Best New Party Game 10.5 • I have really been enjoying the BNPG that some of the Videogum Twitter Monsters have been playing for the past couple days. It is called "Jeopardy Tales," and to play, you share your creepiest Jeopardy contestant biographical anecdote. Ex: "For my daughter's sweet 16 I got her first portrait ever put on a cake, but no one wanted to eat a picture of her crowning."
Posted at 2:00 PM in Best New Party Game
Tags: Alex Trebek | Jeopardy | Jeopardy Tales
Carrie Prejean turned the video camera off, put on some clothes, and stepped out of her house. It was a beautiful day outside. The air smelled like apples, and the late morning light hit the world in just such a...
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If you are a sassy and sarcastic young man in an American sitcom who represents the sitcom writer's desire that a nerdy Jewish teenager can somehow be the desirable romantic hero in this world, then eventually you will get a...
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I shouldn't even be here right now. I SHOULD BE GETTING INTO MY COSTUME! If I don't hurry, my facepaint won't be dry before I get to the MOONVIE theater, and everyone will be like "hahah, you look like you're...
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The Challenge: I had to go on a 3.5 hour bus tour of totally random TV and film locations in New York City. Alone, and wearing a specific ridiculous tshirt. And I had to find someone to take my picture...
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Uh. OK. Well, first let's address what this movie did well, like the disappointed parents we are (or at least that I am), recognizing that the negative feedback won't be useful or constructive if it isn't preceded by something positive....
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The first half of that first sentence wouldn't go down very well in the UK.
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Just googled BMP. Damn.
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*BNP
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Yeah dude, Brain Natriuretic Peptides be bogus
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There's a girl in my vagina! And a vagina in my cake! And a cake in my hair! And a hair in my soup!
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So, Alex. I went for it anyway. It's like I always say, birth control means pulling the trigger...
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SWEET! You're the best, Gabe. Look at our baby, enriqueztwb, Godsauce, & Becca!
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WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
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Awesome. I feel like our impotent attempts to get onto trending topics is vindicated!
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And I feel like I should mention that TIM CARVELL joined the game. I'm putting that on my resumé.
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I don't watch Jeopardy, is there some format to this biographical anecdote I need to be aware of to play?
P.S. I take best new party games very seriously.
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No, just anecdotes of a disturbing nature.
Basically, it's in reference to how the socially awkward contestants on Jeopardy have the BORINGEST, MOST USELESS biographical stories. So, we spiced them up a bit.
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In my spare time, I enjoy hiking, crocheting, and shopping with my daughter *Trebek slaps her* my sister *Trebek slaps her* my daughter *Trebek slaps her* my sister *Trebek slaps her* She's my sister and my daughter!!! Oh, and I also like playing bridge!
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i finally signed up just because i loved this one so much
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i love all the people that join because of monsters' comments and not because of gabe. no offense to gabe.
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Reposting my only worthwhile entry on Twitter:
It wasn't rape-rape, Alex. I just gave her drugs and alcohol and then had sex with her, not necessarily in that order.
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that is just such a good icon.
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Oh, and there are already so many good ones on Twitter, you guys. Just look up #jeopardytales. It'd be hard to top 'em here. Here's one of mine (in addition to the one in the post - I feel so special!)
"Actually, Alex, you get used to the taste after a while. It's the texture of anus that really never stops surprising you."
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Here is a quick and easy link, for the lazy and/or untweeting monsters: http://twitter.com/#search?q=%23jeopardytales
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Do I have to sign up to Twitter now? Because this really compels me to join Twitter.
Thanks a lot, Monsters...
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I missed a lot of the evolution of this last night because of a power outage. I'll chip in my fave of mine:
"Honestly, Alex, isn't most sodomy 'forceable?' I mean, no one GENTLY sodomizes someone, no matter how consensual."
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Some of my recent faves:
"I still visit my mother twice a week to breastfeed. It's a lot easier since she lost her teeth."
"When you wax your mustache with bacon grease, Alex, everything smells like bacon, but you already knew that."
"You can wash off the maggots and tire tracks and it's perfectly fine to eat. I don't know why people have such hang-ups!"
"A lot of people recoil when they hear the term female circumcision, Alex, but I have to say, I really enjoyed it."
"Actually, Alex, you need only make one large incision from the groin to the throat. Gypsy problem solved!"
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I CRACKED UP at the female circumcision thing, which means I'm a terrible person and definitely going to hell to roast for all eternity.
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Well, I wrote that one. What does that say about me?
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That you're a very funny person that might need therapy?
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Disclaimer: I authored none of these. Props to GodSauce, kiss the pan, and EtWB are in order.
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For ego purposes, the only one of mine i kinda liked:
"Don't you get it yet? You created this world because you couldn't handle the truth of your son being dead. Alex, wake up."
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You had lots of good ones! I favorited this one of yours: "Well Alex, my wife and i have started a puppy farm. The puppies we buried alive haven't become trees yet but we're hopeful."
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Ahaha while we are patting each other on the back, your
"Yes Alex, many people don't know about the wonderful world of merkins, but I'll do better than tell you - I'll SHOW you!" was easily the best one of the night.
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To kick off the BNPG (are we really calling them that now?), I'm just gonna re-post mine from Twitter:
"Well Alex, it's not a real three-legged race unless you actually have three legs. I usually buy my prostheses at garage sales"
"Sure it's time-consuming Alex, but who else is gonna lick it clean?"
"I wouldn't call them my army, but yes, the city's strays usually do my bidding"
"It's not for everybody Alex, but I find glory holes quite refreshing"
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For those of you who want to follow along in Twitter, let me plug again my list of Videogum commenters and contributers: http://twitter.com/#/werttrew/videogum
For those of you who can’t get Twitter Lists to work for you, let me recommend at least following @godsauce @kerrycoolface @elisaftw @kirabira @hlebtastic @thedish13 @Ginger_Ball_Z @enriqueztwb and of course @videogum
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Dear Twitter: I've been with you since the FUCKING BEGINNING. When do I get List access?
- Fuck You, Louis
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And @becca_oneal and @AnAmPatriot and @gabeliedman and @joshlikegermany and @dolemite43 and @gabedelahaye and lots of other very funny and nice people I’m undoubtedly forgetting through no fault of their own!
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I have no access to this list! Am I on this list?
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@bryanerik ? Yep, you're on the list
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I'm not on the list ; - (
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You are, unless there is another @ds3m out there. Unfortunately, you just can't see it yet. :-/ But it's real!
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I think we broke twitter you guys, it wont let me search.
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Why yes, I AM the world's oldest blogger. And the name is pronounced "Gabe," not "Sweet Thang," Mr Trebek.
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"Well, I know it's illegal and I've got, like, four animal rights groups on my back, but there's something about horses that just turns me on."
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"I love to drink paint, Alex! As my dad always said, anything with high lead content can only make you stronger, and I don't pee any more!"
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"Alex, as a longtime supporter of Locks of Love, I felt there needed to be an equivalent that provides merkins..."
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"My dream has always been to be the first openly lesbian black Nazi to win the Tournament of Champions."
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"As you know, there is a long tradition of painting with menstrual blood, but I was the first to pioneer its use in public murals."
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"...the ramifications of which, on a metaphysical level, are hard to get into. Let's just say that Chekov was right about the Romulans and leave it at that."
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"I know it goes against conventional wisdom, Alex, but you really haven't experienced self-pleasure until you've had vampire teeth involved in it."
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"Alex, I engineered my appearance here today to ask you why you abandoned me and Mother to die in the icy tundra so many years ago. Well, Father?"
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"Placenta is quite delectable and it really facilitates the mother/child bond. I brought some for you to try."
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"Actually Alex, I wouldn't call it a club, we usually take our nudism to the streets"
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I am an avid Jeopardy watcher and I saw pretty much every one of Ken Jennings' appearances and that guy never had one boring story during the meet and greets. Love that guy.
Anyways, anybody remember Tyrone from earlier this year?....
http://i34.tinypic.com/345hgye.jpg
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That was one of the few episodes that I actually saw this year. I kept hoping and hoping that the guy would pull through, and make a last minute charge for the win.
Damn you, Tyrone. Damn you for breaking my heart.
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"I've won many a dance contest with that version of the 'robot,' Alex."
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"...when the Giraffe came to, I had already finished. All in all it was a weird Columbus day, Alex."
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"Well Alex I don't really feel one should talk about any field on television they aren't experts in. That's why I feel I should talk about drunkenly masturbating to high school yearbooks."
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"After that ,we never...I'm sorry, I can't concentrate. What will it take to get a mustache ride from you?"
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"Sure it's a little weird at first, but you don't get to be president of The Juggalo Association of America by NOT fucking dead animals, Alex..."
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"Thanks, Alex; it's good to be back. There is one thing that's been bothering me. Remember that shit eating grin you gave me near the end of Double Jeopardy last time? When I missed the "Secret Societies" Daily Double? Now that you don't have the answers in front of you, 'He was the fourth Grand Master of the Knights Templar." Answer in the form of a question, asshole."
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"...and it's a long story, Alex, but suffice it to say when our eyes met at that book-burning it truly was love at first sight."
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"Believe it or not Alex, but I make some delicious jerky from both raccoon AND possum meat"
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"No, you're saying it wrong it's 'Pornogami'. Essentially It's origami but all the shapes you are making are of people banging."
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"Well, we've raised em for 10 years now, and gosh darn it if they aren't cute. So in addition to food, milk, and puttin food on my family through the sale of their pelts, some of the smarter rats have become our family"
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"And that's why my wife left. You and your crazy theme song got me through the tough times, Alex. And Merv. Thank you."
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"...you could say my real passion is tailoring, but I really excel in getting girls to help me move furniture into my windowless van."
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"...well, you should have seen the look on that sheriff's face when he found out the whole thing was a hoax Alex. That was really the best part."
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"...and to think I wouldn't have had the gumption to start my own business had it not been for Mein Kampf and the John Galt speech from Atlas Shrugged."
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"...I can't explain it either Alex. Jewish midgets just seem to be drawn to me."
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"No, Alex. It's 'make ONE bunny ear, he tail hops around and goes into the hole'."
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Paraphrasing here: "...my mom was there, my grandma was there...no my grandma just watched the naked run. She was intrigued by the sights."
Oh wait, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. This guy said it http://www.j-archive.com/showplayer.php?player_id=6390. I wish it was on Youtube but it isn't, so you'll just have to take my word for it.
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I love spending time with my cat Pheefee, she stopped eating and moving 6 years ago... but i swear she still purrs when i massage her.
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"I once held a beaker of your urine in my hands, Alex."
(100% true. I worked in a urology lab one summer in college.)
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...So I was running to give him the chocolate gun I had made especially for him, and all of his guys in suits tackled me and... long and short, boy was my face red! Me and BHO had a laugh about it later over beer
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"I know most people consider them mythical creatures, but I take unicorn hunting very seriously, Alex"
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"...and sure enough, David Carradine was dead. So we just put some lipstick on him and hung him in the closet. Worst summer camp ever."
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"Funny story, Alex: Whenever I tell people I like to fuck kids, they get all bent-out-of-shape, and then I tell them I mean young goats, and we all have a good laugh. I'll take State Capitols for $200."
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This is brilliant.
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"It's a common misconception that jack-o'-lanterns are just a pumpkin thing, but you really can make one out of just about anybody."
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"And they don't even need to be named Jack. For instance, I once made a Natalie-o'-lantern."
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"People are a little uneasy at first, but they learn to deal with my very special love for ottomans. And so will you, Alex"
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"It's true Alex. I'm deeply political. In fact, I've been told my pheromones smell of Reagan."
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I feel like such a loser whenever the spambots have commented on a topic before I've had the chance to. I need to get moreontheballgum and beat the these spambots to the punchgum.
"It was a very lucrative business in the beginning, Alex. But once the animatronic presidents unionized, well, let's just say exactly what happened- presidential robotic revolt."
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"That's right, Alex, I do have an interesting collection: I have over 500 photos of Marilu Henner taken from precisely 50 yards away."
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Well, Alex, I HAD a gem of an anecdote about tongue-kissing Elmo. Then Ms. Chatty McBoringstories to my left had to go and make me lose my train of thought.
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"And then my mom said 'It's only premarital sex if you marry them.'"
(true story)
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oh, and it's @tanaise, but I'm warning you, I'm even less funny there than I am here.
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i once saw a jeopardy where the guy talked about meeting his wife over an autopsy table. they were med students.
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