Jay Leno Is As Bad At Metaphors As He Is At Hosting A Late Night Talk Show
There will be a long article about Conan O'Brien's ascension to the Tonight Show in this weekend's New York Times Sunday Magazine, but it's available on-line now! Because it's the future! Anyway, it's an interesting article, you should learn how to read and then read the whole thing. But obviously, it can't just be your typical celebrity puff-piece because with Jay Leno's move to the 10PM slot, the whole transition has become complicated and fraught and a story about Conan O'Brien is now intrinsically a story about Jay Leno. The dude just won't leave the party no matter how loud we turn up the music or put the cans and bottles in a recycling bag. Here, Jay Leno describes how his relationship to television executives is similar to his relationship with female genitalia:
"Five years ago," Leno continued, "I think they thought we wouldn't still be on top. Back then, I said, 'Whatever you want.' I don't have an agent. I don't have a manager. If the girl doesn't want to sleep with you, that's O.K. I'm not one of those guys who says, 'Why don't you want to sleep with me?' I say, 'O.K., great -- let's be friends.' You want to make a change? That's great -- we'll make a change."
The differences between Conan and Jay are obvious, and where you fall between the two says a lot about who you are as a human being (whether you are an objectively good or objectively bad human being, respectively; this is real). But this aw shucks metaphor is just Jay Leno at his absolute worst. First of all, having a late night talk show has absolutely nothing to do with sleeping with a woman, metaphorically or literally. And even if it did, what is he even talking about? He's been at the Tonight Show for 17 years. So what he's saying is that he's not the type of guy to sleep with a woman for 17 years and then he says OK, let's make an UGH THIS MAKES NO SENSE.
He's trying to position himself as a down-home go-with-the-flow kind of dude, America's dude, who doesn't want to make waves, except that down-home go-with-the-flow dudes don't drive a different antique car from their private airplane hangar every day and force themselves into an unheard of 10PM nightly comedy show. You can't even hate him for that. It's just the way things are. Would you hate the sun for owning an airplane hangar full of antique cars? Would you ask the rain to stop being one of the least funny people on television? No. But you could ask them to at least be honest about it. What a fucking liar. You're rich and famous and demanding and your self-interest knows no bounds, Jay Leno. Lord knows you can afford to at least own that.
I really do not like this guy!
Posted by Gabe at 12:00 PM in Behind The Scenes, Late Night
Tags: Conan O'Brien | Fucking Liars | Jay Leno | The Tonight Show
My favorite Leno moment of all time was the broadcast of the Tonight Show the day that Carson died. At one point Drew Carey (who was on for some reason) looked at Leno and said "You know...when you die no one is going to be doing this for you." And then he laughed. And i laughed. And Leno continues to suck.
I think Todd Palin is still "America's Dude". But i'll bet Leno and him would be friends given the chance...
Score = 7
Drew Carey dissed someone and it actually played... if that couldn't stop Leno & his so-bad-I-can't-even-come-up-with-a-descriptor comedy, nothing can.
Score = 3
I read this as "the day Carson Daly died" and I leapt joyfully at this news I thought I must have missed (because who would cover that news anyway). When I realized what you actually meant, my heart ached at the realization that in this cruel, cruel world, people like Johnny Carson have to die while monsterdouches like Carson Daly get to live... and have TV shows.
Score = 4
I don't want to be Professor Science over here, but are you really asking why an 80-year-old man had to die while a 36-year-old man was allowed to live as an example of cruel fate?
Score = 17
I wasn't thinking of their ages as much as relative human worth, Señor Ciencia.
Score = 3
all good things must come to an end.
Score = 1
Leno is the worst obvs, but NBC deserves a lot of the blame here. I don't think they're doing it because Leno is "demanding." They're doing it because they can save a shitload of money not paying a bunch of SAG actors, IATSE workers, etc. Talk shows are cheap and Leno (for some reason) gets ratings.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ron-galloway/is-the-jay-leno-move-a-st_b_149541.html
Score = 6
Can someone honestly tell me what the appeal of Jay Leno is? No one in my life chooses Leno over Letterman. Even my mother, who wept last night at American Idol because she devotes herself to every episode and was pulling for Adam Lambert, prefers Letterman. So can someone tell me what Leno's "it" factor is? I don't get it.
Score = 2
yea and now conan and letterman have to fight while they are really just leno's sloppy seconds... ugh leno sucks, viva la conan!
Score = 2
leno's appeal goes no further than the guest that he has that night for me. the question "leno or letterman?" has always really been, "who are their guests tonight?" meanwhile, i'm on comedy central watching colbert do his thing.
Score = 5
Hey fuck you, Gabe. You're being so damn pouty about Leno. TV is about ratings and ad revenue not "intellectual humor". Jay isn't that funny but people waych him. GET OVER IT.
Oh, Dave Letterman is actually the worst. He's pompous, doesn't give a shit about the people he interviews or who perform on his show, he ALWAYS waits for applause (whether it's deserved or not), and his little sketches are just as unfunny as Leno's. The funniest part of that show was Great Moments in Presidential Speeches because Dave had nothing to do with it!
In summation, get over your pouting about how unfunny Leno is and be a man for Christ's sake. Also, Letterman sucks. I do love Conan, by the way.
Score = -27
I mean, I love Conan too but,
Relax, "technojeremy."
Score = 7
Jay Leno wants you to know that he is not a rapist
Score = 6
So there's some woman out there that doesn't want to have sex with me -- did you read this? did you hear about this?
Score = 16
Craig Ferguson.
The end.
Score = 0
Sometimes I don't get this site. Blowing an aneurysm about people like Jay Leno?! Attention Gabe and the elitist snark-universe: people don't retire when you think they suck. If you're going to whine about 20-year old travesties like Leno having a talk show, might as well bitch about ice cream melting or the sun setting. Is the point for an ulcer-ridden Gabe to fill the readers with the same hate for things they can't change?? Let's all watch the Today Show and bitch about how lame it is. OR! skip the ulcers and find something worth watching. Life is too short to let something as bland as Jay Leno plague you...
Score = -4
The founder of Geocities is rolling in his grave: http://www.keepjayleno.com/
Score = 0
I don't get what all the fuss is about. Jay's okay, kinda has an old fashioned style but whatever. I really can't watch Conan for more than one month periods of time. Maybe it's just me but 85% of his jokes are the exact same in a night-in & night-out basis.
Oh yeah, this site dickrides the comedy stylings of Justin Timberlake.
Score = -10
I would agree that Conan is a little tired at this point. Ever since Andy Richter left, the show spiraled into an increasingly self-centered affair. You could reliably predict that if a starlet/model was on the show, Conan would do his "I'm such a dork" act and overrun the conversation almost as much as Letterman. The fact that the show will be even MORE watered down when it's an hour earlier is troubling. I also think leaving NYC was lame. Someone should tell Gabr how much Conan gets paid. I assume that as long as he spends it in Gabe-approved ways everything will be okay. Please everyone, keep your success in life a secret!
Score = -5
i think the point is that this is a pivotal moment of transition and that if leno really meant what he said, he would bow out. instead he's hanging out and making things all awkward for everyone in america. scram Chin! ya know?
Score = 6
Norm Macdonald needs a talk show stat.
Score = -1