Relax, Forks, Washington
Forks, Washington, is where Stephanie Meyers's Twilight series is set. Fair enough. It has to be set somewhere, and since Narnia was already taken, Forks is as good a place as any, I suppose. But Forks needs to relax. It's one thing to have Twilight prom in your high school (you know, for the kids), but do you really need to call your Chamber of Commerce "the home of Twilght"? That's like Gatlin, Nebraska officially changing its name to "Gatlin, Nebaraska: Home of the Children of the Corn." Do you see how it is creepy? Are there no adults left in your town?
And now there is going to be a documentary about Forks? Called Twilight in Forks? But it's not about the making of Twilight or the Twilight phenomenon, it's just about Forks? Like, the history of the town? With occasional interviews with people who look like characters in Twilight? Do we need that? We don't need that.
From the press release:
Filmed in HD by three-time Emmy Award-winning Director Jason Brown, Twilight in Forks - The Saga of the Real Town, documents the story of the rainiest city in the U.S. - Forks - and the untold tales of its hidden history, culture and mysticism. Since the Twilight movies were not filmed in Forks, this is the chance for fans to see where Stephenie Meyer based her epic teen romance novels.Are there truly vampires and werewolves in and around Forks? Hear from the real people living their lives in the town Twilight fans know and love. Fans will meet the Chief of Police and hear as he recounts the meal he cooked for Stephenie Meyer, the Forks Outfitters' employee who gets mistaken for Bella, the vampire transplant who plays the real-life role of Alice, hear self-described Jacob's grandfather tell the legend of how the Quileutes descended from wolves, and many more of the people and places, including the Cullen House, Swan House and police station, that make Forks the perfect setting for the Twilight Series.
Oh, I can answer that question: NO, THERE ARE NOT TRULY VAMPIRES AND WEREWOLVES IN AND AROUND FORKS. (Also, in and AROUND? Ha.) There, I saved you the trouble of watching a whole documentary to find out that answer.
Fans will meet the Chief of Police. Unbelievable. "I was on the edge of my seat waiting to meet the Chief of Police." (I was not on the edge of my seat.)
It makes sense for Forks to be proud. I'm sure that it is the most excitement in Forks in a long time. All these teenagers with their cameras and their costumes and their questions and their misguided senses of how human love and relationships work. But just relax, Forks. Take it easy. You are a town, not a little girl. Act like it.
Posted by Gabe at 11:30 AM in Behind The Scenes
Tags: Forks, Washington | Stephanie Meyer | Twilight | Twilight In Forks | Vampires
This will all die down, like that Bridges of Madison County thing.
Remember, it was all, "Clint Eastwood" this, and "Covered Bridges" that.
Now?
Score = 10
yes but the thing you need to realize is EVERY FUCKING TEENAGER IN THE STATE OF WASHINGTON swarms to that place.
By which I mean (growing up in rural southwest washington) everytime in the last year and a half I've noticed this trend coming home from school where my mom will say "Oh, the ___ family went up to Port Angeles last week, but they stopped in Forks for the night"
To which I would ask "Why the fuck would you stay the night in Forks?"
To which my mom would say "Oh you know, the girls wanted to see the where the Twilight movie was. Isn't that cute"
and then I would unintentionally vomit on my mother.
Score = 15
This is sadly very true.
I think this just stems from our inferiority complex/fear that the rest of the country doesn't remember our state exists. Like I'm from Seattle and I'm kind of ashamed of how excited I was that anything involving Washington was mentioned on Videogum (the Big Leagues guys!).
Score = 5
"Filmed in HD." I AM THERE
Score = 17
Why can't they be like the people of Orange County and hate it?
Score = 7
Score = 12
"Hear self-described Jacob's grandfather"...
BOOM!
Score = 16
"Since the Twilight movies were not filmed in Forks"... Somebody's got a grudge. (and turned it into a pointless documentary.)
You know, I was kind of annoyed Kinsey wasn't filmed in Bloomington, but since Kinsey doesn't have a tween following (that I know of) I didn't really feel like "Bloomington: The Place Where Kinsey Really Happened" would really get the funding I needed to be true to the story.
Score = 12
They filmed the high school scenes at Kalama High (north of Vancouver, WA), where my dad went. They had an all-years reunion there earlier this month, and someone sold Twilight t-shirts. To be fair, these rural towns are probably just relishing the fact that something is set in Washington, but not Seattle. But Twilight? Really? That's nothing to be proud of.
Score = 5
haha! kalama has an "all years reunion" because there's hardly enough people in that town to designate an actual populated area. there's more meth by the pound in kalama then there are people. (obscure city burn!)
Score = 6
I went to TC Williams, which is the school that Remember the Titans is based on. It was filmed in Georgia though. Maybe I should look into this whole documentary thing. Millions here I come!
Score = 2
"Filmed in HD" because I need to see replicas of Bella's Truck in the highest definition possible.
Score = 8
The City of Austin, Texas: Home of Man of the House starring Tommy Lee Jones.
Score = 10
My mind automatically went to the one starring JTT.
Score = 2
Nope. Then it would have been: "The City of San Francisco, California: Home of Man of the House starring Jonathan Taylor Thomas as 'son' and Chevy Chase as 'sort of dad'."
Score = 5
Come on, can't we at least go with Dazed and Confused?
Score = 0
If I know anything from my trips to small towns, that movie will the the boringest movie ever. I don't know how they found enough crap to film for a whole hour.
Score = 3
Earl Morris would disagree!
Score = 0
So, bottom line, this is just an excessively long tourism commercial.
Score = 7
Ugh. Excuse me while I got shoot myself in and around the face.
Score = 41
Significant laffs over here
Score = 2
Don't do it! Not until you hear the exciting tale of the chief cooking meatloaf for Stephanie Meyer.
Score = 5
"Forks Outfitters' employee who gets mistaken for Bella" - mistaken for bella and a forks outfitters' employee? jealous!
Score = 8
Their city is name like what sounds for be a utensil.
Score = 18
I love how batshit insane this sentence is. +1!
Score = 5
Forget it, Jake; it's Forks.
Score = 21
I like how the title of this post seems at first just to be random words in a list.
Score = 29
high definition documentaries of dead-end towns > epic teen romance novels
Score = 3
I've been wondering what Christopher Guest has been up to lately!
Score = 3
The thing about this is that 15+ years in the future, we are all going to look back on this Twilight thing, breathe a heavy sigh of relief and wonder "WTF?"
Methinks this will be like the leisure suits of the 00's.
Score = 1
15+ years in the future? I think most of us are thinking that right now.
Score = 9
"Who were the people I was going to meet in Forks, at the cultural end of the world? Many seemed to believe in fairy tales, mythical creatures, even the existence of God. I needed to discover how they came to be so deranged." - Werner Herzog, dir. Tweencounters at the End of the World
Score = 11
There's a girl who is mistaken for Bella? Oh man, that reminds me of when I was really into the book Pride and Prejudice. I went to Walmart and I swear, there was this guy who looked exactly like Mr. Darcy! And I was like, "Wow, hi, Mr. Darcy, that's so weird that you're working at Walmart!" And he was like, "Um, my name is Jeff." And I was like, "Oh sorry, it's just that you look exactly like this character from a book I just read." And he said, "A book? You mean a fictional story? Like the characters aren't real people at all? They are words. And you are a crazy person."
Score = 26
"the vampire transplant who plays the real-life role of Alice"?
So this "vampire transplant" (a "vampire" that moved to Forks because of how it is just Vampire Town, Population So Many Vampires/a person with a vampire transplanted into them [that is horrible]) plays the "real-life" "role" of Alice, a fictional (vampire) character from a fiction book? "Right."
Score = 16
Sounds like a Guy Maddin rip-off.
Score = 3
Okay, so because I literally wanted to simulate stabbing myself in the eyes, I checked out the forkswa.com link, and browsed through their Twilighters section, in an attempt to figure out just what it was that they were selling. It turns out they are exploiting tweenagers' Twilight twmania so that they can fund the preservation of an historic building that is in the book.
I guess this image is supposed to incite the masses to txt msg thr 'rents 4 thr credit card nmbrs & lyk SAYV 4KS 4EVA.
No, David Blaine. Just no. "Edward" "Cullen" has never played baseball during "his" "first visit" to Forks High School back in the 1920s. You don't get to backdate actual historical photographs and "rumour" that a fictional character is in it in an attempt to capitalise on a teen craze. Do you?
Whatever. I am going to go dig around in my grandmas attic for a picture of her looking miserable in the 1930s and tell everybody it's Bella. I could sell that thing on eBay for a jillion bucks.
Score = 5
I went on a band trip to La Push, WA, and we stopped in Forks. There is one main road. Locals pass their time by driving back n forth in their Broncos flipping you off, but upsidedown; not their whole selves, but rather just their hands. They also like to pull over, and show you how amazingly awesome they are, by doing that thing we all used to do in the dugout while in Little League: seeing how long a spit you can make before a)sucking it back up into your mouth, or b)it hitting the ground (FAIL). The longer the spit before sucking it back up, the better; cooler; more masculine. I AM SERIOUS. DON'T GO THERE. They also filmed a 3D Imax dinosaur thingy in Forks. Are there REALLY dinos in FORKS? Maybe they should make a doc about THAT!
Score = 2
Well I certainly enjoy fahks.
(Is anyone actually watching that show? Or is this joke a failure?)
Score = 8
That skit was the first thing I thought of.
Why yes! I'd fancy a faaaahk!
Score = 1
Does the fact that " the Twilight movies were not filmed in Forks" make any difference? No? Okay.
Have fun at dinner.
Score = 4
What's up, Gabe - no "spoiler" tag on this? Not cool.
Score = 4
I grew up very near Forks. This whole thing is weird as shit.
Score = 0
I can't wait for that meal recounting.
Score = 0
it is wretched. and on the only road and maybe when you're on a road trip to the coast you think that you will find a cute place to stay and then you keep going and going and going finding nothing and forks looks like your only hope so you think, how bad can this be? and get a hotel and go out for horrifying mexican food and nearly die of food poisoning and wish that you'd kept driving and just slept by the side of the road to face highway robbers. that's what they should put in their tourist brochures.
Score = 0
Yiiikes! All of a sudden Salem, Mass. having a statue downtown of Samantha from Bewitched seems like the most respectable and sane thing in the world.
Score = 1