governor of california need rhinestones to give gotham a white christmas. batman-under robin's atheist views-prevents this.
back to the future- very confused boy befriends lunatic, loses contact with reality.
Score = -3
Bloodsport
A big Asian man gets punched in the nut sack.
PS, I Love You
Dead man sets ridiculously elaborate precedent for boyfriends dying of cancer.
Score = 7
Napolean Dynamite: .
Score = 0
Who Framed Roger Rabbit -- Entertainers look for a legal document to block construction of a freeway.
Rear Window -- A man confined to an apartment with a broken leg toys with the idea of marriage.
Brain Candy -- Researchers question the early release of an anti-depressant.
Score = 0
Eraserhead: Man adjusts to fatherhood.
Score = 2
Citizen Kane: Wealthy and ruthless media mogul dies, realizing all he wants is his sled.
Crank2: Man learns how to operate and maintain his new pacemaker.
Bridge on the River Kwai: Men build bridge, blow it up.
Deep Throat: Woman experiences great emotional pain until she realizes her clitoris is at the back of her throat.
Score = -1
The Godfather: Some immigrants sing at a wedding, a woman is beat by her husband, and a man fails at driving through a toll booth.
Score = 1
I was going to write one for The Big Lebowski, but fuck it, let's go bowling.
Score = 1
Terminator-the phonebook reunites an estranged couple
Star Wars- a trip to the Toshie Station for Power Convertors is sadly cancelled
Raiders- excessive drinking leads to bar fight
Score = 6
Face/Off.
Score = 0
Face/Off.
Score = -5
The Notebook: Old man tells old amnesiac wife how they met and fell in love. Both die.
Score = 1
Independence Day: Jeff Goldblum gives space ship a cold, smokes cigar
No Country for Old Men: Man wins coin flip/ 22 year old quarter
There Will Be Blood: Businessman steals milkshakes, young preacher loses bowling game
Score = 1
goodfellas: italians act italian.
Score = 2
se7en: insane man murders the hero who beheaded gwyneth paltrow.
Score = -1
Awakenings: Man wakes up, goes back to sleep.
Score = 1
Blazing Saddles: Old West settlers fight crime. Learn valuable lesson in equality.
Trainspotting: Heroin is baaaad
Cloverfield: Man bound for Tokyo has his farewell party ruined
Score = -1
Twister: Man helps wife with wind problems.
Score = 2
The Big Lebowski: LA slacker helps a friend conceive.
The Evil Dead: Five friends spend an eventful weekend at a cabin.
Lord of the Rings: Four friends come of age on long trek.
Being John Malkovich: Man goes to great lengths for coworker's love.
Burn After Reading: Retired CIA Agent reflects on life, writes memoirs.
The Departed: Neurotic informant sees a psychiatrist
Rushmore: Wealthy industrialist mentors a precocious high school student.
Score = 3
The Mighty Ducks: Drunk driver coaches hockey.
Space Jam: Cartoons play basketball.
Remember the Titans: Titans remembered.
Score = -3
Men In Black: Aging parole officer provides rookie on-the-job training.
Score = 2
12 Angry Men: Jury reaches a verdict after a long deliberation
The Big Lebowski: Guy gets a new rug and goes bowling
Dawn of the Dead: A large group of people go to the mall
Field of Dreams: Family watches baseball games in Iowa
The Matrix: Man uses a computer network, stops using it, and then uses it again.
Score = 1
Nine-to-Five: Three disgruntled secretaries redecorate the office while the boss is away.
Score = 0
The Big Lebowski: Fat guys go bowling.
Score = 0
Star Wars: New owner causes problems for pair of robots.
Empire Strikes Back: continuning problems for ownerless robots
Return of the Jedi: Robots aid owners in endeavor.
Score = 0
Star Wars: New owner causes problems for pair of robots.
Empire Strikes Back: continuning problems for ownerless robots
Return of the Jedi: Robots aid owners in endeavor.
Score = -1
Reservior Dogs: Criminals discuss botched job. One goes out for a burger
Bourne Identity: Amnesiac finds self/love while traveling through Europe
The Deer Hunter: Veteran returns to Vietnam to play a game
Score = 0
JCVD: Belgian man goes to post office.
Speed: Man rides a bus.
Score = 0
The Amityville Horror: A family moves into a house, decides it's not for them, and moves out.
Score = 0
The Darjeeling Limited: Music video (The Kinks).
Garden State: Music video (The Shins).
Moonwalker: Michael Jackson transforms into spaceship, gives ride to little girl.
Score = 1
American History X: man reconsiders tattoos, haircut.
Pulp Fiction: local residents curious about briefcase, eat at restaurants.
Batman: young cynic cuts hair, gets real job.
Trainspotting: best friends grow apart, move away.
Lolita: age difference makes relationship strained.
Score = 3
Gran Torino: Old man makes racist remarks towards asians, he is later killed.
The Wedding Singer: Man was left at the alter, settles for cocktail waitress.
Score = 0
Big Trouble Little China: Man finds two girls with green eyes
Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy: People converse about the number 42
Matrix: Guy enjoys beating people up in a computer simulation
Transporter: Man drives a car, picks things up, drops them off
Score = 1
The Talented Mr. Ripley: A man goes to Europe and pretends to like jazz.
Score = 4
El Topo - A Cowboy finds religion.
Score = 0
Back to the future: boy uses time travel to get his mother's sexual assaulter to wash his dad's car
Score = 1
Mary Poppins. A nanny take two kids for a walk in the park and their dad loses his job.
Bowfinger. Am man makes a movie about rain.
Office Space. A guy stops doing his work and then gets a promotion.
Score = 1
Any James Bond movie: Government worker fucks girl on business trip.
Score = 11
Big Lewbowski: Russian Mobsters pee on the carpet of an aging hippie.
Score = 1
O Brother Where Art Thou: Unlicensed lawyer persuades two convicts to find him preferable hair treatment.
Cool Hand Luke: Handsome veteran tries to seek guidance by torturing bloodhounds.
Score = 6
Ocean's Eleven: Criminals rob a casino.
Ocean's Twelve: Criminals rob a man.
Ocean's Thirteen: Criminals rob another casino.
Score = 3
The Usual Suspects: Man lies to federal agent
Stand by Me: Four boys take a walk
Schindler's List: Man realizes value of slave labor
Score = 1
No Country for Old Men: Injured thief travels to Mexico for cheap medical care.
Score = 4
Snakes on a Plane: Snakes on a Plane.
Score = 7
Shouldn't this be
Snakes on a Plane: Snakes on a muthafuckin plane....? :-)
Score = 0
Snake On A Plane: Kenan from "Kenan and Kel" learns how to land a commercial aircraft while Samuel L. Jackson opens some windows.
Score = -1
Robocop/Darkman/The Crow: Crims leave man for dead, he comes back with special skills and kills them.
Score = 0
fast and the furious--- a bunch of white guys doing the asian guys job?
Score = 1
The Seventh Seal: Man plays chess.
Dekalog - Part 1: Boy falls into pond with his computer.
Adaptation: Man writes a screenplay.
Ordinary People: Boy goes to therapy.
Any Given Sunday: Guys play football.
Born on the Fourth of July: Man returns from war.
The Broken Hearts Club: Gay guys get haircuts and play baseball.
Rushmore: Boy gets kicked out of private school and Will Oldham leaves the theater disgusted.
Score = 1
Rushmore: Guy who used to be on SNL plays rich dude competing with Jason Schwartzman to try to fuck girl.
Shopgirl: Guy who used to be on SNL plays rich dude competing with Jason Schwartzman to try to fuck girl.
Score = 0
Rocky: Boxer completes fight.
Score = 0
Shaun of the Dead: Man tries to win back his girlfriend
or
Shaun of the Dead: Man sorts his fucking life out
Memento: Man is confused
Rear Window: Peeping Tom gets in trouble
Edward Scissorhands: Grandmother gives a false story of where snow comes from
Score = 0
Schindler's List: Boss introduces Workers' Appreciation Week.
Score = 0
Rear Window: Invalid worried about neighbor.
Score = 1
Tennwolf: Boy learns you don't have to be a werewolf to win a basketball game.
Score = 1
To Wong Foo: Red State/Blue State friendships weird.
Score = 0
Before Sunset: Before Sunrise people wish it was still before sunrise.
Score = 0
Kill Bill: Single mother ticks off to-do list.
King Kong: Amateur filmmaker has trouble finding funding. Cannot complete film.
Transformers 2: College student finds solution to an irritating eyesight problem.
Gladiator: Man returns from errand to visit wife and son.
The Day After Tomorrow: Unpleasant weather causes school kids to camp out in library.
Deep Impact: Two astronomy students face the challenges of underage marriage and adoption.
Terminator 3: Veterinarian and homeless man start amateur radio station.
Score = 0